WIBU to look into pressing charges.

[jellypopmummy]

My DD11 goes to a youth club which has some kids with asn. Tonight at the end of summer trip one of the older kids Boy, 14 (I think) was pestering her and her friends, being a bit abusive My daughter got up to move away and he pushed her down and pulled at her legs while she was on the floor. She managed to get up and he continued to try and get her legs to knock her back down and her friends got between to let her get a bit of distance. He kept coming eventually putting her in a choke hold, punching her neck and face, getting her down and kicking her full force in the back. Eventually she with her friends help got to the youth group leaders and he was separated from the group and parents called to collect him.

Her friends mum dropped her off but was unaware of all this happening until my daughter and her friend told us what happened. I immediately messaged the leader asking what had happened etc. She phoned me and explained what they were aware of. Turns out as she was upset my DD didn't explain the full incident so they only knew of 1 punch and a kick not the beating on the floor etc. I said it seemed like a pretty serious assault, my DD has a bruise on her cheek, scrapes on her knee and shoulders and her back is sore and that my DH and I were considering contacting the police as while I understood the boy had ASN it was a really violent incident and I couldn't just excuse it. The group are going to contact his parents to advise of the full issue.

My DD has a session tomorrow (different group so the boy won't be there) and has been asked to give details of the stuff they were unaware of for the incident report. My DH and I have decided to look at martial art classes to build her confidence (she pushed him off her and tried to defend herself) but WIBU to take it further with the police.

Report to the police this morning. You do not have to speak to the youth club first. They have blown their chance to manage the situation in failing to prevent (or even notice) such a serious assault.

I’d seriously consider getting the police involved, but being empathetic to what your DD wants too. There’s not really such a thing as ‘pressing charges’ if you’re in the UK. A victim of crime can support a prosecution but it’s up to the police and/or CPS if the suspect is charged. And it can be a big ask of a 11 year old to be put through that process.

This. A prosecution gets nowhere without evidence, most of which will come from your daughter. Although the other children could also give evidence, in cases like this it happens too often that parents don't want their children to get involved.

You need to call 111 to arrange to take her to urgent care Center or A&E - they are used to documenting injuries for assaults- explain it is a safeguarding and she’s a minor child. Has to be documented urgently by a medical professional ( ps GPs and nurses sometimes don't feel confident to do it). Please do this rather than just photos - although photos are also good.

You absolutely must report this assault to police and that it is a safeguarding. Give them name of the boy who assaulted her, witnesses and the venue/ youth club.

Your DD needs support prt and safety, they should be safeguarding safety planning for her including that the other boy no longer attends. It was a sustained assault, not a quick tussle, that the staff were not aware of nor intervened on

If the boy has additional needs, which he may, or he may be violent /angry young man, he will not get them if people do not report and document them, so that he can have appropriate risk assessments which may mean extra services or support . He will continue this otherwise.

The youth club should report this as a safeguarding too - which will help them in future how to manage such incidents.

Please report this, partly for his sake. If he has additional needs it may be the piece in the jigsaw puzzle which means he then meets the threshold for additional professional support. His school and parents may have already been asking for help for him but not been able to access it because "it's not serious enough and doesn't meet the threshold". By reporting this you may help to prevent it happening again.
I am sorry that your daughter has had this horrible experience and hope that she recovers quickly, both physically and mentally.

I would report too, it’s highly unlikely it will go to court but it’s very likely the police will visit his home and talk to him and his parents, which I think considering his age and SN is a good thing and he may understand the gravity of what he did, be kept away from the youth club and his parents get extra help.

I’m sorry your DD went through this, I was beaten up by a boy a year older when I was about 13 many years ago, I never told a soul.

Ps. Also it's not pressing charges. It is reporting criminal offences and safeguarding a minor child to police - they will liaise with other agencies- Ofsted should be notified and the youth club risks their registration if they are not notified and this gets brushed under the carpet. Don't worry about the outcome, it can only be helpful to the service which may be under funded or not have been made aware about his behaviour of was known potential. But it needs to be done.

Report to police, his additional needs are irrelevant, he assaulted someone it needs to be at least looked into and dealt with.

Not only the kicking her legs out into the floor but choke hold and continuation. SERIOUS assault. No wonder your DD is scared to go back. Don't arrange anything with youth club yet until you are told what is in place to safeguard her. Take this much further

Op, as the Mum of a now adult son who’s on the spectrum I would go along with involving the authorities for your daughters sake but also for his. Hopefully something will come of it and help will be put in place for him to be able to handle his anger and frustration.

Please report this, partly for his sake. If he has additional needs it may be the piece in the jigsaw puzzle which means he then meets the threshold for additional professional support

I agree with you.

I'm wondering why adults weren't around to supervise and see this happen ? When I used to attend a youth club when I was younger you'd never turn without seeing someone?
But report it op that could of been very dangerous as it sounds fhe boy had no intention to stop.... I also wouldn't send her that place anymore they don't seem to supervise them to stop incidents happening!!

Hope she's okay x

I get she may be hesitant but you have to be the adult here and sort this for her. Police and also the boy being moved so there is no contact, that he isn't on the same premises at the same time.
You can show your daughter that she doesn't just have to shut up and take it. Show her she abdsolutely can and should fight for herself and her safety and there is no shame in it.
Report an assualt, get the holiday clud treat it seriously or report to overseeing bodies.

Choking kills people. The only reason I think it might be said you were unreasonable is because you didn’t immediately call the police. This was a lengthy, sustained attack that could have caused serious injury or death.

Children may be hesitant to stand up for themselves. The lucky ones have parents to act for them and that’s what you need to do for your daughter.

@Amima has it exactly right. The youth club is at fault too.

@sst1234

This post shows how far wrong the balance has gone for true victims of crime. Even a parent is questioning whether they should report a physical assault on their child because of considerations about the perpetrator. This is alarming and incredibly worrying.

I completely agree. I don't understand the hesitation. The child has been very seriously assaulted, of course the police should be called.

If a man did that to a woman there wouldn't be a question.

Why are children so dismissed when they are hurt?

Genuinely bizarre.🤷‍♀️

To think of this another way, by reporting to the police you will be helping the boy by alerting the authorities and his family to the need for extra support/ supervision/ therapy or whatever he needs. Clearly his behaviour needs to be better managed. That’s not the main reason to report, but if you feel at all guilty because he has SEN, then don’t. Who knows, he might qualify for more support due to this incident?

I wouldn't give a stuff about this asn, assault is assault. he should not be allowed back. Please report and ensure that he is dealt with.

Not unreasonable to report the incident to the police but just to warn you, you don’t get to “press charges” in the UK, you make an allegation, do a statement etc and the police and/or CPS decide where it goes from there unless you withdraw the allegation.

Hope your daughter is ok. No girl or woman should have to put up with treatment like that from anyone.

Report him and report the club. The fact that they were prepared to do nothing and that they didn’t tell you is appalling

Police. It was assault.

Sorry, OP, I don’t understand your hesitation. Call the Police, this incident is awful and I dread to think what could have happened had your DD’s friends not intervened. The lack of supervision at the youth club is worrisome and the incident simply shouldn’t have happened. You need it call it out for what it is - assault. Call the Police, report the assault. Speak to the Youth Club and raise a formal safeguarding concern, this needs to be thoroughly investigated (e.g. why were adults not suitably spaced out so they had oversight of children in all areas? Why was a statement not taken from your DD and her friends who witnessed the assault, immediately? Was the designated safeguarding lead informed immediately?). If you are not satisfied with the response of the Youth Club, escalate to the appropriate governing body (likely Ofsted if you are in England or Wales). This cannot be ignored, what is this boy capable of? Rape? Murder? As parents, we must speak out on behalf of our children, thus type of behaviour is not acceptable, ever

Definitely report. Otherwise his parents may just try and minimise it as being part of his condition.

But that was a fulll-on assault! Your poor DD.

He put her in a CHOKE HOLD he could have strangled her.

I would also remove her from this youth club as the leaders sound incapable of controlling the kids or even being aware of what's happening. Where were they when this was going on?

Even if your DD isn't comfortable pursuing the process in the end, a police investigation will at least wake up the youth club leaders as to the deficiencies in their supervision. Nobody in can stop a single unprovoked punch or push, that's working with young people for you, but a sustained attack should never be possible particularly if you know your group and that you have ASN to consider. I'd be more concerned about their response and future plans tbh, it sounds a bit like they want to get the information to fill in the gaps in any report they might write at their end because they don't have a bloody clue what happened. Please don't enable that.

Just because they are nice people doesn't meant they are fully competent to be in charge of a mixed group of children, it sounds like things ahve been going well more through luck than judgment up til now.

He assaulted her, no ifs no buts. I'd be taking it to the police now. This would not be dependant on "how my meeting with the manager goes."

Both my children have autism. If either of them did what you've described, I'd want the police to be involved because I'd know I was out of my depth.