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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to look into pressing charges.

115 replies

jellypopmummy · 11/08/2021 23:43

My DD11 goes to a youth club which has some kids with asn. Tonight at the end of summer trip one of the older kids Boy, 14 (I think) was pestering her and her friends, being a bit abusive My daughter got up to move away and he pushed her down and pulled at her legs while she was on the floor. She managed to get up and he continued to try and get her legs to knock her back down and her friends got between to let her get a bit of distance. He kept coming eventually putting her in a choke hold, punching her neck and face, getting her down and kicking her full force in the back. Eventually she with her friends help got to the youth group leaders and he was separated from the group and parents called to collect him.

Her friends mum dropped her off but was unaware of all this happening until my daughter and her friend told us what happened. I immediately messaged the leader asking what had happened etc. She phoned me and explained what they were aware of. Turns out as she was upset my DD didn't explain the full incident so they only knew of 1 punch and a kick not the beating on the floor etc. I said it seemed like a pretty serious assault, my DD has a bruise on her cheek, scrapes on her knee and shoulders and her back is sore and that my DH and I were considering contacting the police as while I understood the boy had ASN it was a really violent incident and I couldn't just excuse it. The group are going to contact his parents to advise of the full issue.

My DD has a session tomorrow (different group so the boy won't be there) and has been asked to give details of the stuff they were unaware of for the incident report. My DH and I have decided to look at martial art classes to build her confidence (she pushed him off her and tried to defend herself) but WIBU to take it further with the police.

OP posts:
sst1234 · 12/08/2021 01:20

This post shows how far wrong the balance has gone for true victims of crime. Even a parent is questioning whether they should report a physical assault on their child because of considerations about the perpetrator. This is alarming and incredibly worrying.

kierenthecommunity · 12/08/2021 01:27

I’d seriously consider getting the police involved, but being empathetic to what your DD wants too. There’s not really such a thing as ‘pressing charges’ if you’re in the UK. A victim of crime can support a prosecution but it’s up to the police and/or CPS if the suspect is charged. And it can be a big ask of a 11 year old to be put through that process.

Did any adults witness the assault? As again it’s a big ask to have the other kids give supporting statements too. And if they don’t want to, it may be tricky for a reasonable chance of prosecution. Unless he admits it of course

It’s not to say he shouldn’t face police action - he obviously does. But just to consider the wider picture too.

Are they at the same school? Just in case they need to be aware for future safeguarding

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 01:41

Report it....

Children can be witnesses .. they can give statements and they can give evidence.. supported by the correctly trained agencies ...

Do not hesitate involving the Police .. your child was badly assaulted 🌸

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 01:42

CPS decisions can be appealed

Themeparklover · 12/08/2021 01:45

speak to the police as yes he has difficulties, however the leaders really should have been monitoring better knowing about his needs

Original poster
jellypopmummy · 12/08/2021 01:46

Thanks everyone. I will reach out tomorrow to the police to discuss their thoughts.
She's fine, looks like mainly surface wounds (I took pictures as soon as she got home) although I am keeping my eye on her back in case the pain lingers.
With regards to the staff, they are normally fantastic and I don't think it was outright negligence, they are usually very on top of risk assessments etc and he has been on other trips and sessions with no incident or concern.
I'm don't think I am at a solicitor stage but I will get informal advice from a family member in law.
I've already told her, regardless of his disability, what he did was out of order and in no way acceptable and I hope his parents realise that as well. I'll see how my meeting with the manager goes. Kind of glad I wasn't jumping off the deep end thinking of the police.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellypopmummy · 12/08/2021 01:47

@kierenthecommunity

I’d seriously consider getting the police involved, but being empathetic to what your DD wants too. There’s not really such a thing as ‘pressing charges’ if you’re in the UK. A victim of crime can support a prosecution but it’s up to the police and/or CPS if the suspect is charged. And it can be a big ask of a 11 year old to be put through that process.

Did any adults witness the assault? As again it’s a big ask to have the other kids give supporting statements too. And if they don’t want to, it may be tricky for a reasonable chance of prosecution. Unless he admits it of course

It’s not to say he shouldn’t face police action - he obviously does. But just to consider the wider picture too.

Are they at the same school? Just in case they need to be aware for future safeguarding

No, he is at a different school.
OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 01:47

I hope she is okay 🌸

Original poster
jellypopmummy · 12/08/2021 01:55

And just an FYI, I posted on here to check I wasn't going to the deep end, I get it was an assault but my DD was hesitant when I mentioned it so I took a step back and asked on here to sort my own thoughts as I was understandably angry and emotional. I have then spent the evening just chatting with daughter and watching TV with her to take her mind off it. She is calm and seems to be doing okay.

OP posts:
toooothacheee · 12/08/2021 02:06

They're not toddlers having a bit of a scuffle, this was a serious assault and the boy next consequences. 100% report what happened.

toooothacheee · 12/08/2021 02:06

Needs consequences *

endofthelinefinally · 12/08/2021 02:20

Of all the awful things in the news recently, one of the worst was a young girl murdered by her brother. This sort of thing should always be reported. This may be the only way that boy will get the support and supervision he needs.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 12/08/2021 03:06

He attacked her. Repeatedly.

What would have happened if her friends weren’t there? He could have knocked her out/broken something etc.

You need to ring the police in the morning. I appreciate DD may feel uncomfortable but the next little girl he assaults may not have her friends with her. Whether he has additional needs is none of your concern, your concern is for the safety of your daughter.

More to the point, where the hell were the staff if it took the children actively going to find someone to intervene?

hollyhocksarenotmessy · 12/08/2021 06:34

If you'd been out somewhere and a man had attacked you in this way, what would you do? Your daughter needs a strong message that she shouldn't just accept violence towards her. This was far beyond a kid's scuffle. Go to the police. Why would you need a solicitor as a victim of crime?

LemonPeonies · 12/08/2021 06:38

Who cares about his additional needs I would be going apeshit at him and his parents. Contact police as well

Claphands · 12/08/2021 06:42

You’re the parent, you need to get some urgency here, phone the police now not tomorrow or any other time.
The club are negligent, they should have called the police immediately! Massive safeguarding issue if they can’t keep her safe at a session and don’t even inform her (you) parents about what’s happened and a child’s injuries!
I’m quite shocked at your attitude and that of the club TBH.

MiloAndEddie · 12/08/2021 06:47

I’d also report and I’d be asking where the fuck the group leaders were for a sustained attack to happen without them knowing

DeathStare · 12/08/2021 06:55

Thanks everyone. I will reach out tomorrow to the police to discuss their thoughts

FFS... don't reach out and discuss their thoughts

If you were attacked in the same manner by a stranger in the street what would you want to happen? Would you reach out to the police and discuss their thoughts or would you report the assault and want charges pressed?

The fact that the boy may have an asd is irrelevant to you. Your job is to be your daughter's advocate not this boy's advocate - he has his parents for that.

Thehop · 12/08/2021 06:59

You can’t press charges in the U.K., that’s an American thing.

But yes, definitely report to the police. You’re not over egging this at all. I really hope your dd recovers quickly and that the police are supportive.

SameToo · 12/08/2021 07:04

It was a serious assault. Set the right example by reporting to the authorities. Don’t brush it under the carpet.

October2020 · 12/08/2021 07:08

You don't get the choice to 'press charges' in UK. That's American. In the UK you report to the police and they decide whether to pursue an investigation and then whether to hand it to CPS. You should contact the police but don't give your daughter any ideas that you can 'press charges' on this boy, you can only report it.

Waspsarearseholes · 12/08/2021 07:08

I'd rather potentially over-react by phoning the police than let my daughter think for a second that a male giving her a beating is in any way not a police matter.

funinthesun19 · 12/08/2021 07:09

Yes definitely report it! Your DD was assaulted! It was a violent and prolonged attack, and he will do it again if he gets the chance.

I know he has asd, but this just cannot be happening. The youth club must have known about him being prone to violent outbursts and should have been constantly supervising him. So I think the youth club are at fault here too.

Binnaggy · 12/08/2021 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/08/2021 07:18

I would 100% report. Regardless to his special needs. You need to be setting a clear example to your daughter now that violence in any form is never tolerable no matter what the back story is and has consequences. Violence cannot be excused

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