To feel like 'reaching out' to people doesn't actually work

[JanuaryBones]

I'm in a right pickle, a mess of mum guilt, stress, frustration and tiredness. Trying to hold down a full time job with a school age child and one in nursery in a pandemic. Every month I feel I've got my childcare sorted another shitstorm comes along with isolation, school closures and now working from home being taken away (with two weeks notice.) There's not as many holiday clubs and the ones I've found are either far away, ludicrously expensive or 9-3. For all my employer talks about flexibility, it means nothing.
I've managed to book two weeks off in the school holidays and dp managed to get one (small business). The other three weeks it's just me running them around to relatives, holiday clubs and then back again. It's now quarter to eight and I've not ate anything bar two digestives, the kids are still awake, my colleagues are barely speaking to me due to my leaving early and starting late and I have no one to talk to about it.
My friends either have jobs and no kids, very part time jobs, very flexible jobs or nursery aged children. I don't feel anyone truly gets it. If I reach out to say I'm really struggling I get an 'oh dear' or no response at all. I just dread waking up tomorrow and doing it all again. I feel retchingly guilty that my dc does nothing in the summer except sit in an elderly relative living room or get driven to holiday clubs.

@sst1234 - think the OP is clear - her dh is self employed and can't take time off due to them needing the money and he doesn't get paid leave. He's taking a week in the holidays. He doesn't drive and works long hours, so can't do drop off and pick up either from the reduced hours holiday clubs.

They both work full time so need full time childcare when they are unable to take leave. This will be expensive and needs to be factored in to the annual family budget and needs planning for from September and booked way in advance.

@JanuaryBones

I absolutely don't want childcare. I want to spend time with my own children in the holidays. I'm stung by my job which is a caseload of clients, if I'm not there, no one takes over my caseload. We're talking about vulnerable adults. So if I'm not there, they have no support. It's that feeling of being torn between wishing I could be at home and then spending every hour at home worrying about my caseload when I'm not there.

I don't see how you can work full time and not have some sort of childcare, it's just not possible. What happens during term time when you're working and the children finish school at 3.30? As the saying goes, something's got to give.

Agreed, @Heliachi. We had one child, and didn’t have him by choice until we could afford to in terms of comparative flexibility/seniority at work, as neither of us wanted to give up work or go part time.

[quote JanuaryBones]@OneAlabamaReturn and what if you're not able to do a profession (?) I'm a support worker, my partner is an illiterate flooring specialist. What do we do to make ends meet and still manage over the holidays? I enjoy what I do, I don't want to work in a desk job. I might go back to shift work as that seemed easier to manage, but then the kids were younger so that was easier again.

I tell all my friends who are pregnant, make sure you have a flexible job. Not for the first three years they're easy, for this part! The school years.[/quote]
I agree with your last paragraph, it's important to have flexible jobs when you have kids, you get caught out by how accommodating nursery is, with their longer hours .

I still maintain though, no-one has a gun at your head making you do the job you are currently doing. Nobody is making your partner be self employed either. It's hard to hear I know, but your childcare situation exists because of your career choices, and they are exactly that - your choices.

Your situation sounds super rubbish, it's horrible feeling 'not heard', however, there will also be alot of people in the same situation as yourself. My partner and I decided I would stop working all together as it would have cost my wage (and more) in childcare for our 2 DDs. Fast forward 3 YEARS and I'm finally about to start work again now that little DD will start school I'm spetember. Granted it's only part time during school hours BUT when holidays arrive I will be in exactly the same situation. Husband is self employed AND main breadwinner so cannot just take time off willy nilly with big contracts on regularly. So it's down to us to find holiday clubs for the kids that will most definitely cost more than my wages earned, but it's not the whole year through.

You need to discuss something with HR and ask for support from work... in an ideal world, yes, it would be nice for people to help out, but to be honest, I think alot of people are just financially and mentally strained from 18 months of a pandemic that no one really wants any extra stress.

I hope you manage to find a solution to your problems and that you start to feel more human and less guilty. I hear you, I feel you and I acknowledge your struggles and worries right now xx