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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like 'reaching out' to people doesn't actually work

158 replies

JanuaryBones · 11/08/2021 19:50

I'm in a right pickle, a mess of mum guilt, stress, frustration and tiredness. Trying to hold down a full time job with a school age child and one in nursery in a pandemic. Every month I feel I've got my childcare sorted another shitstorm comes along with isolation, school closures and now working from home being taken away (with two weeks notice.) There's not as many holiday clubs and the ones I've found are either far away, ludicrously expensive or 9-3. For all my employer talks about flexibility, it means nothing.
I've managed to book two weeks off in the school holidays and dp managed to get one (small business). The other three weeks it's just me running them around to relatives, holiday clubs and then back again. It's now quarter to eight and I've not ate anything bar two digestives, the kids are still awake, my colleagues are barely speaking to me due to my leaving early and starting late and I have no one to talk to about it.
My friends either have jobs and no kids, very part time jobs, very flexible jobs or nursery aged children. I don't feel anyone truly gets it. If I reach out to say I'm really struggling I get an 'oh dear' or no response at all. I just dread waking up tomorrow and doing it all again. I feel retchingly guilty that my dc does nothing in the summer except sit in an elderly relative living room or get driven to holiday clubs.

OP posts:
LunaLula83 · 11/08/2021 21:28

We are all struggling though, in our own ways. When someone wants to reach out, it adds more to the plate

JanuaryBones · 11/08/2021 21:29

It's got the point where I feel giddy relief at the thought of finding something easier and tearful anger that I've been forced to make this decision when I am 90% great at my job and only struggle like this 1 and 1/2 months of the year. Is that what motherhood is? Feeling that everything that you thought you were good at is being slowly eroded by circumstance?
Sorry English isn't my first language and I'm stressed!

OP posts:
RainyDay2020 · 11/08/2021 21:29

I absolutely understand what you’re saying.

I have 2 kids, one with SEN and a very demanding full time job (by necessity to keep a roof over our heads right now rather than choice).
No family support.
I ‘reached out’ and told my line manager I was struggling to which she said “ahhh bless you yeah I know exactly how you feel”.

Except she only works 2 days a week, has LOTS of family support with her DC and a husband on a huge salary so she works for pocket money. Yeah exactly the same then.. Hmm

SparklingLime · 11/08/2021 21:30

At present I'm really struggling with the whole mental load, dp doesn't really get it.

I know you just want to vent right now, but this ⬆️ is the key issue.

JanuaryBones · 11/08/2021 21:33

@RainyDay2020 yes!!!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 11/08/2021 21:34

Why can’t your DP do more? Why is all of the ‘flexibility’ and childcare arrangements and juggling down to you?

thesandwich · 11/08/2021 21:35

May not help now but could you contact nursery/ school and ask if any staff wanted extra time in the holidays? Or line up a student holiday au pair?

MargosKaftan · 11/08/2021 21:36

Rather than kids clubs, have you looked at using a childminder? It might work out easier for you. Also some childminders will do the run to / from holiday clubs that are 10-3, if your child had a particular interest. Or a nanny in the holidays.

It sounds like you need 8-6 childcare. You need to find that, juggling without isn't working.

NoSquirrels · 11/08/2021 21:37

I've managed to book two weeks off in the school holidays and dp managed to get one (small business). The other three weeks it's just me running them around to relatives, holiday clubs and then back again.

Also - this is not “doing nothing in the summer holidays”. Your DC have their parents time for 50% of the long holidays and they’re in clubs the rest or with relatives. This is very very normal. Let go of the guilt! I bet they have fun at the clubs and I assume they’ll have fun with you and with their dad.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 11/08/2021 21:39

I think the torn feeling is very prevalent amongst working mothers, especially when the children are small.

It's really tough.

For me it got better when the kids got older. I did the best I could and I eventually felt at peace with that.

JanuaryBones · 11/08/2021 21:44

All the childminders seem to have dried up over Covid and most don't want to take someone on just for summer as it's taking a place away from someone who might want all year round care.
It's possibly my daughter too, she has real trouble settling in, due to anxiety and sensory stuff. I told my line manger this and she said 'I expect she's just showing off for your benefit and is totally fine when you leave.' That was after a 45 minute drop off at school where my my daughter was beside herself at the prospect of a new classroom. It's like they mean well but aren't helpful.
My DP doesn't drive and works on his own and won't make any money unless he works set hours. I knew this would be the case and still had children so I can't blame him. Plus I know plenty of mums who can't drive so I think it's unfair to be down on a man who can't.

OP posts:
CakeandGo · 11/08/2021 21:45

This is going to sound a bit harsh, but these people who don’t work/work part time generally do so in order to be able to have time with their own kids during the school holidays. And they/their families take a financial hit in order to do that.
This is me. Whilst I appreciate I’m fortunate to be able to do this, there’s a massive part of me that misses my old job. Misses the financial independence. Misses the metal stimulation.
But I also don’t want to miss my DC’s childhoods. Or for their memories of me to be a mum that was being stretched in a hundred different directions.

NoMoreCovidPlease · 11/08/2021 21:46

I absolutely don't want childcare

You're sending mixed messages. Your OP is about how difficult childcare is because of Covid which is true and undoubtedly very stressful. But then you say this? So what you want is to be a stay at home mum? You can quit your job you know and stay at home.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/08/2021 21:48

@JanuaryBones

It's got the point where I feel giddy relief at the thought of finding something easier and tearful anger that I've been forced to make this decision when I am 90% great at my job and only struggle like this 1 and 1/2 months of the year. Is that what motherhood is? Feeling that everything that you thought you were good at is being slowly eroded by circumstance? Sorry English isn't my first language and I'm stressed!
Talk to your manager and say you really want to stay but the summer pressure is so stressful you're seriously thinking of going. Is there any way they can make this better for you? Sounds like it would be wise to try and keep someone like you - committed, clearly cares about the people they work with - as it's hard to get and retain people in that kind of career, and costs to train new starters.

Also, how about your partner changing jobs? It shouldn't just have to come down to you. Small businesses understandably find it harder to be flexible around school holidays, but then that might mean he looks for a different employer till your kids are older. As pp have said, don't see it all as down to you.

RainyDay2020 · 11/08/2021 21:49

I feel like I’m expected to work like I don’t have kids and parent like I don’t have work!

ThePlantsitter · 11/08/2021 21:49

Do you have a spare room? You need a summer au pair/nanny.

NoMoreCovidPlease · 11/08/2021 21:49

My DP doesn't drive and works on his own and won't make any money unless he works set hours. I knew this would be the case and still had children so I can't blame him.

Yes actually, you can blame him. You are going the extra lengths to care for your children, why isn't he? When you have kids, things change and you have to make more of an effort since you have new small humans to care for. If he's not doing his bit, if he's not looking to improve his position for the children, you can blame him. Just because you're the mother, does not mean it all has to fall on you!

JanuaryBones · 11/08/2021 21:50

I mean I'm not reaching out to my friends for childcare! I just want to be with my children in the holidays. I want to do my job to the best of my abilities and be at home with my children and I realise that is complete nonsense. But that's how I feel.
My SAHP friends have similar feelings to me just in reverse. They want to prove their worth to the world, whilst staying at home. I want to prove myself as a parent, whilst being at work. Two sides of the same coin.

OP posts:
fatboyslimschin · 11/08/2021 21:51

OP look for another job that doesn't tie you in so deeply. If you left - they would find a replacement.

By the way I didn't read it that you were asking for child care. I read it as if you were 'reaching' out to work and family/friends because you needed to vent etc..

AyeRobot · 11/08/2021 21:53

He could have made dinner and put the kids to bed, though!

Muddle through this summer, let go of the guilt and make sure you're not doing everything. Then, when things have calmed down, sit down with your DP and work (together!) on coming up with a plan for the next holidays.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 11/08/2021 21:54

@MrsBumm

I wish the work and school world were better aligned. It makes me furious how much great time and energy, from people at the absolute sweet spot in their careers, is frittered away on the shitty mental load of school holidays. With the tiniest effort could think immediately of about 4 different simple solutions which, implemented nationally, would improve the wellbeing of children and parents and boost the economy as people could be so much more productive. It's all such bollocks the way it's done now.
I agree.

I'm in a job I carefully selected for being the right balance of flexibility, security and earnings I needed (as a single parent) - and I appreciate I'm in a very fortunate minority to have had that much agency in the matter.

And even still - I'm endlessly stung by the fact that my school-aged child has 13 weeks of holiday a year and I have 5.

This year I think has been particularly difficult in terms of wraparound and holiday care (not just my anecdata- research touted around in the press this week) and I think for so many of us for whom things were really delicately balanced, it's all gone over a cliff edge.

Even aside from that - people (parents and otherwise) often talk v glibly about the need to set up your life to provide 8-6 childcare or whatever. But sometimes that's extremely difficult, or the compromises involved are unpalatable. My school-aged child is waiting for assessment by EP. There are a lot of settings which just can't cope with him, and I don't even have a dx to wave at them and say "this is why he's struggling, please can you help him?!" (under no illusion that it's actually this easy with a dx, btw!). Or he just about copes but the emotional mess I have to mop up at the end of a long day for both of us is what pulls the thread out. These are stark and shit choices, and unfortunately when I'm back in the office he probably will have to go to the screamy after-school club and we'll have to make it work, but it is irksome in the extreme when people who don't have children, or who have loving retired grandparents on hand, blatantly don't get what a tightrope this is. Or who only have children for whom life is just easy, like i was and like my DC2 is, who will thrive almost anywhere. Or that mumsnet favourite "your decision to have kids". Yeah, and I'm grateful for them and wouldn't be without them, but my crystal ball didn't tell me the rug would be pulled from under my feet by a global pandemic, and my careful research and planning didn't tell me what a huge % of childcare just wouldn't feel adequate, and how passionately sympathetic I feel for the families who have no choice at all but to use them.

I keep my head above water (just!) and in the main I do all right by my kids and by my job, and it sounds like OP does too tbh. But it's fucking hard and it's made harder by people looking straight at you and not seeing any of it at all, and it's largely stuff we could fix if we put our minds to it. With or without children, working 40+ hours a week 47+ weeks of the year is a stupid way to waste the best years of our lives.

Newbabynewhouse · 11/08/2021 22:03

Yeah it sounds like you need a new job...or to drop some hours..

HotPenguin · 11/08/2021 22:06

Yes it's tough and I think a lot of people don't realise how unfair it can all be until they are in your position. You see other people at work with kids who make it look easy but it gets massively harder or impossible if:

  • your child has special needs or just hates holiday clubs
  • you have no family help
  • you live in a rural area and it's an hour's round trip to drop at a holiday club
  • your work isn't flexible
  • your partner's work isn't flexible

Etc etc. We all like to think we get on in our careers due to merit but actually a lot of it is just luck, luck to live in the right place, to be healthy, to have family support and so on.

TatianaBis · 11/08/2021 22:08

I can’t believe your workplace only gave 2 weeks notice that WFH was ending. What do they expect you to do about childcare?

21Bee · 11/08/2021 22:10

I’ve taken a 50% pay cut for a fully flexible job. I know it won’t be forever and I can return to my profession one day if I want to. My husbands job is entirely inflexible and he’s often away for months on end so for my own sanity it was more important to find the right balance.

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