AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

From page one - sums sit all up really...

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

The problem is Scotland is that the SNP need the Greens help to push their policies through the Scottish Parliament, and so the Greens (and their Gender Recognition views) are mainstreamed. It’s crazy.

@herewegogc

Thank you all - I have called in sick today because I am so upset about this situation. Your replies are helping me enormously. ❤️

I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you can hear that all of this outpouring of anger is from women who share your feelings, who care about you and have your back, and who have had enough being called horrible names, and threatened, and cast out, just for asking for a female-only space.

Very, very few people don't understand exactly why women need single sex spaces in instances like this.

Thank you, Eresh. I should have just walked out when he started his campaign, but I was so young and so vulnerable. I'd been so polite in how I asked to speak to a woman instead, and he tried very hard to make me feel that this was a personal insult to him and that I was causing a problem for him. For a long time after that, I thought there must be something wrong with me that men made me so fearful and uncomfortable. If it happened now, I suppose I would be called a bigot and I would probably gaslight myself into thinking I needed to get over my 'transphobia'. Or more likely, I wouldn't try to access those services at all. It is so distressing to think of women who are incredibly vulnerable being bullied into thinking there is something wrong with their perfectly natural and rational need for female support in a time of crisis. I no longer consider myself to be a vulnerable person, but that is only a matter of circumstance, not disposition. Services should be there that protect women, not further harm us. I imagine I'm far from the only woman looking at all this and feeling very hurt and frightened today.

@beastlyslumber

It's just disgusting and so deep-down misogynist.

Like many women on this thread, I've been a victim of rape and sexual assault and there is no way in hell I want to talk about that with a male person. In fact, thinking about this thread last night, I remembered a counsellor being assigned to me who was male. I told him I'd rather speak with a woman please. He spent the next thirty minutes berating me, cajoling, persuading, bullying, whatever you want to call it, because he thought that I should "challenge" myself to work with a male counsellor. He talked about how he was a good man, how he had empathy and fully understood my situation, how I would be surprised at the depth of his understanding, etc. By the end of the session he was accusing me of being a racist and threatening to have me removed from the service altogether. He didn't need to, because I never went back.

"Reframe your trauma" means "we will retraumatise you." It basically means that there are no rape crisis services for women in Edinburgh.

I’m so sorry you went through that and i continue to feel my decision not to report being raped long ago was best for me - I didnt report because the police wouldn’t automatically assign a female police officer to talk to at the time and I couldn’t talk to a male. That fear of being expected to talk about it to a male has stopped me accessing any support services since

herewegogc

It is so abusive. Women get abused by men. And then men seek to abuse women a second time by calling them bigots for not wanting rape /sexual violence support from males who identify themselves as women. It makes me feel sick that this continued abuse of women is encouraged. Right in front of us.

@herewegogc

Thank you all - I have called in sick today because I am so upset about this situation. Your replies are helping me enormously. ❤️

for you and all the other women who are re-traumatised by this assumption we should make space for men in our trauma

Oh ladies, I feel your pain and have my own stories to tell. I'm so sorry that you/we have to go through this and this thread shows just how common rape/sexual assault is.

Please can someone more knowledgeable and organised think of a way we can fight this. The feeling of our hands being tied behind our backs is so frustrating, humiliating and de-humanising for us.

I want/need to fight this, be it emailing, protesting or whatever! Plan anyone?

@littlbrowndog

My country how it is now. Despite the thousands of women tweeting. The comment that matters most 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

So according to Mhairi, if one transwoman is raped, that matters more than the 1000s more women who are raped…. right o

Yes.

@Helleofabore

YES! Why isn't everyone going batshit crazy about this?!

Because that is not kind!

I have seen over on twitter the repeated argument of why would any person think negatively of someone who has gone through all the pain and significant suffering to transition.

This is the consequence of the perpetuation of a hyperbolic 'most marginalised and most vulnerable group'.

We are going crazy about this in Scotland, we need as much sunlight and self ID, Marion Millar case next week and many other issues We appreciate the support from women everywhere.

It’s already difficult for woman/girls to come forward when they have been sexually assaulted if it makes them feel safer, in a place to come forward by choosing to only speak with people born female officers/drs/nurses/support people then so be it! It breaks my heart that someone has come forward saying this!! No one gets to tell a person who has been subjected to a sexual assault to ‘reframe their trauma’! 😡

@Ereshkigalangcleg

In fact, thinking about this thread last night, I remembered a counsellor being assigned to me who was male. I told him I'd rather speak with a woman please. He spent the next thirty minutes berating me, cajoling, persuading, bullying, whatever you want to call it, because he thought that I should "challenge" myself to work with a male counsellor. He talked about how he was a good man, how he had empathy and fully understood my situation, how I would be surprised at the depth of his understanding, etc. By the end of the session he was accusing me of being a racist and threatening to have me removed from the service altogether. He didn't need to, because I never went back.

What an arsehole. sorry that you didn't get the support you need. Rape is sadly a lightning rod for MRAs of all stripes.

I'm so sorry to the poster who shared that.

Basic question: was his harassing at your boundaries and choice for his benefit or yours? How exactly did 30 minutes of his trying to shift those boundaries help you therapeutically and achieve a good outcome for you considering he drove you away from any support at all?

The giveaway of course was in the anger and attempt to punish you when you would not move your boundaries to his benefit.

Basic question in supervision sessions for therapists or anyone providing therapeutic work: is there any part of your actions and decisions in how you are working with this person that may be you enacting your own traumas or dramas through them, meeting your own needs, or about you and your stuff instead of being wholly focused on what this client needs?

Basic. Fundamental.

Again: when do you ever, ever see any of this political lobby talk about how positive it is to 'challenge' trans people to see things differently, to re frame their feelings to other people's benefit, to question themselves and their beliefs? Ever? It would be considered beyond hurtful, damaging, fgs women are being told they are causing appalling damage to trans people just by holding a belief that biology exists and sex based rights are necessary for female people.

And yet it's perfectly ok to do all this to people born female?

Sexism. Pure sexism.

This is so shocking and worrying.

That fear of being expected to talk about it to a male has stopped me accessing any support services since

I'm so sorry, trainedbycats but I totally understand. It seems like such a basic thing to recognise that a woman who has been raped or assaulted by a male isn't going to feel comfortable talking about the details of that with a male person. With the best will in the world, a male will never have the visceral experience of fear and violation that comes with being abused as a female by a male, and no matter how much training they have, they will never fully understand the complex ways it is tied up with so much expectation and blame. He will never just get it the way a woman would. Not to mention the experience of SHAME which often extends beyond the rape itself and affects so many aspects of our bodies and our relationships. It's hard enough to talk about it with another woman. It's not like we just sit down and reveal the most nightmarish and humiliating aspects of our trauma without any struggle, whoever the therapist is. There are some things I have never, ever told anyone, and I doubt I ever will. It requires so much trust. So how are you going to trust someone who doesn't even understand that you NEED to speak to a female? It's impossible.

How dare they expect us to make ourselves so vulnerable and traumatised simply to satisfy their own need to be validated? I am struggling to contain my anger here.

OP, I am so sorry. I hope that you can be kind to yourself today.

I just cannot get my head around this. Traumatised women who have survived rape are forced to speak to counsellors they perceive as male (born male) and are called bigots if they refuse . And if they refuse, they get no help .

I completely understand that transwomen go through a lot and they need all support they can get. But why do they have to get their validation from women who have been subject to rape? That is crazy!

I can imagine too well a scenario where a counsellor seeks to re educate me and reframe my trauma due to sexual assaults / violence. Being accused of bigotry because I know men are not and never can be women. A protected belief which is dismissed when it comes to women who need support from women. At a time when we are at our most vulnerable and struggle to speak for ourselves. This gaslighting of women is utterly horrific. Our trauma is being used for their own gains. Men always find a way to abuse women don't they. And what better place than in a rape crises centre. Fucking bastards.

From the "this would never happen" files...

The CEO is the bigot here and needs to regrade their own belief system. I do hope that more people will start to see these sort of statements as the misogyny that they are. I wonder how they'd feel if they went to report a crime and at that point they were asked to reconsider their prejudiced beliefs against women. Absolutely disgusting. No-one who says this sort of thing should be in any position of power.

Whycangirlsbesonasty
The problem is Scotland is that the SNP need the Greens help to push their policies through the Scottish Parliament, and so the Greens (and their Gender Recognition views) are mainstreamed. It’s crazy.

Unfortunately this isn't true. the SNP are as batshit crazy for self ID as the greens are (but have more to lose as more people find out & say WTF)

for everywoman struggling today

It is a Second Rape in my opinion.

The first one is a (mostly) bodily based assualt.

the Second is this - a deliberate attempt to tell a traumatised woman that her thoughts & her feelings about her experience voice are not valid

This is exactly what it feels like.

Sorry if it’s already been picked up but am listening to the podcast and the person in question says there are “some good feminists” elected to the Scottish parliament. So now they get to define what is a “good feminist”.. for some reason that made me