AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

@Whatinthelord

Actually, after some thought … I mean it does make me ponder why someone, who was born male, would specifically pursue a career in a sector that is well known for having female only provision/spaces/services. Someone at the top of their organisation hasn’t landed there by accident.

I can understand why a transwoman might want to access female only space. What I can’t understand is why a transwoman would specifically pursue a career in a sector used mainly by (cis)women who have been harmed by males and want female only support?

Because it’s the ultimate ego trip.

By the way, a PP mentioned MW sniggering at the testimony of rape victims in the Scottish Parliament (when the notion of replacing sex with gender identity for rape examiners was being debated). Are there any links/first-hand accounts of this? If there are, that needs some serious broadcasting by the press.

I can't use my university swimming pool anymore because they made the changing room "gender neutral". Luckily there are about four hotels nearby with pools with single sex changing facilities still. They're more expensive and harder to access but I can use them,

The problem is, as someone else who suffered CSA, I can't use showers and changing rooms with men wandering around and men's voices booming around. It's like your body and brain go "Alert! Run!" The trembling and flashbacks and heartbeat and yes I've tried CBT before someone says to.

I recently had counselling about my eating disorder, where I constantly had to modify my tone and what I was saying to be more friendly and understanding to the (sorry, zero judgment meant here, but it's important to note), very overweight woman in front of me.

I did not benefit from the counselling and found her very triggering in the things she said. Yet I smiled and smiled and said she'd been so helpful, thank you, because she was kind and nice and why would I want to hurt someone else's feelings? I know I have issues and they're mine, why inflict my pain on to the nice counsellor? I am sure she ended the therapy thinking she'd helped because I lied and told her she had.

I am sitting here feeling sick to my stomach at the notion that some woman has gone into a centre, had that horrible heart pounding sensation of "Alert! Alert!" and then had to cognitively work her hardest to be polite and receptive to the man counselling her in the same way.

Bastards. BASTARDS.

We should all be fucking incandescent with fury over this.

@Alternista

No. Just no. This is practically dystopian its so dysfunctional. How do we fight this?

You don't, @Alternista. Because under the Scottish Gender Recognition Act, fully supported by Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP, a woman is anyone who says they are a woman.

The Scottish government entirely supports the appointment of Mridhul Wadwha to this position. If you object to this, you are a nasty transphobe and a terf who needs to be educated out of their wrong-thought.

#WomenWontWheesht.

We must find a way to publicise (and fight).

Someone needs to show that article to Dr Jessica Taylor!

Would love to hear her thoughts on how that fits in with the trauma informed practice that should be in place at a rape crisis centre

The thing about MN is it attracts so many bright, articulate and thoughtful women.

Perhaps we could gather all the reasons for "no" here?

Even if the Daily Mail didn't publish it, there are MNrs who are journalists, academics, CEOs, and politicians on here. Certainly, the researchers for all of those roles use MN. Might be handy to have personal testimony?

As an aside, I thoroughly dislike 'gently correct' or 'gently educate'
That's just one person chastising another in a particularly patronising way.
It's got strong shades of Dolores Umbridge about it.
It's downright disgusting and unprofessional if done to a rape victim after they open up in what should be a safe and supportive setting.

@Rainbowshit

Given the fixation on rape crisis centres by other transwomen such as Morgane Oger ogre I can't believe this person has taken this job out of purely concern for raped women. It feel like an infiltration. Rather than attacking from the outside like Oger is, this person is attacking women's rights to single sex spaces from the inside.

You've seen it. The psyche of fixation, obsession (by a minority) and demanding entry into female bodied services by Oger, Wadhwa, Gabrielle Darone , Precious Child etc needs to be understood by the public. one could say it's 'transphobic' to call what these people do trans as Trans women with just gender dysphoria don't have this psyche but are forced teamed under the Queer theory (Foucault based) umbrella with them.

I agree with this completely as a survivor of rape, sexual assault and domestic abuse. I attend a support group for women that is co-led by a man. It doesn't impact on how safe I feel there and this person is very good at his job. I don't think it's fair to judge people's qualities based on how they identify

OP, YABU to believe that all women should agree that transwomen shouldn't be allowed into safe spaces and to assume that all women who have been assaulted need a female to talk to. I don't. I need someone compassionate and who can listen

I agree that everyone should be able to ask for treatment/support from someone they feel comfortable with but, frankly, I find the whole notion that every transwoman trying to enter women's spaces has nefarious intentions incredibly offensive

Also, there's a whole board devoted to this topic so YABU for discussing this here

Awaiting the flaming

Ahh, the “I’m alright Jack” argument, always so compelling and full of empathy. Empathy for men who identify as women, rather than raped women, but hey, give yourself a pat on the back for being wonderful and woke.
Have you heard of RTS? What should those women do? Do they even enter your head?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_trauma_syndrome

Thanks for the transcript. The interviewers I couldn't believe this bit, given what they were discussing -
Kemah Bob:
Feels like a weird, hypothetical fear, like, just this lack of understanding, and oh, ignorance. Ignorance runs rampant.

Reframe your trauma"
Totally agree, @herewegogc

That statement would be awful victim-blaming coming from any public figure, but from the CEO of a Rape Crisis service, it’s appalling.

Katen Ingala Smith gave rational evidence-based testimony to the Parliamentary Select Committee about the clinical and mental health needs of women who’ve been raped or sexually assaulted. It’s powerful and has been overlooked here for personal political gain.

It’s shameful and the person who said this needs to step down from their position (which was secured by obscuring the truth and their appointment probably contravenes the law).

Feels like a weird, hypothetical fear, like, just this lack of understanding, and oh, ignorance. Ignorance runs rampant.

Maybe it feels like a 'weird, hypothetical fear' to women for whom the situation is hypothetical, and who don't have much empathy for women? Who can't see that it's they themselves who lack understanding and are ignorant.

@Kanaloa

How is anyone so utterly self centred that they make someone else’s sexual assault therapy about themselves?

Good therapy is focused on the victim. I have never been encouraged to ‘reframe my trauma’ so I can ‘move on and do more beautiful things with my life.’ A huge part of my therapy was learning that I am worth the space I take up in the world and learning to prioritise myself over others, and that I have the right to be angry about what had happened to me.

Harassment women ‘might get’ when out alone at night is nothing compared to the ‘very structurally violent constant flicks of eyes, and I don’t know, oh, God, and aggressive glares.’ Flicks of eyes. I totally despair at the state of things, really.

This blog at least shows that there are still people out there who think like me. It’s affirming that others believe this is wrong as well.

Yes - one of my female therapists said when I entered the room in the first session I didn’t look at her. I left with my head up, taking up space. It was like I coloured myself in - became a real person, with my own opinions. I can’t overstate what being in therapy did for me.

Still so angry about this. What actions can I take? Who could I write to?

Btw, to previous poster wondering about Dr Jess Taylor's response - she has tweeted about this, and it's a thread worth a read.

@wellbehavedwomen wonderful eloquent post with lots of good resources, thank you

@Wellbehaved - thank you. Also @Chickenyhead 💐

Can I C+P @wellbehavedwomen's post as a new thread?

It's ideal for people who are now thinking "WTF?" and looking for information.

Or, would that be a TAAT?

What actions can I take? Who could I write to?

I find this tricky to navigate. There doesn't seem to be any space for an open conversation. (Of course, Mumsnet has been a wonderful forum for this and I thank all the posters who have explained the issues etc. I've learnt a lot over the last year or so. But the opinions of Mumsnet are not met with open ears elsewhere.) And of course, we all saw what happens when someone tries to speak about this publicly (see: JK Rowling).

Trending for a day now despite Twitter trying to stop it trending.

And no rape crisis Scotland have not replied.

Well done on regaining your technicolour, herewegogc

Your colours are vibrant. I love them.

Bloody good for you.

Karen Ingala Smith "we have created what are now termed “trauma-informed services”. We did not have that language back then, but that is what we were doing, developing an understanding of the neurological, psychological, biological and social effects of trauma, and that has been built into the fabric of developing refuges. Women who have experienced men’s violence often have a trauma response to a male, maybe not always and sometimes for a short time or sometimes periodically, when something triggers them. You cannot educate women out of trauma‑informed responses and if that woman has a trauma‑informed response to a male‑bodied person, that is not her fault. She deserves a safe space, a trauma‑informed space and that is often a women‑only space."

[[http://data.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/committeeevidence.svc/evidencedocument/women-and-equalities-committee/enforcing-the-equality-act-the-law-and-the-role-of-the-equality-and-human-rights-commission/oral/102570.html Women and Equalities Committee
Oral evidence providers of services to victims and survivors of domestic abuse:Enforcing the Equality Act single sex services ]]

Apologies if anyone else has linked to it already, but Dr Jessica Taylor has tweeted a fantastic takedown of this. She points out that all counselling should centre the victim and what they want/need. She’s worked in rape crisis centres herself and employs male counsellors who are there IF the victims are happy to talk to them and, because they are decent human beings, those make counsellors are not offended if women are not comfortable talking to them.

twitter.com/drjesstaylor/status/1425009284614610949?s=21

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Well done on regaining your technicolour, herewegogc

Your colours are vibrant. I love them.

Bloody good for you.

Fist bump back 👍

NHS Lancashire, for male victims of abuse. Interesting highlights.