To ask what were the nicest things people did or said when you had a newborn?

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

I've been reading the other thread and its frankly horrible to see so many women treated so badly by other people when they are so vulnerable!!

So let's have send nice things instead?

I'll start. A very pregnant friend came over to visit when DS was only a few weeks old, she stayed for only a short time, refused all refreshments and brought us food that we heated for dinner that night, but could also have put in the freezer.

My other one is also food based, a good friend of mine brought dinner over, we heated it, ate, then watched movies for hours keeping my company while DH slept and I cluster fed DS. DS had really bad reflux and would only sleep upright cuddled into either DH or I, so we spent a lot of time watching netflix/films etc to keep us awake while DS slept safely on us. DH and I slept in shifts and it was a very isolating time for me!

I'm not sure if my friend knew how much it meant to me to be a friend in that time!

My wonderful late MIL brought me a whole case of a drink I like to the hospital. I was miserable, dehydrated and incapacitated with a c section. Everyone else brought flowers (which were nice) but she saw what I needed and sorted it. She had terminal cancer at this point but thought of me instead.

I really miss her. She died when DD was just a baby and she would have made such a difference in DD's life.

• Mum bought me McDonalds pretty much every time she came round unprompted
• My nan put together a little pamper box for me
• My other nan who lives round the corner would do a load of laundry or some ironing when she popped round. She also brought round a packed lunch for me when she came

My friends came by and looked after baby DS so that I could sleep. They’d also come by with cooked food so that we could all eat together.

Another friend shared a sleep schedule thing that her sleep trainer person had done for her baby (that was for baby DD).

One friend brought me two lasagnes in dishes. I wasn't expecting it. We had one that night and froze the other one.

People who sincerely told you that you were doing a great job. After the normal newborn weight loss, I loved it when people told me DS was getting chunky and I was doing a good job feeing him.

To be honest I really appreciated people who didn't bring flowers! I love flowers but it just felt like another job to do to find a vase, snip the stems, find a surface to put them on etc., then chuck them out when they die. We had about five bunches dotted around at one point and I couldn't appreciate them much.

-My husband prepared all my meals and snacks before he went to work in the morning so I only had to open the fridge and use the microwave for the first 5 weeks postpartum

-When DS1 was 5 weeks DH was relocated for work to another country. For months I’d pack up and move in with my parents for the five days at a time he was away. And then they prepared all my meals etc and brought me places to do fun stuff that I couldn’t manage as I had PND. And never once made me feel unwelcome or a burden.

A few people brought me food which was so appreciated and my cousin who lives far away sent in the post a book for the baby and a family sized bar of chocolate for me. It was amazing. It wasn't even chocolate I'd choose (Dairy Milk) but I wolfed it down.

I always include food in my baby gifts now!

My nan passed when ds was a few days old and I had horiffic mastitis. Dh and I were knackered. We went to bed for a nap and woke to find my mum, sister and bil in the kitchen having cooked us a huge meal and waited for us to wake so we could eat it and we could all support each other in our loss. It was lovely (and completely non intrusive, I knew they were coming but didn't expect them to hang around whilst we slept)

The two things that really standout for me -

A wonderful HCP who could see how overwhelmed and exhausted I was my second night in hospital with my daughter and took her for a couple of hours so I could sleep. Simple but so good.

Secondly I had the most amazing support from the community midwives in the two weeks after my daughter was born. They were so warm and kind and really understood my vulnerabilities and offered amazing support. I know that isn’t the case across the country so I really am just so grateful to have had it. I was gutted when I was discharged

One of my SILs made lots of food unprompted and gave to me on two occasions.

I wanted to unload shopping from my car but my daughter was very alert and I knew she wasn't going to settle, I saw one of my neighbours who is a grandmother and just handed her my DD. They had a good time in each others company.

An elderly neighbour that stopped me in the street when I was out with my first baby and gave me £2 to buy a toy for her 😭😭😭
I bought some stacking cups which we used for years (next two babies too!!)
So kind.

A friend (not even a close one to me but a female friend of DH’s) who already had a 2 year old sent me the most lovely message. Basically a beautifully worded thing saying of course you’re so happy to have your baby but it is totally ok to grieve for the life you’ve lost, to find it hard, to wonder if life will ever be normal again, to struggle with your postpartum body, to go to the loo just to get 5 mins peace! And that she knew I’d absolutely smash it but it was a huge transition and she was always around for a chat if I needed someone who’d been through it.

I’m actually tearing up at the memory now, 1 year down the line because it was so so thoughtful and I read it back so many times in the dead of night. I had PND and was basically the first of my close friends to have a baby so they were all ‘but it’s so exciting! She’s so cute!’. Even though we weren’t super close it made me feel less alone. I’m planning on sending similar messages to my friends if/when they have kids.

Also a delivery of Cook ready meals, but they always get mentioned on these threads

My friend came round not long after I left hosp. A few workmates were coming over later. She tidied, hoovered, brought biscuits etc and allowed me to feed all afternoon so I came over as having it all completely in hand and organised .

I struggle to relax properly if I can see stuff that needs doing so as sad it seems it made a huge difference to my mental state as well as physically being able to rest.

XH and I took tiny ds2 to Marks and Spencers, 6 days after I gave birth, because (for some reason) I was desperate to get into a pair of jeans, having worn leggings almost non-stop during pregnancy.

I burst into tears on the shop floor because I couldn't get into any that were remotely my pre-pregnancy size. As I was snuffling snottily into XH's shirt, an older lady came up to admire the pram (old fashioned Silver Cross) and then, obviously ds2

She looked at him, then at me, and asked how old ds2 was. When I told her, she put her hand on my arm and said "You're doing so well! How amazing, that you're out and about already. He's a beautiful little boy. But I think you should go home, put your feet up, and have a cup of tea now. And perhaps some cake." Then she looked meaningfully at XH, and off she went.

I forgot all about my 'need' to get into jeans, and headed to the food hall for cake

I may have cried a bit more too, because she was so lovely.

Not a newborn but when DS was a few months old, my brother and his wife visited overnight. DH and I suddenly developed D and V and instead of hot tailing it out of our house, they looked after us, kept us hydrated, looked after DS while DH and I were lying on bathroom floors in a sorry state. Twenty seven years ago and I still remember their selflessness.

Also have to mention my lovely mum who died 3 years ago.

With all 3 of my babies she came to stay for 2 weeks and took over all the cooking and cleaning. I don't know how I would have managed without her.

I can only hope that I'll be as useful to my own DC when they have kids 😂

Mind you she did get in a couple of barbs such as poking my stomach when I first stood up post birth and saying "look at that" 😂 I'm not sure where she though it all would have gone after only 6 hours...

My parents came to stay for a few days (they live hundreds of miles away). They turned up with a full supermarket shop. Mum did all the cooking and cleaning, all the laundry, constantly brought me drinks and snacks when I was breastfeeding, dad did the gardening and diy jobs, taking the bins out and holding the baby whilst I ate a hot meal. They let me and DH just be new parents and totally focus on baby DD and I cried when they left.

I went to boots on an emergency nappy run when my dd was about 5 weeks old. I had her in the sling with a big coat and scarf around us as it was horribly rainy and windy (end of November!). Due to Covid, they were only allowing a few people inside at a time and there were around 6 people in front of me. The woman in front of me turned around and went "is there a baby in there?!" I said yes and she told me I shouldn't have to wait in the queue. I was in the middle of saying I didn't mind and she turned back around and went "EXCUSE ME!! This lady needs to go inside! She has a BABY!!! You all don't mind if she cuts in front right, no of course you wouldn't mind, great, in you go!" The queue of people all sort of murmured and nodded and the security guard looked a bit flustered and just went "yes okay, go on inside then" it was such a little thing but I was so appreciative.

Oh also, my friend sent me a care package in the post with the typical baby bits, but also a giant bag of coffee, 2 packs of chocolate hobnobs and a box of posh lanisoh breast pads. It actually brought a tear to my eye, it was the only gift we'd received that actually seemed to think of me too!

DS was born in November and we came home to thick snow. My DM walked round to see us (and DD4) every day until the snow melted. She brought fresh homemade soup, did my ironing, sorted out the washing, made me a cup of tea and lunch and looked after the DC so I could wash my hair and shower. It was wonderful.

Both from friends of my mum. Really small things, but they made such a difference. One bought me the most ridiculously lovely basil & rosemary scented shower gel 'because you won't have time for a bath for a few years, but just a few minutes in the shower will make all the difference to your day, and if you do make it to the shower, then you deserve a treat.'

The other one sounds SO ridiculous, I know, but it was a really cheap plastic weaning set, because 'everyone buys clothes & toys & you end up never using them.' I used that bowl, spoon & cup pretty much every day for YEARS for both DC. DS is now 16 & when he's feeling a bit rubbish I put some kind of treat in it for him and he cheers up immediately. It really is nothing more than a plastic bowl, but every time I use it I think of her thoughtfulness.

With DD, my mum came and stayed for a week when DH went back to work. She cooked, cleaned, and changed the sheets on my bed EVERY DAY. It was amazing.
When DS was three weeks old, and DD just approaching 2 years old, I very foolishly decided I would nip to the supermarket whilst DH was at work. Of course it went horribly wrong, and I ended up with a sobbing toddler and distraught newborn, as well as a full trolley of groceries. The fairly young man in front of me in the queue paid for his goods, moved them out of the way and then stood and packed my whole shop for me, while the lady on the checkout simultaneously scanned and chatted to DD until she stopped crying. Then they helped me out to the car and packed the shopping into it for me. I didn’t make that mistake again for a few months. I did write to the manager of the store to let him know about lovely lady, but have always wished I could have thanked the man as well. (I mean, I did at the time, but I probably sounded fairly unhinged).

Currently pregnant with twins and reading these are making me tear up!

DS was born early hours of Sunday morning by EMCS. We were discharged Monday evening but he had to be re-admitted Tuesday morning as he wasn't keeping any milk down (undiagnosed CMPA and reflux), had an infection and very low blood sugar. Really we shouldn't have been discharged on the Monday. These were a few things that happened in that week (he was discharged a 2nd time the next weekend).

One friend messaged on the Tuesday that she had picked up some food and hid it under my car so DH had something to eat since we were spending all our daytime at the hospital. She did that a couple of times along with an outfit for DS as he was a lot smaller than we had expected and didn't have any tiny baby clothes.

Only 1 parent could stay in the Children's ward with DS at night, I stayed the first night (we alternated? but struggled to help DS because of my EMCS and he was being tube fed. The nurses (with my permission) wheeled his cot out of the room and put him next to the desk so they could monitor him all night whilst I attempted to get some sleep. (Completely opposite experience for DH the next night but I won't go into that).

On the Wednesday there was a lovely HCA who cared for DS for a couple of hours whilst she told DH to take me home for food and a shower (as I couldn't get in and out of the shower on my own).

Because each child gets meals on the Children's Ward, but DS was too young to have them, I was told to order the food for myself to eat since I needed to be strong for DS.

And then when DS was 2 weeks old, my DSIS and BIL flew over for a week (live abroad) to meet DS. My DSIS had also made plans to visit friends and family as well, but planned extra time with us. She would send us both upstairs for a nap whilst they cared for DS and made us tea. That week they visited was lovely. I wish I could have reciprocated when she had her DS but he was born just before lockdown so my flights were cancelled.

I had a little gang of mum friends that were militant about breastfeeding. Hospital had been shit about it, HV was a limp lettuce and DH was not really into it because nobody he knew had done it so it was lovely to have support and encouragement. They'd BFd loads of kids, up to 3 years in some cases. We'd BF in cafes and at the park etc. and I got really confident and gung-ho about it in no time.

A lovely student midwife who spent time with me properly teaching me how to hand express when my sleepy jaundice newborn fell asleep on the breast and was put on a feeding plan and blue light treatment. She also taught DH how to burp a baby