To ask what were the nicest things people did or said when you had a newborn?

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

I've been reading the other thread and its frankly horrible to see so many women treated so badly by other people when they are so vulnerable!!

So let's have send nice things instead?

I'll start. A very pregnant friend came over to visit when DS was only a few weeks old, she stayed for only a short time, refused all refreshments and brought us food that we heated for dinner that night, but could also have put in the freezer.

My other one is also food based, a good friend of mine brought dinner over, we heated it, ate, then watched movies for hours keeping my company while DH slept and I cluster fed DS. DS had really bad reflux and would only sleep upright cuddled into either DH or I, so we spent a lot of time watching netflix/films etc to keep us awake while DS slept safely on us. DH and I slept in shifts and it was a very isolating time for me!

I'm not sure if my friend knew how much it meant to me to be a friend in that time!

There's a lovely website called (I think?) 'don't buy her flowers' which is all about buying nice/practical things for new mums like insulated mugs. I wish it had been around when my DC were born!

Mostly though I think it's just when someone doesn't just coo over your newborn, but considers you as a new mother. ExP's cousin gave us a binbag of really used baby clothes and said 'here. For the days when they won't stop puking, and you daren't risk putting them in anything new. Bin the lot when you're done, you won't have to worry about washing then.'

@mutedrainbows That's so lovely! It took nothing out of her day, but it made all the difference to you.

I was kept in hospital due to severe blood loss and they were trying to work out if I needed a transfusion. DH had gone home after being with me all night to try and grab few hours sleep. I had two nurses with me on the special care ward and one looked after my newborn DD whilst the other took me to a shower with a seat in as I couldn't stand up without feeling weak and dizzy. She basically washed me and washed my hair and plaited it for me so I would feel nice and a bit more human. Sounds so simple but the small gesture of washing and plaiting my hair when I couldn't even stand without help was so lovely and kind and I still remember her softly talking to me whilst doing my hair. I felt so much more human and so cared for.

I gave birth in a hospital 100 miles away. We went home day 2 but had to return the next day as baby was jaundiced. She wasn't making much progress so I sent DP home on 4.

The night before had been horrendous - she'd screamed non-stop and I wasn't feeling great. I messaged a pal who lived nearby who I hadn't seen for a year if she could possibly pop in.

She came and stayed for hours. We had a laugh, she helped with breastfeeding and I felt so much better than I had. I was able to cope with the night so much better, which helped my dd and we were sent home the next day.

My lovely midwife who had started an hour after i arrived in hospital and who despite being finished her shift stayed by my side through the foreceps and then the emergency c section after all the hours of labour. Although i admit i had clung to her and begged her not to leave me when she indicated it was nearly time to go. I honestly dont think at that point i could have gotten through it all without her. She stayed until DS arrived and then came to my room to say well done and goodnight to me before she left for home. She was amazing and kept me so calm when all efforts to get DS out failed. I will always appreciate the support she gave me.

I felt lonely and isolated when I was breastfeeding when I lived at my mil's. My mum sensed something wasn't quite right and made sure I always had company and someone to talk to when I went home for a while. She wouldn't ever expect me to go to another room for breastfeeding instead she would say to my dad and brother that baby was going to have a feed and if they wanted they could go to another room. Once she had nipped to the shop and my brother sat outside the door talking to me whilst I was breastfeeding to give me company. He also arranged a home visit from a hairdresser for me after baby was born which cheered me up no end.

My auntie made me a herbal drink for new mothers fresh every day I stayed at home instead of just making a batch.

It seems really minor but it meant a lot to me - at the 6 week check up my GP told me what a great job I was doing. Up until that point I was getting several messages a day from my mother basically saying how everything I was doing was wrong and how my baby was going to have problems in life because of me. I was totally crushed, depressed and anxious. Even the way I was holding him was wrong. It meant the world to me to have someone tell me I was a good mother.

We got a card from each of our neighbours (terraced house with thin walls) saying that they could barely hear our baby, and when they could it was lovely to hear new life.
It really appeased new mum guilt when she cried for what felt like hours in the early hours.

Also, meals brought round for 2 weeks when DH went back to work from our church community.

I was BFing my newborn DD in a bench when a street magician suddenly set up next to me. This was followed by an incredibly large crowd of spectators. I was literally sat next to his performance area with everyone also facing me. A lovely lady sat next to me and talked to me whilst DD was feeding, then when she finished the lady stood up in front of me incase there was an accidental nip slip.

I got much better (less bothered) as DD got older, but this small act of kindness never left me 😊😊😊

Our Rabbi and his wife dropped around a lovely dinner for our first Sabbath home from the hospital, including a little note from their young children to our baby. It was just so sweet and thoughtful, I'm welling up just thinking about it - how beautifully the Rebbetzin had packed all of the food.

Some words of wisdom from my mum’s best friend via zoom. A senior midwife in the UK with over 30 years of experience, she helped me out a lot at the beginning. I was struggling with postpartum depression and guilt from not being able to breastfeed exclusively and having to supplement with formula. My husband and i had our first baby in March this year and we live in a red list country so no sorry from family or friends back home in the UK was possible. I should also add I’m a secondary teacher hence the start of the sentence!

“As a teacher, can you walk into a room and tell who’s been breastfed and who’s been formula fed? Can you tell who slept in their parents bed and who slept in a crib? What about who took a dummy and who didn’t? Or can you tell who has been loved and cared for, respected and brought up with kindness and understanding and who hasn’t? These things like feeding and sleeping may seem huge but we are talking about one year or less of your child’s life. As long as they are fed, warm, clean, clothed, loved, and cuddled your baby will be fine. No one knows your baby as well as you, not even your doctor, midwife or lady down the road with 13 kids! Trust your instincts, believe in your love for your child and you will be absolutely grand. The other things are details which will sort themselves out in the end. Your baby will tell you what she wants. Follow her and your own instincts. You can do this.”

The nurse came along to help me up out of bed (after an emergency C section) and said 'You are really doing well.' That made such a difference because I felt like a complete mess. I've always remembered that little comment because it was just what I needed and it really helped. I've paid that one forward many many times since.

My BIL who lives in America couldn’t come to visit DD as it was lockdown. But he asked me to FaceTime him with every night feed. I spent most of the night talking to him about becoming a new mum and all my worries and he’d listen and reassure I was doing a good job. It really meant a lot to me and DH and DD and BIL have a wonderful relationship now

My friend, a childminder, came over after my DH went back to work. She ordered me to have a bath, then go straight to bed, whilst she looked after my baby. I felt so good after my nap

Not newborn, but...

At my brother's wedding, my boys were 3yo and 2yo. I also had my husband to deal with as he didn't want to attend. I spent so long running around getting the males ready, I spent barely any time on myself. I had also not lost the baby weight since having DC. I wore an old dress, and stuck a tiara over my frizzy hair. We arrived at the wedding at the same time as one of my brother's friend. He looked at me up and down, and said "Wow, you look beautiful". Honestly, I could have cried. It was the nicest words anyone had said to me in years. I'm sure he didn't mean it, but it was so lovely nevertheless.

My twins were in SCBU after a gruesome traumatic birth, and I was barely functioning. When I was in the unit a few days later, a nurse made up a bed for me so I could have a nap. It was bliss - I was so grateful!

Nobody in our families did a single thing to help us. Nothing. Some of the stories in this thread are really heartwarming - I vow that if I ever become a granny I’ll do some of these kind things.

@MrsTerryPratchett

My wonderful late MIL brought me a whole case of a drink I like to the hospital. I was miserable, dehydrated and incapacitated with a c section. Everyone else brought flowers (which were nice) but she saw what I needed and sorted it. She had terminal cancer at this point but thought of me instead.

I really miss her. She died when DD was just a baby and she would have made such a difference in DD's life.

Very similar to my lovely MIL who died when our son was 7. I miss her so much. 💐

The weirdest thing....

Taking newborn DS, my first, out in his pram. Where we lived was a teency bit, um, dodgy. There was a huge bloke, massive, sharing his can of Special Brew with his equally huge dog. He absolutely lit up when he saw me, as I was chatting away to DS, started going on about how lovely it was to see a happy Mum and baby. He was genuinely so chuffed.

Few weeks later, went to an art gallery with a tea room.... owners descended, took DS and insisted I eat my cake in peace. Had a lovely half hour whilst they fussed over DS

I had the most amazing bf midwife - she really understood how much I wanted to bf and apologised in advance for manipulating my boobs and ds until we both 'got it' after a very traumatic birth 2 days before. Her name was Lynne, I'll never forget her, 18 years later!

Outside hospital, I was nervously feeding ds for only the second time in public. He was fussing, I hadn't managed to find a quiet spot facing away from everyone, and I was getting flustered. An older lady approached me, I was terrified of some vitriol similar to that I'd had from mil, and she told me I was doing such a great job, how lovely it was to see such a tiny baby out and about, and she brought me over a cup of tea. So so kind x

My husband and his family were domestically abusing me. I called my parents very early in the morning a couple of weeks post-partum too upset to speak, I just cried. They immediately came and got me and my baby and have let us stay with them without any complaint until I can get back on my feet. I'm just so grateful for their unfailing support

I found myself pregnant at a really tricky time. 21 days into my NQT year at a really religious school. I was unmarried but had been with DP for 5 years. People made all sorts of underhand comments and I felt very ashamed especially when I went to our monthly academy Trust meetings. The lady who ran it was so lovely and kind and one day said to me "All babies are blessings and God sends them when they are needed" It meant the world to me that someone was accepting of me and my baby after so many snide comments and still makes me tearful 5 years on.

Oh I have lots!

My mother came every day for two weeks to drop off a meal that just needed reheated at night so we didn’t have to cook.

My mother in law would take my baby for a two hour walk (in winter!) every day so I could sleep.

My mother in law (former midwife) came to my house every evening at 7pm to administer my blood thinning injections because I was too chicken to do them myself.

My sister sent me absolutely incredible letterbox brownies.

My best friend FaceTimed me and said ‘tell me in as much detail as you want for as long as you want everything about the birth’

So many more, I don’t think I have ever felt as cherished or supported in my life as I did in the weeks following my baby’s birth.

My lovely in-laws came over when DD was a couple of months old. I was suffering with severe PND and was suicidal, and DH was coming home everyday to a crying wife practically throwing a baby at him (not literally, obviously, but I was desperate to have him take her for a bit). The kitchen was a disaster because our dishwasher had broken and PILs told us both to go to bed, they looked after DD, did the washing up and made the kitchen spotless.

My mum cleaned our house while I was in hospital, and made us food most days for a few weeks. Supported my breastfeeding thoroughly.

My parents are also doing 2 days childcare when DD turns 1 which is incredibly generous

My friends made us food a couple of times too which was lovely.

This thread is lovely and is making me very emotional!! Nice to see some kindness after all the horrific news this last couple of weeks

Also, I had lovely midwives during actual birth (which was good as it was a hospital I hadn't wanted in the end, and I was so so worried), and nurses when we had to be readmitted for bad jaundice we're wonderful and fed me up and brought in loads of people to try support my breastfeeding with flat nipples, and then the infant feeding team were so helpful and supportive after and non judgemental. Fantastic first experience of a birth, after I'd heard horrific examples from my mum who had an incredibly racist midwife, and friends who'd had bad times.

I’ve told this story before but it’s worth repeating.
My fabulous MIL came to the hospital about 7pm the day DD was born.
I had a private room (pure luck).
She came in, glanced at the cot, came straight over to me and held me close and with a shakey voice said ‘you beautiful, clever girl, I am so proud of you’. She stroked my head and said ‘what can I get for you this very moment’. She hadn’t even picked up or had a proper look at her first (and only) grandchild.
I said ‘the thing I need most is for you to get that wain in your arms’.

My mam told me I was the strongest and bravest person she knew. The idea that someone thought that about me was a real changer for me. Now I know I was brave and I was strong during a time which was beyond hell.