To ask what were the nicest things people did or said when you had a newborn?

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

I've been reading the other thread and its frankly horrible to see so many women treated so badly by other people when they are so vulnerable!!

So let's have send nice things instead?

I'll start. A very pregnant friend came over to visit when DS was only a few weeks old, she stayed for only a short time, refused all refreshments and brought us food that we heated for dinner that night, but could also have put in the freezer.

My other one is also food based, a good friend of mine brought dinner over, we heated it, ate, then watched movies for hours keeping my company while DH slept and I cluster fed DS. DS had really bad reflux and would only sleep upright cuddled into either DH or I, so we spent a lot of time watching netflix/films etc to keep us awake while DS slept safely on us. DH and I slept in shifts and it was a very isolating time for me!

I'm not sure if my friend knew how much it meant to me to be a friend in that time!

A friend of mine visited and brought me / the family a meal to heat or freeze. It was one of the nicest things anyone could have done!

We were at a wedding when my first daughter was 6 weeks old. Her dad had been vile to me all day as if it wasn't stressful enough going to a wedding with a tiny baby. Another woman on the table insisted on holding the baby while I ate my meal even though hers got cold. I was so grateful as it was the first meal I'd eaten without her on me since she'd been born. It's always the first thing I offer when visiting people with newborns now- let me make you some food and hold the baby while you eat it

I was really struggling with DS when he was about 3 weeks old, non-stop screaming from him and no sleep for anyone, DH back to work and the GP had just been incredibly rude and patronising at my suggestion that DS might be allergic to dairy (spoiler: he was). I was crying, DS was crying and the house was an absolute shitpit and I couldn’t see how I was making it through the 8 remaining hours before DH would be home. My lovely neighbour knocked on the door, sort of sidled past me and somehow swapped DS for the cake she was holding then told me to go and get a shower while she walked him up and down the garden for a bit. I came down and she’d somehow got him to sleep and filled the dishwasher, then she gave me a hug and told me to knock anytime and went on her way. I still don’t know how she managed to do it without in any way making me feel judged or crappy, just such a lovely genuinely kind lady.

My husband spoon fed me dinner as DD needed feeding, I was ravenous, and hadn't got the hang on one handed breastfeeding yet.

My mum came to stay with me. I was taken into hospital a few days after coming home after emcs, difficult pregnancy etc. When I came home, I felt like I might die as I was so ill still but knew dh needed to go back to work and was looking after Ds. Everyone assumed I’d get pnd.
My mum came, slept in with me and Ds was in the cot next to me. She helped me get through those awful days. I’ve never felt so ill and she was just there supporting me. I love my mum so much.
She’s a complex woman but she’s my best friend.

When DD2 was a few months old I went to the Dr as I was feeling really anxious about everything. Just felt I wasn’t doing well and finding it all hard. When she found out I was breastfeeding she said “Look after yourself, your body is keeping your baby alive”

Just made me feel like I was actually getting one part of it right.

I had my son at home at 11pm
My mum was round in the morning with McDonalds while we were all in bed. She didn’t even ask to come in and see him. Just left and came back when invited later :)

I hate tepid food and it's a standing joke with DH that I like it molten hot.

I never once dealt with DD while I had a plate of food to eat, DH immediately got up and did it until I'd finished.

I'm not sure he even realises that he did that without fail but that thoughtfulness without ever expecting thanks has always stayed with me.

Lots of people who brought us food (an chocolates), we had about 7 lasagnes! And those dine in for two meals, so grateful!

Unexpected kind words, cards and gifts from various neighbours who we didn’t really know.

DC1 was on the cusp of losing too much weight post birth so we had some extra weighing appointments for a few weeks, early BF was really tough (now I know she had undiagnosed tongue tie) so DH bought me flowers when we were discharged.

MiL was super respectful (probably too much the other way!) of asking to visit once DH was back at work, she’s really lovely but it was nice to give me the space.

DH cutting up my meals for me during those cluster feeding evenings so I could eat one-handed, I know he should do this anyway but it was nice.

All little things but I will always remember them.

I had a lockdown baby and was so lonely. I got on ok until lockdown 3 when my husband was working 7 days a week, my mum was being vile and we stopped speaking for months even though she was my under 1 bubble.

My sister (who lives with my mum so was also in our bubble) is a teacher and when schools closed she worked from home from my house so I had company all day during the week. I think she actually saved me from PND because I was in a really bad place.

My SIL said "everyone else is focused on the baby. My focus is you. How are you really feeling?". I was struggling and really needed someone to say that!

My son was born premature at 34 weeks. We were having trouble with feeding so had to be readmitted for 2 days following discharge. I was beside myself with grief, despair and feeling like I was useless. A lovely midwife said to me I was doing a great job. It was just what I needed and made me realise I was trying my best.

Aw what a lovely thread!

After having DD I put in weight and expressed this in work as I was feeling glum. A male colleague said "WHAT?! You've just had a baby, your body has done an amazing thing and you look fantastic for it, don't change a single thing about yourself". I cried.

Ooh so many!

My dad texting to say he was really proud of us after little one was born (he’s not an emotional person so this is rare even though I know he is!)
My other half buying me a bracelet and leaving a note from my little one saying I was his hero. Also preparing us breakfast and lunch before he went to work each day
Neighbours and work colleagues going to the effort of sending really thoughtful cards and presents during a lockdown
The midwives being so supportive of my bf journey even when weight dipped in the first weeks, no pressure at all to change my plan just a load of encouragement and support.

Having our little one really made me appreciate how many amazing people we have around us

When Ds1 was born, my sister turned up with boxes of finger food and a big chocolate cake. Mmmm!
When Ds2 was born, I'd had an EMCS and he Did Not Sleep. He also howled the place down if I wasn't holding him. I didn't know exhaustion until then.
Some things that got me through -
A friend at my church organised a meal rota and we didn't have to cook for two weeks! One of my friends made a big shephers pie and TWO pavlovas. The HV was there when she arrived with the goodies. She then said "I was going to ask you if you have a support network, but I don't need to! Also, can I stay for dinner?"
Then there was the time I was food shopping and Ds2 hated being in the trolley. He screamed so loud. One of the assistants told me to hold him and she pushed the trolley to the till, unloaded it for me and then packed everything for me.
Yes I did go on the supermarket website and sing her praises.

My mum said she's never seen anyone take to motherhood like I did.

Doesn't sound that nice, but I'm not one of those women who was made to be a mum, if you get what I mean. An ex colleague actually said I'd make a shit mum. But when I had my son, something just clicked and it was nice that someone ride noticed.

I have to say I make a point of telling all my friends how amazing they look. Even if they look half dead through sleep deprivation, it's just a nice thing to hear isn't it!

My first ds was in nicu for a week after birth - we didn't even get to hold him for the first 5 days
2 of the nicu nurses stand out - the first who warned me they were going to discharge me on day 3 from the ward and advised I "hide out" in nicu if I wanted - I did I couldn't bear the idea of them sending me home without ds - they let me stay to day 5 in the end.
The other who phoned the lab at midnight on day 4 to check had ds blood results come back (they had and we're clear!) so then opened the incubator for the first time, helped me cuddle ds despite all the wires and took my phone to get our first photo together.... Before sending me back to bed to get some sleep!
My dm who cleaned my house, filled my cupboards and came up every day the first week we were home with both kids to allow dh and I to go to bed for a couple of hours to sleep

The MW were so lovely to me when I had my DTs. One stayed with me and saw how exhausted I was trying to bf and it just wasn’t working (I’d been in for a couple of days beforehand and hadn’t slept) so she cup fed my babies. She took photos of the the three of us for me, and stayed and chatted with me, she was just amazing. The next night, the MW’s took my babies as again I still hadn’t slept (I couldn’t stay awake anymore by this point) and I got 5.5 whole glorious hours sleep. They’d kept a log of the feed times and amount the babies had drunk, and were so kind.

My HV who came round weekly just to talk to me as she knew I was drowning in PND but couldn’t say anything. We’d chat, play with the babies and she was like a friend to me. She did the official visits, but never once let on to DH that she came for these weekly ones at all as I couldn’t tell him for various reasons.

A lady who I picked a table up from that we’d bought on eBay refused to let me carry anything as she knew I’d not long had a baby. We got chatting and I said I’d had twins. She was the first (and one of only a handful!) to say double blessing rather than double trouble. Later in the conversation when I told her they were ivf babies she said they were extra special too. She was just so lovely, and positive about my babies, it meant so much to me.

We’d bought a family 7 seater piece of shit car as we’d discovered the babies and all their stuff didn’t fit comfortably in our old car. This broke down plenty, so I’d take the babies to a cafe whilst waiting for the car to be repaired. I’d fed both, winded etc, but DD just wouldn’t settle and my food had arrived. An older lady came over and asked if I’d like her to help (but to feel free to say no and she’d go away) and bless her she did - she sat and held my DD so I could eat my food, settled my DS in the pram and had a chat with me also.

I feel hard done by reading these, I literally had no help at all apart from my DH after an EMCS 😢

MIL (well exMIL) brought and hamper and flowers for DD whilst I was still I'm hospital. Whilst she was there she had a cuddle with DD, didn't outstay her welcome and before she left asked if I wanted anything from the shop, wouldn't take no for an answer and returned with a sandwich, cake and a drink aswell as a magazine to read as we weren't sure how much longer we would be in hospital. Doesn't sound much but exMIL is disabled and had to walk to the otherwise of the hospital to the shop.

A couple of days after we got home exMIL came to visit again, made me a brew (I have never seen her ever so much as put the kettle on before then) and once I had finished feeding DD she held her. DD fell asleep on her lap and she asked if I wanted to use the time to go have a bath/shower/relax and she would shout me as soon as she woke up. I'd not let DD out of my sight up to that point, but the way exMIL asked was in a way that made it feel completely a choice and in a way that was genuinely so I could have a few minutes to my self and not so she could have DD all to my self. I had a bath, blow dried my hair and to this day it is the best bath (all of 5 minutes ) I have ever had

I'm sorry you didn't have help @Claphands, its really shit.

So many nice things have had me tearing up here, so many people are right, its sometimes a small thing that can mean so much!

I've remembered another, the BF specialist that came to our house for an hour and just sat while I fed DS, offering help with the latch, hold etc. She was also very nice to me on my first solo trip out. I went to the BF support group she held at a local harvester or the like when DS was about 3 weeks old. I just cried solidly at her for an hour while I fed DS hiding from the other mums then went home. She was just so kind and non judgemental.

My DH has also reminded me of one lovley midwife. She did the antenatal classes and was just excellent, we emailed in to say how great she'd been. Then she came in on day 6 or 7, saw we were struggling, made sure she was the one assigned to us fom there on in, didn't discharge us fom the MW team for longer than normal. She also persuaded us to try formula, not giving up BF, but just that a bottle so I could sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. I'd gotta myself convinced that giving any formula at all would ruin my DS for life.

DS had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep lying down, only on our chests, it was a very difficult time, and having a friendly face saying that it was ok to try formula, that it wouldn't hurt my breastfeeding to give 1 bottle of formula a day really helped!

My DF booked the week off work following DD's birth incase we needed to get anywhere or get to any appointments as we didn't have a car, he took us out for food 3 days after she was born and made sure I had plenty to eat. My DM and DSF came with all the ingredients for a Sunday dinner, took over my kitchen and cooked the lot for us whilst we sat and did nothing. When DP went back to work, he used to get everything ready for me the night before, outfits, spare outfits, vests, nappies, the lot would be where I needed for when I needed. If I was going anywhere, formula was measured in the tubs ready for me and the changing bag was packed, all I had to do was put us both in clothes and leave the house. All those things were so helpful and it's little things like that that I'll always remember.

My MIl used to always make a point of asking if I needed anything before asking to hold the baby. She made every visit about me first then the babies then DH!

A lovely HV once told me as I sobbed that I was doing a great job and that my baby was lucky to have me.

My close friend used to come over and walk the floor with DD when she was not settling. She would describe the most mundane thing in a really soothing voice to settle her. ‘Look DD, there is a lovely bottle of coke, see that green thing? That’s a plant. That picture of Brad Pitt on the fridge, Mummy luffs him’ it was all in a sing song soothing tone, even I felt soothed!!

I had a lockdown baby, my parents are dead and my in laws were weirdly distant and seemed uninterested when DD was born/tiny despite normally being quite close (I'm blaming covid madness and things are alowly but steadily improving although they're definitely still not the type to give practical hands on help).

I was very lonely and I did struggle with pnd.

However I was very very lucky in the sense of lovely cards and gifts from friends. A couple of my friends sent care packages just for me including brownies, gin, crisps, books (very optimistic that one - still unopened sadly!), fancy teabags etc.

One friend sent me a message saying how happy she was for me, how beautiful DD was, that she hoped I was feeling on top.of the world but just in case I wasn't, she wanted to let me know it was totally ok to be feeling shit, that she had felt really low and bleak for weeks and that it was totally normal and she was always there. It really really helped because I was indeed feeling awful.

Neighbours who we didn't even know that well made us meals and brought them over. A lovely old lady I'd never even spoken to who lives opposite gave us a card and £5 for DD, it made me cry! (We're now firm friends and she loves to see and chat to DD).

My favourite was the student midwife who really helped me and had my back whilst I was labouring alone and mostly ignored in a very overcrowded and short staffed antenatal ward (no room on labour ward). She came to visit me on the postnatal ward after DD was eventually born quite a looooooong time and an EMCS later, told me how well I'd done and how glad she was to be able to finally meet DD. I loved her, she was amazing.