To ask what were the nicest things people did or said when you had a newborn?

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

I've been reading the other thread and its frankly horrible to see so many women treated so badly by other people when they are so vulnerable!!

So let's have send nice things instead?

I'll start. A very pregnant friend came over to visit when DS was only a few weeks old, she stayed for only a short time, refused all refreshments and brought us food that we heated for dinner that night, but could also have put in the freezer.

My other one is also food based, a good friend of mine brought dinner over, we heated it, ate, then watched movies for hours keeping my company while DH slept and I cluster fed DS. DS had really bad reflux and would only sleep upright cuddled into either DH or I, so we spent a lot of time watching netflix/films etc to keep us awake while DS slept safely on us. DH and I slept in shifts and it was a very isolating time for me!

I'm not sure if my friend knew how much it meant to me to be a friend in that time!

Not newborn but at 8 weeks we flew out on holiday. On they way back a random man tapped me on the shoulder as we were standing waiting to exit the plane and said how well behaved our baby was and what wonderful parents we clearly were. God knows why he said this but it made me cry. To this day no one has every said I'm a good parent, not even my own friends or family.

The midwife who took my newborn from me in hospital it allowed me to get 1.5hours sleep as I hadn't managed to sleep for days.

Arriving home from hospital to find a care package on the doorstep from my best friend.

Went to the supermarket with 7 week old who screamed the whole way round, got to the checkout and started unloading shopping, the cashier from the next till came over and packed my shopping so I could get out of there quicker. Both cashiers were so lovely it really helped make me feel better.

A lovely lovely HCA who sat with me and helped me after DS1 had a huge amount of trouble feeding after a hugely long labour and EMCS.
The amazing consultant who made sure I had a single room after DS2 needed heart surgery at ten days old. 'This woman needs to feed her baby and she needs a room to do it!'
My fantastic Mumsnet antenatal group who sent me some essential goodies when I was diagnosed with breast cancer when DD was 8 weeks old. They were and still are, fantastic friends.

@Claphands

I feel hard done by reading these, I literally had no help at all apart from my DH after an EMCS 😢

Me too. And my DH was in hospital himself when my second was a couple of weeks old. Plenty of family around but no one stepped up to help. Makes me realise how angry I am actually, I feel very hard done by.

These have made me sob (currently pregnant). After having my baby I have completely changed how I visit others after they have a baby. I focus on them first, not the baby. I bring them presents and food instead of just baby clothes. I never realised until I had my own how invisible a new mother can feel.

Ooh, having a real sob here🥲, at all the lovely kindness shown to you new Mums!!
Such a difference from some of the absolute horrors stories in the other thread!
It’s a looong time since my Ds was born, he was the only baby in the neighbourhood, and we were shown great kindness from all the elderly folk. Even the old gentlemen of the area were so lovely, bringing presents and tucking money in the crib! I was very touched by it all.

Several people from the church we went to brought round meals (we probably had about 2 weeks of meals) and a friend came round with her teenage daughter for a visit and insisted I go upstairs and nap while she entertained toddler and baby.

A lot of MN would be aghast at the meals (and question why I needed them anyway!) without having inspected everyone else's kitchen first but I was very grateful!

My first was readmitted to hospital after his day 5 weigh in as he had lost too much weight and was jaundice. I sent a hurried text to a friend asking if she could pop round and feed the cats whilst we were in hospital with him. She fed the cats, noticed the machine was full of wet washing so sorted that, washed the dishes in the sink and did a quick tidy of the living room. Made such a difference when we got home a couple of days later!

Mine are - someone my dad worked with - I’d never met her- bought my daughter a little outfit. I was so touched by that. And also when said daughter was about 9mths old queuing up in mothercare they had teddies lined up and she was trying to grab one. The man in front of us bought her one because she was being so cute. We still have ‘scarf teddy’ and daughter is now 18. These things really stick with you don’t they and mean so much at the time & now.

My lovely mum came to stay with me for a few days. In that time, she took care of me, DH, my newborn, our house, our laundry, all visitors, and everything and anything else.

My MIL stayed for 2 weeks and sat around waiting for us to take care of her.

My mum is fucking amazing!

My DM came to stay after DC1 & DC2 were born and was our cook and cleaner and toddler entertainer and never judged or butted in with the way we did things. She was having treatment for cancer when DC2 was born and still put us first. She always tells me what a wonderful parenting team me and DH make.

My SIL cooked and brought over delicious home cooked meals every night for the first 2 weeks. It was such a huge help

My mum brought us food over most days, took all our baby washing and bedding away and washed it for us, and came round on her lunch breaks once DP was back at work and brought me a sandwich and held DD for a bit. She’s quite a harsh lady and we’ve never been super close so it was extra meaningful to be so cared for

My friend’s mum knitted DD a beautiful little hat and cardigan with a pom pom

My best friend took DD for a walk and fed and changed her so I could have a 2 hour nap. Returned with a happy sleeping baby!

My best friends were just incredibly lovely and reassuring when I bit the bullet and told them that I was struggling to bond with DC2. It still makes me cry now.

My DM came to stay for a while after each baby and has always been incredibly supportive and helpful with minimal interference (a big achievement for her - she does love to interfere! ).

DS2 is under care of a specialist heart hospital and the staff there are absolutely incredible. They have been supportive and kind and wonderful in every part of the hospital we've been in and at every level. They are a testament to how amazing the NHS can be (unlike my GP) and I could not be more grateful for them.

@Everydayimhuffling , having a heart baby is a weird thing. Mine is nearly 11 now but the staff are still wonderful with him (he's also high functioning ASD, so needs to know what's happening!).

Dh did all the night feeds for the 2 weeks he was off work and anything at night before 1am when he wasn't.
I had pnd and I still thank him for it now 7 yrs on.

I was in the hospital for 3 days in total during labour and after having my DD, both DH and I were exhausted and surviving on no sleep. When we finally got home my sister had tidied and clean the entire house and batch cooked dinners for the next few days, I was so tired I bawled my eyes out when I opened the fridge 😂 honestly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me hopefully I'll be able to repay the favour one day.

Mum also took 2 weeks off work to be with me and DD once DH returned to work after paternity leave, she was such a great help and her and DD have such an amazing connection now.

@weebarra that was a big thing for me right at the beginning: seeing how great the staff were with the bigger children was so reassuring, knowing how often we'd be back. It made me feel like he was in good hands for the long run.

My neighbour offered look after my older child if our friends couldn't get there in time and bought over a lasagne and salad for dinner one night when number 2 was born.

My dd had silent reflux and cmpa and as a result spent most of her young life screaming. For some stupid reason I decided I would walk into town with her - should take 20 mins. It took me 3 hours and a million stops to try and feed and comfort her. I should have given up and gone back home but I was stubborn and made it to the cafe with a screaming baby. I got in the queue to get a tea and a lady told me to go sit down and she bought me a cup of tea and wouldn't take my money. It was the nicest thing in the world to me.

I also once met a lovely lady when I got a train to london with baby dd. She entertained her and was extra kind to me as she'd found out I no longer had a mum. On the way home lots of trains were cancelled and I foolishly got on a rammed train (it was that or potentially not get home for many hours so I risked it) and was squished with dd in the baby carrier. She hated that and screamed her head off for about an hour. There was lots of tutting but also a lovely lady trying to play peppa pig on her phone and someone else told me I was not to get off on the next stop and everyone else would just have to cope with the noise. When I tried to feed her standing up, drip sweating down my face a man did shout "for goodness sake this woman is trying to feed this screaming baby standing up with no space. Someone give her a seat!" and I was given a seat!

My old dad who was never very hands on, bought me a lovely posh pamper basket with fancy chocs and v fancy toiletries Id never have afforded / splashed out on. It was a lovely present and 22 years later I still remember it very fondly. He said all the focus is on baby but I wanted a gift for you. Xx

A man on the bus took a look at my son sleeping in his pram and said ' Your son is beautiful . Babies are like uncut diamonds ' . I have always remembered this and do you know what ..he is absolutely spot on !

@Dollywilde

A friend (not even a close one to me but a female friend of DH’s) who already had a 2 year old sent me the most lovely message. Basically a beautifully worded thing saying of course you’re so happy to have your baby but it is totally ok to grieve for the life you’ve lost, to find it hard, to wonder if life will ever be normal again, to struggle with your postpartum body, to go to the loo just to get 5 mins peace! And that she knew I’d absolutely smash it but it was a huge transition and she was always around for a chat if I needed someone who’d been through it.

I’m actually tearing up at the memory now, 1 year down the line because it was so so thoughtful and I read it back so many times in the dead of night. I had PND and was basically the first of my close friends to have a baby so they were all ‘but it’s so exciting! She’s so cute!’. Even though we weren’t super close it made me feel less alone. I’m planning on sending similar messages to my friends if/when they have kids.

Also a delivery of Cook ready meals, but they always get mentioned on these threads

BRB, crying 😭

After I lost my son quite late in pregnancy, my friend who turned up, 8 months pregnant herself to cry and swear with me and brought us some home cooked meals so I don’t have to think about it for a couple of days.

I will always love her til the day I die.