To ask if it’s normal to never feel proud of yourself or your dc?

[Waltzingkoala]

Most people I know seem to talk a lot about their dc and their own achievements and feel a genuine sense of pride.
It always makes me feel jealous, not because of the achievement but because they can feel that sort of emotion around it.
I feel really meh about anything my dc do, I just think they are normal average dc, doing normal average stuff.
I also feel that I am personally a failure. If I compare myself to most of my university peer group I am a failure, there’s no doubt. My marriage has also recently broken down so I’m a failure personally too.
It makes me feel sad that at approaching 40 I’ve never achieved anything, quite the opposite. I wonder if how I feel about myself sometimes gets projected onto my dc. My own parents were also never proud of me so I guess that might be part of it too.
If I had to do scribe myself in one word I’d say ‘failure’ or maybe ‘loser.’
I don’t think those things about my dc but I do just think 🤷🏼‍♀️ a lot of the time.
It must be nice to feel pleased about something you or your dc have done.

I heard a talk once by someone who rightly pointed out that most people are average, statistically speaking.

It's so important for mental health to value everyday achievements. For someone with a health issue, be it physical or mental it can be an immense 'win' to get out of bed and cleaning the house or having a bath likewise.

Or indeed for all or any of us, simply getting through a global pandemic with ourselves relatively intact, albeit emotionally bruised perhaps, is also an immense achievment.

Called resilience.

I really think you sound like you could do with some counselling. It just sounds like your life could be so much happier. And maybe also some career guidance as I have inherently low self esteem but I have managed to raise it by achieving at work and enjoying and being proud of my job. My Dad put me down a lot which led to me choosing a partner who does the same, and so it has only been my career really that has helped changed my opinion of myself. I know in your current state of mind, you probably feel like you can’t have a career you are proud of but you absolutely can. Re your children, I think you are proud of them deep down but your mind state isn’t letting you recognise that. I genuinely think general counselling to help you raise your feelings of self worth will help everything including how you feel about your kids. You have a long life to live so help yourself and make the most of it.

I believe world would be auite a different place if people patted their own backs more and cheered themselves and others on more.
My DH sometimes gets into the negative thinking so i name him all the things he did. We are really each other's cheerleaders.
Tbf we all have bad days when we feel less than average. But as pp said, the frame of mind is important and I can say thay it doesn't let this go on for long. Effort, trying and getting out of comfort zone, even if it doesn't end in suvvess is also something prople should be proud of. It often takes a lot of balls to try something