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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if it’s normal to never feel proud of yourself or your dc?

129 replies

Waltzingkoala · 10/08/2021 07:34

Most people I know seem to talk a lot about their dc and their own achievements and feel a genuine sense of pride.
It always makes me feel jealous, not because of the achievement but because they can feel that sort of emotion around it.
I feel really meh about anything my dc do, I just think they are normal average dc, doing normal average stuff.
I also feel that I am personally a failure. If I compare myself to most of my university peer group I am a failure, there’s no doubt. My marriage has also recently broken down so I’m a failure personally too.
It makes me feel sad that at approaching 40 I’ve never achieved anything, quite the opposite. I wonder if how I feel about myself sometimes gets projected onto my dc. My own parents were also never proud of me so I guess that might be part of it too.
If I had to do scribe myself in one word I’d say ‘failure’ or maybe ‘loser.’
I don’t think those things about my dc but I do just think 🤷🏼‍♀️ a lot of the time.
It must be nice to feel pleased about something you or your dc have done.

OP posts:
AllTheSingleLadiess · 10/08/2021 08:25

Define achievement. Learning to ride a bike is an average skill but persevering through the wobbling until the child can manage a bike ride for a few miles is s massive achievement.

You're right that your parents' outlook has sucked out the joy in life where there is some. My 18yo has just passed her driving test which is normal for her age but it's hard for me not to find her excitement about it worthy of talking about. She's bought a dedicated handheld vacuum and is so excited at the freedom it brings.

Deliaskis · 10/08/2021 08:25

I am hugely proud of DD for things others might not be.... because they are a big deal or required a lot of effort for her. It's not that I'm proud because she's a genius at xyz subject at school. I'm proud because she overcame her nerves and was amazing in the chorus in the school play (IMO, for a timid child who tries to stay out of the limelight). She wasn't the lead part, but going on stage at all was hard for her and I'm very proud of that. So you and your children don't have to be winning olympic medals to have achieved plenty that is worthy of pride.

picklemewalnuts · 10/08/2021 08:26

I think you may be misunderstanding'pride'.
Most people are average, it's fine to recognise that.

However at the same time as recognising that, we see our children overcome challenges that are personal to them. That's what makes us proud.
So Billy may be slower than all his mates, but the day he ties his shoe laces is a triumph. The day Jane counts to 20 without missing out 13 is a day to celebrate.

It's about taking pleasure in progress, rather than feeling your child is better than anyone else's.

user97495 · 10/08/2021 08:31

My children are relatively average academically, but their resilience this last year has made me SO proud. My eldest is turning into the most kind hearted, well mannered, empathetic boy and it makes my heart swell. It isn't just about grades.

Roomonb · 10/08/2021 08:32

My parents were hyper critical but yeah I am proud of my daughter meeting her milestones, even if I know its total normal. Maybe pride isn’t the right word, I’m happy to see her picking up new skills. But tbh so what if she’s average, most of us are. She may be unremarkable to other people but not to me. She doesn’t have to be amazing to have me proud of her, she’s helpful and funny, she doesn’t need a nobel prize. You seem focussed on achievements rather than who they are. Maybe focus on pride in their efforts rather than pride in their output iyswim.

Therapy, unpick it, you sound so sad and your kids do need to feel they are loved and appreciated for who they are not what they do.

Jent13c · 10/08/2021 08:34

I think you should perhaps consider seeking some counselling support on this.

My DM is like this. I failed my first attempt at uni and went back when I was in my 20s and had DS during my degree and worked ridiculously hard to get through it. I graduated 9 months pregnant with second DS and for the first time in years felt like I had finally achieved something. On the day she said that I could have achieved a more academic degree with the grades I had at school and I had chosen an easy degree to pursue. I've never felt so hurt and let her know that in no uncertain terms.

It all stemmed from her being very clever and doing a very professional degree but then getting married and having kids and working as assistant to her qualification.

If it is just a temporary thing then perhaps you need to see a GP in case you are depressed following such a big life change but if its a longer term thing I urge you to seek support as your children will pick up on it and it will affect the relationship you have with them in the future.

Its all relative what you feel you have achieved in, one of my friends has excelled in her career but feels a failure every day because she is now in her late 30s and has no spouse or children. Dont measure your children's achievements with the ones you feel you have failed in. My DS isn't particularly coordinated so he will never excel in sports but he is the kindest boy I have ever met and can talk to adults so easily even at 4 and makes everyone feel great.

Bingbongbash · 10/08/2021 08:36

I haven't read the whole thread but it sounds like you just don't feel proud because you were never encouraged to feel proud of your achievements as a child. It is important you encourage your own DC to feel good about themselves. It really doesn't have to be about anything important. Just point how when they do something kind or funny or helpful or clever or creative or insightful. There must be lots of little things they do each day which are great. They don't have to be winning prizes or setting the world alight. Being proud of how lovely your children are isn't bragging. It isn't saying they are better than other kids. It is just recognising how wonderful kids are. Once you start pointing it out to them you'll get into the habit of noticing how great they are and it may come more naturally.

Whattherapy2020 · 10/08/2021 08:38

OP - firstly a big hug. The type where someone holds onto you and doesn't let go - and at some point you relax into it. 😄😄

I felt like you - kids grown up foing their own thing and feeling like I had wasted my life. Therapy showed md that I need to reframe things as having invested my time in supporting my husband znd kids to reach their potential. That helped and I now can take some happiness in knowing that they are who they are because I helped them get there. Can you try looking back at life within that frame?

Re the kids - I say this very kindly- please try and look at how you can change your view of them. I know you put on an act with them but they are clever little blighters and can pick up alot. Your 'value' to your parents is what shapes your whole life , if they made you feel special it makes you so much stronger and self worthy. Its not your fault as your parents did not do that for you so you have to learn it. But you are intelligent- to havd been to uni- and insightful so I think you can try.

How about you give each child in turn 'control' of the day. What you eat, where you go and then they help you plan/do it? That will take the pressure off you - with having to come up with something- and give you insight into what they really like. Take photos of yhe day and maybe print some photos fir the fridge and look at them to remind you all what a fab day you had.

Please be kind to yourself - it looks like you have not enough kindness and can do with some right now.

SmallChairs · 10/08/2021 08:39

Your negativity about yourself and the way you were brought up is having an impact on your children’s lives —my mother, with dreadful self-esteem and no education due to to her impoverished mother taking her out of school to work aged 12, was always actively embarrassed by my achievements because she saw me as an aspect of herself and thought it looked like ‘showing off’. When I won an international scholarship to university, I I heard her saying to the neighbours that I ‘always had my nose in a book to get out of doing housework’.

Whattherapy2020 · 10/08/2021 08:39

Sorry about typos - fat fingers !!

TheSockMonster · 10/08/2021 08:40

No, it’s not normal OP and I think you have the capacity to feel a lot better than you do at the moment Flowers

It is possible to feel joy and pride every day over the little things. I like the John Lennon quote “life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”

See your GP to rule out depression and consider counselling to undo some of the negative messages you’ve taken from your own childhood. My own parents always have the impression they were loving life and thrilled with the adults me and my DB were growing into. I think you would be a very different person if you’re parents had been more like that.

megletthesecond · 10/08/2021 08:41

I think you do have things to be proud of though, you've been to Uni for a start. I think you're over projecting and having a a mid life wobble Flowers.

TheSockMonster · 10/08/2021 08:42

Typos Blush

My own parents always gave the impression

You would be a very different person if your parents

Blush
AlexaShutUp · 10/08/2021 08:45

OP, even if your dc's achievements are pretty average, aren't there personal qualities that you observe and feel proud of? Kindness, generosity, tenacity, resilience for example?

I think it's natural for most parents to feel proud of their kids. It's a shame you never felt that from your own mum and dad, but it isn't too late for you to make your own kids feel good about themselves. Do you think you might be a bit depressed or something?

shouldistop · 10/08/2021 08:47

Your child doesn't have to be exceptional for you to feel proud of them. Recently I've felt proud of my 5yo for sitting nicely in church and being kind and polite at a birthday party.
Could you be depressed?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/08/2021 08:48

@Waltzingkoala

I pretend to be enthused about their stuff but it’s very much an act. I do try. I tell them I’m proud of them - even though I’m not. I’m not ashamed of them or anything either. I just think they’re normal average children who will grow up to be unremarkable adults. I don’t know what I want to achieve, I just think if I’d not been born would it have mattered to anyone? I am very unhappy and can’t remember the last time I enjoyed or looked forward to anything.
No, that's not normal. Your children shouldn't have to be doing remarkable things for you to feel proud of them. I feel proud of my children for ridiculously small things infact they don't even really need to do anything, I just feel pride when I look at them. Do you feel other emotions like happiness, excitement etc?
MrsTophamHat · 10/08/2021 08:49

You seem to only measure success against other people, which is not a good way to do it. Other people's seemingly great lives are often not all they seem.

Particularly for your children, it's important to measure their success against their own progress. So a better than usual spelling test score or mastering tying their shoelaces is something to be proud of. You can also be proud of their qualities; are they thoughtful? Funny? Persistent? Creative?

L1ttleSeahorse · 10/08/2021 08:51

My parents never delighted in me and at 40 Im still dealing with this.

Please get some help so you can break the cycle. Some good counselling to look into why you are treating your children so badly as this will really affect them.

And can you get some support for yourself? You sound potentially depressed? Can you see the doctor m

nancydroo · 10/08/2021 08:51

@Waltzingkoala

I pretend to be enthused about their stuff but it’s very much an act. I do try. I tell them I’m proud of them - even though I’m not. I’m not ashamed of them or anything either. I just think they’re normal average children who will grow up to be unremarkable adults. I don’t know what I want to achieve, I just think if I’d not been born would it have mattered to anyone? I am very unhappy and can’t remember the last time I enjoyed or looked forward to anything.
This is classic midlife crisis! Don't detach from your children. I started to do this and has to really drag myself out of the funk. The way you feel towards your children will mess up their self esteem. Children know. And they know when you say stuff you don't believe. That's worse. God I remember my parents trying to do that and it showed how they really felt. Yes other people seem like they for it sorted careers money fab lives but they will have something too that drags them down. Buddhists say life is suffering. No one goes through life without it. Your children are remarkable and so are you. You made them now invest in them emotionally. Take notice. Take interest as they and only them will give a monkeys about you if you are ill, unhappy and the only ones who care when you've gone.
L1ttleSeahorse · 10/08/2021 08:53

How young are they? Children are exhausting! Do you have any support at all?

If under 5 homestart are amazing and free and someone can help you once a week to connect with your child.

ikeepseeingit · 10/08/2021 08:58

You sound depressed OP. Please get some therapy so that you can allow yourself to feel pride and joy. You are capable of this emotions I promise you. Your expectations of life and perfection is far too high! There are very very very few people who live entirely remarkable lives, but we all have little pockets of achievements and joy that we can share with others.

You need a good therapist who you can walk through your past traumas with, and you should feel pride in being able to take the step into therapy to do that. It’s a very hard thing to admit when you need help.

You’re trying your best OP, you just need someone who can listen.

Somuddled · 10/08/2021 09:01

It sounds as though when determining pride for something you compare it against achievements of other people. For example you describe your children as normal children doing normal things. That's not how I determin pride, I base it on comparing the person (or myself) to themselves. I often feel lots of pride. Yesterday I felt so proud of my sister, aged 40 she is once again trying to learn to drive. A year ago she would not have been able to get behind a wheel. It is totally irrelevant to me that most people learn to drive much sooner, I'm proud because this is progress for her. Perhaps that's where you are going wrong?

humadum · 10/08/2021 09:04

My father, in many ways, was a very admirable man. However, he felt that he was a failure and that everything he did and had was a failure or bound to fail. Unfortunately, this included his wife and children.

He was never intentionally abusive. It was just that we were constantly compared to our (apparently) successful peers. My mother, in his opinion, never worked as hard as any other mother, and his fields (he was a farmer) were never as productive or tidy as anyone else's. He was convinced that 'everyone else' looked down on us and judged us (rightly) as less.

His attitude came from being brought up with a very stoic father who expected too much from his eldest son at a time (the Great Depression) when everyone was struggling. His father strongly believed that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child, and that praise in any form would make his son weak and arrogant.

My father died a few years ago, and when my mother was asked to say a few words about him, she said, 'He worried a lot!'. After sixty years of marriage, that is what she remembered most profoundly.

We loved our father, but we had to dig deeply to find any emotional connection, and the love was always tempered by the fact that we felt we were something of a disappointment to him.

As a result, I know the real value of building up a child's confidence and self esteem. Both my sons have special needs and so, they are not fooled by empty platitudes. However, one of them has an affinity with cats, and I tell him so. The other is using much more complex vocabulary and I let him know I have noticed this. Like the poster above implied, we need to focus on all those little wonders that our children evidence each day, and learn to say to ourselves that we are good or at least good enough, and the seeds of self confidence will grow.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 10/08/2021 09:08

I think in your first post you say that your parents were never proud of you. I think how we are brought up has a massive impact on our future lives and this will have had a big effect on you. You are the grown up now in your children's lives and I think you are doing the right thing in saying that you are pleased with things they have done as they will be glad to hear it from you. There is a saying ' fake it till you make it' which could apply here. I also think you sound very down about yourself at the moment. Maybe you are feeling a bit depressed? It could help to see a GP to get some support or medication to get you through. Good Luck with this.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 10/08/2021 09:10

Would it help to look at things from the other way about. Ie draw up a mental list of things you and the children are NOT - eg

  1. They have not been excluded from school for bad behaviour
  2. They have not needed special help because they’re behind at school (assuming they’re NT)
  3. They are not rude to people
  4. They are not cast in the same mould as your Ex.

I know I’m making assumptions here but a list like this might help restore balance