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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm just not likeable?

111 replies

Whogotdakeystomabeamer · 09/08/2021 20:05

DD is at nursery, will be starting school in September.
Now I don't know whether I'm a) expecting too much from people b) experiencing some sort of paranoia, or c) am actually just unlikeable.
However there have been several situations recently where I think it must be the latter.

  • there was a joint birthday party get together in a local park a month or so ago for two of the kids in the class. Lots of the kids went along with their parents, me included. DD points out one of the girls she talks about a lot at home, and I say to girls mum 'ahh you're X's mum, DD talks about her all the time, it's lovely to put a face to the name.'
The mum looks at me, clearly forces a smile, and doesn't say a word. A bit weird I thought but just assumed I must have misread the situation or she was having a shit day. Anyway, I've seen the same mum twice now on drop offs and pick ups and have smiled and said hello. Nothing. No acknowledgement of me whatsoever.
  • the second situation is almost exactly the same - DD talks about a boy she plays with a lot. I encountered said boys dad at a leaving exhibition thing that the nursery put and and said 'ohh this is Y - we've heard so much about him.' The dad literally looks at me and turns away.
I saw him again this morning, 'morning', I said as I walked past him (bearing in mind he was looking right at me) and he just put his head down and walked past me.

It's been on my mind all day, I keep thinking have I done something, or could daughter have done something? I find it utterly bizarre behaviour for grown adults.

DH thinks I'm either completely paranoid or that I've totally misread the situation, but who sees someone and completely ignores them? Are people just rude? I don't understand it! And would I be unreasonable to ask him what his fucking problem is next time? (I obviously won't actually do this).

OP posts:
Iusedtobesoooomuchfun · 09/08/2021 20:09

Oh I hate people like this. It's like they are terrified you want to be their best friend! No, I just want to say Hi and have a non committed, friendly chat with the parent of the child my kids loves!

They are either rude or in their own heads too much.

Don't take it personally OP. I'm sure you're lovely. (you may also be a complete dickhead🤣)

clarepetal · 09/08/2021 20:16

They sound like the unlikeable ones here.

Imnothereforthedrama · 09/08/2021 20:51

Not you op they are just rude , I’d just carry on being extra nice and keep saying morning really obviously they may crack one day . I don’t know what’s up with some people would it kill them to be civil .

Whogotdakeystomabeamer · 09/08/2021 21:07

It's just so... Weird.
I'd love to know what they're thinking?! The nerve of someone being friendly!

OP posts:
Mum6457 · 09/08/2021 21:36

It's a weird phenomenon. Parents at school are not like the people you work with or are friends with. Some are not very civil. It takes time, sometimes years, to identify normal ones. Once you do it's better. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find them.

Cosmos123 · 09/08/2021 21:40

@Mum6457

It's a weird phenomenon. Parents at school are not like the people you work with or are friends with. Some are not very civil. It takes time, sometimes years, to identify normal ones. Once you do it's better. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find them.
Totally agree. Lots of different personalities. Try not take it personally and just be yourself. Ones who are rude just ignore them.

The school playground is a different world in terms of parents.

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 21:40

It's not you , it's them.
I'd move on and find the nicer people : they will be around I'm sure.
It's never easy at the school gates :(

AsanteSanaSquashBanana · 09/08/2021 21:42

I have the same thing with our opposite neighbour. We moved to the area at around the same time, both pregnant and have the same breed of dog. Thought it would be a chance to get to know someone new, but we've had one very short conversation where I introduced myself and she didn't, and now she will deliberately cross the road if she sees me coming or make a scene of pulling out her headphones and rolling her eyes if I say hello. I sometimes feel like I'm being really annoying by just being there Confused

RhonaRed · 09/08/2021 21:43

It's likely them not you.
There are a ton of people who just don't think they owe the time of day to anyone. I mean technically they are right.

Keep on as you are doing and you'll get some who respond in kind.

whatisforteamum · 09/08/2021 21:44

I never worried about it or joined in the school cliques.
Be polite for your dcs sake and don't over think it.

anotherday235 · 09/08/2021 21:45

Some people have no social skills and others are only interested in talking to people they already know. I have encountered this a lot especially with other parents. It's not you, you sound nice and friendly.

nanbread · 09/08/2021 21:45

You sound nice and friendly. They may be socially awkward or just rude. Try not to take it personally. Keep trying, you're doing the right thing.

OldHouseDilemma · 09/08/2021 21:47

Is it possible that you speak so quietly that they didn’t hear you? If not, that are twats, and not worth any more of your time.

dworky · 09/08/2021 21:49

You've done nothing wrong or unlikeable there. They seem to be unfriendly people.

IceLace100 · 09/08/2021 21:49

Which part of the country are you in?

In the north this would be very odd.

Multiple friends in the SE have reported the same sort of thing happen to them (and I know they're normal, likeable humans)

thetaleunfolds · 09/08/2021 21:55

It’s not you. My son started school in June and on day 2 the exact same thing happened to me. He pointed out a child excitedly and said ‘that’s “Alex”! He’s my friend!’ So I smiled at the mum and said the same thing you did, that this was (my son) and he’d been talking about “Alex” so it was nice to meet her. She completely blanked me and has done ever since. I’ve even seen her in the local park and she’s just glared at me.

Some people are just incredibly rude and unfriendly.

silverstrawberry · 09/08/2021 21:55

This happens a lot in playgrounds more than people care to acknowledge some parents are very clique and hate new parents to their group having had 4 kids I've experienced circles many times over it's them nothing you can do but make friends outside that circle

Splann · 09/08/2021 21:57

I could have written this myself! There is one school mum who I have tried to be friendly with, just saying hi, how is x getting on sort of thing. Each time I see her she looks at me as though she has never seen me before in her life Grin She seems to chat to other mums, god knows why she can’t either be civil, or even just recognise me 🤷‍♀️ Sometimes it makes me feel like shit, other times I think it’s her problem, not mine.

Sorry you are going through the same thing. It’s all just a bit crap and petty when all they need to do is say hi.

TimetohittheroadJack · 09/08/2021 22:01

Please don't take it the wrong way but Is it possible your DD is not nice to these kids and they tell their parent about your naughty/noisy/hitting DD?

acolderwar · 09/08/2021 22:01

What is wrong with some people. The more people I meet, the higher the percentage rises in terms of how many rude knobheads I perceive there to be in the world.

dancealittleclosertome · 09/08/2021 22:01

It's not you, it really is them. Some people are incredibly rude and appear not to have learnt even common decent manners. Ignore them in turn now - you've done your best.

PearlFriday · 09/08/2021 22:03

Eugh. It's not that they think you're not likeable. I would bet you anything that they see you as lower status than they are.

I've had this crap from a few covert scapegoating narcissists who kiss up and kick down. You're a ghost to them unless your friendship can validate them.

Whogotdakeystomabeamer · 09/08/2021 22:03

@IceLace100

Which part of the country are you in?

In the north this would be very odd.

Multiple friends in the SE have reported the same sort of thing happen to them (and I know they're normal, likeable humans)

It is in the North, which I too thought seemed out of character for us, usually, friendly folk! Grin

I'm glad I'm not alone though, isn't it peculiar? I wonder how people end up like that, maybe their parents were also just rude people.
It's not like I'm even after a friendship, as such, just normal politeness as I go to and fro my daily activities! You wonder how these people have any friends at all?

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 09/08/2021 22:03

They could be shy or rude or prosopagnosic (faceblind and unable to recognise you).

Ignore them and gravitate towards other people.

Moonface123 · 09/08/2021 22:06

Stop trying so hard to fit in, it doesn't matter.
It could be that these other people have a lot on their minds right now, stop expecting them to behave like you, they wont.

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