To think I'm just not likeable?

[Whogotdakeystomabeamer]

DD is at nursery, will be starting school in September.
Now I don't know whether I'm a) expecting too much from people b) experiencing some sort of paranoia, or c) am actually just unlikeable.
However there have been several situations recently where I think it must be the latter.

• there was a joint birthday party get together in a local park a month or so ago for two of the kids in the class. Lots of the kids went along with their parents, me included. DD points out one of the girls she talks about a lot at home, and I say to girls mum 'ahh you're X's mum, DD talks about her all the time, it's lovely to put a face to the name.'

The mum looks at me, clearly forces a smile, and doesn't say a word. A bit weird I thought but just assumed I must have misread the situation or she was having a shit day. Anyway, I've seen the same mum twice now on drop offs and pick ups and have smiled and said hello. Nothing. No acknowledgement of me whatsoever.

• the second situation is almost exactly the same - DD talks about a boy she plays with a lot. I encountered said boys dad at a leaving exhibition thing that the nursery put and and said 'ohh this is Y - we've heard so much about him.' The dad literally looks at me and turns away.

I saw him again this morning, 'morning', I said as I walked past him (bearing in mind he was looking right at me) and he just put his head down and walked past me.

It's been on my mind all day, I keep thinking have I done something, or could daughter have done something? I find it utterly bizarre behaviour for grown adults.

DH thinks I'm either completely paranoid or that I've totally misread the situation, but who sees someone and completely ignores them? Are people just rude? I don't understand it! And would I be unreasonable to ask him what his fucking problem is next time? (I obviously won't actually do this).

It does sound like they are either a bit shy or just not very friendly.

Anyway, I've seen the same mum twice now on drop offs and pick ups and have smiled and said hello. Nothing. No acknowledgement of me whatsoever.

This isn't you, it's her. No one's asking her to baptise her kids with you, just "Hiya, you alright?".

@Egghead68

They could be shy or rude or prosopagnosic (faceblind and unable to recognise you).

Ignore them and gravitate towards other people.

Being face blind is no excuse for doing what they are doing when spoken to directly.

They are downright rude and I'd tell them so.

I'm just wondering if you perhaps have a rather large bosom in which they are totally taken back by and can only look in absolute jealousy at your beauty and not respond due to being totally gobsmacked?!

There’s some really awkward weird people around! I’m not massively sociable but when I take my DS to the childminder and someone else is dropping their kids off, I always try and make conversation and smile etc… I’ve been ignored most times and have come to the conclusion people are just rude! They don’t know you not to like you so I wouldn’t worry!

Maybe they’re shy or don’t want to chat? Especially with covid still around not everyone wants to get social with strangers.

I take on board all comments re bad day/shy/nervous/busy etc. And yes, of course there are times when someone might not acknowledge me, and I will have been guilty of it too. But with these two in particular its definitely a pattern of behaviour.
But hey ho, as some of you say - they don't know me to dislike me. So I'll just have to let it go.
I'm not usually phased by anything so trivial, but I think because it's my DD's nursery I have worried that it could indicate something either that she's done, or worry that she could be treated badly. Probably irrational but must just be a motherly instinct.
She is my first born so yes, likely I've just not encountered this kind of thing before. I'll be sure to toughen up, as my son will be there for the next 3 years too.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@Badgersdrift

I think your point is very valid when you're talking about people of different nationalities, outside the area etc. Then it must be pretty intimidating and particularly in rural communities where everyone went to primary school together etc. That must be really tough.

But seriously there are so many of these threads where Mum A pops up and says Mum B looked at her funny or that she wasn't included on a WhatsApp thread which other mums were on etc. And then a bunch of people pile on saying: "oh all school gate mums are bitches" and "Oh the cliques were awful, I barely survived," etc etc.

If you actually break these situations down and examine what happened in the cold light of day, nine times out of ten its people with too much time on their hands getting bent out of shape because of some incredibly trivial interaction where someone who was clearly busy or preoccupied overlooked them by accident.

And I hate the way that becomes an opening for people to call women "bitches" or say "people who join the PTA are all snobs" or "why are other mums so bitchy" or whatever. Its both entitled and lazy and somehow misogynistic as well.[/quote]
Yes, I am totally with you there therethepeopleversuswork about the blanket misogyny of "all women are bitches" etc.

Not so much about "people with too much time on their hands" because that sounds a bit misogynistic in itself if you are referring to sahms (maybe I have misinterpreted though). And as more and more women are working, people should be getting friendlier if that were the case , which I don't think they are.

But I take your overall point of petty WhatsApp messages and minor exchanges being overblown. As I said before though, I think the Head Teacher sets the tone about this sort of thing and clamps down on any nonsense and establishes a good, welcoming, positive ethos.

When I first moved to the area I live now one of the neighbours said ' oh , you must meet Leah ( not her real name ) she is friendly'
So Leah appears at the gates in September for drop offs and completely blanks me despite neighbours best effort to get us chatting ; if I saw her anywhere she would ignore me or cross the road , I didn't say a single word to her for years, her kids would chat to mine etc. She worked in a little shop and I think the customers got the same treatment too.
She was an odd one !

I'm not sure how old your child is, but have you considered that maybe your child and theirs don't actually get along at all? I'd speak to the staff and ask

I'm not sure how old your child is, but have you considered that maybe your child and theirs don't actually get along at all? I'd speak to the staff and ask

Even if this was the case you surely wouldn’t just blank the parents? I talk to everyone even if I’d mentally be planning to head any playdate chat off at the pass.