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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry partner smacked dog?

135 replies

Swanderland · 09/08/2021 17:39

My partner and I adopted a puppy earlier this year who is an absolute joy. I love this dog, she has a lot of energy and can be a complete pain in the little puppy behind sometimes, but she’s a real sweetheart and I know with time and more training she’ll be an amazing companion. My partner is less enthralled. It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does.

I’ve put up with this because I’ve always thought he’ll eventually come round. But on a recent walk the pup went to grab a ball from my bf’s hand and rather than saying no and asking her to sit, he smacked her. It wasn’t that hard, but it shocked me. He said it’s not something he normally does but didn’t seem that bothered. And I’ve noticed that the dog isn’t as affectionate with him as she used to be, so I don’t know if this really was the first time.

My bf and I have been together 8 years but I’m seeing a really different side to him since we got the puppy and I don’t like it. AIBU to be annoyed about his behaviour, or do I just need to accept that maybe he just doesn’t like the dog?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2021 17:41

That would be it for me. He would be shown the door. Whatever you do, don't have children with this man.

Orangemochafrappacino · 09/08/2021 17:41

Not a chance would I put up with that. Theres no excuse for smacking an innocent animal.

Saucery · 09/08/2021 17:42

I’d be rehoming one of them and it wouldn’t be the one with 4 legs and a little waggy tail Angry

SoThisisMe · 09/08/2021 17:42

Rehome the BF

Teacupsandtoast · 09/08/2021 17:43

At least you're realising he's a fucking twat now before you had any children....he doesn't like that the dog is taking your attention away from him

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/08/2021 17:43

That is fucking vile. I'd immediately dump anyone who did that to an animal.

SnarkyBag · 09/08/2021 17:43

Went through similar when we got a puppy. We came close to splitting up over it. My friend got her puppy at the same time and was also shocked at the side it brought out in her DH.

DH actually adores the dog now but yeah it wasn’t a great time for a while and even now I think quite a bit less of him for his behaviour at the time.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/08/2021 17:45

Do you want children? If he's like that with a dog he will be the same with a child.

Letthelightoflove · 09/08/2021 17:46

He doesn’t sound great but could you add a bit more info. What breed is the dog? Did the dog get close to biting his hand? Where and how hard was the smack?

I have a dog and am a dog lover but this might be a case of him trying to teach manners. It’s not great and at best the boyfriend needs training but I’m trying to think of reasons why it might not be worthy of dumping him.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 09/08/2021 17:47

Anyone who intentionally hurts an animal is an absolute piece of shit, if he’s doing this in front of you I absolutely dread to think what he is capable of when you are not there. Please don’t leave you puppy alone with him, this is something I would end a relationship over this, anyone who is cruel to an animal is the lowest form of human. Honestly if you are going to keep the boyfriend you need to re home your puppy to a loving home who won’t hit or mistreat him, his safety is down to you.

FlipFlops4Me · 09/08/2021 17:51

Anyone who hurts an animal on purpose is a piece of shit. To deliberately hurt a puppy is unforgiveable. I'd take the pup over the man any time and I'd tell the man to leave straightaway.

I've had a couple of rescue dogs; my latest is a male rescue who is fear aggressive with men because he's been hurt so often by one. He's getting better - I've had him 10 months and he now tolerates my husband, my son and NDN. No others. It's hard work and if I could do to the people who hurt him exactly what was done to him, I would.

But I'd no more live with a man who'd hurt a defenceless baby than fly.

Will he smack your children?

Potatoy · 09/08/2021 17:52

Take the dog and leave

N4ish · 09/08/2021 17:53

That would be it for me and I’m not even a real fan of dogs. Just hate people who take their anger out on smaller, weaker creatures like puppies or children.

suspiria777 · 09/08/2021 17:54

Rehome the man. Or bin him.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 09/08/2021 17:54

Anyone smacks one of my dogs and that would be it.

SparklingLime · 09/08/2021 17:54

There’s an excellent short story by Jenny Eclair on this situation, called George’s Cake. If you have Audible it’s on ‘Listening In’.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 09/08/2021 17:56

Another vote for rehoming your partner.

If he can smack a defenceless puppy, he can smack a child or partner.

Zero tolerance for smacking of animals or humans.

Turnthatlightoff · 09/08/2021 17:57

I was in a DV relationship for a few years and on the occasions the police were called they asked me a series of questions and one was always "has he ever hurt an animal?"
There is a link between people who hurt animals and domestic abusers.
Obviously this doesn't mean your partner will be abusive to you but tbh I wouldn't want to be with someone who has that short of a fuse.
You don't use violence when you've been upset or whatever he felt.

I agree with the others, you could well be asking us in a few years if you should just accept that he doesn't like your children as he's smacked them for pissing him off.

MrMeSeeks · 09/08/2021 17:58

He’d be gone, no second thoughts.
He wouldnt have chance to do it again i’d never put up with a bloke hitting an animal, disgusting.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 18:00

I’d be out, I could not be with someone who was committing animal cruelty.

How can you even consider staying with a man who is abusing the dog? Get them rehomed if you want to prioritise your piece of shit partner but you cannot leave that animal in a home with their abuser.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 18:01

I’d also add op now you know he’s cruel to the animal and hurts it, by staying with him and letting him near the dog you’re just as complicit.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/08/2021 18:02

So he smacked her in the face...

It makes no odds to me whether thats an attempt to train or an instinctive reaction, either way its disgusting and he'd be gone from my home immediately.

honeyytoast · 09/08/2021 18:03

How disgusting. It’s one thing to not like dogs/pets and not want to be around them. However as an adult who has jointly agreed to get a dependent animal, this is so strange and quite frankly worrying and cruel. I would make it clear that it’s unacceptable - and since the dog is not the one at fault, it will be the end of the relationship if he can’t change his attitude.

Wombat64 · 09/08/2021 18:04

Plus the sulking & silent treatment, total red flags.

I'd watch carefully, he'll be hitting her harder when you're not watching.

OhGiveUp · 09/08/2021 18:04

He would no longer be in my life.
I despise abusive people.

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