To worry partner smacked dog?

[Swanderland]

My partner and I adopted a puppy earlier this year who is an absolute joy. I love this dog, she has a lot of energy and can be a complete pain in the little puppy behind sometimes, but she’s a real sweetheart and I know with time and more training she’ll be an amazing companion. My partner is less enthralled. It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does.

I’ve put up with this because I’ve always thought he’ll eventually come round. But on a recent walk the pup went to grab a ball from my bf’s hand and rather than saying no and asking her to sit, he smacked her. It wasn’t that hard, but it shocked me. He said it’s not something he normally does but didn’t seem that bothered. And I’ve noticed that the dog isn’t as affectionate with him as she used to be, so I don’t know if this really was the first time.

My bf and I have been together 8 years but I’m seeing a really different side to him since we got the puppy and I don’t like it. AIBU to be annoyed about his behaviour, or do I just need to accept that maybe he just doesn’t like the dog?

That would be the relationship done for me. If anyone dared lay a hand on my dog they would be out of my life no question.

Sulking about what?

I'd re-home the dog, personally. Makes me laugh that everyone jumps to telling you to leave the partner that you've been with for ages and have never seen this sort of behaviour from before. It's so predictable on here. It's obvious he doesn't like the dog and he got annoyed because of that and smacked it (not hard, by your own admission). Yes, it was wrong, but it's not worth ruining your relationship over. It's just a dog, at the end of the day.

Drop him off at Battersea for adoption...the BF, of course

It was a joint commitment and he's not putting the work in to make it good, he's sulking because its difficult. If its not quite 'LTB' time for you, then I think you should have strong words about him shaping up or shipping out. But do you really want to subject yourself to a life lived with a guy who strikes a puppy, probably more than once. Nah.

He doesn't like or want the dog. Now you need to talk to him about this because it is a long time to be stuck with a family member when your heart isn't in it.
The smack isn't ideal but I was raised that dog discipline included smacking so wouldn't have seen that as wrong when I was younger, it could be the same for him. I wasn't a psycho and I've never raised my hand to my kids... but I have since learnt better training techniques and wouldn't do that now, so in your position I would be wanting to learn, together with the BF, an agreed approach to dog training. But he needs to either accept he's not as enamoured as he thought he'd be and get on with it in good grace or he needs to cards on table and declare he can't do it. Rumbling along with suppressed resentment is the worst of the 3 options

@Peanutsandchilli

I'd re-home the dog, personally. Makes me laugh that everyone jumps to telling you to leave the partner that you've been with for ages and have never seen this sort of behaviour from before. It's so predictable on here. It's obvious he doesn't like the dog and he got annoyed because of that and smacked it (not hard, by your own admission). Yes, it was wrong, but it's not worth ruining your relationship over. It's just a dog, at the end of the day.

His hitting the dog has ruined the relationship. A willingness to be cruel to a puppy because he's a sulky man baby shows who he is deep down. Is that really a man you'd want to be with? Will it be ok for him to hit a child or his partner if they do something he doesn't like?

@Aquamarine1029

That would be it for me. He would be shown the door. Whatever you do, don't have children with this man.

This. If anyone smacked my beautiful little dog they’d never get a second chance.

@Teacupsandtoast

At least you're realising he's a fucking twat now before you had any children....he doesn't like that the dog is taking your attention away from him

This. It would be a dealbreaker for me. Either he never, ever hits the puppy again or he’s gone.

I would not stay with anyone who thinks it ok to hit a defenceless animal.

My exh once kicked our cat from one room to another for peeing on his laptop, I was upset

You stayed with him after that??

When my mate admitted her dh abused their ddog I reported him because she wouldn't.. Ddog was removed.. She never knew it was me...
Yabu to be an accessory to animal cruelty...
You need to Ltb tonight.. Or you too are just as guilty. Imo.
My ddog was punched as a young ddog and her personality never recovered.. I managed an aggressive ddog for 10 years.....

Oh that's sad, poor dog.

At least you know his true colours now.

@yname

My exh once kicked our cat from one room to another for peeing on his laptop, I was upset

You stayed with him after that??

I was only 19.

He would be gone

If he sulks and that’s a puppy like this, imagine what he could do to a child

Thanks everyone for helping me get proper perspective on this. For those who’ve asked how hard the smack was - I think it was meant to be a shove that turned into a slap, so there was a bit of force. On the neck. My pup is a staffy x so can be full on but has zero aggressive streak, she just wanted to play. Tbh the more I think about it, I find it really hard to understand why the first instinct would be to lash out rather than say no, but my bf has been known to break stuff/ kick walls etc when annoyed and now I’m starting to find that all a bit troubling. No kids but we do have a mortgage. My priority is keeping pup safe and happy because she depends on me, so I will have a big think about whether I really believe I can do that here.

Thanks again everyone. Going to have a snuggle with my dog now.

Lots of people here no prioritise dogs over humans so it's not surprising that many of the posts here are a bit over-dramatic.

Is it wrong to hit any living thing out of anger, human or animal? Of course it is, but it isn't that long ago that dogs were regularly trained like this. I certainly remember my father giving our puppy a tap on the nose when he tried to jump up and bite things out of peoples' hands - puppy teeth are sharp! He certainly never hit me or my brother, so people saying one has to lead to another are being ridiculous. You said yourself it was a soft hit and yes it was wrong of him to do it, but sounds to me like he may just not like dogs as much as you thought and has gone along with it because you clearly love them.

Talk to him about it and tell him you don't want him to ever do it again, but to leave him after 8 years just because of this would be massively OTT

I would smack a puppy - their mothers do far worse - but never in anger. If you don't make it crystal clear why you're doing it, it's pointless and can make the dog react in kind.

Keep the dog, lose the boyfriend.

my bf has been known to break stuff/ kick walls etc when annoyed and now I’m starting to find that all a bit troubling

You should have found that troubling the first time he did it tbf, stuff like this will escalate the more he gets away with it.

History of deliberately hurting animals if a red flag with children’s social services for a reason.
However, culturally lots more people do tolerate smacking on nose of animals to train.
Doesn’t mean it’s right, but if you were certain he wouldn’t do it again then he might not be a risk.
But as you say he isn’t that bothered, then I’d probably be wary of leaving a toddler unsupervised with him -
Is that what you want from a relationship?

@Swanderland

Thanks everyone for helping me get proper perspective on this. For those who’ve asked how hard the smack was - I think it was meant to be a shove that turned into a slap, so there was a bit of force. On the neck. My pup is a staffy x so can be full on but has zero aggressive streak, she just wanted to play. Tbh the more I think about it, I find it really hard to understand why the first instinct would be to lash out rather than say no, but my bf has been known to break stuff/ kick walls etc when annoyed and now I’m starting to find that all a bit troubling. No kids but we do have a mortgage. My priority is keeping pup safe and happy because she depends on me, so I will have a big think about whether I really believe I can do that here.

Thanks again everyone. Going to have a snuggle with my dog now.

The kicked walls and broken stuff may very well end up as you being kicked and broken....he's showing you who he really is....take heed

The key is whether he could control the impulse and whether he would choose to do that bc he new it made you feel uncomfortable- if he can, low/no risk to child? If he can’t- a risk you probably don’t want to take if you see a future with babies in it!

@Notthemessiah

Lots of people here no prioritise dogs over humans so it's not surprising that many of the posts here are a bit over-dramatic.

Is it wrong to hit any living thing out of anger, human or animal? Of course it is, but it isn't that long ago that dogs were regularly trained like this. I certainly remember my father giving our puppy a tap on the nose when he tried to jump up and bite things out of peoples' hands - puppy teeth are sharp! He certainly never hit me or my brother, so people saying one has to lead to another are being ridiculous. You said yourself it was a soft hit and yes it was wrong of him to do it, but sounds to me like he may just not like dogs as much as you thought and has gone along with it because you clearly love them.

Talk to him about it and tell him you don't want him to ever do it again, but to leave him after 8 years just because of this would be massively OTT

Not OTT when it's another sign of violence and aggression on top of some serious red flags