Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry partner smacked dog?

135 replies

Swanderland · 09/08/2021 17:39

My partner and I adopted a puppy earlier this year who is an absolute joy. I love this dog, she has a lot of energy and can be a complete pain in the little puppy behind sometimes, but she’s a real sweetheart and I know with time and more training she’ll be an amazing companion. My partner is less enthralled. It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does.

I’ve put up with this because I’ve always thought he’ll eventually come round. But on a recent walk the pup went to grab a ball from my bf’s hand and rather than saying no and asking her to sit, he smacked her. It wasn’t that hard, but it shocked me. He said it’s not something he normally does but didn’t seem that bothered. And I’ve noticed that the dog isn’t as affectionate with him as she used to be, so I don’t know if this really was the first time.

My bf and I have been together 8 years but I’m seeing a really different side to him since we got the puppy and I don’t like it. AIBU to be annoyed about his behaviour, or do I just need to accept that maybe he just doesn’t like the dog?

OP posts:
Bigoldhag · 09/08/2021 18:04

Its disgusting.

If anyone smacked my dog I would absolutely enraged. Get rid of the man, keep the dog.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/08/2021 18:05

That is fucking vile. I'd immediately dump anyone who did that to an animal.

Yep. No question.

Steelesauce · 09/08/2021 18:07

My exh once kicked our cat from one room to another for peeing on his laptop, I was upset but never in a million years thought he'd do the same to a child. Until he did, 10 years later (luckily we'd split and it wasn't one of our children). Tread carefully here.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 18:08

@OhGiveUp

He would no longer be in my life. I despise abusive people.
Me too. And animal abuse is one of the worst. I’m hoping there’s no kids or I guess they’d be getting it too,

When you can hurt animals you’re a sack of shit. A complete sick fuck.

And op if even any small part of you is thinking it’s ok and you’ll just need to accept him abusing the dog then you’re just as bad.

Get him out or rehome your dog. Immediately. And I know which one I’d be doing.

MontysMinions · 09/08/2021 18:09

We got our dog a few years before having children. It is definitely a glimpse into the sort of parent you'll be. Luckily for me, it showed me that my DH is kind, has patience and dotes on our dog (sometimes worries more about the dog than our DC 😂!)

I would definitely readdress whether I wanted to be with someone like this...and have a family.

godmum56 · 09/08/2021 18:09

kick him out now and I don't mean the dog

A man of kindness to his beasts is kind.
Brutal actions show a brutal mind.

Disneycharacter · 09/08/2021 18:09

He sounds awful and I'm sure he would hit children. Dump

GCAcademic · 09/08/2021 18:10

That would be the end of the relationship for me. Vile bastard.

muddyford · 09/08/2021 18:11

As PPs have said there is a link between physically abusing animals and domestic violence. The RSPCA used to routinely inform social services if a dog was suffering cruelty and there were also children in the house. Your with will only get worse.

muddyford · 09/08/2021 18:12

With?Situation!

Couchpotato3 · 09/08/2021 18:12

Even if he doesn't like the dog now you've got it, it was a joint decision to take the dog on, and it sounds like he is ignoring his part of the deal completely. If you actually want to salvage the situation, maybe you could book some sessions with a trainer and get him involved in that to help him build a relationship with the dog. However as PPs have said, if he is smacking the dog in front of you and the dog is wary of him, it may already be too late. He sounds like a man-child and I would be very very wary of entering into a deeper commitment or having children with him. He is showing you how he reacts when things don't go his way or get difficult or messy, and you direct your attention towards another smaller dependent being. The sulking and silent treatment is also a crap way of dealing with disagreements. You are not wrong to be annoyed by his behaviour and you do not have to accept it.
I would sit him down and have a serious chat (perhaps without the dog there if you can leave it with someone else for an hour) and tell him how you are feeling, that he has checked out of responsibility for something that you both decided to do. Either he engages with the dog properly, helps with the care and training and makes a decent effort, and stops all the sulking and grumbling, straight away, or you will be reconsidering the whole relationship. You are already starting to distrust him (your uncertainty about what goes on when you are not there). It doesn't bode well for the future.
Imagine yourself years from now with small children who are annoying him, making messes, distracting you, making demands etc. How will you feel the first time he lashes out at one of them? It may sound a bit dramatic/worst case scenario, but it is so much easier to confront this behaviour now, rather than just hoping it will somehow improve.
He needs to understand that the dog's behaviour is not specifically directed at irritating him, it is just what comes naturally to the dog, and it is up to him as the intelligent human being, to manage his actions and responses in order to reassure and avoid provoking the dog, not the other way round.

pootleforPM · 09/08/2021 18:13

What a cunt. Poor little pup no wonder she's scared of him. He'd be out the door if it were me, cruelty to a small defenceless animal would put me off him immediately.

You are the only advocate she has and if your partner is going to be cruel to her you have to protect her and speak up for her. You can't allow him to be abusive to her in what is supposed to be her safe place with her family.

potter5 · 09/08/2021 18:14

Get rid of the BF. Unforgivable!

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 09/08/2021 18:14

@suspiria777

Rehome the man. Or bin him.
If I may say, bin him! Sooner is the better. A puppy is a good teaser to having a newborn!
TooManyAnimals94 · 09/08/2021 18:16

Where did he smack her and how hard? Did he try any vocal command to correct or go straight to physical?
I think the bigger issue is that he seems to resent her in general and she will pick up on that.

LuaDipa · 09/08/2021 18:17

Agree with pp’s. I don’t think I realised what a commitment our dogs would be until we got them, but however busy and tired I was it wasn’t their fault. What he did was unforgivable and I couldn’t stay with someone like that.

Notapheasantplucker · 09/08/2021 18:17

LTB

Cleverpolly3 · 09/08/2021 18:19

Bullies and abusers pick on vulnerable people and others that rely on them for care such as children, the elderly, animals etc

Cruelty to a dog or any other animal is rightly identified as sinister and evidence of wider behaviours that falls within the abusive spectrum which is why police had other agencies ask this

He’s got issues and they are not to do with having a puppy

Get rid of him

DelphiniumTea · 09/08/2021 18:19

I really don't like dogs at all and wouldn't have one in the house. However, I would absolutely not tolerate letting anyone get away with that if I saw it happen, even if it were a stranger outside. I'd find a way to report it.

Itsmeagainandagain · 09/08/2021 18:21

The only time anyone should hit a dog, is if their pet dog is being attacked by a bigger stronger dog, gloves are off, as my dog is my family and would seek me to protect it, then id hit the other dog to get it off mine, and that woukd be the only time id hit an animal.
Dogs learn quickly, dogs being hit can turn aggressive and turn on their owners or worse small children. Dogs are fickle they want love and security just like a small child, and all they want is to obey abd be part of the pack. Most dogs see the male human ie dad is the pack leader, the fact your dog has turned to you, showing you that you are pack leader abd has zero respect for your other half, posssibly due to how your partner is treating the dog. So its a case of me or the dog playing out with your parner, whays it to be loyal loving little dog eager to please its leader until the day it dies or angry man who hates dogs and the dog doesnt like him back..
I meam seriously who hits a puppy? I kno what id choose..

LakieLady · 09/08/2021 18:21

He's shown you who he is OP, and it's not nice. Not nice at all.

It would be LTB time for me.

Chikapu · 09/08/2021 18:22

I hope you have a wonderful single life with your lovely doggo.

Thefaceofboe · 09/08/2021 18:22

Weird you even have to ask. I’d be worried what else he thinks ok if he does that tbh

godmum56 · 09/08/2021 18:23

@TooManyAnimals94

Where did he smack her and how hard? Did he try any vocal command to correct or go straight to physical? I think the bigger issue is that he seems to resent her in general and she will pick up on that.
doesn't matter....you never smack dogs
Aimee1987 · 09/08/2021 18:24

Agree with those up thread. The way he is treating the dog is a good indicator of how he would treat potential future children

Swipe left for the next trending thread