Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry partner smacked dog?

135 replies

Swanderland · 09/08/2021 17:39

My partner and I adopted a puppy earlier this year who is an absolute joy. I love this dog, she has a lot of energy and can be a complete pain in the little puppy behind sometimes, but she’s a real sweetheart and I know with time and more training she’ll be an amazing companion. My partner is less enthralled. It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does.

I’ve put up with this because I’ve always thought he’ll eventually come round. But on a recent walk the pup went to grab a ball from my bf’s hand and rather than saying no and asking her to sit, he smacked her. It wasn’t that hard, but it shocked me. He said it’s not something he normally does but didn’t seem that bothered. And I’ve noticed that the dog isn’t as affectionate with him as she used to be, so I don’t know if this really was the first time.

My bf and I have been together 8 years but I’m seeing a really different side to him since we got the puppy and I don’t like it. AIBU to be annoyed about his behaviour, or do I just need to accept that maybe he just doesn’t like the dog?

OP posts:
2021V2 · 09/08/2021 19:35

Vile. Bin him. There is a reason why the police ask if your partner has ever hurt an animal in a risk assessment for DV - those that hit animals hit women and children - proven link.

Don’t have a baby with him. Bin him now and explain why.

AtticusHoysAnus · 09/08/2021 19:36

He didn't realise it'd be such a big commitment.

Not the sharpest tool then 😂

Don't have kids with him 👍🏻

winterwalksandcoffee · 09/08/2021 19:37

This isn't fair on the dog. How would you feel if he hit you? I help rescue dogs and rehoming and can help you. They don't deserve to be smacked! 😥

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 19:37

He hit an animal, he breaks things and kicks walls in anger. He's aggressive.
Don't wait around until it's you he's hitting, not the dog and you he's kicking, not the wall.

Mindyourbusiness22 · 09/08/2021 19:40

I would of smacked him!

Notthemessiah · 09/08/2021 19:42

I don't see any 'serious red flags' if all he has done otherwise, in 8 years, is occasionally kick a wall. Not great to kick or hit walls when you're frustrated or annoyed, but hardly unusual for most men at some time or other.

Darbs76 · 09/08/2021 19:42

My dog comes first (behind the kids of course). He would be out.

Chikapu · 09/08/2021 19:44

@Notthemessiah

I don't see any 'serious red flags' if all he has done otherwise, in 8 years, is occasionally kick a wall. Not great to kick or hit walls when you're frustrated or annoyed, but hardly unusual for most men at some time or other.
I don't know any men that kick walls, don't excuse that shit.
jasjas1973 · 09/08/2021 19:45

How do you discipline a dog without hitting them? ( i don't own a dog, not intend too)
But i do see a hell of lot of dogs that are clearly in control of their owners.

Blossomtoes · 09/08/2021 19:49

@jasjas1973

How do you discipline a dog without hitting them? ( i don't own a dog, not intend too) But i do see a hell of lot of dogs that are clearly in control of their owners.
You spend a lot of time and patience training them. How do you discipline a child without hitting them?
SquirryTheSquirrel · 09/08/2021 19:49

@jasjas1973

How do you discipline a dog without hitting them? ( i don't own a dog, not intend too) But i do see a hell of lot of dogs that are clearly in control of their owners.
You use reward-based training - there are lots of methods but the principle is that you reward the dog for doing the right thing, rather than punish it for doing the wrong thing.

The only 'punishment' that is humane and effective is withholding your attention. For example, if your dog jumps up, he gets no attention. If he sits at your feet, you make a fuss of him.

Cryalot2 · 09/08/2021 19:52

Flowers dump him op and I know you have invested years and a mortgage but his behaviour apart from the dog is appalling and is his true self.
If anyone hit my dog that would be it. But here whilst there was apprehension on getting her, I was the one who pushed for her. Dh once said" you never knew how much anyone could love a dog" which sums things up.
They really are amazing.
If your partner could do this what would he be like with children . He must never be left alone with the dog. And you stay safe.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 09/08/2021 19:52

That's awful OP. I'd be rethinking the relationship... Don't ever have children with this cretin. Kids test your mental/physical/financial well-being. Rewarding, but at times exhausting.

He doesn't seem fit to look after a dog or child that's dependent on him!!

Notthemessiah · 09/08/2021 19:55

I don't know any men that kick walls, don't excuse that shit.

Then either you don't know many men or they've never done it when you've been there. All men have the capacity for violence - it's only the extent that varies.

Eviethyme · 09/08/2021 19:57

Definitely anger issues. Wonder how he would react to a child whining all the time. Doesn't make for a great future father

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 09/08/2021 20:01

@jasjas1973

How do you discipline a dog without hitting them? ( i don't own a dog, not intend too) But i do see a hell of lot of dogs that are clearly in control of their owners.
Glad to hear you won’t be getting a dog, just to be clear, you don’t discipline dogs by hitting them, the same as you don’t hit babies and children.
ChurchlightJane · 09/08/2021 20:05

NEVER ok to tap, smack or in any other way create fear or worry in an animal. You need to think about whether you can keep your puppy safe from this with him around. I'm sorry you are in this position.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 09/08/2021 20:08

My first dh hated animals... Once we went to a party. He came home early for the babysitter.. I stayed out a bit longer as it was my mate's party.. 1 of my dcats never came home. I often wonder if he had done something to it.
. The way men are with pets is very telling.
Years later police removed dh for trying to kill me and the police told me to get rid of him.
And I did..

Sparkleandshine1 · 09/08/2021 20:15

Get rid of him. There is absolutely no need to smack a helpless animal. He has issues he needs to deal with

Floralnomad · 09/08/2021 20:22

The fact that he has broken things and hit walls in temper is plenty to be getting shot of him without the aggression towards an animal . Stay safe OP , these things rarely improve , first it’s hitting the dog , next time it could be you .

StMarysKettle · 09/08/2021 20:29

So he's escalating his abuse? Be careful OP.

In the 5 years I've known my partner I've never been afraid of him and he's never lost his temper. Never punched anything. Never hit our dog even when she's annoying. And now he's trying to downplay it so that next time he does it he can say what are you complaining about?

Antwerpen · 09/08/2021 20:30

@Aquamarine1029

That would be it for me. He would be shown the door. Whatever you do, don't have children with this man.
This LTB
reader12 · 09/08/2021 20:33

Yuk. Kicking walls and breaking stuff would be game over for me. Hitting the puppy too. Normal people don’t kick walls and break stuff.

LidlMiddleLover · 09/08/2021 20:36

I would not trust anyone who hit my dog and i bet this wasn’t the first time How is he going to be with a baby that is a lot more annoying than a dog

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/08/2021 20:37

@Notthemessiah

I don't see any 'serious red flags' if all he has done otherwise, in 8 years, is occasionally kick a wall. Not great to kick or hit walls when you're frustrated or annoyed, but hardly unusual for most men at some time or other.
You need to raise your standards.