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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry partner smacked dog?

135 replies

Swanderland · 09/08/2021 17:39

My partner and I adopted a puppy earlier this year who is an absolute joy. I love this dog, she has a lot of energy and can be a complete pain in the little puppy behind sometimes, but she’s a real sweetheart and I know with time and more training she’ll be an amazing companion. My partner is less enthralled. It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does.

I’ve put up with this because I’ve always thought he’ll eventually come round. But on a recent walk the pup went to grab a ball from my bf’s hand and rather than saying no and asking her to sit, he smacked her. It wasn’t that hard, but it shocked me. He said it’s not something he normally does but didn’t seem that bothered. And I’ve noticed that the dog isn’t as affectionate with him as she used to be, so I don’t know if this really was the first time.

My bf and I have been together 8 years but I’m seeing a really different side to him since we got the puppy and I don’t like it. AIBU to be annoyed about his behaviour, or do I just need to accept that maybe he just doesn’t like the dog?

OP posts:
nonevernotever · 09/08/2021 20:47

@Notthemessiah

I don't know any men that kick walls, don't excuse that shit.

Then either you don't know many men or they've never done it when you've been there. All men have the capacity for violence - it's only the extent that varies.

Mmm DH has never hit/kicked walls in my presence. Just asked him if he ever has and he looked completely bemused and said no??? It would hurt.... Then read him the rest and he pointed out that everyone, man or woman, has the capacity for violence, but anyone decent doesn't act on it.
LadyJaye · 09/08/2021 20:50

One of my OH's outstanding characteristics (and he has many) is how kind he is - animals, children, older / vulnerable people adore him, because his kindness shines out.

He would sooner chew off his own leg than raise a hand to an animal etc.

As they say say, when somebody tells who you they are, believe them.

Furrydogmum · 09/08/2021 20:53

About 11yrs ago my DH took a frustrated swipe at my dogs behind as she ran past us in the forest for the 1000th time (on Xmas day) rather than coming back. He didn't make contact, but he did go to his parent's house for Xmas Dinner with the kids but without me that day - I took my "poor misunderstood" pooch back to bed for the day - win win for me and the pooch Wink my DH absolutely isn't violent or a risk to me, kids or animals (pooch hasn't been allowed off lead since cos she's a sod!!) If your dog is wary then to me that is a big red flag.. I would choose my pets (any - cats, dogs, small furries etc) over a cruel and aggressive partner..

takemetomars · 09/08/2021 20:54

@SnarkyBag

Went through similar when we got a puppy. We came close to splitting up over it. My friend got her puppy at the same time and was also shocked at the side it brought out in her DH.

DH actually adores the dog now but yeah it wasn’t a great time for a while and even now I think quite a bit less of him for his behaviour at the time.

I am going through this at the moment. I very nearly called time on our marriage yesterday over the dog. He behaves like a silky child snd whinges about how hard it all is. I will never forget how he has behaved. I have seen a side to him I haven't seen before after nearly 35 years of marriage
LadyJaye · 09/08/2021 20:55

@30degreesandmeltinghere

My first dh hated animals... Once we went to a party. He came home early for the babysitter.. I stayed out a bit longer as it was my mate's party.. 1 of my dcats never came home. I often wonder if he had done something to it. . The way men are with pets is very telling. Years later police removed dh for trying to kill me and the police told me to get rid of him. And I did..
That actually made my blood run cold.

Consider yourself very, very lucky.

Closetbeanmuncher · 09/08/2021 20:58

You want your head examining if you get pregnant by this thing.

Saoirse82 · 09/08/2021 21:05

If I saw that behaviour he'd be sorry he'd ever laid his hands on the poor pup. Leave this man and take the puppy with you before the poor thing is traumatised! Anyone who puts their hands on a child or an animal is unredeemable in my eyes! Yes, a puppy is hard work, when we got our dog i thought I was losing my mind at times it was much tougher than I had anticipated but never would I ever have anticipated smacking the dog, never. He's a Bastard Angry

30degreesandmeltinghere · 09/08/2021 21:06

Years later he tried to kill us all drink driving down the central reservation of the A 1.. His dps didn't agree he was violent until he tried to punch his pensioner dm.
On her own doorstep.

Saoirse82 · 09/08/2021 21:10

Neither do I!!

Erwhatno · 09/08/2021 21:12

Don’t have children with him.

ChaToilLeam · 09/08/2021 21:12

Get rid of this horrible man.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/08/2021 21:13

"It was a joint decision to get a dog, but since about day 3 of having her he’s made grumpy comments about how he didn’t realise it would be such a big commitment, how she smells, etc and he now very rarely comes on walks or will sulk and give me the silent treatment when he does."
To be honest all of these things raise red flags, aside from slapping the dog.

He gave up on a puppy after 3 days. I've never had a puppy but surely anyone would do a bit of research and realise it is going to take weeks and months to train it.

He is grumpy even though it was his own stupid decision.

He sulks and wont take her on walks ie wont meet her basic needs. I can understand not being patient with an animal or a child, none of us realise how challenging its going to be, being responsible for something else no matter what we have got on in our lives. But even when most decent people are stressed and knackered and have had enough, we still manage to do the basics even if we have to grit our teeth and we dont take out our regrets on the innocent child / animal.

I'm not sure what you can do about it though. You can speak to him but even if he turns it around it will be because he doesnt want to piss you off, not because he feels any sort of responsibility towards the dog

BumCat · 09/08/2021 21:40

Yuck. Repulsive behaviour. All of it. He’s a twat, OP, he’s just been good at hiding it until now.

GoWalkabout · 09/08/2021 21:44

This pup might have opened your eyes to his anger problems and abusive behaviour. The silent treatment combined with hitting walls and breaking things are red flags of someone who might escalate to domestic violence. Not a nice guy.

Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 21:51

Jesus what are you doing op? What are you doing with that loser?

pilates · 09/08/2021 21:55

LTB

ddl1 · 09/08/2021 21:58

YANBU! Hitting a pet (well, hitting anyone) shows a really bad side to his character. I would take the dog and leave, to be honest. Certainly, don't have children with the man!

Megameg56 · 10/08/2021 18:24

Get rid of BF and keep that lovely puppy!!

ChainJane · 10/08/2021 18:26

It's just a dog. OK not great him hitting it, but the idea of prioritising a dog over a long term relationship is ridiculous.

Blossomtoes · 10/08/2021 18:29

@ChainJane

It's just a dog. OK not great him hitting it, but the idea of prioritising a dog over a long term relationship is ridiculous.
There’s no such thing as “just a dog”. We’ve been together for 23 years. If mine hit the dog he’d be out of the door. I wouldn’t want to live with someone who thought that was acceptable.
CharlotteRose90 · 10/08/2021 18:44

Oh no. I’ve got a 5 year old dog that’s a complete pain in the arse at the best of times and believe me their are times I’ve wanted to smack him but I wouldn’t and I couldnt. Get that piece of trash out of your house and now. He hit a defenceless puppy for not sitting down, imagine him smacking a tiny baby for crying.

ALongHardWinter · 10/08/2021 18:47

That would be it for me. I cannot abide anyone ill treating an animal, physically or verbally.

anon12345anon · 10/08/2021 18:48

@Aquamarine1029

That would be it for me. He would be shown the door. Whatever you do, don't have children with this man.
This
ALongHardWinter · 10/08/2021 18:49

It's just a dog Shock Omg I have no words.

EvilPea · 10/08/2021 18:51

You’ve not said her age but I’m guessing she can only be 8 months old maximum. They turn into right dickheads. I always think this bit is the hardest as they are full grown strong animals but still think they are tiny puppies. You need to be consistent and firm with boundaries.

If he’s not on board now he’s not going to come round. I would honestly be reconsidering life with him. I really would. I wouldn’t do it rashly, but I would start to reconsider it.
Being on the same page with animals, wanting them and looking after them is important.