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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him to fuck right off?

432 replies

cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 20:31

Long story short ... my "teenage crush" from secondary school (let's call him Ben) is now apparently "happily" married with kids yet he continues to message me intermittently on social media asking for (more like demanding at times) naughty pics.

So as not to drip feed, here's the history to this ... Ben and I had a bit of a fling (occasional casual sex) back in our early 20s when both young and carefree. We are both now mid 30s. I'm now in a happy relationship of 6 years with let's call him Tom, and we have a baby; Ben is now married and to the rest of the world on social media presents as all loved up and happy. Over recent years he has popped up now and then with random "how are you" messages - fine; no problem. I'll reply to those. But a couple of years ago Tom and I went through a rough patch in our relationship and we temporarily split. We were apart for only 4-6 weeks or so. In that time Ben was in touch (he was not married at this time). This time the content of the chat was more sexual - a few pictures were exchanged. Not my proudest moment but I was in a shitty place emotionally with the split from Tom and had no idea at that stage how permanent that split would be. Anyway ... Tom and I worked things out and I stopped messaging Ben. He continued to message, I told him I was back with Tom... he didn't take the hint. So I ignored.

Fast forward to now (approx 3 years down the line from this). Tom and I have resolved the issues that caused the temporary split and we have a baby. We are happy. Ben popped up again recently on my messages having seen pictures I'd shared of new baby to say congratulations. I said thanks. Engaged in normal platonic chit chat. Said I notice you're married now, congratulations, etc. Didn't take him long however to return to comments along the lines of "missing" the pictures I used to send, or commenting on how "good" I look, etc. I began to ignore again.

Problem is - he just keeps messaging at random moments. Like the middle of the night saying things like "I'm drunk... would love to see another sexy pic" etc etc. He's bloody married now ffs and I'm happy with Tom and our new family. When I don't reply to his message and just delete it, I get another shortly after ..."come on, you know you want to...." etc.

At the moment I'm managing this by reading and deleting. I'm close to telling him to fuck off and blocking him but I don't want to be a dick about it because we've known each other since we were kids and we have some mutual friends. But honestly, I can't stand these constant demands from him!

Also, did I invite this by engaging with it in the brief time Tom and I split? I now feel responsible for it, somehow?

Wwyd?

OP posts:
UnGoogled · 08/08/2021 21:59

Good lord.

She hasn't reacted to or responded to or reciprocated any sexual messages. Ffs.

Flowers500 · 08/08/2021 21:59

@cheekyfucker21

Does someone get notified on FB if you block them? Do you have to remove as a friend as well or is that separate?
Seriously, for Christ’s sake. Do you feel any loyalty to your partner? If he was doing this to you and keeping a door open for an affair with an ex, what would you think?

Sure, keep him as a friend! Keep that door open, just in case you do ever fancy an affair. Your behaviour is not fair on your partner.

Miniestelle · 08/08/2021 22:00

You don't need to tell him to fuck off. Or say anything. Just press the block button. Then he is gone. You won't hear from him again and more messages that make you feel uncomfortable.

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:00

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

If you were my partner, you'd have your bags packed for you and be out of the door by now.

Show your partner some respect or leave him.

You've left it too late to tell him about all the sexual messages you've deleted, and you'll never have the guts to actually tell him, and you don't want to tell 'Tom' to stop messaging you, or you would have already don'e so.

Just hope that 'Ben' doesn't bump into 'Tom' one day and tell him.

Let's hope Ben doesn't bump into Tom and say .... what, exactly? "Mate i've been trying to get nude pics from intermittently for the past few years since you guys got back together and she ignores me every time I ask... fucking bitch she is". And you think Tom's response will be to be fucked off with me? Right. Ok.

OP posts:
youshallnotpass9 · 08/08/2021 22:00

I could of written this exact post (in fact I did about 5 years ago) my only question though was would I tell his wife.

Found out he has done it to loads of women.

Notimeforaname · 08/08/2021 22:00

OP.. you keep saying you're afraid to tell someone to fuck off.... or just block...well here then if you want to be nice and polite, send something like

''Ben,I find your requests for naked pictures uncomfortable. We both have partners.It feels wrong,can you please stop? Thanks''

AnnaSW1 · 08/08/2021 22:01

He has zero respect for you and is asking you purely for wank material. You should block him.

Notimeforaname · 08/08/2021 22:01

P.s no hard feelings Grin

Miniestelle · 08/08/2021 22:01
  • no more
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 08/08/2021 22:01

x3

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:01

@Notimeforaname

I like the ps part Grin

OP posts:
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 08/08/2021 22:02

Ben, stop asking, you need to grow up, possibly drink less. You have wife and I am a Mum, we are not 14 anymore!

Luckingfovely · 08/08/2021 22:02

Endless, endless posts all saying the goddamn thing. Yes, you have issues. So do virtually all of us. He's a perv and you are in his wank bank. It's grim. And you are doing your partner a massive disservice by not having dealt with this sooner. Just fucking block him and move on, it's really not that hard or complex. If you bump into him socially, walk away. Just do it, and stop agonising over it, it's really unhelpful.

ChargingBuck · 08/08/2021 22:02

[quote cheekyfucker21]@ChargingBuck

Your kindness has moved me to actual tears. Thank you [/quote]
Sweetheart, I can be a gruff old bugger but I have an inkling about where your diffidence & lack of self-protection are coming from.

No need to dredge up old history here ... but get you to a therapist!
xxx

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:02

@UnGoogled

Good lord.

She hasn't reacted to or responded to or reciprocated any sexual messages. Ffs.

Yet I've been accused of "engaging with" sexual chat?! This place is so fucked Confused

OP posts:
Flowers500 · 08/08/2021 22:03

@cheekyfucker21 do you have any standards of loyalty that you expect from your partner? If so, why do you not think these also apply to you?

The chat would be more like “we used to hook up, had some sexy chat when you broke up. We’re still in regular contact, door still open there as things get sexual and while she’s not willing to cheat yet she keeps coming back to chat. Can’t wait until she’s on a break again or decides to act on her clear relationship issues, she’s definitely planning to get with me again! What mate, she deletes my messages? Ouch that’s cold, yeah like I said it’s going to happen sometime, who knows when”

Notimeforaname · 08/08/2021 22:03

OP would you mind if your partner was in the same situation? With a woman he'd slept with,texting him like that? Would you not wonder why he refused to block her or tell her to stop?

UnGoogled · 08/08/2021 22:03

Me and @ChargingBuck have your back, OP xx

Killergigglebunnies · 08/08/2021 22:04

I get this from a friend in Oz when we lived there. He massively fancies me and made it known when we lived there.
We moved back to the uk and he occasionally messages inappropriately. I don’t answer him back and he once tried to call, again I didn’t answer.
Dh would go ballistic, but at 45 I can handle myself and deal with it.
IGNORE THE MESSAGES!

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:04

[quote Flowers500]@cheekyfucker21 do you have any standards of loyalty that you expect from your partner? If so, why do you not think these also apply to you?

The chat would be more like “we used to hook up, had some sexy chat when you broke up. We’re still in regular contact, door still open there as things get sexual and while she’s not willing to cheat yet she keeps coming back to chat. Can’t wait until she’s on a break again or decides to act on her clear relationship issues, she’s definitely planning to get with me again! What mate, she deletes my messages? Ouch that’s cold, yeah like I said it’s going to happen sometime, who knows when”[/quote]

Yeah.... like I said. I know Tom, you don't. This scenario wouldn't end well for Ben.

OP posts:
pinkflamingo21 · 08/08/2021 22:04

Does your partner know this is happening

girlmom21 · 08/08/2021 22:05

Yeah.... like I said. I know Tom, you don't. This scenario wouldn't end well for Ben.

I can't imagine it'd end well for you either.

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:05

@Notimeforaname

OP would you mind if your partner was in the same situation? With a woman he'd slept with,texting him like that? Would you not wonder why he refused to block her or tell her to stop?

I would wonder why, yes.

OP posts:
Flowers500 · 08/08/2021 22:06

@cheekyfucker21 oh yeah I’m sure it wouldn’t end well at all for Ben, but unless your partner has zero standards you’d be begging to try to save your relationship…

Everyone is pissed at the affair partner, doesn’t mean the cheater is welcomed home with open arms…

Original poster
cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 22:06

@UnGoogled

Me and *@ChargingBuck* have your back, OP xx
Thanks
OP posts: