What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

FIL about newborn breastfed DD (who was born just above 50th percentile so not huge by any means)... "do you think you're feeding her too much? You need to be really careful with her weight or she'll end up with problems like you, I bet you'll need to put her on a diet before long".
Not immediately after birth but at 9mo health visitor check for DS she told me I could be causing long term psychological damage to DS by 'pandering to him' because he didn't yet sleep through the night and I didn't want to try cry it out. Totally shook my confidence in my own instincts as a first time mum.

Had a failed induction and 27 hours of labour resulting in an emergency section and then a massive PPH. BF midwife latched my son on whilst I was still barely conscious and said he had 'fed beautifully'. Ended up on the ward for another 8 days as I tried and tried to establish BF. He barely latched and would only get foremilk then fall off and he was feeding every 20 minutes. I was exhausted and kept telling them something was wrong. Baby was losing weight but they still wouldn't listen. Paediatrician did checks and baby was whisked away without them telling me anything. After two hours i was in considerable distress and a midwife noticed and asked me why. I explained and she said 'oh, they're scanning for spina bifida.' then walked away. It was another hour before he was brought back and he was fine.
Paediatrician returned and said he had tongue tie but to 'keep persevering'. They discharged me. At home, the feeding pattern continued, foremilk only and the HV told me I had to feed him lying down as he would get more milk that way. In the end we had to feed formula as he was starving. I felt like such a failure. At 7 months he had his tongue tie fixed and they said there was absolutely no chance that he would have been able to BF successfully.
My son developed bad eczema and I was in the supermarket when he was about 3 months where there was a photographer doing a promotion. She put her head in his pram and said 'oh, I don't think you want a picture of that, do you?'.

A couple of hours after giving birth to my son . Father’s stepmother messages asking if they could come and visit on the sunday. (I gave birth at 4:25 monday morning) I told her I would see how we were doing and let her know. The next day she messages and asks again. The third day in a row I had to ring baby’s dad to tell her to back off. We were still in hospital and the woman couldn’t take a hint!
All worked out though, covid hit and they didn’t visit for 3 months. 😂

Also, after pushing for 1.5 hours and very weak arms a hca was taking us up to the ward and insisted i held baby whilst in the wheelchair. I told her I was worried about dropping him - my arms were still shaking from the exertion of bracing my arms as i pushed. She basically told me to suck it up - bitch!

A good friend came to visit my new baby. I was desperate for some company, however, friend was very jittery and insisted they wouldn’t take up my time. Barely stayed 15 mins.
I found out afterwards that my neighbour (a mutual friend at the time) had seen friend coming to my house and gone out to tell them I was really struggling and couldn’t cope with visitors! That revelation opened the floodgates to many other things the neighbour had said and done against me.

I interviewed a maternity nurse who told me that she felt single mothers by choice would have babies damned for ten generations. I am a single mother by choice . She reassured me she would put her personal al feelings to one side if I employed her as she was a professional

The nurses asked my mother if I had a mental health issue five days after giving birth.m while I was still in hospital.
I was in a ward with twins, required to feed them through tubes in their nose and breastfeed them and change their nappy every three hours and without any help.
I had literally just had a Cesarian. I had bloody cuts all over my hands and legs following a pregnancy complication. I had no partner to help me.
My mother said, no she doesn’t have mental health issues. She hasn’t had any sleep.

My PIL came to visit me in the hospital within two hours of the birth (I was still in the labour room ) because they wanted to drop off my older DS (age 7) who they'd been watching while I was in labour. They then took a quick look at new baby DS, their first grandchild, then suggested that DP came out to a restaurant for a nice lunch with them "to celebrate", leaving me alone, barely able to move, to share a hospital sandwich meant for one with my older DS.

With dd I had to have a section as my induction failed and their were concerns about her growth. My sil remarked how I hadn't given birth properly. My placenta had failed, had she not been born via section she would have been stillborn.

When my ds was born same sil said he wouldn't love me as much as her son did her because I chose to formula feed him. This still smarts, as I breastfed dd but she ended up back in hospital due to severe dehydration as my milk had not come in and her latch was poor. I felt like I had failed my tiny dd. When my son was born I decided not to put myself under the same immense pressure and he thrived.

Currently pregnant with my 3rd child and likely last. Sil seems to think I am having a son so has blanked me for most of my pregnancy. When challenged by dh she said it was because she wants to be the one to deliver 2 sons rather than me. As it happens I am having a dd and am beyond excited to meet her.

Someone lent over my Oran and told me how distasteful they found the idea of gamete donation. I wanted to say, and I don’t much enjoy the idea thinking of you sticking your penis in your wife here,
But I didn’t.

I probably should have known the future when during my pregnancy with DS1 Exmil told me that once I gave birth she would take DS1 Monday to Friday and I could have him back at weekends. I laughed thinking she was joking (still stupidly naive at this point). She wasn't joking and thought I was being a bitch for saying no.

She told Exdh that while I was having the Csection he could leave me to do it and pick her up and bring her to see the baby so she was ready to hold DS1 as they finished "yanking it out" her words....he actually asked me what I thought he should do..... I told him exactly how fast I would divorce him if he did.

She turns up the day after DS 1 was born. Tells me to move off the hospital bed because she was tired and wanted to lay down (she was not joking) and I could sit in the chair because I was being lazy.

My spine didn't fully form until a few weeks later she commented in such a disgusting and inappropriate way while Exdh was changing DS1 nappy that I banned her completely. In that gap of time she turned up unannounced with her equally vile best friend to "take" DS1 for a couple of days.....at 8 days old (I told her where to go) and called DS1 a pig , when I told her not to she told me all boys were disgusting pigs and all girls were bitches so she would call them such.

I wish I'd found my spine sooner. I went nuclear and stopped all contact with DS1 and I. Unfortunately it took me longer to realise that Exdh had completely let me down by never once standing up to her.

With DS2 I banned her and told EXDH it would be a cold day in hell that she had any contact. Both Ds2 and I were very ill and he was very early. Exmil managed to get hold of where I was and rang to try to get to see DS2, Thank goodness the Nurse who answered the phone apparently saw her off quick smart . Exdh had told Exmil I had had Ds2 while he was in NICU and I was unconscious. I know this because when he woke me later (I was no longer unconscious....I was mildly sedated but in and out in recovery after a blood transfusion and multiple other things ) to ask me whether to authorise a procedure for Ds2 because he didn't know what to do he complained to me that the midwife/ Nurse had been rude to Exmil.

To be fair she was rightly assertive to him when she walked in and saw him trying to get me to tell him whether to authorise it and wittering about Exmil, whilst I was still hooked up to god knows what bags of something . I think it was a lumbar puncture but in fairness what happened to cause him to have to ask me and not a doctor I have no idea .....only Exdh does and he has conveniently forgotten. All I really remember is a nurse being permanently sat at my bedside and her calling the midwife ...who gave Exdh hell. A professional but unmistakable bollocking.

Yep ....6 months after that separated. Now divorced.

Boyfriend's parents came to visit newborn grandchild. We were still in hospital having had EMCS. Our beautiful baby daughter was safe and perfect, I was in pain and really stressed.

Future FIL said words to the effect of "shame its a bastard".

I did forgive him, much later, as being of a previous generation. But didn't invite him to our wedding, when his grand-daughter was three yrs old, and the cutest flower girl ever. I will never forget.

I've always been fed up/angry/upset with people telling me how lucky I am to have had c sections.

Totally unaware of the life threatening reasons for them and the months of painful recovery afterwards.

My ex MIL was making plans for my baby. When i asked about the plans she said it wasn't any of my business to which i replied, but he is my baby, of course it's my business. She then said. You are just the tunnel in which my grandson traveled through.

@NothingEverChangesButTheShoes my 8 year old was born with a cleft lip and we have had some stupid comments including that it's a good thing he is a boy because it doesn't matter if boys are ugly, and dh's nan wailing about the tragedy of his existence. Then she was surprised when I wouldn't let her being her friends round to see ds for themselves as "they've never seen one of those before". The comment you got about not realising that people who have a cleft lip could have babies is the worst I've heard though and utterly ridiculous too.

Sadiecow

He's now 7 and thriving! No brain damage, no lasting effects, just a happy little boy who loves superheroes and dancing

@NothingEverChangesButTheShoes

How can you be pleased someone has died in agony

That's pretty vile whatever they said

I gave birth to DD1 in a little storeroom because she arrived quite quickly. There was no curtain and the door was open which meant everyone walking through the ward could see me. Straight after she was born I was trying to do skin to skin with my T-shirt pulled right up because I really wanted to breastfeed. An unkind MW walked past and said ‘why are you sitting there with your chest out? Put them away!’ in a cross voice. I felt completely humiliated.

My mum told me not to tell the health visitor I was feeling down because theyd take the baby off me. This led to a 3year.battle with pnd

Didn't happen to me, but a friend - she was getting a black cab somewhere when the baby was a couple of months old and the cab driver, in an effort to be helpful picked up the car seat to put it in the car while she did the pram, but somehow didn't notice that the baby was in the car seat, not strapped in. As he swung the seat around the baby fell out face first into the road. Fortunately it was winter and he was wearing a massive padded all in one suit, so he was totally fine and the taxi driver was mortified, but she said it was the most terrifying moment!

@toolazytothinkofausername

DH's family constantly asking me when I was going to stop breastfeeding

According to them breastfeeding should only happen for the first few days

My FIL asked the same thing, repeatedly. Eventually I cracked and retorted with a knowing smile that I thought by the time he was married he would be sucking on someone else’s breasts rather than mine.

When my baby was a few hours old, I had buzzed for some help. The midwife assistant came took DS who was crying off me told me I was breastfeed on wrong boob ( I wasn’t). I was however s to

Whoops posted too soon was struggling to move post c section.

My first baby was a real screamer and a dreadful sleeper. Dh worked abroad a lot and I was exhausted. Went to my parents for a few nights. They didn't help, but did barge into my room without knocking one night when DD was awake and crying again and told me I was potentially dangerous to her because I was crying too. They also said she was crying because I was starving her (because I exclusively bf - she was 50th centile!) And they said dd was fine when my mum was looking after her (true, because my mum minded her for about 20 mins while I showered) so it must be me that was the problem - either she's upset being around me (!!!), or it's all in my head. I used to have what I thought was an ok relationship with them. I just endure them now, and won't ever forgive them. The whole experience did make me realise though that they were kind of gaslighting and abusive in other ways too, and I feel so much freer now I don't really have a relationship with them any more. So all worked out in the end!

The worst person was either my mum or ex SIL, my mum was sulking because I didn't want her there while I gave birth, sulking because I didn't want her taking my baby from me all of the time(okay with cuddles, but I wanted some myself) and she told all my family so I couldn't, I was really upset. And ex SIL was just awful, she was always so angry because I had become a young mum(not ideal but it worked out well) and she wanted to be first to have children, she apparently 'hated the baby'. My ex MIL was a star though, took me to hospital when I was in labour, because ex was doing an exam at uni so I couldn't get in touch with him, stayed with me when I wanted her to, left the room during examinations and after daughter was born she took a load of my stuff home and washed it, brought me some flowers and said I was amazing, she also told her own daughter to stay away from the hospital so she didn't upset me. My ex MIL is amazing and I still love seeing her now! My mum didn't care when I was having my next baby because she thought it would be a boy and she was only interested in girls. My children don't have much of a bond with her now because she's so shallow and self absorbed🤷🏻‍♀️