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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
Boatonthehorizon · 08/08/2021 22:03

@Yesitsbess I think its an irish tradition. Annoying and (poss.) sexist.
My dad insisted on taking my husband to pub along with everyone else and encouraging him to drink heavily. My husband wasnt used to heavy drinking and was v sick.
'Wetting the babies head' its called.

Si1ver · 08/08/2021 22:03

Two things spring to mind. Both were equally scarring.

First, after a traumatic birth and a horrible time in hospital with my metal health clinging to a thread, my MIL told me she was going to come in my bedroom while I was sleeping and take my baby away from me.

Second, when my child failed to regain their birth weight at 2 weeks postpartum, a health visitor told me that I was neglecting my child and they would have to report me to social services.

We've never seen a Health Visitor since and I've never really forgiven my MIL for it either.

littlebilliie · 08/08/2021 22:06

@Magpiecomplex

Midwife laughed at me for talking to my 1 day old child. "They can't understand you, you know!" Every time I see yet more research reinforcing how important it is to talk to your children, I want to find her and rub her nose in it. Not that I was doing it specifically for that reason, I just hoped that it might help calm the poor thing down while we struggled with BF...
The ignorance
Crossstitchismyhobby · 08/08/2021 22:08

Oh and with no4 baby I was in overnight so my parents had the other 3 until I got out
She picked me up and took me to a doctors appointment she had (fine)
She kept cracking jokes about ‘finding it hard to sit down are we?’ And ‘he’s got a big head-no wonder he spilt your vag’ (baby hadn’t-it was an ‘easy’ birth)
I finally got home,I just wanted a cuppa and for the others to meet their brother
Walked in to find my father had emptied the whole of my upstairs-clothes,shoes,make up contents of my drawers,underwear,toys,bedding,a suitcase,dvds,dressing gowns etc etc and pushed the whole lot down the stairs
I walked in and burst into tears-he cheerfully waved and walked out
I was left to put everything back together with a screaming baby and 3 excited kids
I swear that was the trigger for pnd (that my mother blocked me from getting help for)

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/08/2021 22:13

Walked in to find my father had emptied the whole of my upstairs-clothes,shoes,make up contents of my drawers,underwear,toys,bedding,a suitcase,dvds,dressing gowns etc etc and pushed the whole lot down the stairs

But why? Why would you do that at any time, let alone just after you'd got out of hospital?

Moonwatcher1234 · 08/08/2021 22:18

Air stewardess in a BA flight was so unkind and snappy when checking we were all buckled in before take off. Made me feel really low with a toddler and baby. Her lovely colleague noticed though and was unbelievably lovely for the whole flight, checking if I needed a drink and offering to juggle things so I could eat in peace. The snappy one was giving us daggers throughout but when I got home I emailed the airline with the kind stewardesses name and feedback on her which I was told had been passed onto her and her bosses. Swings and roundabouts I suppose.

meemaww · 08/08/2021 22:20

My DM told me my child ‘would be a bastard in the eyes of the Lord’ because we weren't married at the time. She gets religion when she’s not happy……. 😕

NigelWithTheBrie79 · 08/08/2021 22:21

My dh pulled up the obstetrician on something he said to me. I was in agony as the labour was back to back. I was desperate for pain relief and had only had kapake/codeine at that point. I asked if I was at the point where I could be permitted something stronger and he said to see how we get on as every birth is different. After an hour he came back and saw I was crying in agony he said oh come on women have babies every day. My dh asked him to clarify which of the two differing opinions he actually believed in? Each pregnancy is unique or they are all the same? The mw said she had never seen him "snookered" like that before. Grin

FuckingFabulous · 08/08/2021 22:23

[quote PinguTheLion]@FuckingFabulous my DS was born with Laryngomalcia too, I would watch the monitor for hours all night studying it to make sure i could see his chest rise and fall. If i did fall asleep I'd suddenly jolt awake and watch the monitor again for hours. I'm sorry that awful woman made you feel like that. I hope she left the profession soon after!

As above DS was born with Laryngomalcia (floppy windpipe) he had an x-ray when we was 30 minutes old and they told me he had fluid on his lungs and it would dissipate as he cried.
Was in hospital for 5 days and then came home.

Friends and family couldn't believe the noise he would make at every breath he took. When he was 10 days old i took him to the GP, he leant across the table and said "this is your first isn't it" in the most patronising voice ever.

It took 3 more GP visits for them to finally refer him to a specialist, the hospital took one look at him and referred him straight to Addenbrookes. 4 surgeries and 3 years later only now he just about breathes silently.

I have refused to see that first GP ever again and will use a gp surgery further away just to avoid the condescending prick. [/quote]
My DS also had loads of fluid on his lungs and they ignored me when I told them in hospital that his breathing was weird, until he brought up loads and loads of foamy fluid. They still sent us home the next day. And because I have a rare medical allergy that can be inherited, they absolutely refused to operate on him unless it was life or death. I spent about four years watching him sleep and bolting awake in fear several times a night. Four years!! Terrified that the one time I didn't would be the one time something awful happened. He was about five when the horrible sounds stopped when he was asleep, and about ten when it stopped if he cried or over exerted himself. Now he's a teen and I feel like I can still hear it when he's ill with anything respiratory. Not as loud as when he was little. But enough that other people are concerned that he's seriously struggling. The worry about him getting Covid has kept me awake at night

Bythemillpond · 08/08/2021 22:28

Second, when my child failed to regain their birth weight at 2 weeks postpartum, a health visitor told me that I was neglecting my child and they would have to report me to social services

Friend had the opposite. Babies father for a bit of background is 6ft 8” and baby was huge both in weight and length.
When friend went to get her baby weighed she was threatened with SS as she was obviously over feeding the child as child should only be and was told a weight which was less than the birth weight.

Friend told her to report away. She was returning to work as a SW in that area.

Crossstitchismyhobby · 08/08/2021 22:30

@StrangeLookingParasite

Walked in to find my father had emptied the whole of my upstairs-clothes,shoes,make up contents of my drawers,underwear,toys,bedding,a suitcase,dvds,dressing gowns etc etc and pushed the whole lot down the stairs

But why? Why would you do that at any time, let alone just after you'd got out of hospital?

Because he was being clever I admit it was a bit untidy-pile of clothes on the bed,ready to put away and a few toys out I may have not put my shoes away (damn you labour pains) He seemed to think that by dragging every single item I owned and throwing it down the stairs (where a lot of stuff got broken) it would ‘encourage me to tidy up’

I wouldn’t dream of going though someone’s stuff let alone do that

He does have form for being a spiteful bastard tho

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 08/08/2021 22:35

My DH rang his parents to say dd had arrived safely while I was getting my stitches. He obviously gave name and weight etc.... they rang SIL and she put a post on Facebook (tagging me and DH) saying how thrilled she was to welcome her new niece X who arrived at Xpm and weighed X....I knew nothing until hours later when I picked up my phone and saw all the congratulations posts.

seven201 · 08/08/2021 22:36

@goldierocks

I'd like to thank everyone who posted support after I shared what my now ex did, I really appreciate all your kind wordsSmile.

At the time, ex-'D'H was senior in the police and told me that no-one would believe me if I said anything (he was Mr Wonderful in front of everyone else). He threatened to have me sectioned.

It took a while, but I was able to gather enough evidence and he was sentenced to 12-weeks in prison (albeit suspended). I was awarded a lifetime restraining order against him too.

DS is now a fine young man about to start his final year of uni. I'm very proud of him.

I'm so glad you have a happy ending! Your first post sent chills through me. Well done for getting away from him.
Bythemillpond · 08/08/2021 22:38

Crossstitchismyhobby

I think next time I was around at his house I would have trashed it to see how he liked it.
Kicked him in the balls as well to get some idea of the pain you were in.

Franklyfrost · 08/08/2021 22:40

Dc newborn was unconscious and vomiting blood and bile again and again. Asked the nurse several times to call a doctor, but the nurse refused because they wanted to show someone else on the ward how to wash their baby. I went into the corridor found a doctor and showed the blood and bile covering my clothes. The doctor called NICU to get us straight away. When I later tried to complain about the nurse the hospital had ‘lost all records of who was on shift at that time’. My dd had an emergency transfer to GOSH for life saving surgery and pulled through. The nurse is the only person I’ve ever hated. But I also remember all the great staff at GOSH and the doctor in the corridor. So there’s more good than bad.

catsaysmeow · 08/08/2021 22:42

After a 30 hour labour and really traumatic birth, I was kept on the labour ward for observations for 24 hours. No visitors were allowed but apparently I was selfish for not allowing my mum to come and visit and was trying to drive her away from her granddaughter.

Yesitsbess · 08/08/2021 22:43

@Boatonthehorizon yes that's the one Smile

I remember playing pool for hours in the pub when my sister was in (horrible) labour and ended up having to have an emergency C-section. With her partner! (I was about 12 and had no idea how awful this was, we've bonded about it now).

LouLou198 · 08/08/2021 22:46

DH's step mother announced the arrival of dd on Facebook before we had managed to tell anyone but our parents. I was tagged in the post, so for a lot of my friends and family this is how they found out Confused

darksideofthemooncup · 08/08/2021 22:48

When I was breastfeeding my newborn in bed in my bedroom and my then MIL barged in, leant across me and kissed my Dd on her face, literally millimetres from my exposed boob.
It didn't really get any better after that

spaceghetto · 08/08/2021 22:58

I had to go to hospital after a pph at home. The consultant said to enjoy the rest... away from my 10 day old and 3 yo.

stupiduser · 08/08/2021 23:02

My MIL (long since dead thank god) the day after the birth of my 2nd, much wanted , DD said on the phone that I would have to try again for a boy. My DM said that the first time she saw my DD1 that she thought she had a 'syndrome' because her eyes were far apart. She had no 'syndromes' just a wide bridge 🙄.

Timeisavirtue · 08/08/2021 23:03

My Nan told me DS name was a shit name and it sounds like a girls name and he would get bullied because of it. I put her straight and told her it was non of her business and if she didn’t like it she could fuck off out of our lives (I was hormonal and emotional)
She changed her tune when she saw him for the first time....
And they were very close, she did have a nickname for him which several others used off thier own accord too.
For the record, it’s not a girls name, it’s very unique and he’s never been bullied because of it, in fact lots of the kids at his school think it’s a cool name.

elliejjtiny · 08/08/2021 23:06

Dc4 was premature, poorly and in neonatal for a month. I wasn't able to be with him as much as I wanted as I had 3 other dc at home who needed me too and dh had to go back to work after 2 weeks. I asked if relatives could please not visit ds in the neonatal unit but to wait until we were home. Most people respected that but one of dh's distant relatives turned up, lied to the neonatal nurses about who she was (claimed to be a grandparent) and went in to see ds when we weren't there. She then went on to brag to everyone in the family that she had seen ds when our close relatives hadn't yet.

With dc5 I was so scared of having another premature baby. I lost count of the "haven't you had that baby yet?" comments, which started when I was 25 weeks pregnant and the people who asked me if I would be hoping for another early baby. When I said no I was told I was being ungrateful and I was lucky I hadn't gone overdue. I had previously had 2 overdue babies which was so much easier/better/nicer than having a premature baby.

underneaththeash · 08/08/2021 23:07

Quite a few of these relate to breastfeeding, but whilst there is pretty conclusive evidence that breastfeeding is mostly beneficial to baby and mother, it isn't if it's not providing enough nourishment.

It also won't stop you from breastfeeding if you give an occasional bottle.

TooTiredToAdultToday · 08/08/2021 23:08

Had to add this one. My MIL is famously offensive and rude but never with malice. She is just utterly oblivious to what is acceptable social behaviour.

She came to visit me the DAY AFTER I had my DC while I was laid up in hospital after a very traumatic birth. She looked down at me flat on my back and clearly in a total state and asked me if I had lost my baby weight yet. She then went on to tell me she had lost all of hers by the time she left the hospital. She seemed very surprised when I told her I hadn’t and assured me I would be able to ‘diet it off’ soon enough(!)

She tried the same again with DC 2 but luckily my OH was present that time and prepared for the comment so tore her a new one . Funnily enough the phrase ‘baby weight’ hasn’t been used since!