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Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 08/08/2021 20:53

2 weeks pp I rang a so - called friend in tears... She cut me short saying her dh was home from working away and she needed to make his tea...
I had been trying to tell her my dh had raped me the night before...
She told my friends I had pnd.
I stopped bothering with her after that.
And I left the job we had worked together at..
Took me 2 years but I left dh also.

JudgeJ · 08/08/2021 20:53

@lannistunut

In fact lots of people were really unhelpful in that short stressful phase Angry Angry

I am a much more kind person myself as a result of both the events themselves and experiencing firsthand just how unkind some people are!

A midwife friend always said she was a far better midwife once she'd had her own babies!
crazycrofter · 08/08/2021 20:54

My mum popped round and I told her I was waking up every night in a panic thinking I’d smothered the baby. She told me people should always keep an eye on new mums and then related this horrific story about a mum with twins who had postnatal psychosis and drowned them in the bath 😱 She didn’t even realise she’d done it and was looking for them in a panic. The story haunted me for months.

Then my mum cheerily told me to get some rest and said her goodbyes!

Stef92 · 08/08/2021 20:55

I was asked by my aunt, when my son was five weeks, when we were going to give her a little girl that she could dress up in pretty clothes.

This irritated me as:

a: my son was 5 weeks old, she'd only just met him because of Covid restrictions so was he not good enough? It took us nearly a year to conceive so we were overjoyed that we had him

b: the birth was traumatic, I was still recovering from a 3a tear after the use of forceps so trying for another baby is the last thing on our mind. Once again, was our son not good enough?

c: I was quite a tomboy growing up, didn't really go for the traditional sparkly dresses etc, what if we had another child who was a girl and she took after me?

d: what if we had another child and he was a boy, would he also not be good enough?

CatherinedeBourgh · 08/08/2021 20:56

Told me it was my fault my baby was failing to thrive because I was insisting on bfing him when I was clearly too old to have the energy to make milk.

And failed to diagnose the silent reflux that had him hospitalised a few weeks later.

This was a consultant paediatrician Hmm

Sadiecow · 08/08/2021 20:59

@30degreesandmeltinghere

2 weeks pp I rang a so - called friend in tears... She cut me short saying her dh was home from working away and she needed to make his tea... I had been trying to tell her my dh had raped me the night before... She told my friends I had pnd. I stopped bothering with her after that. And I left the job we had worked together at.. Took me 2 years but I left dh also.
I'm glad he's your ex.
Wam90 · 08/08/2021 21:00

My son has a strawberry birthmark behind his ear which was really raised when it first came up and I heard two older people whispering about it in a cafe, I was so horrified that people who should know better could be so hurtful to a baby that I asked if they had a question they’d like to ask me and glared at them while they stuttered about how they were wondering if he’d hurt himself.

EKGEMS · 08/08/2021 21:00

@Disneycharacter My son has severe CP due to medical neglect and I would've kicked that bitch's ass till hell wouldn't have it!!

PinguTheLion · 08/08/2021 21:03

@FuckingFabulous my DS was born with Laryngomalcia too, I would watch the monitor for hours all night studying it to make sure i could see his chest rise and fall. If i did fall asleep I'd suddenly jolt awake and watch the monitor again for hours. I'm sorry that awful woman made you feel like that. I hope she left the profession soon after!

As above DS was born with Laryngomalcia (floppy windpipe) he had an x-ray when we was 30 minutes old and they told me he had fluid on his lungs and it would dissipate as he cried.
Was in hospital for 5 days and then came home.

Friends and family couldn't believe the noise he would make at every breath he took. When he was 10 days old i took him to the GP, he leant across the table and said "this is your first isn't it" in the most patronising voice ever.

It took 3 more GP visits for them to finally refer him to a specialist, the hospital took one look at him and referred him straight to Addenbrookes. 4 surgeries and 3 years later only now he just about breathes silently.

I have refused to see that first GP ever again and will use a gp surgery further away just to avoid the condescending prick.

laalaaland · 08/08/2021 21:04

my 'D'M text me 3 weeks post birth to rant that as i obviously no longer needed a mother she was going NC with me and 'one day I would understand' how awful I was.

Had had a horrific birth, was really very ill and had a baby who rarely slept. My crime was that I hadn't phoned her enough. (i'd called at least every other day, although time had lost all meaning in my sleep deprived state.)

Disneycharacter · 08/08/2021 21:13

@EKGEMS. Medical neglect here too. Too shocked to even react at the time of the incident.

toolazytothinkofausername · 08/08/2021 21:19

DH's family constantly asking me when I was going to stop breastfeeding Shock

According to them breastfeeding should only happen for the first few days Hmm

BlueLobelia · 08/08/2021 21:20

I was bathing 3 month old DS1 while staying with my parents and my mother's (female) best friend was staying also. We were all cooing over DS when DM's friend grabbed DS's testicles and said 'Well, they are all in the right place at least'.

I was too shocked to respond. But she was never allowed near DS again for the remainder of the weekend.

senoritarita · 08/08/2021 21:28

DP invited all the neighbours round for drinks and nibbles when baby was 3 days old

I was highly emotional, battered, bruised. Sleep deprived. Greasy hair, joggers on. Struggling with BF. We had moved in just 9 months before so didn't know them well

I begged him not to but he did anyway. I was fuming when they all arrived and took me by surprise

Still fuming 4 years later

Idiot

elfycat · 08/08/2021 21:31

DD1 (born 36+1 so a hint premature) was 10 days old when we had to rush back to hospital with her floppy and unresponsive. Her jaundice was off the scale (as in into the writing at the top of the chart - I'm a nurse so I know how far off expected THAT means).

They investigated all sorts, initially wondering if she had meningitis, doing lumber puncture etc and starting her on hideous antibiotics. They decided it was 'just' jaundice that resolved almost overnight with +++ UV treatment we called her alien glow baby

She was in for 2 nights, and all the staff reassured me that it was just one of those things and there was nothing we could have done (they changed the protocol between her and DD2 and they didn't leave a 'slightly' yellow baby for days without testing levels).

On the morning I was due to leave to go home a new paed nurse came on duty and immediately started questioning what I'd done to nearly kill my baby. I gave some very firm answers - No I had BF her fine. I'd seen the BF advisor twice, including the day before admission, plus she'd wee'd like a horse on arrival at hospital - not underfed or dehydrated. No my house was perfectly warm (she was hypothermic on admission as part of the floppy thing). No I hadn't neglected my child in ANY way.

When the Doctor came to do the discharge she asked him pointedly if I was ready to be discharged with the baby, and maybe I needed support (hinting at SS involvement). I've worked in hospitals for years and I have never seen such a withering look than the one the doctor gave that nurse. She was HATED.

But if I hadn't been a nurse, if I didn't know bitch-nurses from the past, if I hadn't seen the BF advisor, If I didn't have rock-solid self confidence - she could have crushed me with that comment and made me thought I'd harmed my baby. As it was I had PND but had I felt guilt for this it would have been so much worse.

wewereliars · 08/08/2021 21:36

Goldierocks Flowers that took a lot of bravery on your part

EKGEMS · 08/08/2021 21:42

My precious eight month old miracle baby was on life support in PICU with RSV respiratory failure and some man I didn't now stopped to visit with his adult special needs son-he was an ordained minister who was friends with my PIL and he stayed way too long and commented several times on how much weight I had gained since my wedding eight years earlier! I really went nuclear over it later with DH and his parents and they acted like they didn't believe me as it was so unlike "Such a nice man!!"

EKGEMS · 08/08/2021 21:48

@Disneycharacter I'm so sorry to hear that.

FictionalCharacter · 08/08/2021 21:51

@PizzaCrust Totally agree. I believe some health workers enjoy the authority they have over patients and become bullies. And we don’t fight back because we’re weakened and vulnerable.

I’m baffled by some midwives. You’d think an overwhelmingly female profession whose job is to look after women (at the most vulnerable time of their lives) would have empathy with those women. Yet some are really spiteful. Even the nice ones often fall into that habit of infantilising us, calling us “good girl” and using that high pitched sing song faux-cheerful voice.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 08/08/2021 21:54

Are you me?! I couldn't believe my ears when the midwife came to tell me they'd had a phone call from my family member. Who even thinks that's a normal thing to do

I know! My mum said later "You told me it would be fast!" and I'm like no, I said that once I was on the hormone drip the contractions would be "thick and fast".

I am still really cross. I daren't ever bring it up again because if either mum or MiL starts justifying it I will bellow swearwords, slam the phone down and not speak to them for a Very Long Time. It was awful - I had to force myself not to spend my first few minutes of motherhood, while being stitched and pummelled due to a haemorrhage, badgering DH to text them.

MadKittenWoman · 08/08/2021 21:55

One and only DS (IVF/ICSI). MIL told ne that he wasn't as nice as his dad (DH).

Yesitsbess · 08/08/2021 21:56

My family had a "tradition" which I thought was completely normal for years. My dad arrives at the nearest pub to whoever is in labour and then descends (pissed) to welcome the newborn as soon as it arrives. The next day all of the siblings (plus hungover GF) are wheeled in.

I have a lot of siblings. Will never forget being in bed with my son whilst at least 6 of them sat round my bed. Mad.

Can't imagine what it must have been like for my stepmum after number 3!

BeardyButton · 08/08/2021 21:58

The amount of shit I got for breastfeeding. But I think the worst comment came years later from one of my best friends about me breastfeeding for two years. She thought it was “icky”. The way she said it.... it was like I had abused my kid.

Boatonthehorizon · 08/08/2021 21:58

Sil laughed meanly at my baby and said eww about her baby sleepies.
I had to play host to fleets of visitors with tea and cake I supplied. Draining.
I was very eager to please in those days.

Stef92 · 08/08/2021 22:01

Another story, when we were on the postnatal ward I was desperate to BF and the midwives weren't particularly helpful. They called my hours old son "lazy" because he was not able to latch. It turns out that, along with the mucus he's inhaled during delivery that they didn't tell me about, that he was badly tongue tied. I could see it in his mouth when he cried and asked for them to look at it and they said it was not hospital policy so the only way I could be discharged was by giving him a bottle. We struggled with the feeding for a week or so but he wouldn't stop crying and he wouldn't sleep so formula had to be used. He still wasn't gaining much weight and was on/below the 25th centile so we went to get his tongue tie divided privately, unfortunately my milk had dried up at this point, and the lady who we saw privately said his tongue tie was the worst they'd seen in a long time and it shouldve been snipped at birth. So my son wasnt "lazy", the people who were "lazy" were those who made the policy not to divide tongue ties