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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and holding DD back?

102 replies

startrek90 · 06/08/2021 14:27

Come on Aibu rather than the breastfeeding board as I think you trusty vipers will give it to me straight.😂

Reading a thread on this board has got me thinking. I am still breastfeeding my DD who will be 1 year old this month and I am wondering if I am holding her back/doing it for too long?

My 2 older children stopped breastfeeding at 3 months and 4 month respectively (not my choice but I had to go onto formula) and I know literally no one who has breastfed past 6 months old. I thought my DD would stop when we introduced food but tbh she has shown no interest in stopping, she still feeds to sleep and she co sleeps still (again not my choice but it was the only way to get sleep!). She averages about 3 feeds during the day and she wakes once at night. She will not take any bottle at all, not even expressed breast milk believe me I've tried.

She also has not teeth yet which I think is due to her breastfeeding as my boys both had teeth by 9 months. She also doesn't walk, she can crawl but she prefers to bum shuffle herself along.

I'm worried that breastfeeding her this long is holding her back, she is supposed to start kindergarten in September but she is still a baby and I am worried that she will be so far behind the other children, but I have no idea how to get her to stop she won't take a bottle, she can't have formula has it makes her have awful reflux (first time I ever experienced this too) and she won't take ordinary milk.

Be honest vipers am I breastfeeding her to long? Am I holding her back?? Any suggestions would be welcome.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 06/08/2021 14:30

I breastfed my DSs until 2, in line with WHO advice. It was cheap, at least as good for them as formula and has no known side effects for those who are lucky enough to be able to do so. Teeth cutting will not be affected by breastfeeding. You’re well within normal bounds for my social circle so (unless you want to stop) don’t give it another thought.

CosilyRosily · 06/08/2021 14:30

No, you're not holding her back and breastfeeding will not stop teeth from coming through. WHO recommend breastfeeding to two years and beyond.

DelurkingAJ · 06/08/2021 14:31

Oh and either of my DC walked or crawled until gone 1. They are exceeding or meting every marker at Primary school and have done throughout.

AlexaShutUp · 06/08/2021 14:32

You aren't holding her back in the slightest. If anything, you are supporting her development.

If she isn't ready to stop, and you're willing to carry on for a bit longer, then crack on. She definitely won't be behind her peers as a result.

OwlinaTree · 06/08/2021 14:32

No it's fine. Mine feed till about 18 months.

Personally I would night wean her now, but don't stop unless you want to.

WillowGrand · 06/08/2021 14:34

Nope you’re fine don’t be daft.

User5827372728 · 06/08/2021 14:35

I thought 1 was the min recommended to breastfeed to.

I would keep going until either of you want to stop.

Megan2018 · 06/08/2021 14:37

I’m still BF and DD almost 2. She also goes to nursery 4 days a week and has almost all her teeth.

There is no possible way that BF can hold a child back from any development.

Lavender24 · 06/08/2021 14:37

Absolutely not. Natural term breastfeeding is great for children Smile

Bythebeach · 06/08/2021 14:38

The world health organisation recommends breastfeeding to 2 years and beyond.

Oogachuckachopsy · 06/08/2021 14:39

It’s a little odd she hasn’t a single tooth, but that’s nothing to do with BFing.

jackstini · 06/08/2021 14:40

Not holding her back at all
Fed both mine until past 2 - although after 1 the feeds got fewer, just 1 in morning and 1 at night
One self weaned at 2.5, other 2.10

Dsis and 2 friends both fed theirs to self weaning and their DC stopped between 1 and 1.8 so it varies

Just do it until you both want to stop
WHO guidance is minimum age 2 (alongside solids after 6 months) but sometime the child wants to stop earlier

ElizaDoolots · 06/08/2021 14:42

I can’t imagine that anyone is going to tell you that breastfeeding until 1 is too long. I breastfed DD for 18 months and didn’t think that was particularly unusual.
In what way do you think you might be ‘holding her back’? She’s a baby still.

Shmithecat2 · 06/08/2021 14:42

I bfd my ds until 3y10mo. He's got all his teeth (first 2 cut at 4mo) and has just completed his first year at school. Breastfeeding doesn't hinder anything, and comparing millstones to any other children, including your own, serves no purpose as every child is different.

Disastermagnet27 · 06/08/2021 14:42

I'd say not at all. Bf DS1 until 8 months and DS2 until 15 months. They are 6 and 9 now and both developed 'normally'. They both do well at school and are happy, lovely boys. They both got teeth at around 5-6 months too. In my experience, it seems girls get teeth a bit later than boys - most of my friend's daughters were later than the sons.
Also, not walking at 11 months isn't worrying either. Most children the same age as my boys didn't walk until on average, 13 months. Some a bit before some a bit later. Youngest was 9 months, oldest was about 16-17 months. Ds's were 13 and 15 months respectively.

I should imagine that once she starts kindergarten that the number of day feeds will drop naturally, especially if she won't take a bottle.
I'm a believer in letting children stop or start things when they are ready. For example, I let my boys tell me when they were ready to potty train and had no issues at all with either, whereas a friend who tried to push their son to train before he was read had lots of issues and it took a long time.

Try not to worry, I'm sure she is absolutely fine. In my experience of friend's daughters, they are alot more stubborn than the boys at that age, especially when it comes to milk and food!!!
Good luck!

Disneycharacter · 06/08/2021 14:44

Holding her back from doing what? Eating a 4 course meal with a knife and fork? Yes it will be difficult in nursery so you need to get her using a sippy cup, but otherwise she will have no problems

DingoDollar · 06/08/2021 14:45

You can't hold a human back by giving them exactly what they need to grow.

If anything she'll develop better with breast milk than without.

Flakeymcwakey · 06/08/2021 14:46

My ebf DS got his first teeth at 3mo and his sister at 5mo. Breastfeeding doesn't cause developmental delays.

Both only really played with food til 15mo or so. However both were happy to be out all day without me - DD did this with her dad from 8mo. She drank water and was offered snacks but basically just made up for lost feeds when she got in.

Bf your baby for as long as possible is the norm for the majority of the world. It certainly won't hold them back and is likely to be beneficial on all sorts of measures

OaxacaChihuahua · 06/08/2021 14:46

Not in the slightest. Formula is absolutely grand as a food for babies but the healthiest way for most people to feed a baby, if it’s possible to do so, is by breastfeeding.

It has no impact on her teeth, when she walks etc, and it’s normal that she’s not doing those things yet.

If you want to stop it’s absolutely fine to do so, but you’re certainly not holding her back in any way.

54321nought · 06/08/2021 14:48

My goodness, if BFing prevented teeth coming through millions of boobs would have been saved!

Original poster
startrek90 · 06/08/2021 14:51

@elizadoolots

I am concerned that she doesn't have teeth and doesn't crawl. My eldest walked at 2 years old but was speaking both languages at 9 months and had a full set of teeth. My other sone was walking and had teeth by 1 though he didn't talk till nearly 2.

DD seems happy enough and unlike her brothers she has never been sick or anything and she sleeps brilliantly (thank god!). She eats normal food (won't take pureed food but then again neither did my other two). I'm worried that me breastfeeding her is somehow affecting her teeth and holding back her development in some way. She can say some words, she says hi and mama and papa and danke and she bum shuffles but she just seems so babylike, far more than my boys. I am probably worrying to much, she is my last baby and a lockdown baby born after 2 years of struggling to conceive. I accept if I am being irrational and over anxious.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 06/08/2021 14:51

Of course you aren't holding her back! Keep up the breastfeeding as long as you feel comfortable doing so. It's so good for her, and if you are both happy there's no reason to stop.

Eledamorena · 06/08/2021 14:52

You're not holding her back at all. All babies are different, try not to compare her to your older children (especially if it's making you worry!) There is no way breastfeeding is adversely affecting things like walking and teeth coming in. And if you're happy with feeding her and co-sleeping, great!

Two of mine walked well before 1 year old, one of them not til 15 months. One of the early walkers didn't have any teeth til nearly 1 but then several came through very quickly around 1. They are all totally different in terms of their development, and all were formula fed.

Breastfeed for as long as you and your baby want to!

EmbarrassingMama · 06/08/2021 14:54

You're not holding her back in the slightest! You sound like a lovely mum.

Keep going for as long as you both want to.

DramaAlpaca · 06/08/2021 14:54

Just seen your last post. Firstly, breastfeeding won't affect tooth development, and secondly bum shuffling can often mean they go straight to walking without the crawling stage, which is perfectly normal.