Aibu and holding DD back?

[startrek90]

Come on Aibu rather than the breastfeeding board as I think you trusty vipers will give it to me straight.😂

Reading a thread on this board has got me thinking. I am still breastfeeding my DD who will be 1 year old this month and I am wondering if I am holding her back/doing it for too long?

My 2 older children stopped breastfeeding at 3 months and 4 month respectively (not my choice but I had to go onto formula) and I know literally no one who has breastfed past 6 months old. I thought my DD would stop when we introduced food but tbh she has shown no interest in stopping, she still feeds to sleep and she co sleeps still (again not my choice but it was the only way to get sleep!). She averages about 3 feeds during the day and she wakes once at night. She will not take any bottle at all, not even expressed breast milk believe me I've tried.

She also has not teeth yet which I think is due to her breastfeeding as my boys both had teeth by 9 months. She also doesn't walk, she can crawl but she prefers to bum shuffle herself along.

I'm worried that breastfeeding her this long is holding her back, she is supposed to start kindergarten in September but she is still a baby and I am worried that she will be so far behind the other children, but I have no idea how to get her to stop she won't take a bottle, she can't have formula has it makes her have awful reflux (first time I ever experienced this too) and she won't take ordinary milk.

Be honest vipers am I breastfeeding her to long? Am I holding her back?? Any suggestions would be welcome.

Of course not. Genuinely, how do you think the human race has survived if breastfeeding held babies back from developing?

@Embracelife

I accept I am being irrational and I really don't mean to offend or upset anyone by asking questions, like I say I am basically winging it when it comes to breastfeeding. I came to Aibu as the women here have lots of knowledge and experience and have no problem handing your backside to you!

My son spoke from 9 months and he spoke two languages both mine and his father's. At the time I didn't question it as he was my first but now I realise he was quite unusual. He still doesn't shut up now

The thing is op, and others, the baby or toddler or child is only ever one day older.. It just continues, if the mother is happy to stay child-led. For me I put some limits in and it became a morning only thing shortly after 2, having been on demand up to a few months before that. It continued as a little hello cuddle each morning, finally petering out so that days and weeks would pass with none and then he'd go again so that I couldn't tell you when it ended, after 4 for final 'feed' though. All I can tell you is, it was the opposite of weird, it was the loveliest thing and I we are so close and have the fondest memories of that precious time. I could rant or LOL at the 'doing it for the mother' comments but anyone who has actually done it will be rolling your eyes with a laugh at that one! I feel sorry for your friend, as she was probably feeling funny about it to say it anyway.

@Bythebeach

The world health organisation recommends breastfeeding to 2 years and beyond.

As an aside, because of course OP isn’t harming her child by breastfeeding, I really hate when people trot this out. The WHO advice reflects the fact that in much of the world access to safe drinking water with which to make bottles is limited. I get so irritated by posters who smugly assert that they are doing what is best for their baby IN LINE WITH WHO advice as if anyone who doesn’t listen to the hallowed WHO hates their baby. It’s literally the most generic advice, aimed at the entire world. Breastfeed or not, your choice, but base your decision on your specific circumstances not on advice which could not be less tailored for you if it tried. The fact is that breastfeeding has such negligible impacts on a baby in the western world as to be non-existent. There are myriad factors far, far more impactful when it comes to a baby’s development and health in the UK. Breastfeeding is an odd obsession that so many people in this country focus on over child poverty, food diet etc. and it genuinely baffles me.

Agghh, sorry wrong thread!!

I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 and a half. She went on to get GCSEs, A levels and a degree and is now a teacher and a mother of 2.

Many women all over the world breastfeed their children until they are 4 or 5 - do you really think all those children are being 'held back' in some way?

I'm still breastfeeding dd at 2 and she's thriving, do what ever is best for you

@startrek90 it's hard if you're from a culture / family where breastfeeding isn't the norm. You get bombarded with a whole load of anti breastmilk information.

I have a baby book from the 1950s that says you must stop breastfeeding at 9 months because 'it's an infantile habit which needs to be broken'. I also know someone who's family told her she'd make her daughter a lesbian if she fed past 6 months!

I hope this thread has helped you feel more confident that extended breastfeeding won't be holding your daughter back in anyway.

I have to admit, I wonder how I would cope in 2021 if I had my babies again now

Back in the day (90s) I breastfed DS1 until 13 months old (he just stopped then) but cow's milk was allowed at 6 monthos. DS2, 3 years' later, breastfed again, but by then cows milk not allowed until 12 months. Except DS2 wouldn't take either formula or a bottle. And I mean AT ALL. Yes, I did, unfortunately, make a rod for my own back by not introducing the idea of a bottle before 6 months, but at 6 months (in those days) babies were well into weaning,. I tried DS2 on some cows milk out of a sippy cup at 6 months, and he loved it. It didn't replace our breastfeeding, but it meant he wouldn't go thirsty at the childminder.

But I asked the HV, just to make sure, and she said that if DS2 had cows milk out of a sippy cupt, and some water, during the day, that was more important than going thirsty because he wouldn't take formula out of a bottle, and as long as I kept on breastfeeding (which I did, well beyond 12 months with DS2) she had no issues with what I was doing.

And now, they are both strapping lads in their 20s, and no harm done from either breastfeeding or using cows milk from 6 months in a sippy cup. No allergies, no nothing. A broad and varied weaning diet (never used a single jar or packet, even though I worked FT - I just used Anabel Karmel's first ever book and batch-cooked/froze portions for the bag for the childminder once a month) and even now neither of them like fizzy drinks, much preferring milk or water to drink if they're eating at home.

All that changed in between each DS was the 'rule' on when babies could/couldn't have cows milk. Clearly, it made no sense to my HV either, and now I'm left wondering why the 'rules' on weaning can change so much when the majority of babies, eseentially, don't change - even over a generation

That’s crazy! Of course it’s not holding her back!

Definitely not holding her back! If you both want to carry on, carry on as long as you like! My little boy was a bum shuffler and my HV and a podiatrist both told me they are notoriously late for walking. He walked at 17 months in the end and the podiatrist said that was early for a bum shuffler. Don’t worry, she sounds like she is doing great and developing at her own pace.

There is no correlation between cutting teeth, crawling and walking and breastfeeding.

If you want to keep feeding go for it, if you'd rather stop do that instead. How do you feel about it? When would you like to stop?

Breast feeding is not holding her back. Teeth will appear in their own time. Lots and lots of floor time will support gross motor skills. Her speech sounds fine - talk to her, play together, name things, sing nursery rhymes with actions, share books. be expressive. She sounds fine to me.

Of course you’re not holding her back! You’re doing absolutely the right thing.

Breastfed until 12 months.

Nah, your doing great!

Definitely no link between breastfeeding and teeth - DD grew her first one at 6 weeks and was BF until 18 months (she got too bitey or I'd have carried on). Keep going until one of you wants to stop, I reckon; no sooner, no later. I promise, breastfeeding has nothing to do with your concerns (which other than the teeth all sound perfectly normal to me). Maybe contact your health visitor if you're concerned? I'd not be at all from what you've described though.

No of course you’re not holding her back; she’s still a baby not even one yet. You’re making an awful lot of assumptions and erroneously attributing them to breastfeeding. Children develop different things at different times and she is different to the other 2

FWIW, DS was breastfed cut first tooth at 5 months and had 6 teeth by 11 months. Your sons sound very advanced on the speaking side. I’ll have to admit DS didn’t have much speech until I stopped breastfeeding, but as he was 19 months at the time, that was pretty normal!

Not having teeth and not crawling have absolutely nothing to do with breastfeeding!

Haven’t read the whole thread OP it’s not the bfing that’s caused her to be doing things in a different time frame to her brothers. If you’re worried about anything like teeth etc follow it up. Bfing is not linked to anything you’ve described development wise.

No! I bf'd mine until 18 months. He had teeth and was completely normal. Its not like an 18 month old will be hanging off you all day. They eat food and everything, they just take a feed every now and then.

Hi OP

Holding her back in what way? She is a baby? Physiologically, in what possibly way could drinking milk out of a nipple be stopping her teeth growing and development compared to powdered cows milk out of a plastic teat? Please try and relax

My second had no teeth at 11.5 months and I was a bit freaked out. As my husband said 'have you ever seen a 3 year old with no teeth'

You are not holding her back!

By breastfeeding you are giving her the best start you possibly can that formula cannot match up to. Breast milk is healthier for her and you, including health benefits for her in adulthood, and better for her developmentally too.

Her teeth coming in cannot be influenced by breastfeeding, similarly her crawling cannot either.

Breastfed my now 14 year old until 16 months and he self weaned. He's now a strapping boy in top sets at school despite his high functioning Autism. His sister fed until she self weaned at 26 months. Year 5 and Dyslexic but I'm not sure if my boobs caused this !
My middle boy couldn't latch and has been tube fed his entire life
Life is full of adventures. STOP stressing x

She will walk and grow teeth in her own time.
Theres no reason to stop breastfeeding. Its actually good to do it for 2 years if you can. Its so good for their immune system, and in a pandemic, that can only be a good thing. Plus youve always got something that will settle them!