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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
barbedwired · 07/08/2021 08:21

I would have chalked this one up to experience and left it.

People take themselves too seriously and love to tear someone to shreds on an anonymous forum. A few hundred years ago you'd be in the stocks having rotten fruit and veg thrown at your head Hmm

sadperson16 · 07/08/2021 08:24

I am educated thank you. Educated enough to realise BF is not for everybody and women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.

Neverrains · 07/08/2021 08:25

@sadperson16

I am educated thank you. Educated enough to realise BF is not for everybody and women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.
That’s not what World Breastfeeding Week is about though. It’s about supporting those who do want to do it.
FunnyWonder · 07/08/2021 08:26

I honestly don't get why anyone is 'entitled to an opinion' on whether a woman chooses to keep breastfeeding beyond what is now considered the norm. You don't need an opinion on it. Another woman breastfeeds her 4 year old. You don't. That's it. You make your choice. She makes hers. The end.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 07/08/2021 08:26

You probably shouldn't have commented but breastfeeding a 5 year old is just weird, verging on inappropriate imo.

Mum21031608 · 07/08/2021 08:33

I am educated thank you. Educated enough to realise BF is not for everybody and women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.

Then you need to educate yourself more because WBW has nothing to do with this.

WBW is concerned about supporting women who do want to breastfeed.

It’s about recognising poor breastfeeding rates are a Public Health Issue and it’s about identifying how/why women who do want to breastfeed are being let down.

80% of women who stop breastfeeding before 6 weeks do it before they actually want to, but simply because the support and specialist help isn’t available to help them with their difficulties.

That’s what WBW is focused on - it’s nothing to do with women who don’t want to breastfeed.

coffeepleeease · 07/08/2021 08:34

Very rude of you to comment to be honest!

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 08:38

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

You probably shouldn't have commented but breastfeeding a 5 year old is just weird, verging on inappropriate imo.
You sound like an expert! Who are you to make your ignorant evidence less judgments?
sadperson16 · 07/08/2021 08:40

Oh stop telling me to educate myself. I get it.

Educate yourself on the NCT which pushes BF and makes those who don't make the grade feel like shit.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 08:41

@sadperson16

Oh stop telling me to educate myself. I get it.

Educate yourself on the NCT which pushes BF and makes those who don't make the grade feel like shit.

Whoosh!
Witchesbelazy · 07/08/2021 08:42

I wouldn’t comment but I agree with you.

Mum21031608 · 07/08/2021 08:44

Educate yourself on the NCT which pushes BF and makes those who don't make the grade feel like shit.

So you’re basing your opinions around world breastfeeding week on the impression you got from the NCT?

You resent there being a huge campaign to support breastfeeding women because of NCT’s unhelpful approach?

And when you say ‘women who don’t make the grade’ - do you mean those women didn’t want to breastfeed? Or they tried but had difficulties and so had to stop?

pinkcircustop · 07/08/2021 08:44

@sadperson16

I couldn't BF my children, I was made to feel an abject failure by all concerned , especially the NCT.

They grew up fine, they don't have attachment issues or behavioural issues or illnesses. Nor are they freaks who hang on a breast after playing football with their mates.

Want some salt and vinegar to go with that chip on your shoulder?
Neverrains · 07/08/2021 08:44

@sadperson16

Oh stop telling me to educate myself. I get it.

Educate yourself on the NCT which pushes BF and makes those who don't make the grade feel like shit.

What has that got to do with Breastfeeding week? The NCT are one organisation. They didn’t make me feel like shit for bottle feeding, incidentally.
sadperson16 · 07/08/2021 08:46

I don't resent a campaign.....campaign away but don't tell me you and your kid are superior to mine.

EasterIssland · 07/08/2021 08:46

@sadperson16

I am educated thank you. Educated enough to realise BF is not for everybody and women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.
Yet we’re in a thread where mums who choose to bf their kids past the age of 1-2 are called * paedophile * making their children hold their bobs * sexually harassing their kids * doing it for themselves and not for their kids * they’re creating a problem for their children in dependency and relations with other kids

Can’t you really see where the problem is? If people don’t want to bf their kids they should be respected. By so should it be those that choose to bf

This is why world bf week is needing. So mums who want to bf get the support their need , it doesn’t matter if it’s for 1 feed / 1 day / 1 week /6 months / 1 year / 2 years or 5 years. Social and medical support to bf as much as they need without the need to be called paedophile

Why do I need to be felt like shit because this morning I bf my 3.5yo child?

Suzi888 · 07/08/2021 08:46

@TheKeatingFive

I didn’t want to breast feed 100% my body, my choice. Nothing to do with you.

Did anyone say it was?

But why isn’t ‘my body my choice’ applicable to the OP’s ‘friend’ too?

And your midwife was appallingly uninformed, regardless of your valid choices.

@TheKeatingFive why was she uninformed. She was a midwife, probably more qualified to comment than most of the people on here.

Of course the woman in the OP original post is ‘allowed’ to choose the age she wants to bf her child for. But this was a question posted on an Internet forum, so everyone is allowed an opinion. Would I comment myself? Probably not, because I quite honestly couldn’t care less.

Neverrains · 07/08/2021 08:47

@sadperson16

I don't resent a campaign.....campaign away but don't tell me you and your kid are superior to mine.
Who is doing that?
burritofan · 07/08/2021 08:48

People take themselves too seriously and love to tear someone to shreds on an anonymous forum. A few hundred years ago you'd be in the stocks having rotten fruit and veg thrown at your head hmm
I truly did not think we’d need to add “medieval punishments” to the BF bingo card, but here we are.

women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.
Yes, that’s the point of World Breastfeeding Week – lots of money, time and effort all designed to shame FF mums. Nothing to do with BF mothers at all, why centre those tit-flopping bitches – a whole week out of 52, just for them? Who do they think they are?!

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 08:50

why was she uninformed

Because she recommended BFing for solely a week.

Show me where that’s in any guidelines, UK or global?

EasterIssland · 07/08/2021 08:51

@sadperson16

I don't resent a campaign.....campaign away but don't tell me you and your kid are superior to mine.
Nobody’s child is happier than anyone else’s. Again in this thread posters are saying those 4-5 yo who are bf are sad kids because they’re hanging from their mums tits and not socialising and can’t even go to school because they need a breast to calm down

This thread is not about bf vs ff. it’s a proof about the harassment those that choose to bf suffer and that’s why WBW is needed.

Mum21031608 · 07/08/2021 08:54

women should have the choice and not be made to feel like shit because they can't do it.

I can’t remember what study it was, so apologies for that, but a study said that with the right professional support and advice 90% of women who want to breastfeed should be physically able to.

Instead we have 80% of them stopping before they want to in under 6 weeks of their baby being born.

That is a huge problem and certainly one that needs addressing.

Nobody cares if people want to formula feed their baby, what matters is mothers who are formula feeding as a result of not receiving the help and support to breastfeed when that is what they did want to do.

DamnUserName21 · 07/08/2021 08:55

@TheKeatingFive

why was she uninformed

Because she recommended BFing for solely a week.

Show me where that’s in any guidelines, UK or global?

Probably was trying to get the mother to try for a week to see if mother and baby would take to it and to ensure baby got colostrum.
VanGoSunflowers · 07/08/2021 08:59

@sadperson16

Is there a World Bottle Feeding Week?
No because it isn’t needed.
GintyMcGinty · 07/08/2021 09:09

What this comes down to is that OP made a rude comment to someone about how they parent.

It's really that simple.

We all parent differently and none of us like someone else telling us we are wrong, 'strange' etc in our parenting choices.

OP lacked in basic manners on this occasion

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