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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
Nightlystroll · 07/08/2021 03:38

I don't know anything about posts about BF but I think people are allowed to post views different to yours. I would say the poster was just being a bit light-hearted and using hyperbole to reassure the op. Naturally no one feeds their university aged children in a seminar ! 😏 They wait til they get back from college and then BF them to sleep. Natch.

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 03:46

I don't know anything about posts about BF

Quite

but I think people are allowed to post views different to yours.

Naturally.

That’s rather different, however, to making up total crap suggesting the posters saying there nothing wrong with BFing a 4 year old would advocate BFng a uni student. You honestly can’t see that?

God so depressing that it’s world BFing week and this is the level of debate on here.

Nightlystroll · 07/08/2021 04:00

@TheKeatingFive

I don't know anything about posts about BF

Quite

Hehe. Touché.

Saoirse82 · 07/08/2021 04:18

@Pancakeorcrepe

I wouldn’t pass comment but inside I would be mortified at a four year old being breastfed four times a day.
This
Mummasdiary2021 · 07/08/2021 04:20

Ignore all the flannels on here. It is weird. You were right in what you said

NotMaryWhitehouse · 07/08/2021 05:02

@OrganicAvocado

mancarose

I think that's tooo old to be breastfeeding, it affects the independence of the child

In what way does it affect the independence of the child? My ex MIL used to claim this too, which is ironic because my dd who was breastfed until 4.5 years is very independent, confident, and no signs of anxiety or unlike ex MIL’s non-breastfed grandchild who has attachment disorder, anxiety, and phobias. One was a very easy, well behaved child who had one or two toddler tantrums whilst the other three tantrums until age 6! I don’t need to tell you which was the breastfed one!

What's their behaviour got to do with how they were fed? Are you implying that breast fed babies are better behaved?! I'm sure you're not, but that's how it sounds.
OaxacaChihuahua · 07/08/2021 05:45

The poster who said full term breastfeeding indicates codependency 🤣🤣🤣

I don’t know how to tell you that four year olds are supposed to be dependent on their parents.

I bet you help your 4yos wipe their bums sometimes, and I doubt you’d pay much attention to someone popping up and saying ‘you don’t want to still be doing that when he’s 14!’. Same with lots of things - bathing them, reading them bedtime stories, cooking all of their meals, kissing scraped knees better. All of those things, like breastfeeding, are perfectly appropriate for a 4 year old but not for a 14 year old. The fictional 14 year old is a red herring to the whole discussion.

And to those posters saying it’s ‘creepy’. Interesting and specific form of word. Highly indicative that you can’t move past the idea that the purpose of breasts is to be sexual. You might say you think of full term breastfeeding as unnecessary, inconvenient, unusual etc, but to specifically say ‘creepy’ indicates you think it’s something gross or unsavoury, and that’s because you can’t disassociate breasts from sex.

Which is not hugely surprising in our culture, which allows topless women in newspapers but frowns upon women breastfeeding in public, and which relentlessly treats women’s bodies as commodities existing for the enjoyment of men. But still, it’s very much your issue and your hang up, and has nothing to do with full term weaning, which is only ever a decision for mum and child to make themselves.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 06:27

@mancarose

I think that's tooo old to be breastfeeding, it affects the independence of the child and isn't a good example of setting boundaries at a young age, it also is none of our business though but let her be, if a friend is going to throw away a friendship over something so little then she isn't a friend worth having
Do you have any evidence to back up your claim that it affects independence?
garlictwist · 07/08/2021 06:45

I mean, I agree with you. It is weird. But it's also her choice and not your place to comment.

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 07:02

Touché

What’s that even supposed to mean? Confused

Nightlystroll · 07/08/2021 07:19

@TheKeatingFive

Touché

What’s that even supposed to mean? Confused

It's a fencing term but here it means...

"used as an acknowledgement during a discussion of a good or clever point made at one's expense by another person."

So I accede to your wisdom. That means...you won. 🙂 i was being nice but sadly I think you'll find something bad to say about that as well.

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 07:21

Thanks for clarifying

sofiegiraffe · 07/08/2021 07:28

Yes you were BU - none of your business

Lockeddownagain · 07/08/2021 07:39

I hope when your breastfeeding you don't get the same prejudice what a horrible thing to do.

moonbedazzled · 07/08/2021 07:41

@TheKeatingFive

Thanks for clarifying
Yes, sorry. This was obviously an important topic for you and I was messing around with 4am idiotitis. I was wrong and you were right. Have a lovely day. x
HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 07/08/2021 07:48

In what way were you "not intending to offend?"

Are you totally oblivious to the feelings if other people? Hmm

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 07/08/2021 07:49

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Generally if you want someone to employ you then it is better not to comment judgementally on their parenting.
This!
sadperson16 · 07/08/2021 07:59

I couldn't BF my children, I was made to feel an abject failure by all concerned , especially the NCT.

They grew up fine, they don't have attachment issues or behavioural issues or illnesses. Nor are they freaks who hang on a breast after playing football with their mates.

burritofan · 07/08/2021 08:01

Actually an isolated child relies on the parent to do what’s best for them, the child doesn’t have that ability. So yes, you can prolong breast feeding because your child thinks it’s what they should do, it’s learned behaviour
Some incredible straw man arguments in this thread. “But what if a child were raised alone in a forest knowing only its mother, who could feed it wild fruit shoots but chose to teach it extended breastfeeding, and THEN they were rescued but unable to rejoin society age 30 because they had no alternative comfort and mummy appeared at board meetings to whip a breast out.”

It’s always flop, whip, yank a breast with the anti-BF brigade isn’t it? You’d think after 5-12 years of solid 24/7 breastfeeding our reluctant yet also codependent children we’d have mastered a discreet technique, but alas.

sadperson16 · 07/08/2021 08:02

Is there a World Bottle Feeding Week?

Mum21031608 · 07/08/2021 08:02

To be fair, if I was4 years old and had my favourite drink on tap then I’d probably make the most of it.

Mum21031608 · 07/08/2021 08:04

Is there a World Bottle Feeding Week?

Perhaps educate yourself on what World Breastfeeding Week is, and why it’s important before asking stupid questions.

worriedatthemoment · 07/08/2021 08:04

@TheKeatingFive its not jiust a drink
Though is it , its also food and if 3 long feed a day thats has calories and nutritional value , if i gave a 5 year old a large bottle of milk 3 times a day the likely hood is they would eat less food, I don't have to back it up,we are allowed an opinion or to base it on things we have seen
If you give a 2/3 year old bottles of milk a fe times a day they will likely eat less or have to many calories , im not just talking a little drink
Another poster who said there older child bf 5 times a day said one or two mouthfuls was all they had , so like a drink .
Miy 2 were down to two bottles of milk a day by 1ish , otherwise they wouldn't of ate much food

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 08:08

@Mum21031608

Is there a World Bottle Feeding Week?

Perhaps educate yourself on what World Breastfeeding Week is, and why it’s important before asking stupid questions.

@Mum21031608 every week is bottle feeding week 😕
EmmaOvary · 07/08/2021 08:17

You sound rude and so does your family.