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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 06/08/2021 23:18

[quote crazymicrowave123]@Ofnorman, because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house and I said I thought it's a bit strange that she still breast feeds an almost 5 year old? I mean, I'd happily apologise for offending her but not for my opinion...[/quote]
I agree, it is weird!! And that's coming from someone who is still breastfeeding an almost 2 year old (some would argue that that is weird too and I do plan to stop imminently)

worriedatthemoment · 06/08/2021 23:19

@TheKeatingFive which is why I said as a regular food as in 3 bottles a day
The people I know with slightly older children who Bf don't feed 3 meals a day , I only know one who went past 3 though but to be fair many others i know had subsequent kids so that prob was a decision In stopping ( although i know some to feed 2 etc)

ohthatbloodycat · 06/08/2021 23:20

It is weird, but you probably shouldn't have said anything Grin

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 23:21

which is why I said as a regular food as in 3 bottles a day

3 drinks of milk a day is hardly excessive, so I don’t follow your point. My similar age children have at least that a day.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 06/08/2021 23:28

Why was my comment deleted? That's ridiculous.

EishetChayil · 06/08/2021 23:29

Ye cheeky mare, ye!

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 06/08/2021 23:37

@WhatAShilohPitt

I agree with you. It’s weird. You breastfeed milk until babies start growing teeth and then you wean. I don’t think 14 year olds, 9 year olds or 5 year olds need to breastfeed from their mummy as if they can’t eat proper food. This is ‘AIBU?’ and that’s my opinion. I don’t really care who disagrees with me.

Breastmilk (or any mammilian milk) isn't a stop gap until a child can eat solid foods (which itself has very little to do with having teeth or not, most babies can crush up food with their gums very effectively).

Milk teeth are so called for a reason - when adult teeth begin to come through the shape of the jaw changes and a child loses the ability to latch. Natural weaning age for a human child is between 2-7 years.

WTFuckery · 06/08/2021 23:38

[quote crazymicrowave123]@3AndStopping not saying its wrong, but if you really wanted to stop you'd just stop, she will cry and be upset for a while but eventually get over it, my son hates brushing his teeth and can scream for England but I don't care. At 5 she is doing it for her benefit not his, and she wanted me to know she breastfeeds him and how proud she is. If she hadn't asked whether I would stay in the room with her I would have kept my opinion to myself, she goaded me for a while saying there would be no issue with me watching or being there and when I said it's ok I'd give privacy, she then asked why and I started then It's a bit strange comment, and that's how this whole situation exploded and she then turned on my family saying I am a judgemental disgusting human and they have raised me badly, then she was shocked to hear that my family agree and think much worse which is why she cut us off. But was now strangely trying to convince me to change my opinion to babysit and she has realised she is desperate. She is dramatic and too hot and cold for me so I have now declined.[/quote]
That's totally different to how you started the thread and if she was goading and just wanted to tell you how proud she was that she still breastfeeds her skin for own benefit and not his, then surely, you and your family (especially your family as they've know her for 20 years) would have already known she still breastfeeds. The fact you didn't know suggests she's not finding and rubbing it in your face.

worriedatthemoment · 06/08/2021 23:49

@TheKeatingFive well milk is a food so 3 times a day at 5 as well as food could lead to not eating enough solid food for many and for some babies , if your giving them 3 large bottles of milk passed a certain age when fully weaned that could easily fill them up

mancarose · 06/08/2021 23:51

I think that's tooo old to be breastfeeding, it affects the independence of the child and isn't a good example of setting boundaries at a young age, it also is none of our business though but let her be, if a friend is going to throw away a friendship over something so little then she isn't a friend worth having

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 23:54

well milk is a food so 3 times a day at 5 as well as food could lead to not eating enough solid food for many

Three drinks a day leading to ‘many’ not eating enough solids?

Seriously?

Have you a source to back up, what is on the face of it, a pretty ridiculous claim?

Oneweekwait · 07/08/2021 00:00

Bloody heck, are some of these comments for real? And during World Breastfeeding Week too!

I suppose this thread highlights why we need Breastfeeding campaigns still. To help educate and normalise

AramintaLee · 07/08/2021 00:19

Honestly, I agree it's a bit weird at that age. I can remember quite a lot of things from when I was 4 years old and if one of those things was sucking on my Mum's nipples... I think I would be scarred for life. Thankfully she stopped with me when I was about 1.5 years old and I am blissfully unaware of it.

Each to their own of course, but I agree with you OP. However, I'm not sure I would have actually given my opinion so freely - especially to a family friend

MrsKoala · 07/08/2021 00:33

well milk is a food so 3 times a day at 5 as well as food could lead to not eating enough solid food for many

I fed dd to 3.4 and she still fed every 20-45mins all day and 3 times a night. She still ate lots of food but very much used breast feeding as a quick drink rather than water/other liquids. She’d often just have a few gulps then run off playing. If she’d have been able to stick to 2 feeds a day like my friends with similar aged children had I would not have forced weaning in her. But I was exhausted with the frequency. Twice a day tho and I’d still be doing it at 5 happily.

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 02:27

I think I would be scarred for life.

You, like the billions of children across human history who’ve weaned at natural term, would have been fine.

VenusSap · 07/08/2021 02:36

YANBU. It’s odd and I’m guessing they are just an odd ball family.

milkyaqua · 07/08/2021 02:57

[quote crazymicrowave123]@SmallChairs, she told my parents why she wouldn't be coming around any more, and when they said they agreed that it was strange she decided she no longer wants to associate with any of us, I did not announce anything lol[/quote]
I think it's strange, too.

I think, also, she must surely be aware it is unusual to still breastfeed a child of almost 5 on a regular schedule. Will she pop into school at lunchtime and whip a breast out? How does that work?

Are you all supposed to pretend it's fine and normal and something we all encounter every day? Very strange over-reaction from her.

OrganicAvocado · 07/08/2021 03:03

mancarose

I think that's tooo old to be breastfeeding, it affects the independence of the child

In what way does it affect the independence of the child? My ex MIL used to claim this too, which is ironic because my dd who was breastfed until 4.5 years is very independent, confident, and no signs of anxiety or unlike ex MIL’s non-breastfed grandchild who has attachment disorder, anxiety, and phobias. One was a very easy, well behaved child who had one or two toddler tantrums whilst the other three tantrums until age 6! I don’t need to tell you which was the breastfed one!

OrganicAvocado · 07/08/2021 03:04

*threw not three (autocorrect fail)

Earlydancing · 07/08/2021 03:09

@crazymicrowave123

Very daring of you to repeat that convo on MN. There's a contingency on here that would be happy to go to their child's university and breastfeed them during seminars.

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 03:12

There's a contingency on here that would be happy to go to their child's university and breastfeed them during seminars.

I don’t know what people think they are contributing to the debate by posting absolute bollocks.

Westchesterarms · 07/08/2021 03:25

@TheKeatingFive

There's a contingency on here that would be happy to go to their child's university and breastfeed them during seminars.

I don’t know what people think they are contributing to the debate by posting absolute bollocks.

Hmm, I think you doth protest too much. Have you got your seminar seat booked already?
TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 03:27

Hmm, I think you doth protest too much. Have you got your seminar seat booked already?

Hmm

I didn’t BF past 1 as it happens

Nightlystroll · 07/08/2021 03:29

I don’t know what people think they are contributing to the debate by posting absolute bollocks.

Are you the thread police then? How does it work? Three strikes and you're out?

TheKeatingFive · 07/08/2021 03:32

Are you the thread police then?

If you can point to a single post that advocates feeding past an age of natural weaning (7 at most) then crack on. Otherwise it’s just distracting bollocks.