Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

@TheKeatingFive

So your mid wife from 5 years ago recommended BF for just a week?

Did you let someone know, because clearly she needed more training.

@TheKeatingFive nope. Didn’t care. Because I couldn’t breast feed. I didn’t want to breast feed 100% my body, my choice. Nothing to do with you. Miraculously my child survived.

Oh sorry cross posted.
Another totally irrelevant personal anecdote then

@KidneyBeans yup!

So yes, you can prolong breast feeding because your child thinks it’s what they should do, it’s learned behaviour

I can hardly believe I’m reading this. Breastfeeding is a learned behaviour? Jesus wept.

To those of you who think breastfeeding should stop at the magical age of 2 years. Why exactly?

[quote Hopeisallineed]@sleeping that’s hilarious! No I would lock them in a room and say sort it out yourself. 🙄 obviously. Lobbing out your breast is not the only way to offer comfort you know. How do you think the rest of us manage to soothe our kids? At five they are going to school. If that’s the only way to soothe an upset child then what happens if the child is upset at school and he/she can’t comfort themselves because their mother is not there to breastfeed them. Get the teacher to do it? 😳🧐😂[/quote]
But no one is saying it's the only way, just that its a way that works. If DS os upset i pick him up and cuddle him
I don't expect school to.

“ I didn’t want to breast feed 100% my body, my choice. Nothing to do with you. ”

Nobody said the opposite @Suzi888

“My body my choice. Nothing to do with you” exactly this. If ops friend wants to bf at 5yo then it’s her body her choice. Nothing to do with op not her family.

@Winemewhynot

They have a special room at my kids school for breastfeeding mums. They go in after their lunch for a bit of "pudding"

God I hope you’re a troll 🤮🤮🤮

Oh dear.

@Bluntness100 it’s really, really not learned behaviour….and I say that with confidence as a psychologist 😉

I would 100% expect school to comfort my child. To cuddle him. I don’t really see your point. At all. Very bizarre.

I didn’t want to breast feed 100% my body, my choice. Nothing to do with you.

Did anyone say it was?

But why isn’t ‘my body my choice’ applicable to the OP’s ‘friend’ too?

And your midwife was appallingly uninformed, regardless of your valid choices.

I think it’s wierd. Wouldn’t tell her though

[quote Hopeisallineed]@sleeping that’s hilarious! No I would lock them in a room and say sort it out yourself. 🙄 obviously. Lobbing out your breast is not the only way to offer comfort you know. How do you think the rest of us manage to soothe our kids? At five they are going to school. If that’s the only way to soothe an upset child then what happens if the child is upset at school and he/she can’t comfort themselves because their mother is not there to breastfeed them. Get the teacher to do it? 😳🧐😂[/quote]
Do you ever use screens/food/toys/treats to entertain or distract your bored or upset child ?
What about when they're at school - do you expect the teacher will be able to do exactly that?

Is your argument really that parents should never provide anything that a school cannot?
Surely you yourself can see the flaws in your own argument?

Its really bloody weird. Id find it hard to keep quiet too but it really is none of our business

So many people confuse strange with different.
There really is an infinite number of ways to raise a child and, as long as they are happy and healthy, we should not judge them as strange just because it's not what we're familiar with.
However, I do think she was rude and over-reacted - it can't possibly be the first time anyone has expressed surprise. Maybe she's just got fed up with defending her choice.
If you genuinely are sorry by all means apologise.

@Hopeisallineed

I would 100% expect school to comfort my child. To cuddle him. I don’t really see your point. At all. Very bizarre.

I wouldn't expect the TA to pick up my 6 year old. Im sure the pp's who bf wouldn't expect the TA to offer their child her breasts. DH wouldn't expect the teachers to blow raspberries on DS's tummy.

Its not as if I'm trying to change anyones mind

Rightly or wrongly, you give the impression that your views have validity beyond your own personal situation and choices you make for your own children.

Perhaps that’s not your intention, I don’t know. But that’s how it comes across.

Personally, I didn’t BF past 1, but I fail to see the relevance of my personal situation or views to other women BFing older children, within the natural timeframe for weaning. It’s like me expressing a view on their hairstyle or clothes choice or snack food. Just utterly irrelevant.

Scientifically and anthropologically you are wrong and just being squeamish. Socially incredibly rude.

Yes you should apologise but if you’re going to do a half baked one you probably shouldn’t bother as a “sorry for saying it out loud but I still think you’re a weirdo” likely won’t help matters much

For the record I only bf one of my children and stopped much earlier than 4, but still think you’re totally in the wrong.

@CatherineTheNotSoGreat why should it continue ? Is there any nutritional benefit after that age ? Thats what nature intended it for , at over 2 most would get all nutrition they need from food, if for comfort then we could say why do people have issues with bottles , dummies etc
Personally i don't care how long someone chooses to do for or doesn't choose to at all, the only person I know personally who went over 3 did do it purely for them aa opposed to their child, I know that won't be case for many though , but is it still nutritionally needed ??

why should it continue

Why do you need a justification for a small child to consume the food nature made specially for them?

If you don’t have an issue with kids drinking cows milk, why would ion have a problem with this?

The reason people (not me, I might add) have a problem with dummies and bottles is because bottles cause (cow) milk to pool in the mouth which can cause cavities and dummies because the way children suck them can be detrimental to their teeth.

Neither of which is a problem with breastfeeding as children are intended by nature to still be breastfeeding up to around the age of 6.

@TheKeatingFive I don't consider a 5 year old a small child that needs bf 3 times a day alongside food personally , my question was to another poster though in response to what they has said
Is there a nutritional benefit after 2 , many stop cows milk by this age as well or sooner as a regular food

Is there any nutritional benefit
Yes there is nutritional benefit, no more than cow’s (breast) milk has nutritional benefit. (Better actually, as it’s tailor made to the child) It also continues to support the development of a healthy immune system, which is immature until about age 6years, coincidentally when a child would often naturally wean. It also helps development of head and neck muscles and good dentition. It has many benefits for the mother too - reduced breast cancer risk for the mother, and the child if it’s a girl, reduced risk of osteoporosis, to name a few.

To reiterate what many others have said - you cannot force a child to breastfeed, whether the mother wants it or not.

many stop cows milk by this age as well or sooner as a regular food

In my experience, very few children of this age stop drinking cows milk altogether. I’m sure you will concede this is true. I’ve certainly never seen anyone getting grief for feeding their child it.

So if cows breastmilk is ok, why not the breastmilk specifically made for them?

@ParadiseLaundry but again same stands that its no one elses business but people judge then but heaven forbid anyone judges someone who breastfeeds until 5 , maybe we should all just accept people do things there own way or what may be suitable for the child
I had 2 and bf , one needed a dummy the other not interested
Personally I didn't bf to an older age as thats not for me and like I said I only know one person who did and the really did it for them as opposed to their child so that clouds my judgement a little on this subject as I appreciate others may do it for other reasons

@CatherineTheNotSoGreat you didn't know the person I did as she really did not do it totally for her child and he never knew any different but when he was not wanting it so much she was very reluctant to let him stop, but to be fair it wasn't just breastfeeding that she was this way