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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:13

[quote Imnewhere1991]**@kidneybeans* and @wincarwoo* because not everything is a massive 'ive offended someone' drama??

My sisters and I openly discuss our parenting..we are able to share different opinions without it being an argument or huge drama. We express our own beliefs and do what we want our own way regardless.[/quote]
That's not really what this thread is about.

But pleased you can share your views with your sister.

Mreggsworth · 06/08/2021 22:13

The reason why I feel it's the best interest has kind of been explained, I feel there should be a cut off point to stop it continuing indefinitely, and I'd worry about over dependency and attachment issues impacting engagement at school and developing other relationships - Doesn't mean that actually happens, but is MY personal view on why it's not ideal past a certain point. If you have different experiences, great. Crack on! ...At no point have I suggested anyone stop what they are doing, just offered a view.

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:14

@Mum2jenny

I’m now really careful when I post to be seriously non confrontational, and it annoys the fuck out of me that I have to do it!
Good for you.
orangejumpsuit · 06/08/2021 22:15

I'm not sure I'd have voiced that out loud, but yanbu to have the opinion that it's a bit odd.
The WHo recommend bf up to the age of 2. After that, well, each to their own and all that, but they'd get all their nutrients from actual real food. At that age, about to start school, I would wonder if she's intending to roll up to the school playground at lunchtime to give her child a snack!

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:15

@Mreggsworth

The reason why I feel it's the best interest has kind of been explained, I feel there should be a cut off point to stop it continuing indefinitely, and I'd worry about over dependency and attachment issues impacting engagement at school and developing other relationships - Doesn't mean that actually happens, but is MY personal view on why it's not ideal past a certain point. If you have different experiences, great. Crack on! ...At no point have I suggested anyone stop what they are doing, just offered a view.
With respect you have no evidence for your opinion. Maybe listen to those that have experience.
TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 22:16

I would wonder if she's intending to roll up to the school playground at lunchtime to give her child a snack!

Do you honestly think that’s likely? Hmm

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 22:16

[quote Imnewhere1991]**@kidneybeans* and @wincarwoo* because not everything is a massive 'ive offended someone' drama??

My sisters and I openly discuss our parenting..we are able to share different opinions without it being an argument or huge drama. We express our own beliefs and do what we want our own way regardless.[/quote]
But this thread isn't about you is it?

I'm struggling to see how you telling us what you would do with a different person with whom you have a different relationship is helpful or relevant
Confused

fallingagain · 06/08/2021 22:17

I think it's a bit strange to be honest OP. Not sure if I would have said anything though.

Suzi888 · 06/08/2021 22:17

@orangejumpsuit

I'm not sure I'd have voiced that out loud, but yanbu to have the opinion that it's a bit odd. The WHo recommend bf up to the age of 2. After that, well, each to their own and all that, but they'd get all their nutrients from actual real food. At that age, about to start school, I would wonder if she's intending to roll up to the school playground at lunchtime to give her child a snack!
^ this op My MW recommended bf for one week.
Kanaloa · 06/08/2021 22:17

I mean it’s your opinion, but as I often tell my kids, if your opinions about others are mean then keep them to yourself. There’s a mum at my kids school with a sort of bleached feathered mullet. Do I feel the need to march up every morning and blurt out ‘I hate your hair, it doesn’t suit you, and I think you should have it in this style which I like?’ No. I just think ‘don’t love that hairdo’ and say hi.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/08/2021 22:18

I'm 50 50 on this one. I think her telling you about it was possibly done to get a reaction. You were babysitting for one evening, why did you need details of her bf schedule? She told you because she wanted to tell you and get a reaction.

However.... you bit. You reacted. It doesnt really matter what you think inside your head, best to say nowt and just shrug it off. I'd apologise carefully saying something factual, e.g "breastfeeding rates in the UK are so low after the first 6 months, I'm sorry, it's just so unusual to come across an older child feeding here I was taken by surprise. My comment was thoughtless and unnecessary, please do forget it."

oblada · 06/08/2021 22:18

@Imnewhere1991

Mumsnet is probably not the best place for this sort of question, as you've unfortunately seen . If it was my sister for example and she was bf at 4/5 I would say something too. It is unusual and imo the child is too old.
If you were my sister is tell you to buzz off and mind your own damn business Thankfully my family has more sense and has never commented to me about my children breastfeeding until 5yrs old. What is potentially acceptable, if you have the right relationship with the mum in question, is to discuss in general what made her 'decide' to continue breastfeeding and the pros and cons she can see. That would satiate your curiosity and probably give you a decent insight into that situation without appearing to be judgmental.
oblada · 06/08/2021 22:18

'i'd'

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 22:19

My MW recommended bf for one week.

What a strange thing to post, what’s it got to do with this thread?

Your MW is totally out of kilter with WHO recommendations as a starting point.

EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 22:19

@Mreggsworth

The reason why I feel it's the best interest has kind of been explained, I feel there should be a cut off point to stop it continuing indefinitely, and I'd worry about over dependency and attachment issues impacting engagement at school and developing other relationships - Doesn't mean that actually happens, but is MY personal view on why it's not ideal past a certain point. If you have different experiences, great. Crack on! ...At no point have I suggested anyone stop what they are doing, just offered a view.
So you think those kids that are bf at 4/5 yo struggle to have friends or are independent.

Thanks. I’ll continue listening to what real experts advise.

“ UNICEF has long encouraged breast­feeding for two years and longer, and the American Academy of Pediatrics is now on record as encouraging

And breast­feeding makes the toddler dependent? Don't believe it. The child who breast­feeds until he weans himself (usually from 2 to 4 years), is generally more independent, and, perhaps, more importantly, more secure in his independence. He has received comfort and security from the breast, until he is ready to make the step himself to stop. And when he makes that step himself, he knows he has achieved something, he knows he has moved ahead. It is a milestone in his life.“

www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/jack_newman3.html

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 22:19

@Mreggsworth

The reason why I feel it's the best interest has kind of been explained, I feel there should be a cut off point to stop it continuing indefinitely, and I'd worry about over dependency and attachment issues impacting engagement at school and developing other relationships - Doesn't mean that actually happens, but is MY personal view on why it's not ideal past a certain point. If you have different experiences, great. Crack on! ...At no point have I suggested anyone stop what they are doing, just offered a view.
I'd worry about over dependency and attachment issues impacting engagement at school and developing other relationships - Doesn't mean that actually happens, but is MY personal view on why it's not ideal past a certain point.

But why would you choose to base your personal opinion on misapprehensions which have already been corrected on this thread? Surely if that's the basis for your opinion, the fact that you now know your concerns are baseless and it doesn't actually happen means that you would re-evaluate your opinion, rather than cling to it knowing that it's based on incorrect assumption

EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 22:20

@orangejumpsuit

I'm not sure I'd have voiced that out loud, but yanbu to have the opinion that it's a bit odd. The WHo recommend bf up to the age of 2. After that, well, each to their own and all that, but they'd get all their nutrients from actual real food. At that age, about to start school, I would wonder if she's intending to roll up to the school playground at lunchtime to give her child a snack!
Who recommends to bf at least 2y. Which is different to up to 2
Imnewhere1991 · 06/08/2021 22:20

@KidneyBeans because you and @wincarwoo appeared shocked at my comment, so I thought it best to elaborate on it.
I am merely sharing an experience,.perhaps to portray that it depends who you say your opinion to and how well they are likely to take it, if you are wanting to comment on someone's parenting.

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 22:21

@Suzi888
When was that? The 1970s?
Or did you just have a particularly ignorant MW?
Have you literally never thought to question that advice? Confused

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:21

@TheKeatingFive

I would wonder if she's intending to roll up to the school playground at lunchtime to give her child a snack!

Do you honestly think that’s likely? Hmm

I've seen loads of mums do that actually.

They have a special room at my kids school for breastfeeding mums. They go in after their lunch for a bit of "pudding"

Each year has a separate room so the reception breastfeeders don't upset the year sixes.

fairytwinkletastic · 06/08/2021 22:22

Hey OP, I think @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland is right. I'm not against it but I bet I would've been surprised which would've shown. Sounds to me like she was either expecting a bad reaction, or preempting one which probably didn't help.

Imnewhere1991 · 06/08/2021 22:22

@oblada actually I love that my sisters and I can be open and honest with eachother without it being a big drama..we are real with eachother and I'd rather that that us worrying about offending etc..we are that close it would be weird for us not to chat about everything and anything with no drama. I love it.

pastaparadise · 06/08/2021 22:22

You're perfectly entitled to your own opinion, but expressing it is likely to cause offence.

Fwiw I am still feeding my 5 year old. Never planned to, and would have thought it strange if asked years ago, but he's never wanted to stop so I've never forced it. He only does for a few mins before sleep now and it helps him nod off quickly so comfort for both of us! Though nobody except dp knows as i know others opinions are negative, which is a shame as it is biologically natural and healthy. When milk teeth fall out children can no longer latch, hence 'natural term weaning', not 'mother chosen'. I wish i felt able to be more public as your friend did.

Muminabun · 06/08/2021 22:22

Yanbu op. He is 5 fgs she is putting her needs above his.

Catawaul · 06/08/2021 22:23

So it's not okay for your friend but it's fine for a celebrity?

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