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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 21:51

but if they are at a point in their development where a parent may acknowledge it's in their better longer term interest to wean off breast milk, then theyll say no even if the child wants and it may bring them comfort there and then

The parent doesn’t think they’ve reached that point yet and within historical norms, there’s nothing even slightly unusual about that decision.

U.K. cultural norms are the outlier here.

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 21:52

@Mreggsworth

Ok icecream analogy was a mistake. What was meant is that a child may request breast milk, but if they are at a point in their development where a parent may acknowledge it's in their better longer term interest to wean off breast milk, then theyll say no even if the child wants and it may bring them comfort there and then.

In no way comparing breast milk to icecream in a literal/nutritional sense. Just that you dont say yes to things all the time even if you know itll have immediate positive effects, as you think about the bigger picture.

What is the bigger picture exactly?

Is there evidence that I don't know about breastfeeding past a certain age has some sort of consequence?

Everyone is living through the pandemic. As far as I can see a lot of people criticising don't seem to have any experience so I don't see the comparison myself.

christyt114 · 06/08/2021 21:56

@JMKid

I wouldn't apologise and totally agree with you OP. Absolutely no need to BF at that age. It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby.
Totally agree.

YANBU, OP.

Mreggsworth · 06/08/2021 21:57

@EasterIssland

Hmm no you dont base any of your behaviours on what someone on an internet forum thinks and make your choices based on what you think is right.

And accept that some people (e.g me) believes that it's better to wean off breast milk before 4/5, however just because that person has an opinion on that particular matter doesnt mean they remotely care or judge you personally on the decision you make, it just isnt their personal preference based off their beliefs? Hmm

EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 21:58

One of the reasons I’ve carried on bf this far (3.5yo) is the pandemic.
The researches are showing that a bf child gets some kind of immunity / protection from their mum having COVID / the vaccine.
So why am I still bf my son at 3.5yo!? Because if I can avoid him catching the virus by me bf him to sleep or when he needs a cuddle I’ll do it and I don’t care what the rest think. Wouldn’t you try and do the best for your kids ? Well this is my best I can do for him.

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 21:58

@christyt114 another "expert"

lannistunut · 06/08/2021 21:59

[quote crazymicrowave123]@Ofnorman, because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house and I said I thought it's a bit strange that she still breast feeds an almost 5 year old? I mean, I'd happily apologise for offending her but not for my opinion...[/quote]
Amazing rudeness!

EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 21:59

[quote Mreggsworth]@EasterIssland

Hmm no you dont base any of your behaviours on what someone on an internet forum thinks and make your choices based on what you think is right.

And accept that some people (e.g me) believes that it's better to wean off breast milk before 4/5, however just because that person has an opinion on that particular matter doesnt mean they remotely care or judge you personally on the decision you make, it just isnt their personal preference based off their beliefs? Hmm[/quote]
Why it’s better to wean off before 4/5? Can you tell me the pros / cons based on what WHO / doctors / bf support groups etc say please ? So I can read about it and make an inform decision.

ParadiseLaundry · 06/08/2021 22:01

'Even if the child got to 12 years old and still wanted breast fed because it comforts them? '
This gets bandied around all the time. Where are these 12 year olds still demanding to to breastfed? Do you know any?

'Same with breast feeding a child, it may provide immediate comfort and sooth the child and it may be what the child wants, but may not be in best interest to give them what they want, so you say no.'

WHY do you say no? WHY is it not in the child's best interests? It's not like giving in and giving them another packet of Haribo, which would be for their best interests. It is biologically normal, provides the most tailored nutrition a human can get, it provides antibodies against illnesses and provides comfort.

Imnewhere1991 · 06/08/2021 22:01

Mumsnet is probably not the best place for this sort of question, as you've unfortunately seen . If it was my sister for example and she was bf at 4/5 I would say something too. It is unusual and imo the child is too old.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 22:02

And accept that some people (e.g me) believes that it's better to wean off breast milk before 4/5

And that’s cool for you to do that with your own kids. It’s having opinions about what others do with theirs that posters are objecting to.

Frezia · 06/08/2021 22:02

This thread aka tell me it's world breastfeeding week without telling me it's world breastfeeding week Hmm

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:02

@Imnewhere1991

Mumsnet is probably not the best place for this sort of question, as you've unfortunately seen . If it was my sister for example and she was bf at 4/5 I would say something too. It is unusual and imo the child is too old.
Why would you say anything? Why do you think your opinion is important?
lifehappened · 06/08/2021 22:03

You sound like a nob to be honest, I do agree with you actually but would never ever say that out loud. Who do you think you are??

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 22:06

@Imnewhere1991

Mumsnet is probably not the best place for this sort of question, as you've unfortunately seen . If it was my sister for example and she was bf at 4/5 I would say something too. It is unusual and imo the child is too old.
But no one asked your opinion Confused So why do you think you have a right to dictate how other people raise their children?

How weirdly arrogant!

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 22:07

[quote Mreggsworth]@EasterIssland

Hmm no you dont base any of your behaviours on what someone on an internet forum thinks and make your choices based on what you think is right.

And accept that some people (e.g me) believes that it's better to wean off breast milk before 4/5, however just because that person has an opinion on that particular matter doesnt mean they remotely care or judge you personally on the decision you make, it just isnt their personal preference based off their beliefs? Hmm[/quote]
So what are your beliefs based on?
Why is it better? What is the evidence?

Mum2jenny · 06/08/2021 22:08

Currently you cannot say any opinions out loud incase you offend someone irrespective of the content!

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 22:08

It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby

Has anyone spouting this stuff actually BF their children?

You really can’t force them to BF. It absolutely doesn’t work like that.

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 22:09

@Mum2jenny

Currently you cannot say any opinions out loud incase you offend someone irrespective of the content!
Bless.
Imnewhere1991 · 06/08/2021 22:11

@kidneybeans and @wincarwoo because not everything is a massive 'ive offended someone' drama??

My sisters and I openly discuss our parenting..we are able to share different opinions without it being an argument or huge drama. We express our own beliefs and do what we want our own way regardless.

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2021 22:11

@TheKeatingFive

It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby

Has anyone spouting this stuff actually BF their children?

You really can’t force them to BF. It absolutely doesn’t work like that.

Actually an isolated child relies on the parent to do what’s best for them, the child doesn’t have that ability. So yes, you can prolong breast feeding because your child thinks it’s what they should do, it’s learned behaviour,
DeflatedGinDrinker · 06/08/2021 22:11

Yanbu op it's ridiculous at that age.

Mum2jenny · 06/08/2021 22:12

I’m now really careful when I post to be seriously non confrontational, and it annoys the fuck out of me that I have to do it!

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 22:13

So yes, you can prolong breast feeding because your child thinks it’s what they should do, it’s learned behaviour

Yes because small children are so notoriously receptive to what they ‘should’ do. Hmm

FatAnneTheDealer · 06/08/2021 22:13

@SleepingStandingUp, I have actually no idea how “deprived and disadvantaged” your children may be.

My point is that although I may have a view about how children in general are fed - I am human and cannot avoid having a view, especially since my view is based on good evidence, and am perfectly happy to repeat that I strongly accept the overwhelming scientific position that if possible breast is best - it is also NONE OF MY BUSINESS what my view is when it comes to feeding your children.

I would not express that view unless you were close to me and sought my advice on feeding options.

In the same way, the OP was entirely wrong to volunteer her advice without being asked.

She was unreasonable.