Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

What is your arbitrary age cut off for what you'd consider "strange" versus not strange? Is it anything past 12 months when you deemed it "unnecessary" to continue past this point?

I always find it very sad to see a small baby being fed with a bottle. This is a very common sight in coffee shops, parks, restaurants, and other public areas throughout the land.

I think - Oh poor Baby! Oh poor Mum! That baby really, really should be being breastfed! Breastfeeding is so good for all kinds of reasons! Think how Mum and Baby are both being so disadvantaged and deprived!

But somehow I manage to keep my thoughts to myself. Feeding choices are between Mum and Baby, and none of your, or my, business.

You are not wrong to have an opinion, but you are absolutely wrong to have expressed it. It was none of your business in any possible way to comment on a 4 year old being breastfed, in the same way it is not my business to comment on how sad I feel when I see a 3 month old baby being bottle fed. (And I have better evidence on my side, just saying...)

You were offensive and out of line. You have no business commenting on the feeding choices that she makes for her child, even obliquely, unless you observe that the parent is abusive (and in that case you have an absolute duty to comment and intervene, but you had better have a lot more evidence than it’s “weird”)

I would feel a bit uncomfortable if someone was breastfeeding a five year old in my house. It just feels a bit too old.

@DingDongThongs

Ok, unusual still doesn’t mean creepy. But you find it creepy. It produces feelings of unease for you. Why do you think that is?

I always find it very sad to see a small baby being fed with a bottle.... I think - Oh poor Baby! Oh poor Mum! That baby really, really should be being breastfed! Well you'd have been inconsolable watching me feed my small baby, they didn't take breast OR a bottle

*I always find it very sad to see a small baby being fed with a bottle. This is a very common sight in coffee shops, parks, restaurants, and other public areas throughout the land.

I think - Oh poor Baby! Oh poor Mum! That baby really, really should be being breastfed! Breastfeeding is so good for all kinds of reasons! Think how Mum and Baby are both being so disadvantaged and deprived!*

I really must leave mumsnet for a while

@FatAnneTheDealer - you are taking the piss ... aren't you? 😳

@wincarwoo

Children want all sorts, some children would ask for ice cream for all meals of the day if it was up to them.

Obviously a child is going to 'want' breast milk if it's all they've ever known and its truly embedded in their routine. Therefore, at some point the parent has to intervene and say enough is enough.

Also the OP said the mum said it comforts her aswell, therefore suggesting a codependeny.

It's a breast. Try to use words without Anglo-Saxon. You'll look like an adult. Not an irresponsible, uncouth teen. The only T!t is you...
Your username is DingDongThongs.

Anyway, loving all the “at that age they absolutely don’t need it for nutrition, it’s just for comfort” posters; god forbid a five-year-old should be comforted, chuck em down the coal mines.

But please come and tell me @fatannethedealer , do come and tell me how deprived and disadvantaged me and my 3 kids are

Therefore, at some point the parent has to intervene and say enough is enough.
Whhhhhhhhhhy do they HAVE to? What is the equivalency between breast milk and ice cream? Are you thinking of Madonna’s cone bra?

Sweepstake for which paper this will end up in first

@AleynEivlys , no, I am trying to illustrate how someone might feel from another perspective.

The OP is uncomfortable seeing a 4 year old being breastfed, and wonders how that could come about.

(Answer: there may be good reasons)

I am saying I am uncomfortable seeing a small baby being fed by bottle.

(Answer: there may be good reasons)

Moral: it is none of the OP’s, mine, yours, or anyone else’s opinion how any baby is fed at any age, unless we are asked.

I hope I have now been clearer.

[quote Mreggsworth]@wincarwoo

Children want all sorts, some children would ask for ice cream for all meals of the day if it was up to them.

Obviously a child is going to 'want' breast milk if it's all they've ever known and its truly embedded in their routine. Therefore, at some point the parent has to intervene and say enough is enough.

Also the OP said the mum said it comforts her aswell, therefore suggesting a codependeny.[/quote]
You're still displaying amazing ignorance. Co-dependency 😂. What do you think a parent/child relationship is exactly?

I don't know why you're so arrogant to think that your mis-informed views are worth sharing with people that clearly have more experience than you.

OP...you haven't done anything wrong. It IS unusual and unnecessary.

Op should have kept her opinion to herself!

Regardless of whether breastfeeding is right or wrong or whatever.

[quote FatAnneTheDealer]@AleynEivlys , no, I am trying to illustrate how someone might feel from another perspective.

The OP is uncomfortable seeing a 4 year old being breastfed, and wonders how that could come about.

(Answer: there may be good reasons)

I am saying I am uncomfortable seeing a small baby being fed by bottle.

(Answer: there may be good reasons)

Moral: it is none of the OP’s, mine, yours, or anyone else’s opinion how any baby is fed at any age, unless we are asked.

I hope I have now been clearer.[/quote]
Yep. You still sound dreadful, but now you've doubled down on it, it's really confirmed it. Awful.

@Valeriekat

OP...you haven't done anything wrong. It IS unusual and unnecessary.

Parents do unnecessary things to comfort their 4 yos all the time.

@burritofan

Do you really not think that at some point a line has to be drawn? Even if the child got to 12 years old and still wanted breast fed because it comforts them? At some point is it not natural to encourage the child to explore other forms of comfort and ways of self soothing that arent so fully 100% dependent on the mother?

The comparison to icecream is that parents sometimes ignore childs 'wants' as they feel it isnt in their best interest, yes that ice cream will give an immediate satisfaction, but too much isnt good long term, so parents say no. Same with breast feeding a child, it may provide immediate comfort and sooth the child and it may be what the child wants, but may not be in best interest to give them what they want, so you say no.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't if you feel it is right for your child, in real life I dont think I'd have much reaction or give any thought to a 5 year old being breast fed, certainly would not make me form any view on someones overall parenting. Just personally, breast feeding 4/5 + is not something I think is ideal.

The comparison to icecream is that parents sometimes ignore childs 'wants' as they feel it isnt in their best interest, yes that ice cream will give an immediate satisfaction, but too much isnt good long term, so parents say no. Same with breast feeding a child, it may provide immediate comfort and sooth the child and it may be what the child wants, but may not be in best interest to give them what they want, so you say no.

I would have thought the reason you say no to ice cream as a comfort is because it’s unhealthy. But if a child requested a food that was nutritious as a comfort what is the reason to say no? Just for the sake of saying no?

Do you really not think that at some point a line has to be drawn?

5 is well within the historical limits of natural term weaning. So yes, but not as early as 5.

The comparison to icecream is that parents sometimes ignore childs 'wants' as they feel it isnt in their best interest, yes that ice cream will give an immediate satisfaction, but too much isnt good long term

But breast milk is perfectly nutritionally balanced for small children, so the ice cream comparison is ridiculous.

@wincarwoo

It's a forum, there is no arrogance in voicing an opinion. What an odd thing to say. Do you have to be an expert on everything to voice a thought on something? If that's the case the covid board would only be fully of top epidemiologists.

"Co-depency" was based of the OP saying that it brings them both comfort, at some point I feel you need to step out of your comfort zone to encourage them to develop more independent skills.

A parent child relationship starts off with the child being fully dependent on you for everything, to the parent helping the child learn the skills to decrease their decency gradually over time, having a cut of period for breast feeding is part of that process.

Honestly dont see what is so outrageous about thinking that.

@Waspsarearseholes what I am trying to say is that we all approach the sight of infant/ child feeding in light of our own views and prejudices. I mention my own prejudices to illustrate my views: I freely admit that I am genuinely sad to see a bottle fed baby, but that is because I strongly believe that baby and mother are missing so much.

But I also understand that there may be a very good reason that the mother made that choice, and, importantly, it is none of my business and I absolutely have to keep my views to myself.

This is an exact parallel to the OP. She thinks that a nearly 5 year old should not be being breast fed. She has come to this with her own views, just as I have.

You may think I am “dreadful” and “awful” for feeling sad for mums and babies who miss out on the breastfeeding experience - and I genuinely do feel sad - but my point is, what I think is not really relevant. It is up to Mum and baby together.

The OP should not have expressed her opinion to the Mum she was babysitting for, against extended breast feeding, even if she feels strongly that it is valid, in the same way I would not be expressing my own opinion, unless asked, in favour of early breastfeeding - however strongly I hold that opinion.

Ok icecream analogy was a mistake. What was meant is that a child may request breast milk, but if they are at a point in their development where a parent may acknowledge it's in their better longer term interest to wean off breast milk, then theyll say no even if the child wants and it may bring them comfort there and then.

In no way comparing breast milk to icecream in a literal/nutritional sense. Just that you dont say yes to things all the time even if you know itll have immediate positive effects, as you think about the bigger picture.

@Mreggsworth
Do you really think the toddlers thar are bf past 1-2 years can only be soothed by their bf mum and are dependant on her?

Not sure then how do they calm my son down in nursery! He’s 3.5 yo and they’ve never call me from nursery to bf him. If I’m around he’d prefer the breast to a hug when he’s upset or when he wants to sleep. If I’m not around then he finds other ways to calm down.

Of course us mums we tell them no sometimes ! They don’t always get the boob when they want , but sometimes even that NO is not accepted. Should I then tell him sorry can’t bf you because someone on mn thinks I shouldn’t be doing it ? Why should I break the link with my son ? Can you imagine my dh telling him no to a cuddle when he’s upset because someone thinks in mn it’s not acceptable ?