Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
HOkieCOkie · 06/08/2021 19:04

Personally I think it’s grim breastfeeding a 5 year old child. But it’s her business and you’ve no right to comment or shame her about it.

withdrawal123 · 06/08/2021 19:05

I am still feeding my 12 month old and comments like yours make me feel judged, and worried about at what point my child is 'too old'. When she was tiny I found bf hard in public because we had issues with tongue tie and nipple shield use. I thought it would get better but I am already at the point I feel uncomfortable doing it in case people share opinions with me that are unnecessary Sad

whistlers · 06/08/2021 19:05

@HOkieCOkie

Personally I think it’s grim breastfeeding a 5 year old child. But it’s her business and you’ve no right to comment or shame her about it.
"Grim" classic mumsnet
Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 19:06

@TheKeatingFive

Why not do it at her own house before dropping the child off? I always fees my daughter before dropping her off at the childminder's or whatever for the day.

No idea. Ask the OP.

But there was an obvious and stated justification for her telling the OP and none at all for the OP and her parents to share their opinions both with each other and with the friend, so your position baffles me totally and seems to be all about your own complicated emotions on the topic and nothing to do with the OP.

Ha ha! No. I don't have complicated emotions on the topic at all. I've literally said that people who are disgusted by breastfeeding are pathetic and aggressive breastfeeders are annoying and that everyone should have the confidence to feed their babies how they wish and just be able to get on with it. Perhaps your comprehension skills are the questionable ones?
Winemewhynot · 06/08/2021 19:06

It’s all about want versus need really. A baby needs milk hence it being acceptable to breastfeed a baby in public. A grown child does not need milk, they may want it but they can wait until they get to the privacy of their home. Give them a fruit shoot or snack if nexcessary. The top and bottom of it is it’s not the norm and it makes people feel uncomfortable, so unless you’re doing it for a reaction why you would do it in public is beyond me!

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 19:11

Perhaps your comprehension skills are the questionable ones?

lol. You said ‘literally no one cares’ when we have the OP discussing it with her parents, passing judgement, relaying that judgement to the friend and then starting a thread about it on MN.

Complicated emotions run deep and manifest themselves in surprising ways

whistlers · 06/08/2021 19:11

@Winemewhynot

It’s all about want versus need really. A baby needs milk hence it being acceptable to breastfeed a baby in public. A grown child does not need milk, they may want it but they can wait until they get to the privacy of their home. Give them a fruit shoot or snack if nexcessary. The top and bottom of it is it’s not the norm and it makes people feel uncomfortable, so unless you’re doing it for a reaction why you would do it in public is beyond me!
Table legs used to make people feel uncomfortable fgs
CecilyP · 06/08/2021 19:12

I am still feeding my 12 month old and comments like yours make me feel judged, and worried about at what point my child is 'too old'.

Why? You still have a baby, not a child who is starting school next month!

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 19:12

It’s all about want versus need really.

Do you only eat/drink things you ‘need’?

UndertheCedartree · 06/08/2021 19:14

Yes, you should apologise. It is completely normal and natural to BF at that age. What on earth did you hope to achieve by saying you thought it was strange. You sound the strange one!

AlexandraQueen · 06/08/2021 19:14

@Winemewhynot

It’s all about want versus need really. A baby needs milk hence it being acceptable to breastfeed a baby in public. A grown child does not need milk, they may want it but they can wait until they get to the privacy of their home. Give them a fruit shoot or snack if nexcessary. The top and bottom of it is it’s not the norm and it makes people feel uncomfortable, so unless you’re doing it for a reaction why you would do it in public is beyond me!

Yes. Much better to shove a child a fruit shoot then actually attend to their needs. 🙄

UndertheCedartree · 06/08/2021 19:16

@Winemewhynot

It’s all about want versus need really. A baby needs milk hence it being acceptable to breastfeed a baby in public. A grown child does not need milk, they may want it but they can wait until they get to the privacy of their home. Give them a fruit shoot or snack if nexcessary. The top and bottom of it is it’s not the norm and it makes people feel uncomfortable, so unless you’re doing it for a reaction why you would do it in public is beyond me!
Yes, you are quite right - just as full grown adults don't 'need' milk - they should wait til they get to the privacy of their own home if they want milk in their tea!
CecilyP · 06/08/2021 19:17

Did she ask for your opinion OP?

She kind of did in asking OP why she wanted to leave her to it.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 19:18

Great to see that fruit shoots are deemed a better choice than the milk especially created by nature for the purpose.

On another similar thread quavers were suggested as a better alternative.

Says a lot about the U.K.

unidentifed · 06/08/2021 19:18

[quote crazymicrowave123]@Ofnorman, because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house and I said I thought it's a bit strange that she still breast feeds an almost 5 year old? I mean, I'd happily apologise for offending her but not for my opinion...[/quote]

I'm cringing. What she does with her child in your house still has no affect on YOU.

Good on her for cancelling and moving on from someone as judgmental as you.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 19:19

She kind of did in asking OP why she wanted to leave her to it.

Even if that were true, was the discussion with the parents really necessary?

Winemewhynot · 06/08/2021 19:24

@TheKeatingFive unfortunately yes I want to live on champagne and chocolate cake but I can’t else I’ll get fat and become an alcoholic. So I eat and drink normally, wants versus needs.

@AlexandraQueen giving a the child a snack or drink is attending to their needs, they don’t need breast milk they want it. What is OP going to do if the want it at school at lunch? Go in and put him on the boob in the playground? No he’ll have a school lunch which might not be what he wants but is attending to his needs.

Neverrains · 06/08/2021 19:25

Loving the idea that a fruit shoot is better than human milk, designed for humans Grin.

Winemewhynot · 06/08/2021 19:26

@UndertheCedartree but full grown adults aren’t sucking the milk from the breast of the mammal in public so it’s not really comparable, is it?

MrsJuliaGulia · 06/08/2021 19:26

Probably one to keep to yourself. I find breastfeeding children, as opposed to babies, very weird but I wouldn’t actually tell anyone that does it. Albeit I don’t know of anyone who does it/has done it.

OaxacaChihuahua · 06/08/2021 19:27

Give them a fruit shoot

Yeah, so much better to give them a sugary fruit juice which is full of sugar and nutritionally inferior than you know… feed them a liquid perfectly designed for that specific purpose to a child who is well within the age range for biologically normal weaning Hmm

MaryShelley1818 · 06/08/2021 19:27

Really weird imo to be breastfeeding a school age child. I've breastfed two children (when they were babies obviously and needed it).
I wouldn't have said anything though.

Winemewhynot · 06/08/2021 19:29

Feel free to substitute fruit shoot for any drink appropriate for a grown child, not baby who only takes milk (formula or breast)

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 19:29

unfortunately yes I want to live on champagne and chocolate cake but I can’t

You never eat/drink anything you don’t strictly ‘need’?

C’mon now, don’t be silly.

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 19:30

@Winemewhynot
A fruit shoot instead of breastmilk? Confused

Also, I’m guessing you don’t drink alcohol! Or eat cake? Or cheese? I’m guessing you don’t sit down and watch tv?

You don’t NEED any of those things. If you likely will do some or all of them because they’re how you ‘self soothe’. Children cannot do this, they look to us to help regulate their feelings.