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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
ParistoLondon · 06/08/2021 18:42

I can't imagine still breastfeeding when my child is 5 years old Shock so I can understand your reaction. I wouldn't have said anything though. It's her child so her decision and if they're both fine with it, so be it. Just apologise and move on.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 18:42

Why did the breastfeeding mother feel she had to share this with the OP?

Because she’d be doing it at her house.

If the OP and her parents ‘literally didn’t care’ how anyone feeds their children why did they then have a conversation about it and call it strange?

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 18:42

@Blossomtoes

As Evelyn Hall said “I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

I think you’ll find Voltaire said that, not Evelyn Hall, whoever he or she is/was.

@Blossomtoes I’m, no he did. Evelyn Hall said it in her biography of him and everyone interpreted it as her saying he said it. But there is no evidence he ever said it.

I think you’ll find.

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 18:43

That was meant to say ‘No he didn’t’. Silly predictive text.

HungryHippo11 · 06/08/2021 18:43

@RampantIvy

I wouldn't be surprised to hear this sort of opinion from someone 60+

Oy, I am 62 and know better than to make a comment like that.
Although, I agree that extended breast feeding until school age is extremely unusual in the UK.

If you read my whole post it was in reference to lots of people saying the OP "sounds young". I didn't mean people aged 60+ all believe this, more than it wouldn't be surprising for someone that age (or any other age) to have this opinion, I didn't understand why she must be young in order to behave this way.
whistlers · 06/08/2021 18:44

@mustlovegin

I have to admit I would initially find it strange too - but that's my socialisation and ignorance

Why is it that we need to instantly claim 'ignorance' when something is frankly uncommon and hence most people rightly perceive it as such? Why can't we ever trust our judgement?

It's not uncommon on a worldwide scale.
OaxacaChihuahua · 06/08/2021 18:45

I think you’ll find Voltaire said that, not Evelyn Hall, whoever he or she is/was.

Whoops Grin

fuckingsickofcovid · 06/08/2021 18:46

If he was 14 then commenting would be fair, but it didn't need a comment really

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 18:47

Also Evelyn Waugh? Wink

KidneyBeans · 06/08/2021 18:47

[quote crazymicrowave123]@666TheNumberOfTheBeast I texted her to say I stand by what I said and my family do agree and that they told her this. I said I think It's strange but I do apologise if I offended her. I did say much earlier on she is very dramatic and has argued with us before. They have things up previously with other disagreements, and by her asking me to baby sit again after all of this shows me she isn't that offended after all or that she is desperate and now needs to act like she was still offended by getting me to backtrack.[/quote]
So clinging on to your ignorant rude judgementalness then?

Why is breastfeeding strange @crazymicrowave123 ?

What about feeding Human babies the breast milk of other animals? Is that strange too? If not why not?

RampantIvy · 06/08/2021 18:50

It's not uncommon on a worldwide scale.

I know this, but I think the OP is in the UK, so isn't this irrelevant?
Extended breastfeeding to that extent in the UK is somewhat unusual - enough to spark a mumsnet discussion.

sadperson16 · 06/08/2021 18:51

if the kid is tall, does it stand up and suck or what?

Relle1 · 06/08/2021 18:51

Who are you to say what is normal or not when it comes to her own child though op? It's none if your business nor concern

Of all the things in the world that I consider abnormal how a mother feeds her child isnt one of them....

And again as a fellow mum it's just so disheartening and disappointing when I hear about people like you. We should be supporting and uplifting each other. We all know how hard it is to be a mum. Not critiquing and judging

sweetieqie · 06/08/2021 18:51

@RampantIvy

I have a friend who once said "when they are old enough to ask for a feed it is time to give up"
Yeah... I breastfed til about 14 month and it started getting weird for me having her pull away mid feed and talking to me...
Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 18:53

@TheKeatingFive

Why did the breastfeeding mother feel she had to share this with the OP?

Because she’d be doing it at her house.

If the OP and her parents ‘literally didn’t care’ how anyone feeds their children why did they then have a conversation about it and call it strange?

Why not do it at her own house before dropping the child off? I always fees my daughter before dropping her off at the childminder's or whatever for the day.

I am not remotely interested in, for example, my friend's vegetable patch. However, if she started a conversation about it I'd respond. If it got heated and I said something extremely rude to her to the point where she was very upset then yes, I might talk it over with my family to see what they thought. They would undoubtedly have an opinion about my friend/her method of gardening - something which is so uninteresting that it would never have even occured to them before my friend started the conversation about her vegetable patch.
Is that simple enough?

wincarwoo · 06/08/2021 18:54

@sadperson16

if the kid is tall, does it stand up and suck or what?
Living up to your name.
BuckellsTrunshon · 06/08/2021 18:56

Did she ask for your opinion OP?

mimofboy2 · 06/08/2021 18:56

I suspect it was a situation where you said something without thinking. I agree that breastfeeding that much at that age is strange and ppl might argue it's normal but it's certain not something seen often and I don't think it's unreasonable to be uncomfortable to have it in front of you. I would apologise and explain it took you by surprise and you didn't mean to be offensive.

TooBored1 · 06/08/2021 18:57

How very judgemental and ill-informed of you.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 18:59

Why not do it at her own house before dropping the child off? I always fees my daughter before dropping her off at the childminder's or whatever for the day.

No idea. Ask the OP.

But there was an obvious and stated justification for her telling the OP and none at all for the OP and her parents to share their opinions both with each other and with the friend, so your position baffles me totally and seems to be all about your own complicated emotions on the topic and nothing to do with the OP.

sadperson16 · 06/08/2021 18:59

No really, can you imagine a tall child at 5 asking for the breast and it dangling down for a wee snack?

Come off it.

StevieNix · 06/08/2021 19:00

I mean I wouldn’t breast feed a 4/5 year old but I wouldn’t pass judgment on someone that did, and I certainly wouldn’t comment and tell them my opinion!

Neverrains · 06/08/2021 19:00

@sadperson16

No really, can you imagine a tall child at 5 asking for the breast and it dangling down for a wee snack?

Come off it.

Why would it be dangling?
santabetterwashhishands · 06/08/2021 19:02

If your rude op then so am I because I think it's really weird 🤷‍♀️

whistlers · 06/08/2021 19:03

@RampantIvy

It's not uncommon on a worldwide scale.

I know this, but I think the OP is in the UK, so isn't this irrelevant?
Extended breastfeeding to that extent in the UK is somewhat unusual - enough to spark a mumsnet discussion.

Hence the ignorant comment. Everyone's just seeing it through UK eyes.