Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

@RampantIvy

I have a friend who once said "when they are old enough to ask for a feed it is time to give up"

What counts as asking? I'm pretty sure newborns cry asking for milk. My dd could sign "milk" before she could speak. Does that count?

What a load of nonsense.

[quote Winemewhynot]@TheKeatingFive unfortunately yes I want to live on champagne and chocolate cake but I can’t else I’ll get fat and become an alcoholic. So I eat and drink normally, wants versus needs.

@AlexandraQueen giving a the child a snack or drink is attending to their needs, they don’t need breast milk they want it. What is OP going to do if the want it at school at lunch? Go in and put him on the boob in the playground? No he’ll have a school lunch which might not be what he wants but is attending to his needs.[/quote]

A 5yo doesn't need breastmilk for nutrition, but they might well need to breastfeed for comfort or soothing. I'm in hospital with my 3yo quite frequently. Everytime he wants to breastfeed whilst having a blood test/IV drip should I just offer him a fruit shoot? 🙄

She kind of did in asking OP why she wanted to leave her to it.

Even if that were true, was the discussion with the parents really necessary?

I don’t see why not. If a friend creates a drama by flouncing out of your house, you probably say something to your family members. And when they ask why, you tell them, then they offer they’re own opinions. Pretty normal human interaction.

No sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine, no saturated fat, no more than minimal calorie intake - really?

For gods sakes, it’s a fucking tit, not a crack pipe. Just leave the damned kid alone.

A grown child does not need milk, they may want it but they can wait until they get to the privacy of their home.
The child in question feeds first thing in the morning, at home; at lunchtime (dunno where to be fair, right in front of the aghast eyeballs of the pearl-clutchers, hopefully); and at bedtime, at home. Her request was to feed her kid at the OP’s house before she left. So, the privacy of a home.

Not that it matters! Breastfeeding in public is protected by law, so children don’t need to be pacified with a bloody fruit shoot if they want to feed. I personally don’t do it now because I cba and I like wearing dresses that close at the front, but if I did it the last thing I’d be thinking about is provoking a reaction; breastfeeding older kids is much more, “How do I juggle their scooter and the shopping and my tit and raincoat and the brolly and scroll mindlessly on my phone while they’re feeding upside down from my head and breaking off to tell me about a dinosaur”.

@TheKeatingFive well no because as you say your child isn’t feeding for nutrition it’s comfort, but what you could do is try and find an alternative source of comfort eg a special teddy or blanket to help ease the transition when you stop feeding and take his comfort away

@Winemewhynot or you could let the kid breastfeed if it wants as mum is happy and so is the child?

Ooops wrong person that’s to @AlexandraQueen

[quote 666TheNumberOfTheBeast]@Winemewhynot or you could let the kid breastfeed if it wants as mum is happy and so is the child?[/quote]
No ones stopping anyone feeding but people are still allowed to have an opinion about extended feeding and allowed to find it strange watching a grown child feed in public.

@winemewhynot

Why on earth would I do that!?! This is the kinda of idiotic train of thought that has meant it had to be made law to protect breastfeeding women.

@Winemewhynot

Ooops wrong person that’s to *@AlexandraQueen*

Sounds like you're a real expert. You should be on the telly telling mums what to do.

You’re suggesting to a mother that when she takes her child into hospital, HOSPITAL, that she takes away its comfort? And what, gives it a fucking fruit shoot?

Sorry, but your opinion is batshit.

[quote Winemewhynot]@TheKeatingFive well no because as you say your child isn’t feeding for nutrition it’s comfort, but what you could do is try and find an alternative source of comfort eg a special teddy or blanket to help ease the transition when you stop feeding and take his comfort away[/quote]
Find an alternative source of comfort? Why? Why is cuddling a teddy more valid than breastfeeding, which even at 5 is actually biologically normal and a completely valid way of receiving comfort from your mother.

And you could argue that 'in the middle of a pandemic' receiving breast milk which is full of antibodies is actually a need rather than a want.

@AlexandraQueen surely it’s sensible to build up some other sources of comfort so that when you do stop its as least traumatic as posible, or do you plan to breastfeed forever?

I fed my DD until she was 3 (just at bedtime from about 18 months and a few times during the day when she was poorly once.) I remember my GP telling me that there are still lots of health benefits for both child and Mum.

People are entitled to their opinions course, but you don't have to voice them. Especially to the person you're judging.

Creepy. He's starting school. Bitty comes to mind..

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast

You’re suggesting to a mother that when she takes her child into hospital, HOSPITAL, that she takes away its comfort? And what, gives it a fucking fruit shoot?

Sorry, but your opinion is batshit.

Calm down hun that’s not what I said at all 🙄

[quote Winemewhynot]@AlexandraQueen surely it’s sensible to build up some other sources of comfort so that when you do stop its as least traumatic as posible, or do you plan to breastfeed forever? [/quote]
But WHY? Do you know anyone who has breastfed forever (or used a bottle or dummy forever for that matter)? Children become better at self soothing and give up these things on their own. It's usually before around 6. When their milk teeth fall out. Can you guess why they might be called milk teeth...?

well no because as you say your child isn’t feeding for nutrition it’s comfort, but what you could do is try and find an alternative source of comfort

Why can’t the mother use whatever source(s) of comfort she sees fit?

I feel sure it’s not the only one in the repertoire.

[quote Winemewhynot]@UndertheCedartree but full grown adults aren’t sucking the milk from the breast of the mammal in public so it’s not really comparable, is it?[/quote]
Ah, thanks for clearing that up! Child obtaining milk in the natural way...wrong! Adults drinking milk for calfs in their tea...no problem! So it's nothing to do with want and need then? As quite clearly adults drinking calf milk is much more a 'want' not 'need' than a child drinking breast milk!

DingDongThongs
Creepy. He's starting school. Bitty comes to mind..

Excellent post ding dong thongs. ( great username too btw)

I'd say YANBU for having an opinion but YABU for voicing it. It's a tricky one, because if it was just about the nutritional benefits of breast milk, then at almost 5 the child could be drinking from a cup. So it's obviously more about the comfort and bonding aspect, and then you do get into the territory of well how old is too old? I sometimes think about the Little Britain 'bitty' sketches when I see older children breastfeeding (and I did breastfeed my own but weaned them off when they were eating a balanced diet) but then I do think we tend to be guided by societal norms. Personally, I cringe when I see 5 year olds with dummies and bottles so I do understand what you mean about school age. I think you will just have to accept the friendship has gone though x

@winemewhynot

It's very clear you have zero knowledge of natural term weaning, so just stop with the nonsense advice.

Natural term weaning is child led so naturally gets less and less, until you suddenly realise they haven't actually fed for a week/month and it's all done. At 3, ds only feeds when upset or sometimes overtired so at the most 2 or 3 times a week. There is absolutely no need to 'transition' to another source of comfort.

It’s bizarre to say ‘I want to live on champagne and chocolate cake but I can’t’.

Breastmilk isn’t the equivalent of champagne and chocolate. It’s the one foodstuff in the world that is purposely designed for consumption by children. Nothing is more nutritionally dense or health giving for a child.

It’s like saying ‘I want to live on nutritionally balanced, healthy meals but society thinks that’s weird and inappropriate so I’m going to eat chocolate cake and champagne instead’.