Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 17:55

@TheKeatingFive

Literally nobody, apart from the baby's parents, care how their child is fed

You need to go back and read the OP again.

No, I don't. The OP didn't care enough about it to quiz her friend about her child's eating habits. The friend told her.
Winemewhynot · 06/08/2021 17:56

@bg21 aw no! I find it’s a subject people get very passionate about but the OP is well within in her rights to feel uncomfortable about someone breastfeeding a school aged child right infront of her! That’s her boundary and the mother should respect that.

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 17:57

No, I don't.

Gosh, your reading comprehension is terrible then. Did you miss the part where she relayed her family’s views on how other people’s children are fed?

Standrewsschool · 06/08/2021 18:08

The way the conversation went, she asked a question and invited your response, which you gave (but happen to disagree with her.). Maybe you touched a nerve. It is very unusual to still breastfeeding a five year old. I don’t think you were rude as such - it wasn’t an unsolicited comment, but an answer to a question.

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 18:13

@Waspsarearseholes but this is my annoyance. I am not a die hard breastfeeder at all. I believe everyone has the right to do what they want - breast/bottle, as long as you want to. But that’s the point / it’s nobody else’s business, and the way the OP has behaved is not okay. It’s not her place to call it strange or criticise the mother. It’s between mother and child, so why the hell do people like the OP think it’s acceptable to voice their opinion? I am not defending breastfeeding OVER other feeding choices, I am defending the right for a woman to make a choice on what is best for her and her child and not have to explain her choices to interfering, criticism idiots.

As Evelyn Hall said “I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” I don’t care how others feed their children, but I will defend their right to make that choice for themselves and not have to be scrutinised and made to feel like shit because people like the OP have decided they have some right to express their unwarranted opinion.

missymayhemsmum · 06/08/2021 18:15

Apologise. Explain that you were taken aback as it was unexpected, breastfeeding at nearly 5 is unusual, but that now you understand more about it you realise you were wrong to judge her parenting choices. Stress that her son is a lovely little boy.

marmaladehound · 06/08/2021 18:15

Apologise. You had a tactless moment and realise it's nothing to do with you. Hopefully she'll accept but if not, you have offered that olive branch.

VanGoSunflowers · 06/08/2021 18:15

Absolutely not of your business. Your opinion is not needed or wanted.

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 18:16

@Waspsarearseholes also the story of how it came about is debatable; it was a drip feed that got more and more convenient with each post.

OaxacaChihuahua · 06/08/2021 18:17

At 5 she is doing it for her benefit not his

This is so absolutely untrue! Children benefit from breastfeeding for as long as they do it. It never stops being an amazing source of nutrition and vitamins, and never stops being immunity boosting. It’s also a valid source of comfort for children. 4 is really little - of course 4 year olds still want their mums for comfort and attachment.

This kind of ignorant judgment is unfortunately rife, and it’s really unwelcome. Whether you personally see it often or not, full term breastfeeding is normal, natural and beneficial to the breastfed child.

VanGoSunflowers · 06/08/2021 18:19

It's never the nutritional content that people are worried about. It's children feeding from their mother's boobs that bothers people, they just don't like to admit it outright

Completely agree.
How much do we all do for our children that is deemed unnecessary and nobody criticises?
It’s ONLY because there is a breast involved and ONLY because people STILL think breasts are for men and sex.

CecilyP · 06/08/2021 18:20

As Evelyn Hall said “I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

But not OPs right to say she thinks breastfeeding a nearly 5 year old is strange! But it wasn’t even an unsolicited comment. OPs friend invited comment when she started discussion after OP said she’d make herself scarce.

666TheNumberOfTheBeast · 06/08/2021 18:23

@CecilyP I don’t believe that to be true, no. As I said, I think she’s embellished her story for convenience. And even if so, the woman didn’t say ‘what do you think about me breastfeeding my child?’. The OPs comments were not necessary.

daisydaisy7 · 06/08/2021 18:26

I mean, I agree it is very strange to still breastfeed at that age. I have a 4yo dd and could not imagine sitting to feed her 3 times a day.
I'm currently EBF my baby who is 3mo. And the thought of her sister also feeding is very bizarre.
However I have a friend who's DS is the same age as my 4yo and he still has a dummy, which is odd when he starts school in a few weeks. But I suppose it's no different.

I wouldn't have said anything to my friend though as it's none of my business so I can't say I'm surprised she's upset.

whistlers · 06/08/2021 18:28

I have to admit I would initially find it strange too - but that's my socialisation and ignorance.

I would never dream of actually SAYING something.

Honestly.

WaspRelatedEmergency · 06/08/2021 18:30

I wonder why it bothers people so much? I know people say it's strange or unnecessary but there seems to be more to it than that. Eating refined sugar is unnecessary but most 4 year old eat it.
What do you actually find strange about it?

RampantIvy · 06/08/2021 18:32

I have a friend who once said "when they are old enough to ask for a feed it is time to give up"

Minionbums · 06/08/2021 18:32

I actually think she might have been goading you into an argument about it - when you offered to leave it sounds like she antagonised things by asking why. She must know it is very unusual to still be breastfeeding at that age and that, because it’s so unusual, people will react to it, she must get that reaction a lot, even if it is natural etc. Does she like a bit of drama?

Blossomtoes · 06/08/2021 18:34

As Evelyn Hall said “I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

I think you’ll find Voltaire said that, not Evelyn Hall, whoever he or she is/was.

Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 18:34

@TheKeatingFive

No, I don't.

Gosh, your reading comprehension is terrible then. Did you miss the part where she relayed her family’s views on how other people’s children are fed?

No, it isn't. OP didn't ask her friend beforehand to share her child's feeding habits with her and her family. Because nobody is interested. The friend made the OP and her family aware of it for some inexplicable reason and the OP (wrongly, and extremely rudely, in my opinion) shared her own views about it.
mustlovegin · 06/08/2021 18:36

I have to admit I would initially find it strange too - but that's my socialisation and ignorance

Why is it that we need to instantly claim 'ignorance' when something is frankly uncommon and hence most people rightly perceive it as such? Why can't we ever trust our judgement?

Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 18:38

so why the hell do people like the OP think it’s acceptable to voice their opinion?

I don't know. You'll have to ask them.

I don’t care how others feed their children, but I will defend their right to make that choice for themselves and not have to be scrutinised and made to feel like shit

Yep, which is pretty much what I said. Do you not see the aggression in your response?

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2021 18:38

No, it isn't.

So even your own comprehension of what you’ve written is poor. You said this …

Literally nobody, apart from the baby's parents, care how their child is fed

So how does that square with the following in the OP?

I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5

If literally no one cared, why were they discussing it? Why not shrug shoulders and move on?

Shutupyoutart · 06/08/2021 18:40

Op you are entitled to your opinion but there's a time and place to voice it and that wasn't it,but it sounds like you have realised that and been big enough to apologise, And since you are not going to change your opinion Perhaps you should just agree to disagree rather than both of you arguing back and forth. It would be such a shame to lose a 20 year friendship over this. Having said that I do so wish there was a lot less judgement around breastfeeding it's such a natural thing to do and yes even though continuing to four years old is not the norm, it's her choice to do so as long as both her and her son are happy I couldn't get worked up about it. I hope you all manage to work it out.

Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 18:40

@TheKeatingFive

No, it isn't.

So even your own comprehension of what you’ve written is poor. You said this …

Literally nobody, apart from the baby's parents, care how their child is fed

So how does that square with the following in the OP?

I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5

If literally no one cared, why were they discussing it? Why not shrug shoulders and move on?

Quite. Why did the breastfeeding mother feel she had to share this with the OP?