Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

Well I agree with you but wouldn't have voiced it.

She's right to cut you and your family out of her life. What a horrible thing to say. If you have any interest in keeping your friendship you should apologise, and as a gesture of goodwill perhaps do some reading on breastfeeding past infancy - natural term weaning is incredibly good for both mother and child. It's no wonder breastfeeding rates are so poor in this country...

Laughing at how many posters are telling you off for voicing a comment. In real life, yes many people will probably ponder and ask her the same. Your comment wasnt cutting or horrible, you just said it was a little strange.

Breastfeeding at the age of 5 is entirely unnecessary and imo creates a pathological dependency/ not healthy for the child. She has no intention to stop anytime soon? So when will she, at the age of 6 or 7? Cant imagine my own DC hanging from my breast at that age.

I dont think you should apologise, she sounds precious and extra sensitive.

but if you really wanted to stop you'd just stop, she will cry and be upset for a while but eventually get over it you're misunderstanding the concept of doing something for someone else's benefit. I have 3 kids, o do lots of things that aren't necessary, which i don't enjoy, in order to let my children do something that is good for them / they enjoy.

If i cancelled dance class he'd be sad for a while and get over it. Not doing so doesn't mean hes going to dance class for me or that i get off on sitting outside with two moody toddlers on a Friday afternoon. It means I'm doing it
for him

Weaning off breastfeeding is not the same as weaning onto solids. They are two different things. In fact the definition of “to wean” is to accustom (an infant or other young mammal) to food other than its mother's milk. Other than but not instead of!

That definition would mean bottle fed newborns are weaned which they obviously are not. I know many people use ‘wean’ when all they mean introducing solids which for some really irritates me. I would, however expect a 4 year old to be weaned. And even in OPs friends child’s case not deriving much nutrition from the breast milk.

hanging from my breast

What's not to love!

Full house!!

Hanging from the breast is quite derogatory, most of the time no one even sees the child so that comment
Is unnecessary! A pathological dependence? What information is that theory based on?!

We don't think you have to agree, OP. We just think you have to not be rude to us about it. Also, gossiping about it with your family? Pretty bad. Then telling her you've done that!? Reeeally bad. Then your "apology"

Having a different opinion on the optimum length of breastfeeding? Totally fine.

imo creates a pathological dependency
Calm down Dr Scarpetta

@CecilyP

Weaning off breastfeeding is not the same as weaning onto solids. They are two different things. In fact the definition of “to wean” is to accustom (an infant or other young mammal) to food other than its mother's milk. Other than but not instead of!

That definition would mean bottle fed newborns are weaned which they obviously are not. I know many people use ‘wean’ when all they mean introducing solids which for some really irritates me. I would, however expect a 4 year old to be weaned. And even in OPs friends child’s case not deriving much nutrition from the breast milk.

Not deriving much nutrition from breastmilk is another fallacy.

It's as nutritious as cows milk, more so given that it's tailor made for humans. Would you expect a 4 year old to be weaned off 'unnecessary' cows milk?
Schools give kids cows milk because it's good for them nutritionally, so how on earth is it wrong for a mother to give their child milk that is biologically designed for them?

It's never the nutritional content that people are worried about. It's children feeding from their mother's boobs that bothers people, they just don't like to admit it outright.

@CecilyP

Weaning off breastfeeding is not the same as weaning onto solids. They are two different things. In fact the definition of “to wean” is to accustom (an infant or other young mammal) to food other than its mother's milk. Other than but not instead of!

That definition would mean bottle fed newborns are weaned which they obviously are not. I know many people use ‘wean’ when all they mean introducing solids which for some really irritates me. I would, however expect a 4 year old to be weaned. And even in OPs friends child’s case not deriving much nutrition from the breast milk.

Where have you got the idea that there is no nutritional value? . Also, feeding is more than nutrition. It provides other support to a child too.

Loads of my friends fed well into toddlerhood. It's normal to me. But there are plenty of examples on here of people being put under loads of pressure to wean at 6mo, because their families think it's 'outlandish'.

*Who decides if it's outlandish? Are you the appointed independent adjudicator?^

The obvious reason why it’s not outlandish is because, if you don’t breastfeed, it’s recommended (almost compulsory) to give bottles of formula until one. And there are many babies don’t really take to solids straight away, so continuing breast milk or formula is a good idea. However some time before the age of 4, children will get there nutrition from normal food.

Exactly this @Pigeonpocket

It's never the nutritional content that people are worried about. It's children feeding from their mother's boobs that bothers people, they just don't like to admit it outright.

Consciously or subconsciously, people are sexualising it. A poster wrote earlier that the problem is that the child might be able to remember it (unlikely) but…so? That’s still sexualising it.

@FallingStar21

Laughing at how many posters are telling you off for voicing a comment. In real life, yes many people will probably ponder and ask her the same. Your comment wasnt cutting or horrible, you just said it was a little strange.

Breastfeeding at the age of 5 is entirely unnecessary and imo creates a pathological dependency/ not healthy for the child. She has no intention to stop anytime soon? So when will she, at the age of 6 or 7? Cant imagine my own DC hanging from my breast at that age.

I dont think you should apologise, she sounds precious and extra sensitive.

Which pathological dependencies are we talking about ?

Where have you got the idea that there is no nutritional value?

I didn’t say no nutritional value, I meant as a proportion to the food he’s consuming throughout the day.

Also provide immunological support- not fully developed in a child until 6 or 7. As a child terminates the breatsfeeding period as a toddler and the ducts involute the milk becomes denser, packed with antibodies, almost like colostrum- like a parting gift.

I didn’t say no nutritional value, I meant as a proportion to the food he’s consuming throughout the day.
I asked my toddler whether she cared about the breastmilk:solids nutritional value ratio and that it really wasn’t worth feeding any more, and she said ::muffled answer rendered incoherent due to gobful of nipple::

Why do people keep saying "you sound very young"? Older people can be opinionated and thoughtless too, in fact I wouldn't be surprised to hear this sort of opinion from someone 60+

@HungryHippo11

Why do people keep saying "you sound very young"? Older people can be opinionated and thoughtless too, in fact I wouldn't be surprised to hear this sort of opinion from someone 60+

I would imagine it’s the fact she has had a baby a year ago, lives at home, struggles to understand that it’s OK to parent in a way which is different to her and she doesn’t understand how to apologise.

I didn’t say no nutritional value, I meant as a proportion to the food he’s consuming throughout the day.
I asked my toddler whether she cared about the breastmilk:solids nutritional value ratio and that it really wasn’t worth feeding any more, and she said ::muffled answer rendered incoherent due to gobful of nipple::

Might be worth trying the question again when she isn’t actually feeding!

Consciously or subconsciously, people are sexualising it.

some might, but surely treating a 4 year old like a baby and refusing to let them grow up is weird enough?

Most people would feel the same about still giving a bottle at that age. They have teeth and can use cutlery, and ask for their own food. Surely it's time to let go a bit?

refusing to let them grow up is weird enough

Why is it refusing to let them grow up?

I wouldn't be surprised to hear this sort of opinion from someone 60+

Oy, I am 62 and know better than to make a comment like that.
Although, I agree that extended breast feeding until school age is extremely unusual in the UK.

Part of the reason I find these breastfeeding debates so unpleasant is because there are always a group of die-hard breastfeeders who are fiercely defensive and almost aggressive about their decision/luck to breastfeed, almost like an exclusive club of proudly superior mothers. Literally nobody, apart from the baby's parents, care how their child is fed. It is so entirely uninteresting that I'm not sure why people get so het up about it in the first place. Everyone just has to have confidence in their decision on how they feed their baby and it's nobody else's business. If anybody starts judging (for either breast or formula feeding) we just need to have the confidence to say that it's what we've decided and we're happy with it. Likewise, the people who are outraged and disgusted by breastfeeding or think it's dirty or shameful are pathetic and any comments they make trying to justify it just make me absolutely cringe. It's neither a badge of honour nor shame how we feed our babies and the sooner people just back off and let people get on with it, the better.

Literally nobody, apart from the baby's parents, care how their child is fed

You need to go back and read the OP again.