Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

I also think it's really weird... There is just no need to breastfeed a child at that age.

I told her I would leave and she got upset with me asking why, I said I would give her space to breastfeed and she said there was no need. This is what started the whole situation, I didn't just bring this up out of no where

So, in a passive-aggressive way she was trying to force you to validate her choices and make you part of the whole thing. It's not on. Perhaps you had a narrow escape OP. This woman will most likely be a nightmare further down the line.

@Taliskerskye so when you said this:

It’s weird to me.
I would actively avoid someone like her in my life, so it’s a win win for you!*

You were just referring to her ‘cutting them out of her life’?

People like to point out that natural term breastfeeding is the biological norm because it is. It's not the cultural norm in the UK, but it is biologically normal. The more people are aware of that, the less judgement breastfeeding mothers will get. Breastfeeding mothers aren't saying everyone has to do it, they just want to be able to get on with it without people telling them it's weird!

Honestly, it's mad to think that people think it's normal to give cow breastmilk to children but not human breastmilk. My dd is allergic to cows milk, I'll be breastfeeding her until she naturally weans. Cows milk allergy is pretty common. We're not really biologically designed to drink cows milk, yet that's what people think children are supposed to have once they turn 1 - when all it is is a substitute for breastmilk. If you give your kids cows milk to drink then I fail to see how "breastmilk isn't necessary at that age" is a valid argument when you're fine with giving them a breastmilk substitute.

I don’t believe all these drip feeds OP, each update gets more detail that fits your narrative very well. Yet you never mentioned any of this till 18 pages in? Bollocks.

You were incredibly rude. And that you didn't already realise that is very odd.

CecilyP
If you are going to wean a child off breast milk and onto solid foods, why would you then also present them with cups of cow milk? What would be the reason to switch from human milk to solids plus bovine milk?
Weaning off breastfeeding is not the same as weaning onto solids. They are two different things. In fact the definition of “to wean” is to accustom (an infant or other young mammal) to food other than its mother's milk. Other than but not instead of!

@mustlovegin the point is, of course, which I am sure you know, that what one thinks is 'outlandish' or not is informed by what you see around you.

Loads of my friends fed well into toddlerhood. It's normal to me. But there are plenty of examples on here of people being put under loads of pressure to wean at 6mo, because their families think it's 'outlandish'. Who decides if it's outlandish? Are you the appointed independent adjudicator?

Or do you think it would be better to recognise there are a range of experiences and norms and keep your opinion to yourself?

[quote Taliskerskye]@Hemingwaycat
Oh my lord.
Really!

You cannot see that MAINLY people who do extended breastfeeding in THIS country are of certain demographic.

Bloody hell[/quote]

Im non-white, non-wealthy (but yes, I am 'western') breastfeeding my 3yo. The breastfeeding mums In the UK breastfeeding fb page is a mix of all ethnicities and wealth backgrounds. There are plenty of single mums on benefits breastfeeding older babies and toddlers, tandem feeding, all sorts. It's probably the biggest network of breastfeeding mums of older babies/toddlers/children so as representative as you could get to make an assessment on race and wealth.

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast

I don’t believe all these drip feeds OP, each update gets more detail that fits your narrative very well. Yet you never mentioned any of this till 18 pages in? Bollocks.

OP is clearly using the thread to practise a version of events which paints her in a favourable light. Far easier to argue with strangers on the internet than go and deal with the offence and distress that she has caused in real life - even if the friend is a drama llama.

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast none of this is drip feed, not asking anyone to believe me or agree with me , I have simply told her my opinion and that's all. My opinion hasn't changed all I have said is that I did not attack her out of no where. I still believe breastfeeding at 5 is strange and I backed myself up very well to her.

Everybody has said the thing. Nose out, and extended breastfeeding, if it happens for you, is absolutely right and proper.

Love this thread. So Mumsnet at it's 'best' 😅

OP. Just leave the thread. Most of the people disagreeing with you are actually 🤢 at the thought of a five year old breastfeeding.

Not sure I'd take offence if someone commented to me on the breastfeeding of my four year old because it is strange (unusual) in the UK, especially if I was doing it in front of my friend.

But, sure, you could have not said anything.

"I don’t really think did anything wrong. She kind of made it your business when she decided to feed him in your house rather than before she came to you. Then instead of saying, ‘see you in a bit’ when you said you’d make yourself scarce, she started a conversation. It was almost as if she was trying to provoke an opinion."

That's how I see it as well.

And if Op is that awful-why is she still asking her to babysit?

@Zhampagne I have already argued all day with lady in question which has brought my family into it. I asked whether I am being unreasonable, people say I am, I say I am not. I have apologised but won't change my opinion. That is all. Nothing more to add so I may as well move on from the thread now.

[quote crazymicrowave123]@666TheNumberOfTheBeast none of this is drip feed, not asking anyone to believe me or agree with me , I have simply told her my opinion and that's all. My opinion hasn't changed all I have said is that I did not attack her out of no where. I still believe breastfeeding at 5 is strange and I backed myself up very well to her.[/quote]
What do you mean you ‘backed yourself up well’?

Oh yes the reason women carry on breast feeding for years in many poorer countries is for the connection and lovely benefits of prolonged breastfeeding. They haven’t got any bloody choice unlike the self absorbed, self indulgent, middle class western women.

I myself find extended drip feeding unnecessary; can’t you express yourself earlier?

Not sure I'd take offence if someone commented to me on the breastfeeding of my four year old because it is strange (unusual) in the UK, especially if I was doing it in front of my friend. lots of things are unusual though, is it ok to comment on them and say how you and your family “feel” about it?

@burritofan

I myself find extended drip feeding unnecessary; can’t you express yourself earlier?

@burritofan but she hadn’t made it up earlier 🤷‍♀️

I'm not sure you, or anyone else, for that matter can reasonably tell @3AndStopping what she would do if she really wanted to, OP.

I really wanted to stop breastfeeding, but frankly I cared more about my child's feelings than I did my own, and I suspect 3AndStopping might be on the same page there. That was and is our choice. It might be different for somebody else.

And that's not a 'judgement' of others who didn't go as long as I did, by the way, or who couldn't breastfeed, or who chose never to breastfeed, or who gave up soon after birth, or gave up at 1, or felt their baby needed a happy mum more than they needed breastmilk. It's all great in my opinion, as cliche as I might sound - breast, formula, 4 weeks, 4 years - so long as a healthy, living child comes out of it at the end, who fucking cares?

I do believe you're a troll because I can't imagine someone being so mean to a friend. But if you aren't a troll then honestly I'd say its no loss to the friend because i wouldn't want to be friends with someone so judgemental. And as for apologising. I don't know why you've bothered as you're still on here slating her. What she is doing isn't common here in the UK but it isn't strange. What a horrible thing to say.

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast I texted her to say I stand by what I said and my family do agree and that they told her this. I said I think It's strange but I do apologise if I offended her. I did say much earlier on she is very dramatic and has argued with us before. They have things up previously with other disagreements, and by her asking me to baby sit again after all of this shows me she isn't that offended after all or that she is desperate and now needs to act like she was still offended by getting me to backtrack.

Some people find breastfeeding past 6 months or even at all unnecessary and 'weird'.
You mentioned you bf your baby until 1. How would you have felt if a friend said you were in the wrong for doing that?