Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

@Bluntness100 it's broadly correct that poorer women in poorer countries breastfeed more and for longer. But not nearly long enough. Over 800,000 children would survive each year if more did.

That's partly because Nestle did a proper job on them but partly due to other things, including maternal malnutrition, pressure to become fertile again quickly etc. In the UK the poorest communities have the lowest rates of breastfeeding intiation. The picture is incredibly complex.

The idea that all women in LMICS breastfeed for ages isn't true.

@CecilyP

Because 5 year olds still have MILK teeth for drinking MILK.

Nope, they have small teeth because their mouths are too small to accommodate adult teeth. Possessors of a full set of milk teeth are perfectly capable of chewing normal food. In the English we call these small teeth milk teeth. (not sure if it’s the same in every language!

8/9/12 year olds have started to lose their MILK teeth and are beginning puberty.

The first ones tend to drop out at age 5, the last ones maybe 11.

And you've never wondered why these 'small teeth' are called milk teeth? Or that the age at which children begin to lose their milk teeth shockingly coincides with natural weaning age of humans? (Most children lose their first tooth between 4-7, which is natural weaning age for humans).

It's one thing to think it, another to say it to her face! It was rude, but her response is also extreme.
I think an apology is due and you may be able to clear the air with her.

apologising for offending her is one thing, having a non changing opinion is another.

So you've read/listened to some of the quality resources that people have signposted you to then, OP? Or done some independent research? And your opinion is still the same?

Or could it be that I was right and people like you avoid learning opportunities because they don't like to have their opinions and preconceptions challenged? Surely not

@AleynEivlys

I developed an aversion to my older daughter breastfeeding - full on feelings of horrible, skin crawling, irrational anger (at her) while she was doing it.

I get this exact feeling now with my 2yo. But it is the only way she’ll fall asleep. Being told it was for my benefit would make me want to rip the persons face off, frankly.

I would find it hard not to express shock. Makes me feel queasy

I think I would have been massively surprised at 4 yo bring breast fed, so surprised in fact it would have been difficult to not react to that information.

Factually, there actually is. The human immune system still relies, to a certain degree, on the mother's antibodies at this point. Not massively as it's a gradual switch between the development of the child's immune system and weaning. But it's biologically the norm to feed the child until 6 or 7. If you don't the child will probably be fine but they are being left to deal with infections with an immature immune system and are at a somewhat increased risk of being sicker than they would have been if they were still having access to their mother's fully developed immune system.

Surely in developed countries where this kind of research could be undertaken, there would be far too few children breastfed till 6 or 7 to make any sort of meaningful comparison with the overwhelming majority who are not.

[quote wincarwoo]@bg21 another complete ignoramus [/quote]
obviously

@Bluntness100

Well clearly some people don’t even know the definition of strange. Which is embarrassing for them. It means surprising or unusual. As such the ops use of language was completely correct.

Please give me an example of a sentence where ‘strange’ would be used as a synonym for ‘surprising’ or ‘unusual’ without connoting a negative judgement.

Has anyone posted the Mongolia article yet? Our perception of what is normal is hugely culturally linked

But we are not in Mongolia, we are in the UK.

Why do some people demand others validate their outlandish choices and get upset when they don't?

Totally get you @3AndStopping. I endured the aversion for about a year with my eldest, then finally decided I had done the absolute best I could and that I wasn't going to feel bad for making her stop. Good for you for keeping on going and it's totally ok to be finished when you reach your final limit.

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat
If someone jumped in front of me, told me a joke and ran away - I would say it was strange, or odd, but definitely not negative. I use strange this way all the time!

However if someone feeding a child in public made you uncomfortable, simply leave the place to avoid any further discomfort and let the mother continue without judgement

It's the OP's home FFS! Why does she have to be made to feel uncomfortable in her own home?

What I find weird is OP telling anyone when where and how they should feed their child. It’s a very aggressive and boundary-less way to be carrying on. I wonder if she does the same about potty training or dummies?

Honestly OP a four year old picks up attitudes from those around them and your “outspokenness” isn’t supposed mething id want my children emulating and your ideas about child rearing aren’t really compatible with this families are they?
Leave the poor woman alone, she was looking for childcare not upset.

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat how about, not the norm in my opinion. It's strange to breastfeed after 4 because it is not something that I see very often. Happy now?

Extended breastfeeding is a topic on MN that invites contentious posts. I learnt the hard way, my first ever post on MN was on it. I'm not a fan, despite bf'ing myself. But it's best to just say nothing.

@eightyfourandahalf @NormanStangerson it’s not about having to agree with each other. But you don’t have to be a dick. Breastfeed, don’t breastfeed, do what you feel is best for your kid. But to call people weird, strange, suggest their being sexual towards their own child because you don’t agree with it, THAT’S the issue here. OP didn’t have to comment. If she wanted to be judgemental in her own head, fine, but to call another woman strange because of her (perfectly normal) parenting choices, is bullshit. Strange and uncommon are very different and OP knows it.
Interestingly, she is being very picky about who she responds to.

[quote crazymicrowave123]@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat how about, not the norm in my opinion. It's strange to breastfeed after 4 because it is not something that I see very often. Happy now?[/quote]
I think you know perfectly well that if you had simply said it was not the norm and nothing further then you wouldn’t now be dealing with this situation. Your choice of words was judgemental.

@mustlovegin I told her I would leave and she got upset with me asking why, I said I would give her space to breastfeed and she said there was no need. This is what started the whole situation, I didn't just bring this up out of no where.

I’ve genuinely found those who breastfeed and especially breastfeed later the most judgy, mainly white middle class wealthy people I have ever come across in my life. If anyone judges more than them I would be highly surprised.

@Taliskerskye

I’ve genuinely found those who breastfeed and especially breastfeed later the most judgy, mainly white middle class wealthy people I have ever come across in my life. If anyone judges more than them I would be highly surprised.

Peak irony

@mustlovegin it’s not outlandish it’s perfectly normal? As I said earlier, worldwide the average age of weaning is 4. Children from Mongolia and the U.K. have similar nutritional needs. Breastfeeding begins one has many benefits. Why is it outlandish? And how did the lady force the OP to support her? She just said she does it and the OP ended up calling her strange. What impact does it have on anyone else is a mother is still breastfeeding her child? And the child is 4, not 14.

And you've never wondered why these 'small teeth' are called milk teeth? Or that the age at which children begin to lose their milk teeth shockingly coincides with natural weaning age of humans? (Most children lose their first tooth between 4-7, which is natural weaning age for humans).

It is more likely they are called milk teeth because they start to erupt around 6 months at an age when babies still get most/all of they’re nutrition from milk. They usually have a full set by 2.5 when they’re likely to get most of they’re nutrition from solid food.

How is 4-7 the ‘natural weaning age’? Surely, even for the children of extended breastfeeders, their children are weaned and eating a good variety of soli food? And is it 4 (when few children have lost any milk teeth) or is it 7 (when many will have some permanent teeth)?

@Taliskerskye

I’ve genuinely found those who breastfeed and especially breastfeed later the most judgy, mainly white middle class wealthy people I have ever come across in my life. If anyone judges more than them I would be highly surprised.

Well I breastfed mine to 6 months. But not past that, so what does that make me? a bit white, a bit middle class, and a bit wealthy???'

Coz I am actually only ONE of those 3. And that is white!

Probably the naffest comment on the thread!