Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

crazymicrowave123

Same as if they had a bottle with cows milk in it.

Because it isn’t just about nutrition or mode of drinking. It’s comfort, closeness and bonding.

part of that involved having to handle, etc, her breasts. There's a massive difference between that and breastfeeding, otherwise as a society we wouldn't accept it at any age. Would you think someone breastfeeding a 3 yo might be a paedophile? 2? 1? If not, what's the cut off.

Obviously its abhorrent what your DP went through and no one is saying it doesn't happen

@Justcallmebebes

I've said it before and will say it again, people in this country have the weirdest ideas about breast feeding. Attitude in the UK is abnormal

not all of us are even in the UK you know...

feel sorry for the poor kids with such an overbearing mother who insist on BF a nearly 5 yo

Have you ever tried “insisting” that a child breastfeeds? My DD just turned 2 and does still breastfeed most evenings but when she doesn’t it’s because she doesn’t want to and there is no way I could insist that she did (which obviously I wouldn’t do anyway).

I wouldn't want to accidentally walk in on someone urinating, either, btw. There's nothing shameful (or sexual) about that, either. It's perfectly natural, and some people might not care if someone sees them doing it, but I'd just rather not...

Not your child, not your breasts, not your problem.

There was a really interesting segment on R4 a few weeks ago about the science of breastfeeding and also the sexualisation of breasts and female nipples. It would be very educational for a lot of people on here who seem to think that the purpose of breastfeeding is just to fill up a baby’s tummy for the first 6 months of life. In actual fact, that’s only a part of what breastfeeding does. It has a whole host of functions that support healthy child development. I breastfed my first child for 3 years and consider myself fairly clued up on the subject but it still taught me an awful lot.

Unfortunately people like the OP and others on this thread are always so very assured of their opinions and are very rarely open to actually learning. They just form an opinion - usually a very strong and deeply held opinion - based on their values (in this case probably prudishness, sexualisation of breasts, misogyny etc - a mixture of things that come from our culture in the UK) and that’s that. They reject opportunities for learning and stick their fingers in their ears because they don’t want to have their values or opinions challenged.

@dus29

OP, it is very unusual at nearly 5 years old, I wouldn't say it is common at all. Breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK, it is unusual to continue past one, it's 1% or less. I continued into toddler years and knew a few women who did but didn't know anyone who still fed their 4 year old. You are not alone in thinking it isn't the norm in the UK today.

Thank you for this. When I say its strange I mean its unusual, and not something I think is needed. This doesn't mean I think it's disgusting or against breast feeding or anything of the sort (my dad and grandmother have much worse views). I breastfed until 1 I just haven't met anyone who does it over 4 years old. But I do get I should have kept this to myself!

Has anyone posted the Mongolia article yet? Our perception of what is normal is hugely culturally linked- don't forget the UK has one of the worst BF rates in the world:
www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/ruth_kamnitzer.html

Anyway, yes of course YABU. It's none of your business how long she breastfeeding for. My youngest is 4 and is very slowly weaning and I haven't said anything at all to her about nursery/school. Why would I?

virtue signalling
handle her breasts
insist
Can someone do “flop one out” so I can get bingo?

@ChittyChittyBangBangChicken

I wouldn't want to accidentally walk in on someone urinating, either, btw. There's nothing shameful (or sexual) about that, either. It's perfectly natural, and some people might not care if someone sees them doing it, but I'd just rather not...

Feeding a child is nothing like urinating, of course most people wouldn't want you to see them. However if someone feeding a child in public made you uncomfortable, simply leave the place to avoid any further discomfort and let the mother continue without judgement. 🤷‍♀️

It is uncommon, statistically, but if it’s not harming the child it’s none of anyone else’s business.

You are a lot less unreasonable in answering her questions honestly, than she was in telling you there was no need for you to leave her IN YOUR OWN HOUSE to breastfeed in private. It’s as though she wanted you to watch, to normalise when you’d just indicated you didn’t want to. Given her reaction, I’m pretty sure she was goading you into mentioning - positively or negatively - her act of nursing her child.

Breastapo, for sure.

The thing is, when people react the way they are on this thread it damages breastfeeding rates even more.

@crazymicrowave123 have you even considered the impact your words might have made on your ‘friend’? Because honestly everything you say is about you and how you’re not as bad as your family and you stand by your opinion. You say you get you shouldn’t have said it, but you don’t seem to be sorry at all. Turn it around and imagine she had criticised your parenting.

@IWantT0BreakFree

There was a really interesting segment on R4 a few weeks ago about the science of breastfeeding and also the sexualisation of breasts and female nipples. It would be very educational for a lot of people on here who seem to think that the purpose of breastfeeding is just to fill up a baby’s tummy for the first 6 months of life. In actual fact, that’s only a part of what breastfeeding does. It has a whole host of functions that support healthy child development. I breastfed my first child for 3 years and consider myself fairly clued up on the subject but it still taught me an awful lot.

Unfortunately people like the OP and others on this thread are always so very assured of their opinions and are very rarely open to actually learning. They just form an opinion - usually a very strong and deeply held opinion - based on their values (in this case probably prudishness, sexualisation of breasts, misogyny etc - a mixture of things that come from our culture in the UK) and that’s that. They reject opportunities for learning and stick their fingers in their ears because they don’t want to have their values or opinions challenged.

I am happy to learn about what it does and I do know all of the amazing benefits, I have nothing against breast milk itself, she could express and put in a cup or something, it's just the fact that he is a very tall big 4 year old boy about to start school and is still breastfeeding directly from his mum 3 times a day which I find a bit unusual (even publicly!). I admit I should have kept my opinion to myself, that I get and I have already apologised, I just didn't expect her or this thread to blow up dramatically I suppose.

When I say its strange I mean its unusual, and not something I think is needed.

We’ve established that you’re in no way qualified to make the second statement there, but are you truly claiming not to understand the difference in connotation between ‘strange’ and ‘unusual’?

When I think of a 4 or 5 year old following the Early Years curriculum, having friends round,going to ballet or sport or being excited about a sleepover,I cannot square it up with asking for bittie or whatever.

I’ve been thinking about why I find it ‘weird’.

I don’t think it’s sexual, though I would suspect the mother of being needier than average. I don’t think it’s ‘unnecessary’ in that I can see there are clear health benefits to it.

What I think it is, is that there’s a good chance that child will remember having his mother’s boob in his mouth. And to me, that’s really weird.

I remember when my first was tiny I was really weirded out by a 2 and 4 year old sibling set who were still breastfeeding at a support meeting I went to.
I am deeply ashamed for feeling the way I did but at the time I just thought everyone breastfed until 1 and that was it. I had no idea. Can’t even imagine stopping a 12 month old feeding now.

try telling that to my partner who was sexually abused by his mother as a child, and part of that involved having to handle, etc, her breasts.

No of course not everyone who breastfeeds a child of that age is a paedophile, but people are naive if they think it doesn’t happen.

But don’t let the facts get in the way of a good bit of virtue signalling.

@NoCauseRebel were you the PP I quoted? I can't remember. I was responding to someone who did say that breastfeeding a child "feels sexual", which can only mean that they believe that everyone who breastfeeds a child beyond babyhood is a paedophile. Nothing to do with actual child abuse whatsoever so I'm not sure why you're bringing that up. Unless it was your comment I quoted and you're now trying to justify it by pretending you said something different in the first place.

@burritofan there yoou have another one for your bingo

"she could express"

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast

The average age of weaning worldwide is over 4 by the way. That’s average. So anyone saying it’s weird and uncommon - it really, really isn’t.

This is such a limited view that shows little to no understanding of the facts, yes it might be the global number but in the Uk it’s less than half a percent past the age of one and other first world countries are similar

Where there is poverty, poor access to food and supplies etc breast feeding goes on much longer.this throws the statistics.

Your comment is like the saying about th starving children in Ethiopia. True but hardly relevant to the topic.

@NoCauseRebel

I probably wouldn’t have said anything, but tbh I would probably have already distanced myself from someone who breastfeeds a child of that age.

This has nothing to do with the child’s need for breast milk or even comfort, it is all about the mother’s need, and it feels almost sexual to be bf a child of that age. Not to mention the fact that he will be teased and ridiculed.

For people who say that it’s the western world who are out of touch, no it isn’t. Parents in 3rd world countries bf later because often children are malnourished in those countries, so BF does still have health benefits for them. But in the UK it is about the parent and nothing more. In fact it is IMO detrimental to a child to breastfeed them when they’re about to start school.

We would say the same about a child in nappies with the exception of SN, this is no different.

Are you a man? You have clearly never breastfed.

Jesus this is depressing during National Breastfeeding Week. It is not the norm in the UK but it is biologically normal. And no-one's else business other than the mother and child.

@burritofan you also got a 'breastapo' Bingo!

Who gives a shit about your opinion OP? No one is forcing you to breastfeed your child till 5. You should of kept your mouth shut, the fact you need to be told that makes me think you must be 12 years old.