Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

[crazymicrowave123]

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

@Taliskerskye you said you would have avoided that person, then betrayed her for avoiding the OP?

Why would you ever care what people think about what you do with your family YOU said you would avoid someone who did this! You’re tying yourself up in your own words - so either you judge someone, or you don’t give a shit, which is it? You can’t say that OP is right to judge and so would you but the breastfeeding lady should get over it.

YANBU.

And a lot of people will think that but not dare say so here.

So are children of school age being encouraged by their morhers to keep quiet about it?

It’s not a dirty secret. I nursed my dd until she was 4.5 and had been attending school from just turned 4. I can’t imagine it was a topic of conversation among her little friends. Any time my dd talked about it at home she used the words “Can I have some milk?”. I don’t think she would have known the term “breastfeed” and probably neither would her friends even have known what a “breast” was. Why would she have mentioned it at school?

Well yes, YABU. I would just leave her be, if it were me I'd chalk it down to you being small-minded and judgemental and get on with my life.

You shouldn't have voiced your opinion, but I agree with you, OP. I think it's strange to continue for that long, especially when a child will be attending school. I almost certainly wouldn't have said anything to her about it, but I'd definitely think it was odd and would not want her doing it where I or the rest of my family might accidentally see it.

I do think her reaction is a bit over the top, but maybe it's for the best if this friendship is allowed to lapse.

Not your boobs, not your business

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

I personally judge people who don't breastfeed their children for the full term, i.e. at least 2.5 years and well beyond, as I think it is every child's right. I don't voice that opinion though as it would be rude to do so. We all never know what the other person's experience is as we haven't lived it ourselves, which is why commenting is inappropriate.

This is no better than those accusing the extended breastfeeder of getting off on it sexually. Have a stern word with yourself @LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus.

Women do really hate other women don’t they? Fuck sake.

Honestly, after 2.5 years I’m ready to stop, DD isn’t, but people like the OP and the cat’s bum mouth “ooh, it’s not right” lot on this thread make me want to breastfeed DD til she’s pensionable

@EmbarrassingMama

Happy National Breastfeeding Week.

Unfortunately OP, there will always be folks like you and your family about. You care not for the child – though you pretend you do – you care for your own opinion and not for the feelings of others. I’m continually amazed that adults come out with comments like this.

Then you post on here asking for validation for your narrow minded comments and, when everyone tells you that you were indeed in the wrong, you argue the toss back.

Well not really, I still defend what I said, I am a bit shocked that many people say its completely normal at 4-5 years old but I have not argued with anyone nor have I insulted anyone, I just stand by my opinion. Not sure how that is arguing the toss back? Either way, I have apologised to her but she is trying to change my opinion and has now actually asked me to understand where she is coming from as she desperately needs me to babysit again, which I have now definitely said no to, and she has read my message but not replied yet.

The posters who are fretting over their family possibly seeing such a thing 😂 imagine the horror!

would not want her doing it where I or the rest of my family might accidentally see it.

Why @ChittyChittyBangBangChicken? What would happen to you if you accidentally saw a mother feeding her child in the natural way within the normal age range? What would happen to you? It’s not sexual, it’s normal. It’s very common worldwide and happens here in the U.K. more than you might think. So what would happen to you if you accidentally witnessed this feed? And maybe, dare I say it, a teeny bit of nipple? 😱

We are all entitled to our opinion and your opinion is valid the same as everyone else's, but I would not have commented either way.

I'm not surprised your friend was offended.

@crazymicrowave123 wow, Just wow to your last update.

I do judge people who breastfeed their children - not babies or toddlers but CHILDREN. People would be judged if they let their children have a dummy at this age but it's okay for a CHILD to suckle on their mother nipples nearly age 5. I do normally keep this opinion to myself though so I dont offend anyone.

I have a just turned 4 year old and I cant imagine breastfeeding him at this stage in his life.

And the PP who wrote this ^ is absolutely disgusting. You are accusing women who breastfeed for longer than the western cultural norm of being paedophiles who abuse their own children. You ought to be banned from this parenting website permanently. You are uneducated and ill informed on the subject and have no right to be brandishing such extremely serious accusations based on diddly squat except your own narrow minded and judgemental opinion. try telling that to my partner who was sexually abused by his mother as a child, and part of that involved having to handle, etc, her breasts.

No of course not everyone who breastfeeds a child of that age is a paedophile, but people are naive if they think it doesn’t happen.

But don’t let the facts get in the way of a good bit of virtue signalling.

I don't agree with extending breastfeeding of four year olds. But I don't think you should have said anything to her.

@OrganicAvocado missing the point completely. It's not a breast vs milk debate or a vegan vs non vegan debate. It's that a 5 year old is too old in my opinion to still be breastfed come breakfast lunch and dinner. Same as if they had a bottle with cows milk in it. Too old. A cup with expressed milk but no need to be sat on lap and breastfeeding, its strange. But hey I have already said this and apologised for offending her, but my opinion won't change.

insist on BF a nearly 5 yo..

Child led weaning is child led weaning...not parent led. As many mothers who were unsuccessful in trying to breastfeed at all, and those whose children self weaned early know, you can’t insist that your child continue breastfeeding! What do you think the mothers do, tie them down and force a breast in their mouth?
For many children it is an amazing source of comfort and helps build a very strong bond. My dd refers to me as her “safe place”. She’s uber confident and self aware, and not at all clingy or shy.

OP, it is very unusual at nearly 5 years old, I wouldn't say it is common at all. Breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK, it is unusual to continue past one, it's 1% or less. I continued into toddler years and knew a few women who did but didn't know anyone who still fed their 4 year old. You are not alone in thinking it isn't the norm in the UK today.

The average age of weaning worldwide is over 4 by the way. That’s average. So anyone saying it’s weird and uncommon - it really, really isn’t.

I've said it before and will say it again, people in this country have the weirdest ideas about breast feeding. Attitude in the UK is abnormal

Well, you shouldn’t have commented but her explosive reaction suggests to me that you aren’t the first person to have commented or given a strange look.

Why can’t people just live and let live? Why can’t people just shrug their shoulders and think you do you, but it’s not what I would do so I’ll just keep my mouth closed?

Fwiw I absolutely contest that b/f up to 4-5 years plus is more common than we think.

Women do really hate other women don’t they? Fuck sake

Women don't have to agree with other women just because they both happen to have a vagina. It's not "hating other women" to have an opinion, and not to blindly agree with everything.

@666TheNumberOfTheBeast

would not want her doing it where I or the rest of my family might accidentally see it.

Why @ChittyChittyBangBangChicken? What would happen to you if you accidentally saw a mother feeding her child in the natural way within the normal age range? What would happen to you? It’s not sexual, it’s normal. It’s very common worldwide and happens here in the U.K. more than you might think. So what would happen to you if you accidentally witnessed this feed? And maybe, dare I say it, a teeny bit of nipple? 😱

I didn't say anything would "happen", just that I'd rather not see it.

Sorry if it offends anyone, but there are things I don't want to have to see, and a nearly-5-year-old breastfeeding is one of those things. Once the child is old enough to hold a conversation and attend school, I'd really prefer not to see him/her breastfeeding.

@NoCauseRebel

And the PP who wrote this ^ is absolutely disgusting. You are accusing women who breastfeed for longer than the western cultural norm of being paedophiles who abuse their own children. You ought to be banned from this parenting website permanently. You are uneducated and ill informed on the subject and have no right to be brandishing such extremely serious accusations based on diddly squat except your own narrow minded and judgemental opinion. try telling that to my partner who was sexually abused by his mother as a child, and part of that involved having to handle, etc, her breasts.

No of course not everyone who breastfeeds a child of that age is a paedophile, but people are naive if they think it doesn’t happen.

But don’t let the facts get in the way of a good bit of virtue signalling.

hope you're not trying to link what happened to your partner with those of us that are bf and calling us paedophiles