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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 14:25

[quote crazymicrowave123]@MondayYogurt she is quite a dramatic person in general... so I am sure they will, they have had much worse arguments before and patched things up[/quote]
im glad you're not my friend and glad she's kicked you out of her life.
people as toxic as you is the last thing we need those mothers that keep bf past the age that you think we should have stopped.

Mulhollandmagoo · 06/08/2021 14:26

@ActonSquirrel But the OP didn't say she wasn't happy with her breastfeeding in her home, she told her she thought it was strange the woman was still breastfeeding full stop. When the woman said she would be breastfeeding in her home, the OP said she would make herself scarce

moofolk · 06/08/2021 14:26

Apologise to her.

Tell her you were taken aback because it's unusual in your experience, but should not have said it's weird.

Hopefully that's an honest appraisal of what happened.

There's a world of judgment between unusual and weird. If you do want to apologise, be friends, and she's reasonable, that should be ok.

Sometimeswinning · 06/08/2021 14:27

You do not have a moral or legal right to voice all of those opinions though. That's just fact.

You're still on about consequences. If there was no right people wouldn't have a platform. They do. Disagreeing with someone's parenting and voicing it? Really not on the same level as Hate speech in my opinion. But if that's how you feel that is your opinion.

Waspsarearseholes · 06/08/2021 14:27

@ActonSquirrel

It is the friends business if she wants to breast feed a 5 year old.

It is the absolutely the OPs business if she wants to do it in her home. The child can wait at that age for a breast feed.

It's breastfeeding. Not Class A drugs.
MissTrip82 · 06/08/2021 14:27

I think it’s weird too.

But I wouldn’t dream of commenting to anyone IRL.

sadperson16 · 06/08/2021 14:28

Sticking a 5 year old with a full set of gnashers on your boob is yucky. But you should probably have kept a lid on it.

Cleverpolly3 · 06/08/2021 14:28

@Bluntness100

See you’ve got the breastfeeding fanatics out with their pitchforks op. 😂

I agree with you, of course it’s unusual to be breastfeeding a school aged kid three times a day and proclaiming she herself gets comfort from it. There is other ways to comfort a five year old.

However in cases like this it’s really best to comment. Suspect she’s overly sensitive and under pressure dor th fact she won’t stop and this was just a last straw.

Why are you referring to people who support extended breastfeeding as fanatics?
PomegranateQueen · 06/08/2021 14:28

@JinglingHellsBells

I'm not a vegan. I'm just pointing out that it is very hypocritical to say a mum is 'strange' for breastfeeding a young child (biologically normal) when society says it's totally fine to drink breastmilk that is designed for a different young mammal. Breastfeeding directly means the milk is more suited to the child and the act gives the child comfort. Why should mum faff about with a pump to make other people feel better?

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 14:29

@MarceyMc

I still can't decide if you're troll or not OP - it did make me chuckle that you didn't think what you said would get a reaction like it did Grin

FWIW I agree with you in that I would have also found it a bit strange, but in no way whatsoever would I have thought it my place to comment on it.

I had a friend that BF until her DS was 6 and in all honestly she used to go out of her way to try and get a reaction out of people for doing so, it was tiresome.

Honestly, I was reading the article and many comments thought it was strange, and it was so strange that I was going through the same situation. When I brought it to MN (the only forum I actively use) I didn't expect people to jump on me but ah well. I have many friends with school age kids who also feel the same that over 4 is beyond the norm for breastfeeding, maybe people do extended breastfeeding but keep it in for the fear of being judged. I do admit now I should have kept my mouth shut !
OP posts:
LH1987 · 06/08/2021 14:29

I would find it very uncomfortable to watch, but then that is obviously my issue. It is entirely not your place to have an opinion on though. Similarly, no one should have an opinion on my bottle feeding. You need to apologise.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 14:29

Perhaps the first time she would have caught me off guard, but I wouldn't babysit for her again if she insisted on doing this.

Not really the same as absolutely not have allowed someone to breastfeed a 5 year old child in my home with my parents watching! is it then?

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 14:30

@LH1987

I would find it very uncomfortable to watch, but then that is obviously my issue. It is entirely not your place to have an opinion on though. Similarly, no one should have an opinion on my bottle feeding. You need to apologise.
Then don't watch. Why would you watch? My bf breast feeds her 1 yo, i don't sit staring at her breasts
EasterIssland · 06/08/2021 14:30

For all of you criticising mums extending bf and blaming them it's for their own benefit.. it's the worldwide bf week,,, and it's exactly because of people like you that we need this week so that people who decide to bf gets a bit more of social and medical support when facing bigots like you

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 06/08/2021 14:31

You keep changing your story OP, so I think you probably were rude to her and are now trying to backtrack because she hasn't responded in the way you (and your family?) perhaps wanted. Next time someone is doing something different to your own life experience, or has a different opinion to you regarding something that's none of your business really, keep your thoughts in your head instead of expressing them out loud. You've been hurtful, and if I was her I'd have responded similarly to you and your family for essentially ganging up on a parenting choice that's sod all to do with any of you.

And don't play the caring about bullying card to justify judgemental attitudes, that's utter shite.

AleynEivlys · 06/08/2021 14:32

I breastfed my first daughter past four and my second past three. I'd wouldn't have been shocked or offended by the opinion (though I don't agree with it). Breasts sadly do seem to be viewed purely as sexual objects by many, their only purpose being to provide pleasure during sexual activity ... which is utter bullshit, but there you go.

I would have been shocked had you voiced said opinion, however, as it's extremely offensive to someone who is breastfeeding to imply that they are somehow doing the wrong thing by 'exposing' a young child to a part of their body that YOU - not the child, who has absolutely no idea - deem sexual.

Maybe I am wrong and that's not why you thought it was weird? In which case, please do enlighten me as to the reason it is weird for you.

(Do breasts suddenly become sexual at a certain point in a nursing relationship while a child is still very young? Am I missing something?)

Geamhradh · 06/08/2021 14:33

@sadperson16

Sticking a 5 year old with a full set of gnashers on your boob is yucky. But you should probably have kept a lid on it.
You know when you drink? Bite the glass do you? Might want to see a doctor about that.
justasking111 · 06/08/2021 14:34

It's great for weight loss don't think my 20 years old baby would go for it though.

Seriously anyone seeing this zip it

lalalalalafeelingroovy · 06/08/2021 14:34

It's more subjective than factual

It's not subjective. It's an objective fact that the human immune system evolved in such a way that it is not fully developed at 4 and that children that age still rely on their mother's antibodies, transferred through breastmilk, to have full protection. You may think that's weird because our culture has made it so for various religious, misogynistic and capitalist reasons, I used to too. But my ignorance and the ignorance of most people in western influenced culture doesn't change the biological reality.

It is a FACT that biologically it's the norm. In my opinion, periods suck but objectively they are a biological norm. In your opinion full-term breastfeeding is weird. But that doesn't mean it's not actually what we evolved to do and as such it's objectively, biologically very, very normal.

And don't doubt for one minute that despite this woman knowing that what she is doing is what her child evolved for, that she doesn't struggle on some levels with doing something that our culture tells us is wrong. That she doesn't know there are so many fucking disgusting, twisted individuals out there that will make out she is a sexually abusing her child just because she isn't willing to force him to stop doing something that is in the best interest of his current and longterm health. And then you went and voiced your 'opinion' and are surprised that it's really hurt her? It was a really, genuinely, horrible and hurtful thing that you did.

Nomorepies · 06/08/2021 14:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Geamhradh · 06/08/2021 14:36

@crazymicrowave123

You came across the article and remembered your offended friend?

Did you aye.

AleynEivlys · 06/08/2021 14:36

I mean, you don't have to watch. Nobody should expect you to watch something you are uncomfortable watching. We're not all exhibitionists dying to whip our tits out at every given moment in order to put on a smug performance in order to revel in others' discomfort (or pleasure). You're entitled to feel weird about it. But to actually say outright that you think it is weird ... that's awful.

Toomuchtodoo · 06/08/2021 14:37

More children breastfeed beyond babyhood than many people realise, because as children get older, they breastfeeed less frequently, usually only evenings and mornings when mother and child are at home.

So are children of school age being encouraged by their morhers to keep quiet about it?
That doesn't seem right to me.
If it's nothing for the child to be embarrassed about then there should be no need for secrecy, surely?
But what do I know! Confused

OP you are entitled to your opinion but wrong to voice it.

Uponmytiptoes · 06/08/2021 14:37

[quote crazymicrowave123]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop nothing to do with breasts being sexual just think its unnecessary after a certain age.[/quote]
She said it comforts her child. I'm sad for you and your child that you think that's unnecessary.

nokidshere · 06/08/2021 14:37

I don't have an opinion on the breastfeeding because, frankly, I don't actually care how other people feed their children.

However, if I lost friends for every time I've put my foot in my mouth in my 60yrs I wouldn't have any left.

And if it wasn't a blurted out reaction but a considered opinion you need to know your audience.