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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
RavenclawsRoar · 06/08/2021 14:17

Yes you were rude. I find it "mortifying" and frankly quite horrifying that posters immediately jump on the "it's for the mother/unnecessary/sexual (YUCK!)" when a simple Google of the benefits of extended breastfeeding will provide a wealth of information on why breastfeeding past the age of 2yo can continue to provide a wealth of benefits to both child and mother.

speakout · 06/08/2021 14:17

You were very rude OP.

AlexaShutUp · 06/08/2021 14:17

I don't think you need to apologise, OP. It wouldn't actually mean anything if you did, because you haven't actually changed your view. And actually, you have unwittingly done her a massive favour by exposing yourself and your family for the nasty, narrow-minded judgemental people that you are. She has wasted 20 years on the relationship with your parents. At least she now knows not to waste any more time on them in future.

frazzledpregnantlady · 06/08/2021 14:18

I think a number of commenters saying how odd/ out of the norm extended breastfeeding would be taken aback by the number of women who do still breastfeed 4/5 + year olds but who would never tell a soul for fear of being shamed. The problem is our culture surrounding breastfeeding.

I'm a doctor and occasionally someone "confesses" to me that they are "still" breastfeeding. Generally, they expect to receive judgement not praise. Back in December, a large number of my female colleagues were "outed" as being fellow extended breastfeeders as we had to make a decision about receiving the covid vaccine (not deemed suitable for breastfeeding mums at that point). These are highly capable, professional women, who are well versed in the benefits but the stigma of extended breastfeeding is so deep rooted in our culture that they were terrified of other people finding out and judging them. It makes me so sad.

ActonSquirrel · 06/08/2021 14:19

@Mulhollandmagoo

I think it was inappropriate for you to comment to be honest, its her child and her body so ultimately its her decision whatever your thoughts on it are
It's the OPs home though!!!!!

Her child and her body but someone else's home.

Do you seriously think a 5 year old can't wait to get home to be breastfed?!

She can do what she likes in her own home. OP isn't comfortable with it in her home and it seems odd a 5 year old can't wait until actual bed time. I think the mother wants to think he can't wait...

mustlovegin · 06/08/2021 14:19

He is nearly 5 years old not 5 months she has made the issue as a child of that age can wait until they go home for it

Exactly, he could just give him a snack and wait till he gets home. She doesn't need to do it at OP's house

So what would you have done if she'd dropped him off and just done it without warning?

Perhaps the first time she would have caught me off guard, but I wouldn't babysit for her again if she insisted on doing this.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 14:19

@MondayYogurt she is quite a dramatic person in general... so I am sure they will, they have had much worse arguments before and patched things up

OP posts:
Chikapu · 06/08/2021 14:20

This has nothing to do with the child’s need for breast milk or even comfort, it is all about the mother’s need, and it feels almost sexual to be bf a child of that age

Well, at least you weren't stupid enough to say this to her.

EmbarrassingMama · 06/08/2021 14:20

Happy National Breastfeeding Week. Confused

Unfortunately OP, there will always be folks like you and your family about. You care not for the child – though you pretend you do – you care for your own opinion and not for the feelings of others. I’m continually amazed that adults come out with comments like this.

Then you post on here asking for validation for your narrow minded comments and, when everyone tells you that you were indeed in the wrong, you argue the toss back.

MarceyMc · 06/08/2021 14:20

I still can't decide if you're troll or not OP - it did make me chuckle that you didn't think what you said would get a reaction like it did Grin

FWIW I agree with you in that I would have also found it a bit strange, but in no way whatsoever would I have thought it my place to comment on it.

I had a friend that BF until her DS was 6 and in all honestly she used to go out of her way to try and get a reaction out of people for doing so, it was tiresome.

Crabbitcrab · 06/08/2021 14:21

You probably shouldn't have said it to her but you're right.

BizzyIzzyfruitpie · 06/08/2021 14:21

You shouldn’t have commented. Its weird to me too too but I’d never comment on it out loud. It’s not really your place to pass judgement and I understand that she’s cut you off, I would have done the same.

AlexaShutUp · 06/08/2021 14:21

Yes, I stopped feeding dd when she was around 3, but for the last year or so, I kept it very quiet for fear of being judged.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world to keep feeding her, and she wasn't ready to stop, but I was very aware that I would be judged for it. I bet there are quite a lot of people who carry on for longer behind closed doors.

AlexandraQueen · 06/08/2021 14:21

@NoCauseRebel

People on here are quick to point out that a father shouldn’t be bathing with his daughter past the age of about 3, and the connotation is definitely sexual there even if it is not intended.

BF a child at 5 is the same IMO.

The thing is that there’s a weird culture of not being allowed to think that breastfeeding a school aged child is wrong, even though it’s almost unheard of.

If it’s still appropriate to latch a child on at the age of 5, then why not at 8, 9, 12?

Breastfeeding a baby is the norm. It’s what babies do.

Breastfeeding a child who could be running around in the playground, wanting sleepovers at friends’ houses, attending birthday parties where the parents leave them to have fun with their friends is most definitely not normal.

But as usual the virtue signallers are out in force to proclaim that breastfeeding a 5 year old is oh so normal when in their heads I have little doubt that most on this thread don’t believe that for a minute.

Because 5 year olds still have MILK teeth for drinking MILK.

8/9/12 year olds have started to lose their MILK teeth and are beginning puberty.

HTH.

lalalalalafeelingroovy · 06/08/2021 14:22

There’s no need for a 4 nearly 5 year old to still be breastfeeding.

Factually, there actually is. The human immune system still relies, to a certain degree, on the mother's antibodies at this point. Not massively as it's a gradual switch between the development of the child's immune system and weaning. But it's biologically the norm to feed the child until 6 or 7. If you don't the child will probably be fine but they are being left to deal with infections with an immature immune system and are at a somewhat increased risk of being sicker than they would have been if they were still having access to their mother's fully developed immune system.

MaryMashedThem · 06/08/2021 14:22

Women who do this are weird, no getting around that.

Oh, I can help you "get around that". Humans are biologically wired to breastfeed until about 4-6 years of age. That's when they both acquire the adult teeth that disrupt a proper latch, and, "coincidentally", develop an immune system mature enough that it no longer requires the active immunity provided by breastfeeding. There's plenty of research to show that the benefits of breastfeeding continually increase for both the child and the mother until that time.
It's also the norm in many parts of the world, and was the norm in the West until about 100 years ago too. What's "weird" - if you insist on such a judgemental term; I prefer to think of it as a societal experiment or a failing of modern Western society - is weaning at an age that's at odds with our physiology just to placate some poorly-defined and fairly baseless cultural expectation.

BoxHedge · 06/08/2021 14:22

You’re not wrong to have your opinion.

But saying what you said below, did you not think it was obvious she would react badly? How did you expect her to react?

“I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving”

Geamhradh · 06/08/2021 14:22

@NoCauseRebel

People on here are quick to point out that a father shouldn’t be bathing with his daughter past the age of about 3, and the connotation is definitely sexual there even if it is not intended.

BF a child at 5 is the same IMO.

The thing is that there’s a weird culture of not being allowed to think that breastfeeding a school aged child is wrong, even though it’s almost unheard of.

If it’s still appropriate to latch a child on at the age of 5, then why not at 8, 9, 12?

Breastfeeding a baby is the norm. It’s what babies do.

Breastfeeding a child who could be running around in the playground, wanting sleepovers at friends’ houses, attending birthday parties where the parents leave them to have fun with their friends is most definitely not normal.

But as usual the virtue signallers are out in force to proclaim that breastfeeding a 5 year old is oh so normal when in their heads I have little doubt that most on this thread don’t believe that for a minute.

You are equating feeding a child with sexual abuse. You are one sick fuck.
namechanged192 · 06/08/2021 14:23

Meh... I don't think your opinion is wrong, it's weird! Absolutely no need to be breast feeding a 5 year old.

Cleverpolly3 · 06/08/2021 14:23

@Crabbitcrab

You probably shouldn't have said it to her but you're right.
She’s not right Neither are you to state this.

There’s nothing biologically, physiologically or psychologically wrong with breastfeeding a four year old almost 5 year old child.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 14:23

@lalalalalafeelingroovy

You were honestly horribly rude and factually wrong. It's a very biologically normal thing to do. You can have an opinion that biologically normal things are wrong, I guess, but it is wrong as it's factually very normal. Even if you weren't wrong and this was a subjective rather than objective thing, you were still being kind of an asshole to voice your opinion.
I get that morally I am wrong for voicing my opinion, it was spur of the moment and I just said what was on my mind, I regretted it as soon as I said it as I knew she would start on me so I tried to backtrack. It's more subjective than factual and if I am asshole, so be it...
OP posts:
Geamhradh · 06/08/2021 14:24

@MarceyMc

I still can't decide if you're troll or not OP - it did make me chuckle that you didn't think what you said would get a reaction like it did Grin

FWIW I agree with you in that I would have also found it a bit strange, but in no way whatsoever would I have thought it my place to comment on it.

I had a friend that BF until her DS was 6 and in all honestly she used to go out of her way to try and get a reaction out of people for doing so, it was tiresome.

I think the newspaper link is a giveaway. Not a troll, just a common or garden GF or lazy journo.
Bluntness100 · 06/08/2021 14:24

See you’ve got the breastfeeding fanatics out with their pitchforks op. 😂

I agree with you, of course it’s unusual to be breastfeeding a school aged kid three times a day and proclaiming she herself gets comfort from it. There is other ways to comfort a five year old.

However in cases like this it’s really best to comment. Suspect she’s overly sensitive and under pressure dor th fact she won’t stop and this was just a last straw.

TheVolturi · 06/08/2021 14:24

I always think that while you might not agree with the way other people do things, if it doesn't directly affect you, then live and let live.

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2021 14:24

Sorry best not to comment.

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