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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

326 replies

firstquickcomeback · 06/08/2021 09:38

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!" Shock
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty Sad

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

OP posts:
Dartsplayer · 06/08/2021 11:10

@Aprilx

Reading between the lines, your child was being a noisy brat, somebody said something to you and got an earful from you in response. I somehow think I would prefer her as a fellow hotel guest.
You were the woman weren't you? Don't tell me, children should be seen and not heard.

Well done OP. She deserved it. Do not feel guilty

Shallwegoforawalk · 06/08/2021 11:13

@54321nought you need to learn to read better - the OP's child went up to their OWN table, not the rude woman's!! Duh!!

Monicuddle · 06/08/2021 11:13

@Towerofjoyless she sat down and didn’t say another word. And then her husband got plane sick and started puking everywhere. #makingmemories

CanIPullYouForAChat · 06/08/2021 11:13

Where did the OP say he was running up to other people’s tables? I’ve gone back over her comments and can’t see that.

echt · 06/08/2021 11:15

@firstquickcomeback

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!" Shock
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty Sad

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

Why is her age relevant??
Miniestelle · 06/08/2021 11:15

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty.

Course you did, loving the added extra of the 'woman on the table across' comment.

MrsMaizel · 06/08/2021 11:18

@starfishmummy

I was grateful. I have spent two years saving up for my holiday. I absolutely did not want my peaceful quiet breakfast ruined by out of control children.

Then pick an adults only hotel.

Don't be silly ! A five year old knows how to behave in school therefore with some parental encouragement and guidance should be able to behave appropriately in a restaurant environment . Sadly so many parents today don't want to do that or to get up off their arse and remove a child who is behaving badly . They instead ignore and leave for everyone else to endure .
Original poster
firstquickcomeback · 06/08/2021 11:19

@54321nought my child went nowhere near her table

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 06/08/2021 11:20

DS 9 has ADHD and has only recently managed to be calm and quiet at the table when we're out. As I'm autistic, my automatic response through stress is to shout "he has ADHD! He can't help it!" People also stare at him in the disabled child trolley, which makes him feel like shit.

Arcminute · 06/08/2021 11:21

Thing is, you can argue about what kind of behaviour is age-appropriate for a 5yo, in or out of a hotel breakfast room (and let’s face it we will all have different levels of tolerance - mine is generally high because I am just relieved it’s not me who has to take responsibility for it, and I grew up in a noisy house and can easily tune things out)

But equally surely no one thinks it is acceptable for someone to say that to the parent? You can say “your child disturbed my breakfast and I did not appreciate it”. What she supposedly said was irrelevant to the actual crime of disturbing people’s “peaceful breakfasts”

MyGrassIsBrowner · 06/08/2021 11:23

This reply has been deleted

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littlepeas · 06/08/2021 11:23

Well done op!

RamblesShambles · 06/08/2021 11:24

Hahaha! Very well said. Brilliant in fact.

She deserved it. No guilt needed🙌

Butchyrestingface · 06/08/2021 11:24

Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Too far.

But I wouldn't apologise. Unless she's staying in the room next door. Grin

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/08/2021 11:25

@UpstreamSwimmer

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

Sorry to be blunt, but this is why women will always lag behind men. Stop overthinking it and grow a pair. Someone was rude, you put them in their place. End of.

I'm puzzled by the what the term 'grow a pair' actually means; Grow a pair of... Breasts, Biceps, Pyjamas, Testicles, Horns, Jeans, Rubber Gloves, Apple Trees, ...
Tooshytoshine · 06/08/2021 11:26

What an awful woman! How dare she come up to you and provoke you with a mean hearted comment.

Your response was utterly deserved. Mine would have been, a tight smile, accompanied with "please, fuck off."

Mockolate · 06/08/2021 11:27

@Clydesider

Yes, YWBU. You made yourself a hypocrite. You were as rude as she was. You could have just pointed out her rudeness instead.
This She was being rude and judgemental, but you did exactly the same. No better than she was.
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 06/08/2021 11:28

Sorry OP, she was very rude if she said that to you - I think a better response would have been just to tell her how outrageously rude she was and better ignored. And then ignored her.

Not stooped to her level and actually lower.

^This I think. But there's no point in finding her to apologise now.

I always think these threads end up going round in circles because most parents underestimate how annoying their children are to other people and because we all accept different levels of behaviour from our children. If my DD had been loud and annoying in a restaurant at 5 I'd have given her one warning and then taken her out whereas that would be a complete overreaction to other people or even be considered inappropriate for children with SN or disabilities. (shrug)

itsgettingwierd · 06/08/2021 11:29

@eightyfourandahalf

nd my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times.

he sounds like an absolute nightmare inconveniencing everybody else around here, so I get why people really had enough of the show and the parents attitude

but I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more that was very rude. She should have just told you to parent your child if she had to say something.

But she had parented her child.

At the point nasty woman decided to suggest she did pro create again the child have been calmed and settled.

No ones suggesting the child wasn't a little over exited and disturbing - but he wasn't allowed to continue that way.

itsgettingwierd · 06/08/2021 11:33

I've been to hotels many a time and worked in them for 7 years.

Out of control children are the ones running around the restaurant, touching all the food and even taking bites of a buffet and putting stuff back in the tray.

Excitable children who play musical chairs for a few minutes or knock over a drink are jus5 annoying for the few minutes they are being annoying.

Most adults and children can annoy others by their behaviour for periods of time because we are all different and have different tolerance levels.

toolazytothinkofausername · 06/08/2021 11:34

She shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it!

IMissUZac · 06/08/2021 11:35

👏👏👏👏👏
Well done on such a quick come back. No you shouldn't apologise, she was in the wrong.
I hate the feeling when my LO acts up and I can feel eyes everywhere judging me, just want the ground to swallow me up

Buckleyourseatbelt · 06/08/2021 11:36

She shouldn’t have said anything. Small child is a little bit excitable; fine, it happens. She probably only said it to you because she didn’t think you’d reply, there’d be plenty of people she wouldn’t approach to make her snarky comment. You feel guilty because the whole exchange was unpleasant, but you know, she should mind her own business.

SmallChairs · 06/08/2021 11:37

This thread reminds me that even on a forum dominated by parents, there’s a thin but very real thread of dislike and intolerance of small children in public places in British culture. This child was no doubt mildly annoying, briefly, to those in the vicinity, but he was being calmed down by his parents. They weren’t encouraging him to express himself by trashing the hotel buffet. There was absolutely no need to approach them afterwards and instruct them to do themselves a favour and not ever reproduce again. It entirely merited the OP’s gloriously rude riposte.

bongbigboobingbongbing · 06/08/2021 11:39

She was rude, you were rude. Not sure either of you come off particularly well from this.