Cruelty to children

[designSalmon]

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

Good post @TeenMinusTests

@PurpleCloak Unfortunately not all grandparents live near the family these days. Adult children move away, some as far as a different country.
Some people cut their parents from their lives. How many threads have you read on here about posters wanting to stop their m.i.l seeing the grandkids etc.

They were often failed as children themselves.

@gordongrumpy the grandmother in this case sounds caring. Even reported her own daughter to social services but to no avail.

I had a very distressing court case in which a mother had gone out shopping with friends and left her 3-month-old baby with her new boyfriend…. who killed her. The baby was crying and he slammed her against the wall repeatedly.

Obviously the bf was a piece of disgusting shit, but what I couldn’t fathom was a) meeting a new bloke when you have a brand-new baby and b) leaving baby with someone you’ve known a few weeks to go out shopping with friends…

It's horrible how many of these include stepfathers though. In the animal kingdom 'step fathers' often kill the babies of their partners that they've not themselves sired. I guess some human beings (if you can call them that) are primed in the same way.

There seem to be women out there who do think having a man in their lives is more important than the welfare of their children – they will do anything to keep the latter, often at the expense of their kids. And then they become a 'folie a deux' with the step dad which puts the children in sometimes mortal danger. And of course, if they've grown up with complicated family dynamics and relationships themselvs, they know no better.

What an absolute tragedy that we see too often. The poor child suffered horrific abuse by the person (and boyfriend) who should have protected her.
I see some comments re social services. I see that they visited but the awful thing is that evidence is required to take action, and the action needed here clearly would have been removal of the child. I know this is not was OP Is asking for but I like to get my bit in here that there is no sole person or organisation responsible for protecting children.,it is absolutely everyone’s job to make sure children are alright, from neighbours, postman (or woman lol) or the shopper in Tesco who sees something not right. You don’t need to know peoples details for example if you witness something you can phone the police and give a description.. so keep poking your noses in it might save a child’s life x

@OhGiveUp I once tried to get police to join me on a child protection visit where I wasn't allowed to visit alone because there was a concern that a person was at the house who was known for weapons. I sat on my own in a car on an estate waiting until 9.30pm at night until being told they weren't going to be able to get an officer out. It took us three days to get a joint visit. The police are hugely stretched as well.
Another issue is out of hours services are so poorly funded. If I suspected that someone was going to a house in the evening to evade SS then I and a colleague would have to agree to go out at 7pm, 8pm together to do unannounced visits. Bear in mind we're only paid to work 9-5. We'd do that in our own time, unpaid, technically allowed to take the time back but where would you find the time?
I could do that because I didn't have my own kids but many social workers do and if they're not in a position to volunteer then it doesn't happen, or at least not as often as it should.
That's a reason why reports from members of the public are so crucial.
A parent can dismiss one report as malicious, but if more people share their concerns we're much much more likely to get a better picture of what is going on.

Please also remember hindsight is a wonderful thing. It must seem so obvious in this instance that something was going to happen. Yet there are many families who argue and snap at their kids and don't know how to show warmth to them and even smack them, who don't seriously hurt them. I know that sounds awful but many people muddle through. The damage caused by removing children is huge, the care system often retraumatises children by multiple moves and lack of suitable carers. It can't be done lightly.

It's interesting there is a thread on this. Last night, I felt so haunted about this case that I wondered whether maybe there was somethinwrong with me. It's good to know other people feel it too.

It was the footage of Kaylee-Jayde running into the block and pressing the lift button that really got me. It's so typical of a three year old at that point where they have a sense of understanding their home environment to the point where they interact with it in a confident way.

It's something my own three-year-old dd would do, and feel very "grown up" about.

And when I read about the injuries, both historic and the fatal ones that killed her, it's just so beyond my comprehension that I struggle to process it. It's so deeply disturbing, so vicious, that it makes me question a lot of fundamentals.

I have to be honest- people who clearly are going to be inadequate parents are having far too many children these days in order to avoid working as there are no financial consequences. This sort of thing is going to become more frequent as a result- they aren’t really interested in being a parent, it’s what they perceive as financial incentives and ‘free’ accommodation. It’s remarkable how many have another child as soon as the youngest turns 4/5.

The type of people who make decent parents who work hard are leaving it at one/two or not bothering because of the huge financial cost they will endure with childcare/ rents/ mortgages and everything else needed. If you work hard in this country on a low to middle wage you aren’t better off than those who do not- at least in the short term.

This isn’t benefit bashing- I have been on them myself in the past. But you just have to look at my local town to see what is happening. Something needs to change. We can’t keep propping up irresponsibility- the victims of this are children like Kaylee.

I remeber seeing the report on baby P there were dead rats etc left around the house for the reptiles to eat there was animal excrement everywhere baby P when the social worker last saw him had chocolate all over his face to cover bruising was crying he had a broken back sat in a buggy call me old fashioned but it’s all so unacceptable and if I had been a social worker I wd of checked the rooms bathrooms and keep going.
At the time there was a statement that said they needed more social workers from working/under classes as middle class were seen as too far removed from the situation all bloody depressing

And the one that sticks with me is Ellie Butler that was an absolute disgrace disgusting disgrace x

I think Baby P's grandmother was in Poland (unless I am thinking of another child)

You are thinking of Daniel Pelka. My heart broke for that little boy. It’s always mother’s boyfriend. It really is incomprehensible how a mother can switch off from her children and turn a blind eye to (or become actively involved herself) sadistic abuse of HER child. All over some bloke.

The children being systematically abused and ridiculed by mums latest shag must be living in absolute terror.

I’m another who thinks child abuse is everyone’s responsibility. I have, and will always report concerns.

@bluewanda

I'll be an amazing grandmother. But some of my children were failed before they got to me. (Parent by adoption and birth)

I’m another who thinks child abuse is everyone’s responsibility. I have, and will always report concerns.

If all you do is report, yet vote Tory, don't act, it's not enough.

This makes me feel physically sick. Again, how many people have failed her. Social services, after concerns for her welfare was reported by her grandmother, the neighbours who heard harrowing things going on but did nothing. This is a different circumstance to once raising your voice out of frustration, this was clear abuse. If I heard constant shouting and a child screaming out of fear I wouldn't hesitate to call social services or even 999. Witness statements saying they never heard anything nice said to the little girl or her being praised, it breaks my heart.

I think we need a few more male social workers. Sorry if that’s sexist, but I remember in one of the aforementioned cases reading that the social workers were intimidated and afraid when turning up at the house in question and did not carry out a proper assessment. I can understand it, anybody would be backing out of the door when faced with some of these boyfriends, but in order to protect children there perhaps needs to be some tough-looking social workers.

@Itwontstopraining The difference is, you called them, however long it took them to respond ( thank you ) the social worker in that case didn't. Remember, the police back then were far more in numbers than today.

I honestly do think as well that new ‘boyfriends’ should be interviewed by at least a health visitor type person before they move in with these children. Almost always it happens when a new boyfriend comes on the scene :(

Let us remember that the cases spoken of in this thread, are only the ones we know of.
How many other poor children are suffering fear and abuse that we don't know about.
Of all households, from affluent to poor.

I worked with children and young people for over 25 years.
It profoundly depresses me that from the first safeguarding training I had to my last session before I retired, it seemed as though absolutely nothing has changed or got better.

If all you do is report, yet vote Tory, don't act, it's not enough

As opposed to voting labour and not reporting you mean? What makes you think I vote Tory? What has my (or anyone’s) political stance got to do with the actions of child abusers??

I’ll carry on working with vulnerable children and doing my best to help make changes in their, often, chaotic, traumatic lives. I have fostered and adopted 2 children through my line of work. I see, first hand, how children are being systematically let down by the inadequate, uncaring, underfunded Children’s Services within my area. BTW I live in Wales - Under a Labour Government.

It may have escaped people's attention but partners move in and out of family homes - there's no 'alert' to health visitors or social services to say it's happening. If anything the welfare system encourages people to hide or minimise new relationships. And it's not always partners it can be extended family members, sofa surfing friends.

@DottyHarmer we have quite a few male social workers. They're just as anxious about going to some of the houses we do, if anything its more risky because they're seen as 'fair game' to square up to. You're in someone's home, a distance from your car, don't know if someone has a weapon, don't know if they've got their mates round the back or next door. Being male doesn't change that. You might get a slightly different reaction from a male in the house -trying to be pally with a male SW - but it doesn't change the risk.

@SchrodingersMat

Who are the 36% voting that you are being unreasonable to be upset by child cruelty?! Disgusting pricks.

Or they dislike both child cruelty and competitive public displays of grief and are voting about the latter?

(I haven't voted either way, but it immediately struck me as an obvious reason for the YABU vote.)

I used to give money every month to children in need until I found out they fund sex offender programmes. I pulled my money after that.

@Itwontstopraining I agree with everything you have said. Maybe it's time to change working hours from 9-5. Perhaps earlier and later shifts and weekends like in many other professions.