Cruelty to children

[designSalmon]

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

🙄 Doesn’t seem very competitive to me.

@gardeninggirl68

i report the neighbours behind me too often

my ds who is 22 has reported them as well, his bedroom overlooks their garden and he see's violence (to mum).boyfriend shouts and swears at the girl, she's about 6/7 years old. other neighbours have reported too, including her former friend

police go round, mother denies, kid caught in the middle...now theres a newborn in the mix so the boyfriend has moved in. constant smell of weed wafting over the fence. not sure what else we can do, just waiting

Report every single time. Don’t think ‘well I’ve reported before so they know’ keep reporting.

@Packingsoapandwater

It's interesting there is a thread on this. Last night, I felt so haunted about this case that I wondered whether maybe there was somethinwrong with me. It's good to know other people feel it too.

It was the footage of Kaylee-Jayde running into the block and pressing the lift button that really got me. It's so typical of a three year old at that point where they have a sense of understanding their home environment to the point where they interact with it in a confident way.

It's something my own three-year-old dd would do, and feel very "grown up" about.

And when I read about the injuries, both historic and the fatal ones that killed her, it's just so beyond my comprehension that I struggle to process it. It's so deeply disturbing, so vicious, that it makes me question a lot of fundamentals.

You have said exactly how I feel. I slept so bad last night thinking about that poor little girl…she has been on my mind all morning…it is beyond my comprehension.X

Thank you for all your responses.

As I read the news last night, I felt so disturbed that I almost shut down the webpage just to protect myself emotionally. But what good would that do? Her story deserves to be read and spread.

I had a difficult childhood myself, which is perhaps why when I read such stories it literally has an overwhelming visceral impact on me, like I’m transported back to my childhood days, feeling completely powerless and at the mercy of grown ups. She must have felt that way her whole short life, yet probably completely unaware that it was so wrong, that most of the rest of the world was nothing like that, that she deserved better, so much better. I could literally feel her pain.

My first thought on reading the article was not to donate, but to volunteer, take some vulnerable children out for the day, but I realise it’s not that simple, and I suspect you have to pass lots of checks to be able to do that. It is also the first time I’ve thought of fostering.

The story made me think of the family down the road who routinely shout at each other outside their front door, and the little boy is obese and witness to all this fighting and utter chaos.

It also reminded me of the time when I walked past a car with my husband, and the girl in the car showed us her middle finger for no reason, and her dad screamed at her so hard and for so long that he began foaming at the mouth. I wanted to go and say to him that we didn’t take offence and he shouldn’t scream at her like that, but my husband stopped me for fear of what this man might do to me.

I agree with PPs that the video was very powerful in illustrating the utterly neglectful and cruel parenting she experienced.

Thanks for all the posts reminding people to look around you for potentially vulnerable children and show them your friendship/look out for their welfare. I will definitely do this, my son is starting school in September.

I would also just love to take some little children out from vulnerable families, are there organisations that might allow you to do this?

Why the eff are some people voting YABU on this??

It's heartbreaking, that poor little girl.

I agree about the voting - it’s a silly thing to vote on. Some years ago a school mum pressed me to put a sticker in my window that said, “I’m against child cruelty”. Eh? It goes without saying that I’m against child cruelty, as is 99.9% of the population.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

It's horrible how many of these include stepfathers though. In the animal kingdom 'step fathers' often kill the babies of their partners that they've not themselves sired. I guess some human beings (if you can call them that) are primed in the same way.

There seem to be women out there who do think having a man in their lives is more important than the welfare of their children – they will do anything to keep the latter, often at the expense of their kids. And then they become a 'folie a deux' with the step dad which puts the children in sometimes mortal danger. And of course, if they've grown up with complicated family dynamics and relationships themselvs, they know no better.

I agree with this to a large extent.

Also a PP linked to this article about Baby P.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/aug/16/baby-p-family?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

It is a chilling read by a fine journalist, and casts some light on what I can only describe as the multigenerational dregs of society.

I have just cried googling this. Reminds me so much of Tiffany Wright a case which really disturbed me for years.

Just to clarify I didn’t intentionally put the voting feature on, I’m on the browser and not the app, it seemed to have just been activated automatically.

@bringincrazyback

Why the eff are some people voting YABU on this??

It's heartbreaking, that poor little girl.

I imagine, as a PP said, it's because it's a very stupid thing to vote on. And because there's some repellent competitive grief on here.

I don’t agree with needing more males, yes it may be scary at times but is it that scary that you potentially put children (and your job) at risk by not undertaking a full assessment.
men like the boyfriend in this case could be doing with being met with female authority if attitude towards women is an issue which it likely is given what’s happened.
I’m giving my job away here ?
I have been the frightened newly qualified 21 year old going out to houses having to challenge but support adults and their children. Sorry but if you can’t do it then get out of the job. Otherwise where you think there is a threat, take a colleague or call in police for support.

I've followed this and one of the things that struck me is that if the neighbours had have made phone calls then she might have been saved. I joined MN after finding it doing research. I only joined because of the incorrect information being given out about SS. There's still a dismissal on here when posters wonder if they should phone SS. Always report, it could save a child's life.

oooh!! Was that another lesson being learnt! I am old enough to remember Maria Colwell in the early 70's and at the time there was lots of wailing and chest beating and 'experts' saying this must never happen again. And yet it goes on! Please don't think I am condoning this as I am DEFINITLY NOT - but watch any wildlife programme where there are lion cubs and predatory lions who are not the cubs father - as see what happens. The lionesses are powerless to intervene

OP- you could do respite fostering/short term/emergency, as a way to 'dip your toe in'. Whatever you do will require checks, and commitment, but will be worth it. If we all do everything we can, the world will be a better place.

My husband volunteered with Barbados two years ago, and was tasked with a 15 year old boy in foster care. He took the boy out a couple of times, but it felt completely pointless. All he wanted was for my husband to spend charity money buying treats for his friends. Two reasons for this, one my husband was the wrong candidate, he needed a street smart older black male role model to set him straight, two intervention should have started way before.

Social workers get a really unfair rap. For every time a child may have been missed or failed by SS there are so many other cases where social workers have tried really hard to ensure they are safe. There are so few foster parents and care homes now. The bar for removing a child is so high. Damned if they don't act and often damned if they do.

And they are putting themselves at risk. These are dangerous families. Little police support to help with home cisits as other posters have mentioned. Years ago in London a social worker was murdered outside a client's home by the abusive father as he blamed her for having lost access to his kids - it's where lone working safety policies have come from.

Worst child case I know of is one a few years again where the father killed his 3 year old by holding him down and force feeding him a porridgey mixture so badly the poor kid drowned in it - his lungs were full of it. Not the first time he'd done it, and as he wouldn't plead guilty his older children had to give evidence in court. Imagine their trauma. Mother also knew and hadn't reported it or left him. He got full name suppression and the name of the child can't be reported "for legal reasons". That makes my blood boil. It went under the media radar then and as there was no case review to report on and we don't even have a name like a 'Baby P' no one remembers it. Poor little thing.

metro.co.uk/2016/10/10/father-drowned-toddler-by-force-feeding-him-cereal-and-bread-6183368/

There's recently been an MN thread where someone asked for advice as her neighbours child screams for hours on end. Loads of people told her not to do anything, it's normal, kids do scream and have tantrums, and besides 'he's probably got SEN and you would just be interfering'. SEN appears to the standard reply to any safeguarding concerns these days. I bet SEN kids get abused too.

That Guardian article is sobering.

I had a temp job once typing up reports on social worker trainees in Slough. My god. They were having to employ illiterate, work shy and incapable people. How it must make good social workers feel, I don’t know. I remember one had gone awol for three months, but was receiving full pay as it was argued that “she was keeping her culture pure” by being in her country of origin. The money wasted

Something needs to change. We can’t keep propping up irresponsibility- the victims of this are children like Kaylee.

The thing is it costs money. Long-term the whole of society would benefit but right now there are not enough social workers, who always seem to cop the blame whether they remove a child or not, have time to visit, places to put a child etc etc.

I read ages ago that one country, I think the Netherlands or somewhere in Scandinavia the entire family are taken into 'care'.

It probably costs a fortune money wise but the benefits would be huge.

I think the family basically move into a home with social workers, play workers, therapists etc so parenting is constantly monitored and strategies applied.

Two reasons for this, one my husband was the wrong candidate, he needed a street smart older black male role model to set him straight, two intervention should have started way before.

But you don't have a time machine, and maybe your husband was the only candidate- maybe "street smart older black male role model's" aren't volunteering- your husband is.

Of course it's hard. Of course 15 isn't too late. We can all say someone else would be better, but if there's just us, then we have to get on with it.

Interventions with a 15 year old black boy could save his step-daughter, could mean he makes a report that saves his best friend's daughter or step daughter. You don't know what good you'll do unless you try.

@Blondieg it would require doubling the staffing hours for children's services - that requires an enormous investment and something that the govt aren't prepared to do. The public would really need to campaign before any govt took it seriously enough.

@designSalmon that's a really lovely response. I had a difficult childhood too, it is the reason I went into social work. I was fortunate that some of my friends from school (I was somehow in the catchment area for a very middle class school) invited me to things and I remember being confused but also loving how different it was. If it wasn't for friends I honestly don't think I'd ever have had a day outside my home town, tried a sport, or ever had tea with a friend (noone was allowed to come to our house)
I cringe when I think if it but I remember friends parents gently trying to teach me social skills like not to swear, not to criticise everything, to tie my hair up so it didn't knot (my parents never took me for a haircut so I had thigh length hair which was a nightmare)
I was very petite and looked young for my age and I think people knew and took pity on me, it sounds awful but I honestly think it would have been different if I didn't look a bit 'cute' or lost. The most vulnerable children are often not the easiest to make friends with and I really think encouraging a bit of kindness goes a long long way.

I'm not sure about taking children out per se, but there are befriending services for vulnerable parents, homestart etc. But even just inviting the less popular children to a birthday party and making it clear that a gift isn't required (one reason I was often told to turn down invites was not having something to take) makes a difference.

Independent visitor is a role some might be interested in, that's being a mentor/friend figure to a child in the care system (the 'unpaid adult' mentioned by a pp)

Please don't think I am condoning this as I am DEFINITLY NOT - but watch any wildlife programme where there are lion cubs and predatory lions who are not the cubs father - as see what happens. The lionesses are powerless to intervene

Kaylee's mother was NOT powerless. She was complicit - look at how she treats her daughter in the video, look at the text messages she sent to the boyfriend. She's a monster, just like he is. I hope they both rot in hell.

Although I would add that an army of dedicated social workers could not deal with all the dysfunctional - and abusive - families.

@designSalmon - I did reading at school with a girl who had a very chaotic background. To my discomfort when I praised her for managing a bit of reading, she fixed me with a look and asked me to give her money. I sort of chuckled and didn’t report it, but it was not a case of a girl happily having her eyes openened to the world of Biff and Chip…

Social workers get a really unfair rap. For every time a child may have been missed or failed by SS there are so many other cases where social workers have tried really hard to ensure they are safe. There are so few foster parents and care homes now. The bar for removing a child is so high. Damned if they don't act and often damned if they do.

As I said before, for every thread complaining children aren't removed, there will be a thread saying social services steal children.

As pp have said the snapshot of the lift interaction was horrible. The little girl looking up at her parent but being totally ignored. We've all been on our phones but it's second nature to glance down, to hold a hand but it was so very obvious the parent was totally disconnected from her child.

We see it on mn all the time 'don't interfere' 'don't be a busybody' if someone reports concerns or hearing a parent screaming at a child. We should all report stuff that looks or sounds concerning. I bet the people in the block of flats had noticed something but looked the other way.

Where were grandparents, friends, extended family?

Poor Kaylee -Jayde. Tragic and horrific.

@JaniieJones the grandmother reported her daughter to social services but they appear to have been easily fobbed off by the mother.