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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cruelty to children

502 replies

designSalmon · 05/08/2021 21:18

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

OP posts:
Doodlebug71 · 08/08/2021 11:09

[quote designSalmon]@Doodlebug71 why does it irk you what I said about heaven? I’m not religious normally, but I bloody hope for her sake that there is one, where she finds love and peace. This is not lip service. It doesn’t replace my desire to do something about it, it’s simply an expression of grief.

Why are people being slammed for feeling profound sorrow for this poor little girl?! Once again sorrow and action aren’t mutually exclusive![/quote]
@designSalmon. I'm not religious at all. There's life, and there's death, and that's it. The irritation comes from a lifetime of hearing/reading people say that such-and-such "has gone to a better place/is with the angels/something equally child-like and whimsical" when a child/anyone is murdered by their abuser, as happened here. The poor little kid is dead. I understand the need for some people to have a crutch, but that doesn't help the kids who die at the hands of their abusers.

No one is being slammed for feeling or expressing profound sorrow. Quite the opposite. It's channeling that into something useful that's a challenge. One thing that everyone could do is to be open to discussing child abuse, and society's reaction to it, and those who abuse children. Make it that when the police are investigating child abuse, they listen to the child, and don't just dismiss the reports as unfounded lies because the mother or father says so.

As it stands, for the most part, people tend to not be comfortable discussing child abuse, and society's reaction to it. "it's not our business" turns to, "that poor little kid... how terribly sad...." when in fact, so many people have no doubt looked the other way, because it wasn't their business.

lollipoprainbow · 08/08/2021 11:20

@squiglet111 aren't they entitled to 30 hours of free childcare anyway though ??

Panickingpavlova · 08/08/2021 12:12

Retirement rocks, that's really interesting.

I'd also point out, and we see it on here "should I call police /as, I can hear neighbours shouting at kids but I'm worried they know its me and he's violent"

I really think these agencies the public bravely reports too need to be aware of the agony and risk many people take by reporting.. The video of Sam kicking off and poor baby Stanley.

Someone is their neighbours and probably agonised about reporting the noises from the the flat.
The police checked mum was OK and duly had a quick look in but didn't check on the most vulnerable person there, baby Stanley and nor it seems did police look for signs of drugs, even after they said it seems like San is high.

People go to great lengths to report, those they are reporting too need to make these opportunities really count.

Panickingpavlova · 08/08/2021 12:13

(both Sam and mum tested positive for coke and weed when arrested)

Lindylindyloo · 08/08/2021 12:41

NSPCC do terrific work in this area. Poor, poor child.

gordongrumpy · 08/08/2021 13:02

@lollipoprainbow The 30 hours is for working parents. Parents on benefits get 15 hours from age two, but it's voluntary, and not as many settings offer it, and it is stigmatised in some areas. And doesn't protect those age under two.

Those saying they would abduct children they thought were being neglected- really? So you would be in jail, and the children returned to their abuser, with your career over/your children without a parent/failing your PVG check for evermore? REALLY?!

gordongrumpy · 08/08/2021 13:03

IMO, the NSPCC do sweet FA. They just refer it on.

bluewanda · 08/08/2021 13:14

I wonder what happened after that police visit? Raging drugged up man in flat with a new born who was aggressive to police?? What was passed on to what agency?

@Panickingpavlova I was really shocked too, and had exactly the same thought about the mate. Also that the police just left with no apparent action taken. It’s unbearable looking at that tiny, helpless boy in that dangerously volatile situation, knowing there was a police officer right there and he still wasn’t able to be protected or saved. I can’t bear to think what he went through and the fear and suffering he endured Sad

bluewanda · 08/08/2021 13:28

That's the point I was making really, although probably not clearly enough. The footage in the lift isn't exactly a masterclass in parenting but it's only truly horrifying because we now know what happened next.

@Naaaaah from memory (and I can’t watch it again, it’s too upsetting) it’s the way the mother clearly has zero love or care for her child, not even looking back to see if she’s safely out the lift and following behind. Also the way the little girl seems to be searching for affection and attention from her mother, who just completely blanks her Sad You say it’s not exactly a masterclass in parenting - well, I think that’s a massive understatement. I’ve never seen a parent behave like that with their child before. It’s absolutely chilling that she has not one interaction with the little girl at all during the entire video.

Naaaaah · 08/08/2021 13:33

You've never seen a parent behave like that before? I've seen it loads of times. Children trailing after their parent/s, trying and just expected to keep up without so much of a backwards look.

roxyro · 08/08/2021 13:40

Although certain individuals will always be short tempered and violent (and children can be very trying) we really do need a complete overhaul of the benefits system and stop incentivising childbirth.

When Blair was PM he issued a statement saying the government were considering stopping child benefit payments to parents that weren’t taking their children to school. Obviously this was a soundbite and we all knew it wouldn’t happen but I remember looking out of my kitchen window one Monday morning and seeing two houses opposite with curtain still drawn. Both households contained school age children. I remember thinking at the time that if he had carried out his threat those kids would be up and at school. It really is that simple. If the ones sat up half the night smoking weed knew their money was going to be cut if they didn’t get out of their pits and get their children to school, believe me they’d get up and get their children to achool.

bluewanda · 08/08/2021 14:00

You've never seen a parent behave like that before? I've seen it loads of times. Children trailing after their parent/s, trying and just expected to keep up without so much of a backwards look.

Honestly? Not to that extent, no.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/08/2021 14:09

This week's news has been horrificSad three innocent children dead Sad Kaylee-Jayde, the little boy in Wales and the little girl whose mother left her for 6 days Sad

I'm not perfect and nor do I pretend to be but I look at my 7 year old son and I can't imagine hurting him Sad He's so loving and so precious to me.

Incredibly sad to know that so many children don't have loving homes Sad

I hope all these so called parents rot in prison.

roxyro · 08/08/2021 14:15

Today 14:00 bluewanda

You've never seen a parent behave like that before? I've seen it loads of times. Children trailing after their parent/s, trying and just expected to keep up without so much of a backwards look.

Honestly? Not to that extent, no.

I’ve seen it many times. I’ve lived in housing association estates in my younger days and I’ve seen that behaviour with poor kids trailing behind their disinterested mothers a lot.

Panickingpavlova · 08/08/2021 16:02

Blue Wanda and when you think of the risk the person reporting took, make that risk worth it for goodness sake.

You could hear plod making sure mum was safe but nothing about the actual baby and where was the mate?
He should have asked to see the baby with nappy front and back and looked for drug paraphernalia, he said is he on weed he could see Sam was drugged up and he left them both too it.

Panickingpavlova · 08/08/2021 16:33

Blue Wanda I had not actually read the thread and see earlier you said the same as me re the police visit.

I've also just watched the lift footage, I am speechless, during all that time not once does she look at her. Her daughter looks up so expectantly and innocently... And she staring at herself only.

Nikkidolphin · 08/08/2021 22:17

If there’s an Homestart organisation in your area that’s a great charity to volunteer with. It supports families with children under 5. You are matched to a family depending on their needs and could make a huge difference to their lives! It takes a village to raise a child and if parents are supported it could be a game changer for a child but if you see any form of cruelty, neglect etc you should always report it. Every child deserves to be loved and cared for.

bluewanda · 08/08/2021 22:49

I've also just watched the lift footage, I am speechless, during all that time not once does she look at her. Her daughter looks up so expectantly and innocently... And she staring at herself only.

Absolutely awful isn’t it Sad My heart breaks for that little girl.

You could hear plod making sure mum was safe but nothing about the actual baby and where was the mate?

Totally agree with you on this as well. That poor baby Sad

bluewanda · 08/08/2021 22:50

Thanks @Nikkidolphin - I will look into that. I want and need to do something to make a difference.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 08/08/2021 23:20

I’ve also been crying about little Kaylee-Jade today aswell, OP. I watched the lift footage today for the first time and it broke my heart. I sort of wish I hadn’t watched it, but at the same time I don’t want be ignorant to child abuse and just pretend it’s not happening in the world for my own selfish needs.

It has also spurred a need in me to want to do something to help, so thank you for this thread.

bemusedmoose · 09/08/2021 10:51

Women's aid were amazing for me and the kids! Without them we wouldn't be here.

I feel evil when I yell at them (not often, but we aren't perfect) can't get my head around how people can be purposely cruel like this. Just breaks my heart. Why go to the pain and trouble of bringing a life into the world that never asked to be here, if you arent going to do your best for them, even if you realise you are suited to be a parent and hate life - the best would be adoption. To abuse is a behaviour choice i dont understand (and ive been through it)

Panickingpavlova · 09/08/2021 12:40

Bemused I know.
But I have a large family with all different kinds of social economic brackets and what used to amaze me was how having dc wasn't sort of thought about consciously, it's just what you did?
So it wasn't a conscious descion and then of course you get attention when pregnant it's new and exciting!!
Then we all know how gruelling looking after small dc is.

I don't know how that mum managed with her toddler for so long in the sense she had almost got through the hardest years and without being found out as well.

I'm still struggling to process it, it took me years to work through baby p.
I wonder if getting parenting classes into school earlier may help, or classes on how to speak to each other.

Panickingpavlova · 09/08/2021 12:42

Bemused your also right, to abuse is a behavior choice, this girl was apparently low intelligence whatever that means, if her intelligence was that low how come she had the dc

Nikkidolphin · 09/08/2021 17:26

Homestart is such a rewarding sector to volunteer with. I loved my time with them and you could make a huge difference in a families life. Good luck with what ever you do

a8mint · 10/08/2021 09:52

@gordongrumpy

IMO, the NSPCC do sweet FA. They just refer it on.
Well of course they do! They are a charity, they don't have any legal authority to do anything other than that.
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