Cruelty to children

[designSalmon]

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

A friend is a foster carer, she says the number of children coming through the system due to mums violent partner is rapidly increasing. It’s boggles my mind how they can choose their partner over their children.

I have twin girls and I sometimes sit and watch them playing, laughing and running and my heart breaks for the children out there who aren’t as lucky.

@PumpkinKlNG very similar here. I had my oldest at 21, second at 23. Split with their dad at 24. I'm nearly 29 now and still very happily and intentionally single. My children didn't ask for their useless father, I refuse to bring unknown men into their lives until they are much older. Instead I've done my BSc and nearly finished my MA.

My mum repeatedly bought new men into my lives, 1 robbed her of 50k, 1 was physically severely abusive towards me, the last I had moved into my dad's by that point but everytime I saw mum she would be bruised, high and have cigarette burns etc all up her arms. I refused to see her for over a year. I can see why, now, I walked straight into a toxic relationship and had two children young. However, I can also see once we split how I can make a conscious choice not to allow my childhood to be their childhood.

Having a shitty time of it is not an excuse.

And I moved in with my dad because my mum chose the man who punched me in the head 4 times aged 13 over me. I could barely see, sat in my doorway and she stood there and told me I deserved it because I did x and y. My x and y were disrespect because I preferred to hide in my room the vast majority of the time.

I read that young women with chaotic lifestyles who have suffered childhood neglect and abuse often crave attention from men. Unfortunately some of those women think turning a blind eye to abuse of their kids is worth it to have the personal validation of a live in partner

Now that I think of it, this certainly rings true for a family member of mine.

Seemingly normal, decent upbringing the same as their siblings who all turned out to be reasonably able and competent parents and adults. Yet they, from their late teens, had a string of obviously dangerous and unstable male partners, three children who were neglected more and more as they grew, a descent into dependency and alcoholism, with the result that their two youngest children were essentially one-man crime waves by the time they themselves were teenagers. One dead before 21, the other now estranged from the mother of his children.

The only difference between this family member and her siblings? She was sexually abused by a neighbour and they were not, but this abuse didn't come to light until decades after the event, which meant her chaotic lifestyle always puzzled the rest of the family, as there was no apparent reason for it.

@moita

Agree. She's the same age as my DD. I saw the CCTV footage and the coldness her mother shows her was so sad and then what was going on behind closed doors...poor poor children.

I see children being ignored a lot though. In every kind of setting. I remember seeing a mum in a restaurant with her 2 children. She got out a book from her bag and read it. She never once spoke to, looked at or acknowledged her children in any way. Children being ignored is common place.

Oh my god, I ignore my dc sometimes when we are out, I've been a sahm and one talks non stop sometimes I just need to take them somewhere fresh and distract them so my sore throat can have a rest from relentless questions. I spent ten years devoted to them at home tending to every single need and request, providing food and entertainment for evry single second of every single day until they started nursery and then school.

I really don't think you can judge anything from a snap shot in a coffee shop.

• the lift footage is slightly different because I would want to make sure the child is in safely etc.

Blue wander,

That bbc link you posted re Sam and baby Stanley, Sam says he's having an argument with his mate.

But there is no mate in the flat.

I think the police should have asked to see the baby in his nappy as well to make sure he was OK and put the couple on alert.

I wonder what happened after that police visit? Raging drugged up man in flat with a new born who was aggressive to police?? What was passed on to what agency?

Rainbow octopus,

Well its definitely won't be voting Labour on those grounds then.

I don't believe a single Rotherham girl would have been believed had we stayed under a Labour government.

Horrible. And we hear about the children who actually get killed - there must be so many more who live lives of fear and pain and never recover mentally and sometimes physically. The charity that instantly comes to mind is the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (www,nspcc.org.uk). Also the Children's Society.

@Panickingpavlova

Oh my god, I ignore my dc sometimes when we are out, I've been a sahm and one talks non stop sometimes I just need to take them somewhere fresh and distract them so my sore throat can have a rest from relentless questions. I spent ten years devoted to them at home tending to every single need and request, providing food and entertainment for evry single second of every single day until they started nursery and then school.

I really don't think you can judge anything from a snap shot in a coffee shop.

That's the point I was making really, although probably not clearly enough. The footage in the lift isn't exactly a masterclass in parenting but it's only truly horrifying because we now know what happened next.

[quote Mumofsend]@PumpkinKlNG very similar here. I had my oldest at 21, second at 23. Split with their dad at 24. I'm nearly 29 now and still very happily and intentionally single. My children didn't ask for their useless father, I refuse to bring unknown men into their lives until they are much older. Instead I've done my BSc and nearly finished my MA.

My mum repeatedly bought new men into my lives, 1 robbed her of 50k, 1 was physically severely abusive towards me, the last I had moved into my dad's by that point but everytime I saw mum she would be bruised, high and have cigarette burns etc all up her arms. I refused to see her for over a year. I can see why, now, I walked straight into a toxic relationship and had two children young. However, I can also see once we split how I can make a conscious choice not to allow my childhood to be their childhood.

Having a shitty time of it is not an excuse.[/quote]
I am so very sorry you went through all of that but my word, what an example you are setting for your kids now. I don't even know you and I am proud of you!! I hope you are proud of you too x

These stories in the news has left me so sad this week. Something needs to be done as too many children are falling through the cracks. I was thinking about this and trying to think of ways to find these children and support the parents etc. Maybe if some kind of free nursery was set up to take children for free from any age from parents that are struggling to cope, single parents, low income, need some help /respite. Then more people would be involved from a younger age and more young ones will be identified and support can be provided.

NC for this because it's a bit personal.
My Niece and Nephew are currently staying with my Mum (and me on and off) and have been for 6months because my brother has turned a blind eye to abusive behaviour from his new wife towards his children (and him tbh)

The social workers we have encountered have been well meaning but everything is so disjointed. We are dealing with 2 different areas which doesn't help!

My siblings and I experienced neglect during our mothers breakdown many years ago and when we became parents we actually sat down and agreed that if ever one of us needed the support of someone stepping in then we would prioritise our nieces and nephews and do what must be done. Obviously while supporting our sibling wherever possible.
My brother has refused any support from us though and is in complete denial (and is even having more kids with the abusive partner) so for now my focus is solely on his children who deserve better!! I am not their parent but I am trying really hard to make sure that they have some kind of childhood

It is SO difficult though to accept that someone you love is capable of treating any child like this and not making them their first priority. You don't want to believe it's possible! So yes I hate that it happens but I understand how things go unreported

I believe that we all have a duty of care. If you can help then you should - especially when it comes to family but also anywhere else too. If I see a parent exhibiting abusive behaviour I would rather report it and let a SW decide than leave a child in a potentially harmful situation with no hope.

That story and little Asian and that poor little boy in wales have all really upset me.

Sunday, what I find hard to understand is why is he bringing more children into the mix when these two seemingly can't be cared for?
Where is their mum?
Well done your family for helping.
Blue wander posted a really interesting article about baby p earlier and in it, mentions how many families now lack the kind of support you are all offering.

@Panickingpavlova

Sunday, what I find hard to understand is why is he bringing more children into the mix when these two seemingly can't be cared for? Where is their mum? Well done your family for helping. Blue wander posted a really interesting article about baby p earlier and in it, mentions how many families now lack the kind of support you are all offering.

we have trouble understanding it too tbh @Panickingpavlova He has the ability to stick his head in the sand and I think he is seeing the perfect little family he always dreamt of rather than the reality of the situation.

Their Mum lives locally. Long story but initially she was great after splitting with my brother. We all helped out with getting her and the kids on their feet. Fast forward a year and her new fella turned out to be a sex offender who had form for flashing at kids her daughters age ...and she stood by him. My brother fought hard to have the kids with him (another reason it is hard for me to accept the current situation with him) and was a great dad but it has all just gone terribly wrong.
They moved 300miles away to be with this new woman and her kids so we didn't see them or hear from them. Then my brother and wife would have regular arguments which would end up with the police being called and him in the cells for mouthing off. He ended up being removed from the house the last time and his daughter was woken up by the stepmum at 3am to be told that she hated them and they weren't welcome in her home but she had no choice. I happened to message my niece to say hi the next day and she disclosed that she was hungry and too scared to venture downstairs

Long story short we drove up and removed them with the permission of their SW. The whole situation is nuts. It makes me really angry that neither of their parents have their back

Oh gosh Sunday, that's sound awful.

I posted earlier about how I know quite a few teens who were the product of the initial relationship but were not wanted when their parents went into have more dc with new partners.

How can people selfishly indulge themselves like this and why bring more dc into the mix.

It's so appalling and ego centric. Selfish baststrds.
Hopefully your neice and nephew are OK now... And stable, imagine being too scared to go downstairs and having a virtual stranger telling you they hate you but... Dad seems to think you should like this person

Hopefully they will never have to see them ever again.

thank goodness they have you and grandparents.

XDownwithsortofthingX
Firstly I don’t class them as being human, they are evil personified, I also don’t have a grand mother, you seem to presume quite a lot, as for being a psychopath, that may be what you see when you look at yourself, torture is too good for them and I would have no problem inflicting them with the pain that wee innocent girl endured.

@gardeninggirl68

i report the neighbours behind me too often

my ds who is 22 has reported them as well, his bedroom overlooks their garden and he see's violence (to mum).boyfriend shouts and swears at the girl, she's about 6/7 years old. other neighbours have reported too, including her former friend

police go round, mother denies, kid caught in the middle...now theres a newborn in the mix so the boyfriend has moved in. constant smell of weed wafting over the fence. not sure what else we can do, just waiting

Report to social services not just the police. The more reports go in to SS the bigger the picture they'll build and they'll speak to the school & other agencies that may be involved.

@squiglet111 the nursery idea is a lovely one. I have often thought that the facilities available at a private nursery would benefit those who can’t afford to go a lot more

@sundaydayisnotmyfundayday just want to say, thank you for doing what you do for your niece and nephew. It must be very hard mentally and emotionally. They are lucky to have relatives who prioritise their welfare.

In a lot of these cases it appears that the mother have recorded low intelligence. Is it worth having parenting classes at high school (for both boys and girls) to show the hard work and care that babies do require? To both educate and highlight how babies might be cute to dress up but require a hell of a lot of work.

In my school for example, it was always the girls in lower sets who said they didn’t plan on getting jobs after they finished school. They were going to get pregnant to their boyfriends and then move into a council house. They daydreamed about the names and clothes they would get for the baby, but never seemed to think about the genuine care involved. I will admit even I was surprised by how difficult it is to care for a baby and I went in with my eyes wide open, was financially secure and had a great support network around me.

Surely a few mandatory lessons in sex ed classes would be beneficial (ie the consequences of having unprotected sex - babies). Basic child nutrition, health and safety, the reality of having a baby (colic, nappy rashes, tantruming toddlers etc). Also, I think a lot of young girls could do with relationship and self esteem classes. I know we didn’t have them at our school (2002-2007) but are they a thing now?

Or am I just being naive in thinking this would ever work?

I worked as a social worker for many years and sadly saw a lot of parents whose ability to offer consistent care for their children was often because of their inability to put the needs of their children before their own. Many parents had had pretty shit parenting themselves so had very little idea about how to parent their own children. I am not linking this with social class either. Many parents I worked with were well educated with good jobs...better at hiding the behaviours that went on behind closed doors though.
In my experience, neighbours, friends etc either didn't want to get involved in reporting concerns or were too scared of the repercussions if they did. Every Serious Case Review I have read talks about the lack of communication between professionals and those in the community who hear/witness abusive and harmful behaviours and don't report their concerns. So I'd say REPORT to the police. MASH (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) team, Children's Services. Anonymously if you want but keep reporting. You may be the only voice a child has which has a better chance of being heard then his/hers.