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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to use garden whilst away

144 replies

User5827372728 · 05/08/2021 15:42

Good friend has a great garden, lots of kids toys, going away for 2 week. Would it be super cheeky to ask to leave side gate accessible and us use it for those 2 weeks they are away?

We lack outdoor space and it would be great!!

OP posts:
BeardyButton · 05/08/2021 17:24

Depends on friendship. I would ask if close friend. Wouldn’t mind if close friend asked. I d find it grating if someone I didn’t know v well asked. I’d prob say yes, but it would put a downer on the friendship.

Bluetrews25 · 05/08/2021 17:30

So if you ask to use their stuff when they are away, and your DCs will doubtless enjoy it, what's going to stop you asking to use their stuff when they are at home? This is give an inch territory, and could get very awkward for your friend.
You are not in a position to have a garden or the equipment yourself, so you do what everyone else does and go to the park.
Please don't ask.
This would turn you into a CF just like in recent threads (which have made all the papers) about people climbing the fence to use someone's garden when they are out.

HideousKinky · 05/08/2021 17:31

We have several neighbours with no garden and have in the past invited them to use our garden when we are away.

However I think it is something that has to be offered, rather than you asking

jasminoide · 05/08/2021 17:33

If I was in her position I would be annoyed that you wanted to ask but didn't. Assuming you are a good friend and not likely to trash the place, I would be happy for you to use the space

iloverunningslow · 05/08/2021 17:33

I would be delighted to help out if a good friend asked me this, and I would happily give such a good friend my house keys for toilet access or whatever.
However it would need to be a good enough friend to trust with my house keys or I wouldn't do it at all.

GrettaGreen · 05/08/2021 17:33

It would damage the friendship because unless she is definitely 100% happy to do it she'll feel bad and guilty or resentful and peeved that she was put on the spot. And if she says no there will be a part of you thinking she's being awkward.

simonisnotme · 05/08/2021 17:35

so very cheeky and unreasonable
we have a large garden and no way would i like anyone 'using' is while we were away except for our own kids & grandson

Summerbreeze4 · 05/08/2021 17:42

Ask her if she needs anything watering while they are away, pots, tubs etc. Say you’d be happy to pop round and help and your DC’s would happily play while you did it, see how she reacts?

Original poster
User5827372728 · 05/08/2021 17:42

@Bluetrews25

I don’t think you can compare the two, as I would only go with permission.

OP posts:
FunMcCool · 05/08/2021 18:45

If my friend asked me I wouldn’t mind. On here you’ll get called a CF though.

DroopyClematis · 05/08/2021 19:01

@Bluntness100

It’s not just using the garden though you want to take the kids to play with her kids toys, which to be honest could make some people uncomfortable. Like you’re sitting there eyeing up her stuff and just waiting for the chance to have at it.

I’d say yes, but to be honest I’d feel slightly uncomfortable. And I’d wonder if you wanted to continue that after I come back. Or if you only wanted to come round so your kids could play with my kids toys.

That's what I was thinking.
ImInStealthMode · 05/08/2021 19:26

People on MN have some funny ideas about what real friendship is and doing kindnesses.

There's a good chance your friend hasn't even considered the fact you don't have outdoor space in order to offer. Those that have can forget that others do not.

Perhaps you could begin by framing it as asking if they need plants watered / the house checked in on etc while they're away, if it's a grateful 'oh that'd be great, thanks, we owe you one' then you could mention the kids using the garden a bit if the weather's nice.

During the first lockdown when we were stuck in our flat a friend I really only know quite casually got in touch to offer us the use of their large garden nearby (they were stuck in another country). It's nice to be nice to people, especially when it costs you nothing.

lifeinlimbo2020 · 05/08/2021 20:30

I would have no problem with this at all. 🙌🏻

Athinginitself · 05/08/2021 20:42

I would be totally happy with it, I'd just say let me know if you want plants watering etc kids would be really happy with a play in your garden for a change of scene but no pressure if you are already sorted. Honestly people I'm friends with would not think twice and just be happy to do something nice.

Original poster
User5827372728 · 05/08/2021 20:45

Thanks for all the input; I think I won’t ask this time! And secretly hope they offer.!!

OP posts:
morningteaisthebest · 05/08/2021 20:55

I'm genuinely surprised by how many people wouldn't be bothered by this, and would even leave a key to make a cuppa etc. You're lovely people Smile it would freak me out way too much, someone wandering around my home. I wish I was more relaxed though.

Sillawithans · 05/08/2021 21:00

I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

memberofthewedding · 05/08/2021 21:14

I think it depends on your relationship with your friend. Many people make arrangements for a trusted neighbour to keep an eye on their house, open and close curtains, remove any post, or even park their car on the drive to make the house look occupied.

I would begin by framing it as a request such as "Is there anything I can do while your away such as looking after the garden? It would be a shame to come back and find the lawn all brown and burned." You could add that you are happy to make the house look occupied in other ways. Then if this seems to be a welcome idea go on to suggest use of garden. If your friend appears a bit negative or offhand yu can back off and "leave you to think about it" but dont press the point.

Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.

Candyapple49 · 05/08/2021 21:57

@AlmostSummer21

Honestly, the 'friends' people have on MN don't reflect my actual life at all.

If you were my friend, you'd be welcome to use the garden, loo, kitchen etc I'd just be annoyed with myself that I hadn't thought to offer before you asked

So depends if you have real friends or MN type friends really.

Exactly this ! My friend has used my washing machine while I have been away . She texted that hers broke and I knew she had a spare key anyway so I offered . I have used her bath while she has been away due to me having a leaking bath tub .
Lou98 · 05/08/2021 22:05

If you were my friend OP it wouldn't bother me at all - I wouldn't think to offer though, it just wouldn't occur to me. If you asked I would be happy to let you, it sounds like yous are good friends so I'd give you a key to my house too so you could use the toilet etc or get drinks or anything.

Only you know if it's something she'd feel awkward about but I don't see why asking would ruin the friendship, as long as if she says no you leave it at that and don't push

eightyfourandahalf · 05/08/2021 22:06

I am now curious to know what people hide in their garden that they would feel so uncomfortable at the idea of a friend being there without supervision. Even if you bury someone under your patio, the friend is unlikely to start digging?

I bet the most reluctant people are the ones who would snoop and check everything if they had a chance, so they are wary everybody might be the same. Grin

ShitPoetryClub · 05/08/2021 22:12

I would have no problem at all with this. I'd be pleased to have been able to help. In fact the local kids often paddle in the stream at the bottom of our garden (unfenced).
Some selfish buggers on here.

chubley · 06/08/2021 09:51

If you don't ask you'll never know, unless your friend offers. Just don't push and respect a no if that is the answer.

KingdomScrolls · 06/08/2021 10:03

DM has a friend who had a pool (wealthy partner relationship now ended) , when they went on holiday a few years ago she asked DM to go and feed her cats, it was about a twenty minute drive each way. She did also say feel free to use the pool/BBQ etc with the family so it was reciprocal. Luckily it fell over my birthday during a heatwave when I was pregnant the pool was a godsend. Can you offer to water the plants, feed the cats etc?

WaterBottle123 · 06/08/2021 10:21

I'd be delighted to help a friend out by lending my garden but then I don't live in a world where friends sue each other if a child trips over a twig in their garden.

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