Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to use garden whilst away

144 replies

User5827372728 · 05/08/2021 15:42

Good friend has a great garden, lots of kids toys, going away for 2 week. Would it be super cheeky to ask to leave side gate accessible and us use it for those 2 weeks they are away?

We lack outdoor space and it would be great!!

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 05/08/2021 16:43

Not cheeky at all as this is a good friend. I’d absolutely say it might just not work for all sorts of reasons, offer to water or do something else and say it’s pretty much a one off.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 05/08/2021 16:44

Hmm. It depends for me. A good friend in an equal/balanced relationship? Absolutely (though I’d give you a key rather than leaving the gate unlocked). But we recently had a friend ask to borrow our garden for their kid’s birthday party and I had to say no - there was just enough of a history of minor CFery that I just thought no, I’m not agreeing to this. So it depends whether you’re the former or the latter!

Thighdentitycrisis · 05/08/2021 16:44

Offer to water the plants

Goatinthegarden · 05/08/2021 16:45

I don’t have kids and my garden cost me a lot in terms of manual labour and money to make it look the way it does, so maybe I’m coming at it from a different perspective, but I wouldn’t enjoy my holiday thinking the gate was unsecured and I don’t really want someone else was having using all my things and possibly not taking the same care that I would.

Also, surely sitting in someone else’s garden without access to the house, is just the same as sitting in a park? The joy of a garden is having the comfort of nipping in for a drink or a wee when you fancy. You won’t be able to do this, so might as well go to a local play park with swings and a slide (and probably a coffee shop and toilets).

Branleuse · 05/08/2021 16:45

@Eviethyme

I wouldn't. And I would hate a friend asking I would say yes but then feel really awkward about it.

Plus if anything breaks it'll be put on you even if it's not your fault. Accidents happen

you should try not saying yes to things youd rather say no to, then everyone knows where they stand.
Di11y · 05/08/2021 16:46

Well my aunty is more than happy for me to use her gorgeous garden. If you have that good a friendship, might as well ask in a it's crazy cheeky, feel free to say no! Kind of way

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/08/2021 16:47

Assuming you were a fairly good friend I would be totally happy for you to use my garden if it were me - I’d probably offer you a key to use the loo and ask that you water a few plants in return. I’m afraid it wouldn’t occur to me to offer - now it’s made me think I ought to, but I would worry I was implying my house was better than yours.

This

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 05/08/2021 16:48

@Di11y

Well my aunty is more than happy for me to use her gorgeous garden. If you have that good a friendship, might as well ask in a it's crazy cheeky, feel free to say no! Kind of way
That's your Auntie though, not your friend, different situation entirely.

Family grants a level of familiarity, friends don't.

NewPapaGuinea · 05/08/2021 16:48

Absolutely not CF. This is what friendships are about.

1WayOrAnother2 · 05/08/2021 16:53

She knows you would enjoy it... but hasn't offered.

If you ask - you are putting her in a difficult position.

Original poster
User5827372728 · 05/08/2021 16:54

I would say our friendship is pretty equal with giving and taking , we see the family about 3 times a week, probs once of those times in their garden.

OP posts:
M0rT · 05/08/2021 16:56

I would have no problem with this, but I've let people stay in my home when away so they can visit my city.
So the garden seems an easy ask!

cjpark · 05/08/2021 16:56

We have a lovely large garden. A friend asked if they could use our garden / hot tub in return for watering the veg and pots and keeping an eye on the place. I was pleased to help and have help.

irregularegular · 05/08/2021 16:56

Depends on how good friends you are. We have a swimming pool and often let friends use it while you are away. It tends to be that we offer, but if a good friend asked we'd definitely let them and wouldn't think it was cheeky at all. If you are a good friend and you ask in a way that makes it clear you would understand if they said no, then I think it's fine. If you're feeling awkward about it then maybe that's a sign that it's not OK i.e., you're not that good a friend or you think they might be uncomfortable about it.

eightyfourandahalf · 05/08/2021 16:58

[quote Summersun2020]@AlmostSummer21 ditto! Glad I don’t have “mumsnet” type friends in real life![/quote]
same here! I don't have "mumsnet" type relatives either. It sounds exhausting.

If nothing else, I'd be happy that someone has a look on the house whilst I am away, and they'd probably offer to water the plants while they are there, win win.

If you don't want to bother her, just be very firm that you don't want the keys ,just access to the garden.

How do people manage in life if they can't trust themselves to shut and lock a garden gate properly Confused

Bumblesbumbles · 05/08/2021 17:08

I wouldn’t mind at all so long as the gate was left locked. Bonus if you offer to water their plants

StrangeToSee · 05/08/2021 17:10

Very cheeky unless she offered it to you. Her garden and kids play equipment is private. What if you accidentally break something or leave wear and tear or trample her flowers?

How do you know her neighbours are tolerant of kids noise?

When we go away I’d hate to have a friend use my garden to ‘entertain’ their kids. I’d worry about damage, mess and the gate being left unlocked, invalidating my insurance. I don’t want people using my garden or kids toys when I’m not there!

There are so many parks and playgrounds open now, why wouldn’t you just go to one of these?

I’d also worry that every time I went away she’d expect use of my garden, and it’s another thing to stress about before a holiday. Or other friends would start asking too!

I like to put garden toys away when going on holiday (apart from the big ones) not leave them strewn all over the lawn.

BlueMongoose · 05/08/2021 17:12

@Branleuse

ask her if she needs any plants watering or anything done while shes away, tell her youd be happy to keep an eye on the place in return for being able to hang out in the garden with the kids here and there. Tell her that its no problem if shes already sorted something.

At least it frames it with an easy way for her to say no

Absolutely this^ because she can easily refuse without feeling she may be giving offence. If asking for a favour, I always put in a nice big 'get out' clause so there need be no hard feelings if the other person would rather not.
Viviennemary · 05/08/2021 17:13

It would be horrendously cheeky in my opinion.

muddyford · 05/08/2021 17:14

I have voted NBU but only if you offer to water, weed, deal with bins and post and generally act as a non-resident caretaker. Otherwise it's just being cheeky.

Fros · 05/08/2021 17:16

Do you often visit this friend and spend time in their garden? If not I wouldn't ask.

Agree with up-thread that if you ask you should do so by text (and make it clear that a "no" is totally understandable), and also offer to do something for them like water plants or mow lawn - or babysit when they're back etc

The friends and family I'd be happy to use my house/garden etc when I'm away are the same people who already have keys to my house in case of emergency. If you don't have that level of closeness/trust, you may find your friend thinks you're a cf for asking.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 05/08/2021 17:18

If she is a good friend I would ask, I have someone in every day while we are away to take care of pets in the garden so security wouldn't bother me. I like the idea that trusted people are around the property as well, watering plants etc. Less chance of the place looking empty.

I dont think it's cheeky and I wouldn't mind being asked...I wouldn't think to offer.

TWBAEM · 05/08/2021 17:18

We recently went away and our friend used our garden. We encouraged them to use the house too if they needed, but they didn't. They sent us a picture of their children in our garden. It brought me a lot of joy to be able to share the things we have with my friends. However I might have felt differently if I had a gorgeous garden, pruned within an inch of its life, very expensive garden equipment or a friend with very destructive children!

Vanilla1Cookies · 05/08/2021 17:20

I think it’s rather cheeky to ask.

FrownedUpon · 05/08/2021 17:22

God no-that’s really awkward. I’d feel embarrassed if you asked me because I’d say no & feel awkward about it. There are liability/insurance issues.